So hey, good morning and welcome to DCC. We are really glad that you are here with us today especially if it is your first time. Regardless of how you got here you have landed in a safe place full of people just like you, all of your story is safe and welcome here regardless of how it reads and you belong with us regardless of what you believe. Hope you feel that and experience that in your time with us today. So special shout out to all of our new friends here today and to all of our friends who are watching us live online right now too.
Well, we are in week 3 of this series called the Separation of Church and Hate and if you haven’t been around or tuned in let me review a little bit to make we are all on the same page as we jump back into this. In week one we talked about a very basic commandment that Jesus gave right before he was crucified, by this will everyone know that you are with me if you love one another. Knowing that Jesus said above all else love, two questions…are we majoring on minors in the church and is the absence of love in and coming out of the church creating the perception of hate in the world around us? We said yes. Then last week we said if the answer to those questions is yes then what do we do? Answer…begin to move toward not away from people who are different than us and who disagree with us, establish common ground with them, and think conversation before conversion? Last week this became fairly obvious, a big part of our problem, our inability to separate church and hate, is in our approach. So that’s where we are going to pick it up today, much more to say about that.
ILLUST> I want to jump back into this today by reading you an email that came in over the past few weeks that really has me thinking about what it is that we need to talk about as we walk back into this today. Here we go… I attended your service Easter Sunday because of friends. I worship my God and love Jesus, BUT... Revisit "Jesus in the marketplace". Thank you for reconfirming my reasons for never stepping into a church again. Your ilk are the most judgmental hypocrites on earth. My Jesus would have torn your money grabbing place apart. Good luck with that. Welcome to my world. My immediate thought was lots of churches within a few miles are you sure you got the right one? Then I thought what did you do? I went back and rewatched my message. It wasn’t me it had to be one or two or all of you. We get called a lot of things…that church, the drinking church, all grace no truth, water it down, don’t teach the Bible. We aren’t perfect, aren’t the best and certainly don’t have it all figured out but I have never heard that said about us before. This person came here and felt judged. Somehow, someway, they didn’t feel loved, they felt judged.
That’s where I want us to jump back into this today. The reason that a lot of people in the world around us want nothing to do with this thing we do called church, that a lot of people in the world around us who used to go to church and even liked it no longer do is simply this…they feel of have felt what our Easter friend said that they felt…judged by us. I think most of that is on us not them. So much of our inability to put distance between these two words, church and hate, is because of our poor understanding and bad application of what God is trying to tell us about judging people. That’s what we need to talk about in the few minutes that we have left together today. So let’s do this…perhaps one of the most uncomfortable passages in all of the Bible…1 Corinthians 5…
If you have a Bible you can turn there. If you want or need a Bible, we have Bibles on the back tables that you can grab right now if you would like if you close or on your way out. Or you can hit read off your program, hit our app, and then hit You Version, and it will all be right there in front of you. Everything I read is also going to be on the screens. So here we go 1 Corinthians 5 verse 1…
It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. 2 And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? 3 For my part, even though I am not physically present, I am with you in spirit. As one who is present with you in this way, I have already passed judgment in the name of our Lord Jesus on the one who has been doing this. 4 So when you are assembled and I am with you in spirit, and the power of our Lord Jesus is present, 5 hand this man over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved on the day of the Lord.
Now, if you, a friend, family member or someone you love have ever been judged by the church this probably feels a little unsettling to you. I get that. Me too. I mean, there it is in black and white, church and hate. That right there is why so many people we know will never step in this thing we do called church. Church people who are not only judging people, but are admitting they are judging people, seem to be proud of judging people, pointing to the sin in everyone else’s life, kicking them out of church and telling them to go straight to hell. Self-righteous judgmental hypocrite jerks. If you are feeling that I get that, it is disturbing to read this. Hang on to that tension. That unsettled feeling in our guts is why we need to talk about this and understand what is really going on here.
So Paul is writing this to a church that was started in the city of Corinth, a city just south of the city that this same guy Paul was in last week Athens. Corinth was a very pagan, very sexual, and very sensual place. It was much like Vegas today. What happened in Corinth stayed in ____________. The problem that Paul is addressing here is that that was no longer true. It wasn’t staying in Corinth it was leaking into the church. This is hard, but Paul’s advice is pretty clear I have already judged this guy and you church should too. Now, let’s be honest, church person or not that doesn’t sit well with most of us…me too. It just sounds too much like what a lot of us have experienced it sounds like what mean hateful church people typically do. Paul is not only judging this guy, he is recommending that the church in Corinth do it too. Most of us have a problem with that.
I mean, doesn’t this guy Paul know the Bible and that Jesus himself actually taught that we are not supposed to judge others? It’s just flat out wrong. So Jesus or Paul, I think I will go with Jesus. That is always the best answer but the truth is that we just like what Jesus says better. Here’s the tricky part. Like it or not this stuff that Paul is telling us has equal weight it is in the Bible too. We can’t throw out or tear out the parts we don’t like. It’s all true. So, are you ready for this? The Bible not only teaches us not to judge, it teaches us when to judge and who to judge. That makes no sense, that is confusing, how do we reconcile that? Great questions.
What do we know about what is happening here? This guy is having sex with his father’s wife or his step mom and Paul says look this is sexual immorality that even the pagan’s around you in sex city don’t tolerate. They even go dude, that’s nasty, what are you doing. You don’t do that. Everybody draws the line somewhere. This is so out there, so gross that even pagans turn their heads and go uhhh. So first, this is bad stuff. Churches back in that day were not this size they were small, probably about 50 or so people. Second, everybody knows what is going on. Third, he’s flaunting it and you are celebrating it. Paul said you should be mourning, it should be breaking your heart but you are proud. Come to our church anything goes. Do want you want, live like you want, all grace you are always welcome here. All grace no truth. Last, this guy is a part of the fellowship. We don’t know about his step mom or dad’s wife whatever you want to call her but this guy is a believer and supposed to be trying to follow Jesus. That makes a huge difference we are going to see that in a few minutes. Enough is enough I am not there but I have judged him and you should too. Let’s make sure we understand this…
JUDGING TO RESTORE IS NOT HATE. Paul says I have judged him and you should too, hand him over to Satan and send him straight to Hell. That’s not what he says. What’s the goal, so that his spirit may be saved. Look, if you want to do that that’s fine, you just can’t do it here. He needs to face the full consequences of his sin so that you can get him back. They are not judging him, they are judging his conduct and his decisions. We are going to send you out and let your sin beat you up really bad and then you can come back in and be with the rest of us beat up sinners. You see what this is…judging for the purpose of restoration. Judging to restore is not hate. In fact, it may be the most loving thing that we can do.
If you are a parent or have been a kid your understand this. We all get it. They vary some from house to house and family to family but we all have or had rules to live by and when we disobeyed those rules we suddenly found ourselves in front of the judge ready for judgment. My judge was typically a 5 foot redheaded woman with a switch in her hand, scary times, judgment didn’t typically go well for me. In this house, here is how you are supposed to live. That’s necessary. It really is not a good house or environment without rules or judgment. We judge our kids to help them become the best that they can be. My five foot judge didn’t whip me out of hate. It didn’t feel like love but it was. It doesn’t feel good when we are receiving end, but judging for the purpose of restoring is not hate. It’s what we do and what we should do if we really love people.
ILLUST> In his book, The Trident, the forging and reforging of a Navy Seal leader, former Seal Jay Redman tells the story of how he as a Navy Seal Officer made a decision in combat trying to prove himself at a leader that put his whole team in serious danger. As a result of that decision is future career as a SEAL was in jeopardy. But rather than ending his career the board deciding his fate decided to require him to attend Army Ranger School and then re-evaluate after successful graduation from that. They held him accountable for his actions, put him on the bench, made him feel the consequences of his actions, all with the purpose of restoration of ultimately restoring him as a Navy Seal. He initially didn’t respond well. He thought about quitting. He got really angry. He didn’t give much effort. Finally he decided to use the experience as an opportunity to learn, to become a better person, a better warrior, a better leader. He returned to the teams stronger and better than ever. It felt like punishment and it felt like hate, but his team didn’t send him there to punish him. They sent him there because they loved him and didn’t want to lose him. Judging to restore is not hate. Some times…love hurts. Let’s keep reading…v. 6…
6 Your boasting is not good. Don’t you know that a little yeast leavens the whole batch of dough? 7 Get rid of the old yeast, so that you may be a new unleavened batch—as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8 Therefore let us keep the Festival, not with the old bread leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
Paul says wake up church. You are not helping this man who is one of your own and that you claim to love. This life is about transformation. Jesus changes us as he lives in us. People should be able to belong regardless of what they believe or how they behave and you have no right to judge them, but once they believe it is your responsibility to help them become more like Jesus, become who you were created to be. You are not helping this man with that. I know what you have to say is going to hurt him. You need to say it anyway. Here’s the point…
HURT IS OFTEN THE PATH TO BECOMING ALL WE WERE CREATED TO BE. ILLUST> So I haven’t noticed it on much lately but Stacy and my girls used to record and watch the biggest loser. Think about it. When it comes to losing weight we get this. If you hire a personal trainer you expect them to hurt you. Why do you pay for that, because you realize a simple truth that goes like this…no pain, no gain. Lots of hurt and lots of pain coming but we expect it and we accept it. Why? Because we realize that this principle is true. Hurt is often the path to becoming all we were created to be.
What Paul is asking these church leaders to do seems to be hurtful, hateful, and extreme. Here’s the part we often miss. This guy has most likely already been talked to more than once. Are we told that no, can we be absolutely sure of that no. I could be wrong, but I am not. Here’s why I think that…Matthew 18. Paul trained these guys. I think that it is safe to assume that these guys have tried the Biblical approach….talking to him, if it doesn’t work take someone else with you and talk to him again, if that doesn’t work talk to the church, if that doesn’t work we land here. When we read the Bible it is a 4 step dance. See, it is so easy to read this story and in light of our own painful and hurtful church experiences to think that this seemingly harsh step is the churches first response to what this man is doing. I can’t prove it, but that is not likely true. This is their last resort, their final effort, to restore this man out of love, get him back on track chasing after the life he is looking for, and help him become who he was created to be. This is about rescue. What if hurt is a path to rescue?
ILLUST> If you don’t know my story years ago I crashed and burned in ministry, resigned and spent several years out of ministry in counseling. I thought my ministry days were over. I had a lot of people telling me that. Well a few years in, a good friend called and recommended that we set up an accountability and restoration team. I was all for accountability but honestly all I heard was restoration. These are the guys that are going to help me be restored to ministry. My heart soared. The team was composed of 5 friends who were either pastors or leaders in their churches and my counselor. I would meet weekly with the 3 local guys and have a monthly conference call with the whole team. For the first 45 minutes I was not allowed to be on the call…just my friends and my counselor. I will never forget the first time I dialed in. Greg, we want to make sure we are clear. The purpose of this team is not to restore you to ministry. My heart sank. In fact Greg, half of the team doesn’t really ever see that in your future. That hurt me so deeply. I will never forget that moment. We are here to restore your heart, your relationship with Jesus, you as a man, as a husband, and as a father. God will take care of the ministry part if it is meant to be. It hurt like crazy then. But their willingness to hurt me ultimately prepared me for what God has me doing today.
Hurt is often necessary to help people become who they were created to be. For some reason we are okay with that and get that everywhere except in the church. Maybe we need to think about that. Let’s finish this up…
9 I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people— 10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world. 11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. 12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked person from among you.”
What business of it is ours to judge anyone that does not believe in Jesus? Answer, God makes it clear, none. We have no right to judge people outside the church and we need to stop that. What does Paul say? Expel this wicked person from among you. Not wicked people plural, not all sinners (we would all be gone), this is not a blanket statement for all sinners. Here is where this breaks down for us in the church. It breaks down when we fail to see it as a final step in a process of love and restoration, it breaks down when it becomes a church policy. You sin, we find out, you’re out. Sorry, that’s our policy. There are some of us who have experienced just that.
ILLUST> I have a friend who had been a part of a denominational church for a long time, no need to name the denomination, this problem is not limited to any particular denomination. If you look closely you will see that it spans them all. So he is not only a member of the church, he is very active in the church, teaches a Sunday School class, serves and sacrifices financially. Well, he and his wife hit a hard spot in their marriage and separated. He thought it would be best to let his wife and kids’ lives remain as close to normal as possible so he chose to start attending another church so that they could stay where their friends and support were. About a week later he received a call from a friend in the old church. During the church service that day he had been publicly disciplined by the elders and ex-communicated from the church. They had never once sat down and talked to him about the status of his marriage. They had simply talked to his wife and they had a policy. I don’t know this but my guess is that their policy was based on this very passage of scripture that we are reading today.
That is why we try our best to have few policies and lots and lots of conversations with people. We think it is Biblical. Our elders in this church meet every single month. In every single meeting every single month we spend time talking about warfare and hard conversations. That is exactly what we call it. Not a time to gossip, police behavior, or go on a witchhunt for sin but where is the enemy trying to advance in our church, in the lives of the people of this church, where do we need to pray and where might we need to step in and begin a hard conversation. We don’t call it Discipline and Expulsions. Here is how we understand this. You don’t get near this point that Paul is describing until you have walked through the conversations laid out in Matthew 18. In my 7 years do you know how many times we have gotten to this point…one. This was never intended to be a policy, it is a last step in a process that you hope that you never have to get to and if you get there you do it out of love.
In this circumstance, based on this scenario, with all that has been done and that you have already tried to do, if you really love this man, he needs to be required to step away and feel the consequences of what it is that he continues to do. Why? Because that is the only possible way that you will ever get him back. The motive is not punishment, it’s not to condemn him to Hell, to write him off, to make ourselves more comfortable, to do what’s easy, less messy, less awkward for us, or that makes us look better in the church community. We do it out of love and we have to realize this. In the moment it is most likely going to feel like everything but love. We have to hold on to this…
HURT DESIGNED TO HELP IS LOVE NOT HATE. Scholars tell us that Paul talks about this same man in 2 Corinthians 2. Guess what? It works. He returns sorry and repentant, and is restored in the church ready to become all God created him to be. My guess is that if you pulled this guy aside and asked him what happened right after he was asked to leave the church he would have quickly suggested that the church judged him. But if you asked him the exact same question after he felt the consequences of his decision and repented and returned to the church I think his answer would be different. Nothing at all would have changed about the facts and what actually happened. I think his answer would have changed. What happened back then? They loved me enough to tell me that I had to leave. Sometimes love hurts. Sometimes it needs to.
Whether or not God will continue to love you or will give up on you is not the issue and not what is at stake. What is at stake is your ability to find the life you are looking for, being able to see yourself as God sees you, and living out your unique and very important part in the larger story that he is trying to tell through you, your story and your life. The road is small, the gate is narrow, it’s not easy to deny yourself and take up your cross and follow Jesus. It’s not the easiest path for your life, it’s just the best. Sometimes it is a hard life to chase after. Sometimes it is hard to stay on the path for all of us. Sometimes we all will struggle. Sometimes what you hear may hurt. But to say or do nothing at all would not be love.
Hurt designed to help is love not hate, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. If we really want to separate church and hate we need to love the people in the world around us and stop judging them and love the believers in the church around us enough to judge them when all else fails. Sometimes love definitely hurts and sometimes, like it or not, that is exactly what we need most. The journey is not over. Lots more to talk about still. Hope you keep coming back. Let’s pray.
