Love Is Not Rude
#LoveIs
IN – Just a couple of days Jesus is going to be arrested, beaten and crucified.
BUT TODAY – He is in the temple area teaching the people, and answering questions that the religious leaders kept throwing at Him trying to trip Him up.
BTW – those narrow minded religious men never even came close to standing up against the wisdom of God.
Matthew records these words in his 22nd chapter…
Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." - Matthew 22:34-40
ALL – the Law and Prophets hang on what? Love!
THE – greatest commandment is what? Love!
Love God and Love people.
UNDERSTAND – nothing is more important than LOVE! Nothing! AND – God the Son could not have made that point any clearer then He did that morning in the Temple a few days before His blood would spill onto the ground and stain a rugged cross.
MGCC LOVE – is more important than; what you say, what you know, what you give or what you accomplish…
LOVE – is the greatest commandment.
IN FACT – the only thing that counts is faith expressing it self through love.
AND SO – here’s the deal…
IF YOU miss this one – you miss the entire point of your existence and so you might as well stay home…
LOVE – is that important.
AND THAT IS WHY - we are spending 10 weeks talking about God’s kind of love (unconditional, sacrificial, unfailing, giving, generous and enduring forever)
AND IT’S WHY – I have strived to make this message series very practical for us to live out.
LIKE – each week as we have talked about these powerful facets of love… love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, love is not proud…
I HAVE – outlined practical steps that you (and I) can take to grow in God’s kind of love, the only love that is worth giving.
NOW THIS MORNING… we are going to look at 4 more words that Paul painted onto the canvas of 1 Corinthians 13…
FOUR WORDS - that will help us live out God’s kind of love…
“Love Is Not Rude…”
Why you have to be so RUDE VIDEO Clip
Rude – ‘aschemoneo’
Schema – ‘a form or a plan’
(without form, to behave in an unseemly, unsuitable, improper or unbecoming way)
(‘ah’sk hey mo neo)
NOW – here is how various Bible versions translate this word
love does not dishonor others (NIV)
love does not act unbecomingly (NASB)
love doth not behave itself unseemly (KJV)
love does not act improperly (HCSB)
love is not rude (NCV)
AND SO - from these renderings of the Greek word, we can begin to get a picture of what Paul was trying to say.
• Love doesn’t act improperly, or dishonorably, or indecently.
• Love doesn’t behave in an ugly or unbecoming manner.
• Love doesn’t needlessly offend, or act bluntly or crudely.
• Love does not behave gracelessly.
• Love is not rude
QUESTION…
Has anyone here ever been treated rudely?
If so, how does it make you feel?
LIKE - do you enjoy being treated rudely (by people’s words and actions)? Does it make you feel valued and loved and shower you with positive vibs)?
Would you like to be treated rudely more often by people.
Have you ever been rude to someone?
Okay so you know what you are doing to people when you behave that way.
MGCC – love is not rude!
AND THAT – is the facet of God’s kind of love we will look at this morning by unpacking 2 statements…
• Why we should treat everyone with respect (which is the opposite of treating people rudely)
• How to be a more respectful person
Prayer…
A lady in Cambridge, Massachusetts was told by the bus driver that she couldn't smoke on the bus, so she beat him repeatedly with her umbrella...
A man in an Atlanta restaurant was told that a wait for a table would be two hours so he slugged the hostess...
A gas meter reader in Houston went to check a gas meter and was shot in the stomach with a pellet gun by the homeowner.
Two shoppers in a Westport, Conn, supermarket got into a fistfight over who should be first in a newly opened checkout lane.
An Airlines flight returns to Anchorage after a passenger allegedly throws a can of beer at a flight attendant and bites a pilot.
Psychologist Frank Farley writes; “What’s going on?
WE’RE - rude and we’re mean:
THERE’S - road rage, air rage, cell phone rage, checkout rage, bank rage, boat rage, desk rage and drivers even honk at people on crutches.
AND - there is also funeral rage – (Farley writes) people actually flip the bird and cut off funeral processions.
LISTEN – as we both look around and live in today’s society; there is no doubt about it, rudeness is on the rise.
Checkout the following surveys.
A recent survey on Civility in America found that
93% of Americans, feel that rudeness is a serious problem and that it is getting worse.
8 out of 10 agree that the failure of parents to instill good behavior in kids is the major cause of bad manners.
7 out of 10 people feel that people are more rude today than 20 or 30 years ago.
85% feel the world would be a better place if we just said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ more often.
AND – when asked what are some of the contributing factors to the rise in rudeness today, the top 5 responses were
5 – 30% Hollywood celebrities
4 - 38% Political and social activists (liberal or conservative)
3 - 40% News Media
2 - 47% Politicians
1 - 57% Social media/Internet
AND – do you know what? We don’t really need those surveys to tell us that rudeness is on the rise, do we?
I MEAN – we see it, hear about it and experience all of the time.
SERMON HELP!
This week I am talking about how 'love is not rude'
2 questions
#1 do you think rudeness is on the rise in our society?
#2 what are some behaviors that you find to be rude?
NOW – everyone felt it was getting worse…
• Inconsiderate drivers
• Cursing in public
• Putting your phone on speaker and having a loud conversation
• NOT – saying thank you, saying please, not holding doors open
• Taking a close parking space when they see an elderly person waiting
• Cutting in line at a at grocery store
• No calling - showing or canceling plans at the last minute with people
I am sure you have your own list
AND – I don’t know about you but rudeness is something that gets under my skin pretty quickly. Why is that?
BECAUSE - rudeness at it’s core results from a lack of respect for other people.
YOU SEE – rudeness reveals that I couldn’t care less about you…
THAT - you (your feelings) don’t really matter to me.
THAT - I'm only thinking of myself.
YEAH TRAGICALLY - the philosophy of far too many today is;
‘It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks or whether it hurts you or not…
I'm going to do what I want to do,
AND – I’m going to say (tweet, text, email, post comment) what I want to say.’
BUT - the Bible says, "Love is not rude."
NOW SOME – of you may be thinking; "Come on, Paul. What’s the big deal? I MEAN - why put rudeness in the same category as some of these other qualities?
It’s annoying, sure. Impolite, yes. But it hardly seems to be on par with pride, patience, kindness and envy."
BUT UNDERSTAND – the Holy Spirit knew what He was doing when He guided Pauls pen across the canvas of 1 Cor 13… BECAUSE – rudeness… CREATES - so many other problems…
IT – ignites so many other flames…
QUESTION – can you think of any examples where rudeness has had a positive effect on anyone?
IN FACT – Jesus addressed rudeness in the sermon on the mount when He condemned some of the common rude insults of His day…
OKAY - here is how I want to approach our study this morning. YOU SEE - just as we overcome pride by being humble.
WE – overcome rudeness by learning how to be respectful… Respect and rudeness are mutually exclusive.
1 Peter 2:17; “Show proper respect for everyone. Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king”
QUESTION – what is respect. ‘Respect is showing value and honor to others by our words and actions.’
THEREFORE - when you dishonor or devalue a person, you have disrespected them, you have disregarded them, – not loved them – you have acted rude toward them…. And that is a sin.
QUESTION - do the people that you live, work, serve, go to church with and encounter on a regular basis feel better or worse after they’ve been with you or heard from you through an email, text, post, tweet, voice mail…etc.
UNDERSTAND - this is one way to know whether or not you’re a respectful person. Do the people around you feel: inspired, valued, respected?
OR - do they feel worse, diminished, unappreciated?
NOW – I think we all need to be honest here, and acknowledge that we all at times struggle with rudeness….
LOVE is not rude.
ALRIGHT – do this…
FIRST point in your notes…
I. Why We Should Treat Everyone With Respect…
I’D – like to suggest several reasons…
BUT BEFORE – we go there… In order to make this conversation a little more impacting.
I want you to picture a person in your life that you find to be very difficult to respect…. LIKE – someone who it would feel so good to unleash the best of your rudeness on…
SO – do you have anyone in mind.
OKAY – here is the first ‘why’ (despite how they make you feel) or (how rude they have been to you)…
Here is why you must treat them with respect.
A) Because God Made everybody
So created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him… - Gen 1:27
UNDERSTAND – every single person that you encounter in your life - God says "I made him. I created her – I made them in my image and likeness."
AND because they were all created by God, because they are in His image - they all deserve respect.
QUESTION – when some disrespects something you’ve made or someone you love, how do you feel about that person?
DO YOU – want God to feel the same way about you. I don’t.
A 2nd reason to treat everyone with respect is…
B) Because Christ Died For Everyone
The love of Christ controls us, because we know that One died for all… – 2 Corinthians 5:14,15
LISTEN - everyone you lay eyes on is someone that Christ died for. THE PERSON – to your right and to your left. THE PERSON – in front of and behind you…
IS SOMEONE – of immense value.
IS SOMEONE - worth the death of the Son of God.
QUESTION…
• How do you treat someone with that kind of value
• How do you respond to someone who is that important and valuable to the Creator of the Universe – the Lord of Glory...
UNDERSTAND - That’s not just…
• Your wife
• Your husband
• Your kids
• Your parents
• The cashier at Kroger
• The person at work that drives you insane
• Someone with an immoral lifestyle
• The person you are angry with
That is someone Christ bleed and died for…
C) Because God Commands It
UNDERSTAND MGCC – God leaves absolutely no room for doubt here, in 1 Peter 2:17 he says, "Show proper respect for everyone."
THIS MEANS – you must show proper respect for:
your boss, your wife, your husband, your parents, your kids, your irritating classmates, the obnoxious person at work, that annoying in-law, the friend who constantly talks about himself., the person who cut you off in traffic, the person who just sent you a rude email.
UNDERSTAND - God has not given you or I permission to be rude to anyone…
INSTEAD – He has called us to love and respect everyone
GET IT?
D) Because it minimizes conflict
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words make tempers flare. - Proverbs 15:1
NOW – I don’t know about you,
BUT – when someone is rude to me my first instinct many times is to fight… is to be rude back.
MUCH - of the conflict, problems, anger, bitterness and grudges between people usually begins with rudeness and a lack of respect . Rudeness always produces hurt. Sometimes the hurt is small -- almost unnoticed. But a small hurt is like a small infection. It always grows.
QUESTION – if there was less rudeness in our (world, homes, workplaces, relationships, churches) do you think there’d be less conflict…?
NEXT WE – should treat everyone with respect…
E) Because we always get back what you give.
Galatians 6:7 "Do not be deceived. God cannot mocked. A man reaps what he sows."
THIS - is the principle of sowing and reaping…
WHATEVER - you plant, you're going to harvest; WHATEVER - you sow, you're going to reap;
WHAT - goes around, comes around.
WOULD YOU LIKE - to be respected by other people, then you need to give respect to other people. WHAT – we give out is what we're going to get back.
SO – let me ask you, what are you getting back, what is coming around in your life, from other people. Respect or rudeness.
LISTEN IF – we want to be treated with respect by other people, then we need to treat people with respect.
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. – Matthew 7:12
IF – we want people to smile and talk nice to us – then we need to do the same thing… BUT – if we're rude to people, what are people going to be to us? Rude.
NOW – the final reason, I think is ‘the hugest’ for us in this room who claim to follow Jesus
F) Because Rude Christians Hurt The Cause of Christ
Be wise in the way you act with people who are not believers, making the most of every opportunity. When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant so you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should. – Colossians 4:5,6
LISTEN…
Rude Christians do not win many people to Jesus…
INSTEAD – they usually drive them away.
I waited tables at a Perkins by Disney for 4 ½ years while I was in Bible College. AND – while there I found that there were 2 times that no one wanted to work or serve tables…
1. Sunday afternoon when church let out
2. and when Disney had the Night of Joy…
MY – co workers who weren’t believers said that they hated to wait on Christians… because for the most part they were rude, demanding, critical… they would leave huge messes and small tips
How tragic… that those who have ‘supposedly’ just left worshipping God were the worst to wait on.
It should be the opposite.
I MEAN – servers at restaurants should be fighting ovr who gets to work at those times when Christians eat out.
Be wise in the way you act with people who are not believers, making the most of every opportunity. When you talk, you should always be kind and pleasant. – Colossians 4:5,6
ER… (several years back… I was being totally ignored, and I was starting to get ticked…. Laurie said to me “remember who you are, remember what you do and how small C’ville is)
WE – should we treat EVERYONE with respect… BECAUSE
• God made everybody
• Christ died for everyone
• God commands It
• It minimizes conflict
• What goes around comes around
• Rude Christian hurt the cause of Christ
QUESTION – do you want strong and deep relationships, do you want to live out God’s kind of love…
THEN – you need to start focusing on respecting other people.
AGAIN – just like we overcome pride with humility we overcome rudeness with respect.
WHICH – brings us to POINT 2 in your notes
II. How To Be A More Respectful Person…
NOW – I want to spend the rest of our time together talking about a few practical things that you and I can do that will help us ride the waves of a love worth living as become more respectful people…AND - to help us remember them, I took the word respect – and made an acrostic.
R.E.S. P.E.C.T.
R – Remember to STOP Before you Speak
THE REASON - I am starting with speaking is because one of the primary ways that we are rude to other people is with our words (spoken, tweeted, texted, emailed, posted…etc)…
as we saw earlier…
“A harsh word makes tempers flare…” Pr 15:1
QUESTION – are you ever rude with your words…?
HAVE YOU - ever disrespected someone with your words?
AND – let me say this, when you speak you always communicate more than just the sum total of what your words say. Does that make sense?
(Let me demonstrate “What are doing?” said different ways)
YES - our rude words and our tone can stir up anger in heartbeat… THAT’S - why we need to stop before we speak…
Even fools seem to be wise if the keep quiet, if they don’t speak they appear to understand… - Pr 17:28
Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble. – Proverbs 21:23
STOP – before you speak… STOP – before you tweet
STOP – before you text… STOP – hit send on that email
STOP
AND - while in the ‘silent’ mode we need to do 2 things…
FIRST – we need to…
Listen
He who answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame… - Proverbs 18:13
(ever do that? Are you married, a parent…etc)
Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak… - James 1:19
Are you a good listener? Would the people who know you best say that you are a good listener? Do people feel like you’re fully present with them?
OR - is there anybody in your world who might just be whispering under their breath, “Would you please just stop – talking, advising, rambling…. Could you just stop and listen for a change?”
AND LISTEN – when it comes to dealing with rudeness people
When need to listen to the pain behind their rudeness.
THE – 2nd thing to do while in the ‘silent’ mode is to…
Think
There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking. - Pr 29:20
Kind words bring life but cruel words crush your spirit.
– Proverbs 15:4
QUESTION – has your spirit ever been crushed by someone’s words (spoken, tweeted, texted, posted, email)?
Have YOU – ever crushed someone’s spirit with your words? THINK – about the words you spoke to other people this past week… DID THEY – crush or did they give life?
UNDERSTAND - your words can be either a healing stream or a deadly poison.
THEY – can add value or take value away….
HAVE YOU - ever met anybody who was proud of their rudeness? "I just tell it like it is and let the chips fall!"
UNDERSTAND - that's not candor; that's just rudeness.
That just means we're insecure, that we don’t care very much about other people, that we are a weak person imitating strength.
IN EPHESIANS – 4:29 Paul gives what I think is the best advice on what we should be asking ourselves while we are in ‘the silent’ mode… Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen…
THINK - before you speak (tweet, text..etc) to anyone…
The waitress at the restaurant, the kids in the drive through, the people in your home stop and ask yourself,
"Why am I saying this?
Is what I am going to say going build them up or tear them down?
Is what I'm about to say going to help or hurt the relationship?
What is the motive?
Why am I saying this? Is it just to vent my anger.
REMEMBER – to stop before you speak and when you do your words will start to be respectful and will become like the words Solomon described in Proverbs 16.
“Kind words are like honey – sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Pr 16:24 (NLT)
E – Educate Your Kids To Be Respectful
Parents, don't be hard on your children. Raise them properly. Teach them and instruct them about the Lord. – Eph 6:4
LISTEN – if being respectful and not being rude is something God commands, if it is important enough for us to do, then it is important enough for you and I to teach our kids.
SINCE – we (not the school system or the church) - are the ones God has given the responsibility of raising our kids…
AND – according to the survey I quoted at the beginning of my message 80% of the people in American feel that parents are not doing a very good job at this...
YOU KNOW – I can’t believe the way I hear some kids talk to their parents and to other adults… “Thank you, please, excuse me, yes sir, yes maam” -- are words that are not often spoken today…
FELLOW PARENTS ‘LOOK UP’ – if we allow our children to be rude and misbehave – we are causing them to develop patterns that will hurt them in their future…
RUDENESS – is not very attractive, it doesn’t sit well with most employers , it’s a lousy way to build healthy relationships
AND – beyond that it will cause them to sin and disobey God’s command to love – which will limit God’s blessings in their lives and their effectiveness as His representatives.
S – Serve Others
LISTEN – when we yield our rights and serve someone – we really make that person feel like they matter… They feel respected… Do you think the disciples felt valued and respected when Jesus washed their feet? OF COURSE – they did.
QUESTION - what does yielding and serving look like? THERE - are dozens of examples I could give. AND LISTEN – most look a whole lot like good ole common courtesy… have you ever noticed that the first 5 letters of the word courtesy spell ‘court.’ IN – old England to be courteous was to act in the way of the court. YOU SEE – the family and servants of the king were expected to follow a higher standard.
LISTEN – we as followers of Christ… are part of the family and servants of not just ‘a king’ BUT – of the King of kings…the one who is Sovereign and reigns in the Ultimate court, and we therefore. Expected to follow a higher standard...
NOW – some examples of common courtesy are:
Holding the door open for someone, helping someone carry something, letting someone go first, getting them a drink, taking their plate, saying (thank you, please, yes sir, yes mam) listening to the person who is talking to or teaching you without having your phone in your face, being on time,
not interrupting when someone is talking, park properly, return your shopping cart to the proper place, prompting respond to (calls, emails, texts…etc)
P – Promises Are Meant To Be Kept
HAVE - you ever had someone break a promise to you?
DID THAT - make you feel honored and respected, or did it make you feel discounted and disrespected?
People who promise things that they never give are like clouds and wind that bring no rain. – Proverbs 25:14
NOW – that’s some pretty powerful imagery….
LISTEN – one of the ways we respect people and ride the waves of a love worth living is when we keep our promises. THAT’S – one of the reasons I feel so valued and respected by God… EVERY - promise He’s ever made, He’s kept.
UNDERSTAND - God promised throughout the O.T. that He would send a savior who’d forgive us of our sins and provide a way to restore our relationship with God. And Jesus Christ fulfilled that promise. He – lived, died, rose again AND is coming back one day to take those who have surrendered to Him home….
BY THE WAY – this one of the reasons we take communion each week at Maple Grove… whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord's death until he comes – 1 Cor 11:26
E – Employ The Romans 12 Principle
Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable…Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good. - Romans 12:17,20
Whenever you respond to rudeness it only makes things worse.
The key here is to learn to Act not to react.
Like my mom always told me whenever I responded to things the wrong way…
“Steven, 2 wrongs don’t make a right”
UNDERSTAND – you and I never have God’s permission to sin. IT – is never right to do wrong.
And rudeness is wrong, unloving and therefore a sin.
We know that we have passed from death to life because we love our brothers. The one who does not love remains in death. – 1 John 3:14
We know that we have passed from death to life because we are not rude our brothers. The one who is rude remains in death. – 1 John 3:14
Listen for the pain behind their rudeness
Look past their behavior to their value
When treated rudely do the right thing… act the right way…
C – Clean Up After Yourself
Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.
– Matthew 7:12
QUESTION - do you like cleaning up other people’s messes? LIKE – I said earlier, I waited tables for 4 ½ years at Perkins during bible college, and some people would leave incredible messes… I didn’t feel very respected…
I used to have a poster called, “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten’ – it had some pretty awesome advice… like;
Share everything Play fair Don't hit people.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
AND – it had these 2 that deal with respect…
‘put things back where you found them and clean up your own mess…”
SO…
- when you miss the garbage can…
- when you leave here in a few minutes
- when you eat out and your kids make a total mess clean up a little
- when you borrow something put it back
- if you clog a toilet
T – Treat Everyone The Same
The bible says in Acts 10:34 that, “God is no respecter of persons.
QUESTION – are you?
Do you treat everyone the same?
Are there some people who you would never even consider being rude to you? AND - are there some people that being rude to, is almost second nature to you?
Why is that?
Let’s REPENT of acting this way, because if we do not we will never live out God’s kind of love… As God says in James 2:1;
My dear brothers and sisters, how can you claim to have faith in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ if you favor some people more than others. - James 2:1
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. – IS WHAT God is asking of you & me.
BECAUSE love is not rude…
OKAY – one final thought as we close
Respect is most definitely what Jesus gave to each and every one of us when he choose to die on a blood stained cross for us. THE CROSS is the greatest symbol of respect in all of human history.
BUT UNDERSTAND – even when it comes to the cross,
JESUS – is not impolite and rude, he always knocks before entering…
YOU SEE – there are 2 things that Jesus is not going to do…
#1 Force his way into your life
#2 Force His ways into your life
But He is offering you a better way to live and to love…
Love Is…
