It is a wonderful and joyous thing to experience God and the supernatural gifting of His anointing and power. However, the Christian life is more than just feelings, emotions, and experience - it is trusting God in EVERY circumstance – no matter what!
I have always been a ‘car guy.’ I have had a serious interest in them for as long as I can remember. I also earned a living worked in the Automobile Industry, as well as working on so many personal vehicles that I have lost count.
Many years ago, when I was a teenager, I had a car that was stolen and stripped of the things I had added to it to make it unique. Periodically, over the years since, I would have a dream about that stolen car and then get really disturbed and upset as if it had just happened.
After having one of those dreams again the umpteenth time, I decided to look into the contents of the dream and discovered dreaming that your car has been stolen indicates that a person is being stripped of their identity as a result of a failed relationship or losing a job, or something that was causing change in their identity.
As I considered the information I learned from my study, I understood what my dream meant, and I realized that each time I had this dream I was feeling like an outsider in my own life who had become trapped and entangled in circumstances that were controlling me rather than me controlling them. I would feel as if my identity had been stolen. Most of the times I felt this way was during huge challenges in my personal and spiritual life.
So, after years of just shrugging off the dreams and the impact they had on me, I decided to do some honest evaluation of myself and try to understand my feelings and emotions so that I could overcome their effect.
After researching this subject, I would define the term “identity theft” as when a person is feeling their life is slowly dissolving away due do circumstances outside of their control, or they are beginning to question who they are and what they stand for, losing their sense of self.
People who are feeling a deep emptiness or a great deal of self-doubt can also feel as if their identity is being stolen. This can lead to conflicts in relationships and unhealthy emotional expressions. For the Christian, this can take place most often when the new nature of God is replacing the old sinful nature.
In today's world, many people are spending a great deal of time trying to figure out just who they are, and then, when they do "discover" who they are, they have a hard time dealing with the reality of what they find! The Bible says that the Holy Spirit begins a new transforming work within a person at the moment there is a commitment to follow Jesus (2 Cor 3:18). It is the application of that work that becomes the real challenge.
So many Christians are content just to get forgiven and go to Heaven when they die! And that’s great, except for the fact that because they are going to Heaven, they often think that they can ignore and avoid dealing with life's many problems in the here and now! When they find themselves challenged by life’s stresses and pressures, they think they can emotionally and psychologically avoid dealing with those problems by just “hoping for the day of the Lord’s appearing.” This makes it really easy to avoid having to confront their present reality.
Identity Crisis
Identity, or psychological identity, is a person’s capacity for self-reflection and awareness. Some people acquire their identity through the tasks they do and the objects they identify themselves with. Others may find their identity in the relationships they have, what they wear, what they own, how they look, where they live, or what kind of car they drive.
Men most often find their identity in the job they have or the work they do. Women find it most often through personal and family relationships. Ultimately, the Christian must identify themselves with Jesus alone and what He has done for them, not in what they have done for Him.
Identity Crisis is a psychological term that describes someone who is in a state of searching for their identity. It can have a significant effect on their self-esteem. A Christian can have an Identity Crisis as they struggle within to worship the Holy Trinity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, while still worshiping the unholy trinity of me, myself and I.
That can cause a spiritual, emotional, and even a physical nervous breakdown. When the Holy Spirit begins His supernatural surgery to remove the old nature, the conflict between it and the new nature found in Jesus intensifies as the Holy Spirit transforms the Christian into the image and likeness of Jesus.
Breaking Down the Barriers of Self
In the field of Psychology, it is believed that a nervous breakdown “is an acute emotional or psychological collapse causing the inability to cope. They are most often the result of chronic and unrelenting emotional stress such as chronic and unresolved grief, unemployment, career changes, stress from school and other work-related stress. Serious or chronic illness in a family member, the death of a family member, and other sudden major life changes such as divorce, separation, and relationship problems were more likely to cause the feeling of an impending nervous breakdown in the most recent survey.”
When the time comes for the Holy Spirit to focus on eradicating within the Christian specific parts of the old nature that are currently hindering more profound growth and relationship with Jesus, the person who fights against them and refuses the wooing of God may turn to things that can cause irreparable damage to their self, as well as to those around them, as they slowly spiral out of control. The dying process from the old nature identity to the new can be tumultuous, to say the least.
A Positive Emotional Breakdown
Because of many unnerving events, specifically the dramatic events, and chronic health issues of loved ones affecting my life, my beliefs were severely shaken. I questioned everything I had learned. In each event, I came closer to the end of myself as my life would be unraveling in bits and pieces. A secular Psychologist would say I had an emotional breakdown. As the multiple challenges, and their effects on me, became more intense, I couldn’t pretend anymore that things were OK and that I was strong enough to hold things together.
I found myself losing the ability to hide my feelings. My emotional control was finally broken, and I ultimately found myself in touch with my inner emotions and my core identity in Jesus began to emerge. As a result, the ability to navigate the stormy waters of life became more manageable.
Every Christian who wants to live a supernatural life must choose to:
“press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”… “…Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 3:12-14 NIV)
When a Christian is going through painful transition periods, they can feel as if they are having an “emotional breakdown” or a “crisis.” That is most likely a result of the Holy Spirit working on transforming the old nature’s dysfunctional personality patterns formed in childhood, into the healthy and true core identity of the new nature found in Jesus alone.
The old nature of SELF is shed like a snakeskin. During the painful shedding process, it can feel disorienting and confusing. The enemy will make every attempt to inflict fearful thoughts and try to lead the Christian to believe that they are going crazy.
However, it is not the enemy but rather the Holy Spirit who is actively working at developing the new personality and helping the Christian leave behind their “childish ways” of the past (1 Cor 13:11-12).
While the old nature is disintegrating, the new nature is waiting to be released from the tomb. When that happens, the power of the resurrection will be released into their life and they will begin living naturally in the supernatural.
Dazed and Disappointed
There are times during the Christian walk - even with the miraculous happening all around – that things will go haywire as the reality of this life intervenes unannounced, and disappointment replaces the bliss of blessings.
A person’s thinking is often dominated either by the hope of success or by fear of failure. Fear and hope are very similar because they are both forms of anticipation of the future. Fear is a form of negative hope.
When a person has hopes that are not realized, or their desires, dreams, expectations, aspirations, or anticipation of success in something they have done - or are a part of, or desire to possess - are not met or fulfilled, it can cause frustration, disappointment, and discontent. If their hopes are dashed on the rocks of reality, they will often target their anger at God because they feel a sense of betrayal.
According to the Macmillan Dictionary ‘disappointment’ is “the feeling of being unhappy because something that you hoped for or expected did not happen or because someone or something was not as good as you expected.” The Wikipedia Encyclopedia adds that it is “similar to regret,” and “it differs in that the individual feeling of regret focuses primarily on the personal choices that contributed to a poor outcome, while the individual who is feeling disappointment, focuses on the outcome itself.”
Benjamin Franklin was reported to have said, “Contentment makes a poor man rich, discontent makes a rich man poor.” Unrealistic hopes and dreams can have long-lasting emotional, physical, and spiritual effects when they are not satisfied.
Christians live in a constant state of opposing pressures caused by the cares of this world and the eternal longing for the next world. Everyone fights the battle of disappointment. There is no special immunity for Christians against it. The natural instinct of humankind is to try and run away from the pressure and then try to fulfill those longings with false hopes and things made by the hands of man and not of God.
The danger is that the things people try to possess can end up possessing them. This finite world was never designed to satisfy human longing because people are meant for intimate and eternal communion with the infinite God.
“For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” (Rom 8:24-25 NIV)
Disappointment and discontentment are rooted in the old nature and are based upon the unholy trinity. It was discontentment that caused satan and one-third of the angels to rebel against God. Discontentment is a denial of the truth a person claims to believe and is a direct attack on God and an attempt to overthrow His sovereignty.
Because God is sovereign, He can do whatever He wants, however He wants, and whenever He wants. However, He is not the author of pain, or sorrow, or sickness, or disease, or temptation – the evil one is!
The enemy can’t escape or circumvent the sovereignty of God. In all cases, God remains in control - even when the devil is being allowed to attack. God monitors every temptation and assault. This is made clear in the story of Job when God said to satan; "you incited me against him (Job) to ruin him without any reason." (Job 2:3)
Even though Job was being attacked by satan, God retained His sovereignty over the situation. The devil can only tempt up to a point. The accuser does NOT have the authority to circumvent God’s will. He must submit to God’s overall sovereignty. He can’t exceed God’s limitations on temptation.
God is also omniscient and has knowledge of all truth in every potential situation, whether before the beginning, in the middle, or at the ending under all possible interpretations of any component. God knows everything that will or does happen. Before God spoke the world into existence, He knew independently what a person would freely choose if placed in any possible circumstance.
God alone grants salvation. Because He is Love, He gave human beings the free will to choose to accept or reject Him and to love or hate Him. He knows what choices a person will make, whether they are good or bad, just as a parent can understand the choices their child will make in a given situation, whether or not they actually make them. He perfectly accomplishes His will in their lives (see Matt 11:23). He knew that sin would enter into the world but He is not the author of sin. God does not actively bring about overt acts of sin or suffering or pain because He is a good God.
Christians are pressed on every side by troubles, but they are not crushed and broken. They are perplexed, but they don't give up and quit. They are hunted down, but God will never abandon them. They get knocked down, but they can get up again and keep going as they use life's stumbling blocks as stepping stones to greater glory. Through suffering, their frail and finite human body constantly shares in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in their body. (2 Cor 4:8-10) That is why the anointing of God and daily filling of the Holy Spirit is so vital for a healthy and vibrant Christian life.
The Anguish of Loneliness
When disappointment is moving at full speed, one of the dangers is the sense of loneliness that can appear as the person withdraws within to form a protective emotional barrier from further disappointment. When a relationship ends, or a loved one leaves or dies, feelings can move to deep anguish which brings about even more pain and torment, requiring the numbing of emotions to deal with it all.
Francois Mauriac wrote the following:
"When I was twenty, would I have been able to fight human loneliness: to remain alone, as I dare do today?...I was a victim of all those illusions to which youth is always a prey...all the qualities which make us want to hurl ourselves into someone else's arms to soothe the wounds of loneliness, the yearning for a single human presence! Today, in the evening of my life, I know the final answer. It is Jesus Christ alone who quiets the radical anguish that is in us- an anguish which is so con-substantial with the human condition that it is cruelly manifest from childhood to the grave.
The torment of loneliness, the vacillating shadows of those we love as they leave us in the horrible mysteries of death, the secret and permanent thirst we have for the limitless gratification of our ego...Our hearts remain full of unseen idols until we are stretched on the wood of the Cross with Christ-until we cease trying to nourish ourselves and our desires, and give ourselves entirely to the poor, to the needy, to the suffering members of Christ's body throughout the world...in the presence of God-become-man-stripped and naked, scourged and covered with spittle, dying unto death for love-and man seeking to become like God, raised above his ugliness and misery through love, finding in this Man all his joy, all his love, all the meaning of life and history."
The Loneliness of the Christian
There is another type of loneliness that a Christian can experience as a result of being counted among those who are desperately in love with Jesus and have chosen to “Come out from among them and be separate.” (2 Cor 6:14-18) Below is a very poignant reflection on loneliness by A.W. Tozer:
"The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ, and because within his circle of friends, there are so few who share the inner experiences he is forced to walk alone. The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.
The man [or woman] who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this, he earns the reputation of being dull and over-serious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens. He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.
It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else"
This fallen world - this finite life - was never intended by God to bring fulfillment to the Christian. Only Jesus can do that. Those who desire deep intimacy with Him will not be able to follow others as the Master’s path leads through daily crucifixion of those things that stand in the way. He desires full devotion and utter dependence upon Him for all things because He wants to be the focus and fulfillment of all longing and desire in this world and on into eternity. God promises to meet all their needs according to His “glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:19 NIV).
The uncertainties of life happen all too often and can quickly cast shifting shadows on the glory of God’s abundant blessings. Even during great moves of God, there can be times of feeling empty, as if something is missing or incomplete. That can lead to the sickness of the soul.
Curing the Sickness of the Soul
Throughout my Christian walk, I had continuously struggled with boredom, even with many tumultuous challenges. It wreaked havoc in both my business and personal life. It is my experience that many others have come to a place that nothing seems to satisfy anymore and they find themselves discontent with their job, their relationships, even their spiritual life because just going to church doesn’t fill the yearning in their heart.
Boredom is a sickness of the soul and is one of the soul’s significant problems. People are bored when they are not being stimulated physically, spiritually, or mentally. People often try to combat boredom by maximizing their sensory experiences and pleasures. This can lead to overindulgence and horrible consequences.
The things a person does - the stimulation of good music, a conversation with friends and loved ones, the reading of a book, intimacy in marriage, the watching of a movie - even great moves of God - provide only momentary relief from boredom.
People want to repeat particularly enjoyable experiences, but the original pleasure is often lost in the repeating. This is due to the expectation that things will be just the same the second time as with the first. However, relief doesn’t last because it is fleeting, at the very least.
Many try to alleviate the sickness of the soul by becoming politically active or promoting social welfare rather than achieving a personal gain. Some chase after ‘new’ moves of God hoping for another ‘glory’ fix. Others strive to live a life based on a consistent, coherent set of rules established for the good of society so that people can co-exist in harmony. Just living a good life and following a set of socially accepted norms and regulations does little to nurture a person’s soul.
Boredom can be alleviated in various ways, but the only way to fully escape it is to maintain total trusting-faith in God. Having faith is more than simply attending church regularly, behaving obediently, being ‘slain in the spirit,’ or getting filled with - or ‘manifesting’ - the anointing of God.
Trusting-Faith
Too often, the word “faith” is treated as if it were a noun – something to possess or obtain. However, the biblical word for “faith” is a verb, which is active, always moving and never stationary. Faith, in and of itself, is dead apart from trust. Faith, without works, “is dead” (James 2:17). The working of faith is trust. Faith is trust in action and is best defined as not leaning on one’s intellect, wisdom, talents, experience, and education - taking no thought for tomorrow - esteeming everyone more highly than themselves - and intimately pursuing God’s presence.
Trusting-faith requires intense self-awareness through personal commitment and dedication to continual openness for the Holy Spirit to “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Ps 139:23-24 KJV).
Self-awareness exposes one of the great paradoxes of faith - drawing closer to God, intensifies the magnitude of one’s sin. Sin is what separates the self from God. Sin is not just something a person does but rather something they are. Christians are “saved” sinners but still sinners, none-the-less. All the bad things a sinner does (lying, stealing, murder, cheating, etc., etc) are not just sins - they are the results of being in sin. The worst sin of all is to refuse forgiveness for one’s sin and appropriate the shed blood of Jesus to wash the stains of sin.
The only way to escape sin is to approach God with trusting-faith to accept His forgiveness already provided by the shed blood of Jesus on the Cross. A true Christian is someone who places total trusting-faith in God. Only by growing intimately close to Him can this sickness finally be defeated.
Growing in trusting-faith is like an athlete continuously working out to build muscle memory. People must constantly be in situations that require them to trust. The more they are in over their heads, even to the point of desperation, the easier it is to appropriate trusting-faith without consciously thinking about it. Trusting-faith must become a recurring habit pattern. A person can choose to have faith in themselves, the created, and their blood, or faith in Jesus, the Creator God, and His blood. It can only be one or the other. It can’t be both.
I had a radical encounter with Jesus many years ago that came after a series of cataclysmic events took me over the edge and closer to the end of myself. God stepped into the midst of my suffering and ambushed me with His breathtaking beauty and abiding love. I have since become a pursuer of His presence at any cost, longing only to be with Him.
That experience caused a severe discontent with the things of this world that has yet to end! I have learned to alleviate my boredom and dissatisfaction by abiding in God’s presence every day. Repentance has become a recurrent theme! Personally, there is just one thing that I ask and seek of the Lord:
“that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.” (Ps 27:4 NIV)
The majestic splendor and glory of Jesus are what give me the strength and power to deal with day-to-day cares and concerns. It is truly all about Him. I must have MORE of Him and LESS of me. The more time I spend in worship, the less I want anything else, for I would rather be in His presence than anywhere else.
