Responsibilities Of Children
Ephesians 6:1-4 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
Col. 3:20-21 "Children, obey [your] parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children [to anger], lest they be discouraged."
Psalm 34:11 "Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the LORD."
If Body?*
we take a close look at the state of the traditional family as we enter the twenty-first century, it would not be far from the mark to ask ourselves, "Who's minding the store?" It is difficult to pin point any positive strategy being implemented by any organized group to reverse the downward moral spiral of our culture. Those of us in the Christian community who sometimes try to make some effort to combat this terrible societal trend and call our culture back to the values and standards of the Judeo-Christian ethic, are often met with strong opposition by the cultural change agents and political correct police of our day. We seem to be butting our heads against a wall of unconcern. We often run head on into the "Who cares?" attitude permeating even the ranks of those who call themselves Christians.
What has happened to bring this deplorable situation to pass? Perhaps the old fable of the frog in the pan of water clearly describes clearly what has happened. It is said you can throw a frog into a pan of hot water and his survival instincts will cause him to immediately jump out. Place the same frog in a pan of cold water and ever so gradually raise the temperature and he will stay there and be boiled alive.
It would seem that there was a time in the not too distant past when the family was quite safe in an environment that was cool, calm and conducive to societal stability and spiritual growth. Then Satan slowly turned up the heat and we are close to being boiled alive. The seeds of the family's destruction were sown long ago with when the ungodly philosophies of secular humanism began increasingly to penetrate and permeate every institution and facet of
our culture. Unless Christians, pastors, churches and parents wake up and jump out, the traditional family may soon become just a sad footnote in the long history of the decline and fall of man.
I will again mention some obvious indicators that all too clearly tell the sad tale of the family's deuteration and destruction. Less than five percent of children in our nation live in homes that could be called traditional; where there is both a father and mother and the father is the provider and the mother is the primary care giver and home maker. Recent stories in the press tell of whole classes of students in kindergarten and primary school in which it is difficult to find even one family that has not been broken by divorce or does not have one or more parent absent from the home. Studies strongly indicate that the fact that our nation has one of the highest rates of suicide in the world among children and young people, young males in particular, can be correlated to this situation; especially the absence of a good male role model in the home.
Where does the solution lie? We know that none of the surface and band- aid solutions based upon pumping untold additional billions of dollars into the social and welfare systems of our country will work. In fact, a strong case can be made that this just further exacerbates an already alarming and near hopeless situation. It is clear the family needs to be restored to its former glory if our culture of crisis is to be changed and our society have any real hope of survival. But how can this be achieved?
I believe that since the problem is obviously spiritual, the solution must be spiritual. Help most come from God through His Word and His people. We must restore scriptural priorities and reawaken spiritual values. We must begin with the understanding that the needed changes in the family and in the principles of interpersonal relationships within the family, are only possible when there is an acceptance and acknowledgment of the Lord Jesus Christ not only as Saviour, but Lord; of our own lives as well as the life of our family. Without action based upon this understanding, bright ideas, cute concepts and psychological precepts become only so much psycho-babble. It is only when Christ is allowed to come into our families and our own thoughts and desires are subjugated and surrendered to the control of His Spirit, that families can function in the way a loving God has ordained.
But just what does such submission mean for the children in the Christian family? What is God's ordained role for children and what spiritual respon-
sibilities are placed upon the young and tender shoulders of the children in a Christian home?
CHILDREN ARE RESPONSIBLE TO MEET THE NEEDS OF THEIR PARENTS IN THE LORD. It is clear the principle of mutual loving submission stated by Paul at the beginning of this passage, extends to include this section. "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." (Eph. 5:21) Christ-like submission for the husband involves focusing his life upon meeting the real needs of his wife and children. Christ-like submission for the wife involves sincerely seeking to meet the real needs of her husband and children. Children are also called to this ministry of Christ-like mutual submission, even though they may never fully understand the concept. Christ-like submission for children entails meeting the real needs of their father and mother. But just what basic physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual needs do parents have that children can meet?
The first need is patently obvious. God's command to man to be fruitful, multiply and replenish the earth and man's obligation to fulfill this command cannot be met unless man successfully produces and propagates the species in the image of God. Not only is the bearing of healthy children and rearing them successfully to a mature physical and mental age a rewarding experi- ence, but to achieve success in rearing children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord brings great spiritual joy and fulfillment. God makes it amply clear He intends Christian child-rearing to be a blessing rather than a burden. "Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward. As arrows [are] in the hand of a mighty man; so [are] children of the youth. Happy [is] the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate." (Psalm 127:3-5)
Children of all ages should realize this is a lifelong responsibility and relationship. The real and lasting rewards of parenting are of necessity perpetually connected with the Godly response of Christian children to Godly parents. We older children who were blessed by our Godly parents, are constantly reminded of this. Many of us have been guided and greatly encouraged all along the road of life by the Christian principles instilled in us by God-fearing and God-honoring parents. Even though some of our parents have gone home to be with the Lord, we still strive by His grace to reverence and honor their memory. Their testimony remains in us. We continue to try
to do right just because it is right. It is a blessing to contemplate that perhaps their need for joy and fulfillment is still being met through our feeble efforts of faithfulness.
This principle of children meeting the needs of parents in bringing joy and fulfillment to their lives is not limited to a single generation. Solomon perhaps said it best when he said, "Children's children [are] the crown of old men; and the glory of children [are] their fathers." (Prov. 17:6) Godly and obedient grandchildren can also be a source of great joy. Can you imagine the sense of accomplishment and fulfillment given to Lois by her faithful grandson, Timothy? "When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, ." (II Tim. 1:5) Here we have three generations being blessed and fulfilled by God!
Through lovingly and obediently meeting the needs of their parents in this area, children also meet the need the world has for families and households that will impact churches, communities and nations for good. The Word of God makes it clear that children who respond early to the lessons of Godliness and righteousness, can have a multigenerational and lasting beneficial effect upon the world around them.
It is written that Queen Victoria once attended a banquet where many brilliant scholars, scientists and political leaders were present. The Queen observed all these famous people and remarked to John Bright, the speaker for the occasion, "Sir, where did all these great people come from?" He quickly replied, "From babies, your Majesty!"
CHILDREN ARE RESPONSIBLE TO MEET THE NEEDS OF PAR- ENTS TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN. God's relationship to His children speaks of this basic need. The scriptures make it obvious that God's eternal purpose in Chris was to make unto Himself eternal sons and daughters. Children He could eternally love, according to the good pleasure of His own will, without reservation or limitation. "The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, [saying], Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love:" (Jer. 31:3) "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father." (Ro. 8:15)
It is also amply clear that when one of His sons or daughters willingly responds and freely reciprocates that love, the greatest glory and fulfillment is given to the heavenly Father. The scriptures also make it clear that the underlying motive for acceptable, God-honoring service should always be
the reciprocation of our Father's great love shown to us in Jesus Christ. "For the love of Christ constraineth us;." (II Cor. 5:14) "We love him, because he first loved us." (I John 4:19)
It is easy to see how this need and the fulfillment it brings is carried over into and played out in the parent child relationship. In fact, God uses this precept in a number of analogies illustrating the mutual responsibility of parents and children to live in a loving relationship. The pure love mothers and fathers have for their children is to be ideally patterned upon the love our Father has for us. This particular need is manifest in the very earliest moments in the relationship of children and parents. Every facet and aspect of emotional bonding confirms it.
Children are responsible to love their parents from the very beginning until the end of their earthly walk. Is it not ironic that in our age of grace this principle seems to have been depreciated and diminished, even among Christians? The Old Testament law left no doubt about the responsibility of children to continue to love and even care for their parents all down through life. In fact, a failure to show the necessary loving concern for ones parents brought very strong disapproval and condemnation, not only by God, but by the Godly culture. "Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old." (Prov. 23:23)
The New Testament also calls for children to continue to meet the need of their parents for love and care as they grow older. The principle of the responsibility we have to provide for our own household surely would apply to older members of the extended Christian family who might be in need. The abdication of this responsibility and assigning it entirely to government or society sometimes appears materialistic and heartless; especially if it in- volves unnecessarily placing those who have cared for us in our early years into the loneliness and isolation of institutional care, merely for our own convenience and financial comfort. Of course, the very nature of our modern technological society, with its great mobility and globalism that sometimes results in families being scattered all over a nation or even the world, makes this responsibility increasingly difficult to deal with in a practical manner. But the Biblical principle remains just the same.
CHILDREN ARE RESPONSIBLE TO MEET THEIR PARENTS' NEED FOR RESPECT AND HONOUR. "Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)" (Eph. 6:2) The word honour
used here simply means: "to reverence or hold in awe .. . to value at a high price." It is clear that respect and honour for ones parents is not an option but a command from God. Parents are placed above children in the chain of command by God himself. They are to be respected and honored because of this. The idea of parents being required to earn the honour and respect of their children is all part and parcel of the self-esteem craze of those involved in the psycho-babble of our day.
Of course, good parents should seek to deserve the respect of their children. But when all is said and done children are to respect and honour their parents because it is commanded by God and it is right to do so. Honour and respect is more an attitude than an act. Children can reluctantly obey their parents out of fear and selfishness and with a mean and bitter spirit. This is not honoring and respectful to God or their parents. As is often said, "Why or how you do what you do is often more important than what you do."
Parents also have some responsibility in this area. If one parent demeans or diminishes or undermines the position and authority of the other parent, it is difficult to teach children to honour and respect their parents. It is sad when Christian parents sometimes show little or no respect for each other in the presence of their children and yet expect their children to have an attitude of honour and respect for them. Consistency thou art a jewel!
CHILDREN ARE RESPONSIBLE TO WILLINGLY PLACE THEM- SELVES UNDER PARENTAL AUTHORITY. The home is the basic institution God has given to teach and illustrate to the citizens of His world the need for a chain of authority and responsibility. God has ordained this principle of authority and responsibility in the home, church, government and workplace. Without it anarchy ensues and every man does that which feels good and is right in his own eyes. This is anarchy and the ultimate destructive condition of mankind.
Parents must provide the Godly framework of authority that children are to respond to for their own short and long term good. Children need a firm structure of authority. They need right and wrong clearly defined. They need limits set. They need sturdy fences of discipline built. These fences need to be strong and non-yielding. Only within such a moral framework can children find the real security, protection and safety they seek. A child may and will push against the fence and test it. But down deep inside he wants to know the parents authority will stand firm and that he can always depend upon it.
One of the most fulfilling and rewarding experiences of my life was to serve as the Pastor and Principal of a twelve grade Christian School for ten years. This Christian School had a very structured and disciplined approach to Christian Education. When new students came into our school from the relatively indisciplined atmosphere of state or other private schools, their behavior was usually clearly predictable. A time would come when they would push strongly against the "fences of discipline" placed around them. Our response was always loving, but firm and non-yielding. After the test, they would normally happily settle into the loving and disciplined atmo- sphere of our school and become committed to the Christian philosophy and principles of behavior involved.
CHILDREN ARE RESPONSIBLE TO RESPOND OBEDIENTLY TO THEIR PARENTS AT ALL TIMES AND DO RIGHT BECAUSE IT IS RIGHT. I do not think it is unfair to say that we are surrounded by a generation of young people who are doing right in their own eyes. It seems quite obvious we have produced a generation of youth who have swallowed the philosophy of relativism that permeates our world, hook, line and sinker. In general, they despise their mothers, mock their fathers and are without discipline or respect for anything. Teachers in state and private schools are abandoning their time honored roles out of pure desperation and sheer exhaustion. I taught my last scripture classes in state schools nearly twenty years ago. Even at that time it was virtually impossible to have enough quite and order to successfully teach ten minutes. I am told that today it is much worse.
Who has failed? Children? No! We have failed them. Children need to be taught to obey. The learning of obedience is to begin in the home. Why are they to obey? Simply because it is right! Children are to learn to obey for their own good. In obeying their parents, they are obeying God. In obeying their parents, they are allowing them to exercise their more mature parental wisdom and take responsibility for the welfare of their children. In obeying their parents, they can look forward to God's short term and long term blessings upon their life. In obeying their parents, they have set themselves an example that will stand them in good stead in life. In later years they can say to their own children, "I found that being obedient to my parents has brought me lifelong rewards and well being. I am thankful God gave me Christian parents and called me to obey them." Perhaps this would be good to close with:
To My Child - Things I Can And Cannot Do
I can share your life, but I cannot live it for you.
I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn.
I can give you directions, but I cannot always lead you. I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it.
I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.
I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot decide for you.
I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.
I can teach you to be a friend, but I cannot make you one.
I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.
I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.
I can tell you the facts of life, but I cannot build your reputation. I can tell you about lofty goals, but I cannot achieve them for you.
I can teach you to obey, but I cannot answer for your actions. I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make your morals.
I can love you as my child, but I cannot place you in God's family. I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.
I can teach you about Jesus, But I cannot make Him your Savior. I can teach you about prayer, but I cannot make you pray.
I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.
-Author Unknown
