Responsibilities Of Christian Parents
Ephesians 6:1-4 "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
God personally established the institutions of marriage and family when he gave Eve to Adam and united them in holy wedlock in the garden. He then commanded them to be fruitful and multiply and populate the earth. All the records, commands, precepts and examples given afterward in the Old and New Testaments, testify to the importance of following God's plan in the matter of marriage and family.
The rules, roles, relationships and responsibilities of marriage and family, were first clearly set down in the Old Testament. There is nothing in the New Testament that would negate any of the principles the Old Testament teaches about the importance of parents and the responsibilities of parents before the Lord. It is obvious, even to the non-Christian psychologist, social worker, government leader and the ordinary man in the street, that unless parents once again accept their responsibility and take seriously the role of parenting, families of our nation are doomed to further disasters and our nation to ultimate destruction. Someone has truly said, "As goes the family, so goes the nation.."
The responsibility and authority of parents under the Jewish law was clear. The law of Moses required the father to accept absolute responsibility for the physical, emotional, educational, and spiritual welfare of his children. (See Duet. 6:1-9) The failure to obey God's command to honor one's parents had a very serious consequences as well. Filial duty and obedience were of such prime importance that almost any outrage against a parent was deemed worthy of capital punishment.
The New Testament presents a consistent view of the responsibilities and relationships involved in parenting when it speaks of the Father's relationship to His own dear spiritual children. Principles of parenting are often directly related to the ideal of God the Father's relationship to we who are His children. God has a standard that would describe the kind of parents He would haveChristian parents to be. The scriptures establish an ideal to which all fathers and mothers who love the Lord should aspire. But just what does the scriptures teach us about THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF CHRISTIAN PAR- ENTS IN THE HOME?
CHRISTIAN PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE TO SUBMIT (MEET THE NEEDS OF) TO THEIR CHILDREN IN THE LORD. In our examination of this key passage in Ephesians dealing with the responsibilities of Christian family members, we have determined that the key concept is submission. This concept could correctly defined as: " . . . to lovingly and sacrificially place ones self at the disposal of another; to purpose in Christ to live ones life for the Godly benefit of another; to humbly and willing determine to sacrificially strive to meet the real physical, emotional and spiritual needs of a significant other in your life..." It is not difficult to scripturally apply this concept when examining the scope of Christian parents' responsibilities to their children in the Lord.
It is obvious, both from the scriptures and from common sense observa-tion of the world around us, that children have great needs to be met in our day and time. In fact, the negative and destructive influences are such that many young parents, even Christians, soberly question the advisability of bringing children into today's world.
Notice these excerpts from a letter published by a newspaper columnist a few years back, "We would never become parents if we had it to do over again. Children are the most ungrateful creatures under God's heaven. We worked and slaved to provide our three children with the best clothes, toys, medical care, musical instruments, music lesson, vacations to every part of the country; well just anything a child could want. And what kind of thanks did we get? We sent our oldest son to an expensive university. He got mixed with a radical element and has now gone underground to avoid prosecution for crimes he committed. Our second daughter got to running around in high school, had to drop out because of pregnancy, had an abortion and is now 'shacking up' with a guy. Our youngest son got mixed up with drugs, ran away from home and we haven't seen him since. Why any parent today desires to bring a child into a mixed-up world like this is more than we can understand" It does not take a rocket scientist to wonder if the materialism and parental indulgence expressed in this letter could well be the primary problem. After this letter was published, the columnist received hundreds of similar letters. But hundreds of others were received as well speaking of the joys and rewards of parenting were also received.
PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE TO REALIZE THAT THEIR CHIL DREN ARE A BLESSING AND BENEFIT BESTOWED BY THE HAND OF GOD. When we have a close look at scripture it is difficult to understand why committed and submissive Christian parents would not to wish to have children. The Bible makes it amply clear that God is the source of children. "And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD." (Gen. 4:1) In our day it seems that man has determined that children are given by the grace of government and come by accident and through lack of proper discipline. But this cultural attitude does not change the fact that children are a gift from God and responsible Christian parents should understand and accept them as such.
The responsible Christian parent's attitude toward parenting should be based upon the wonderful precept that children are a heritage and reward from the Lord. Instead of bemoaning children as a burden to bear, the Christian parent should behold them as a blessing, benefit and benediction from God. "Lo, children [are] an heritage of the LORD: [and] the fruit of the womb [is his] reward." (Psalm 127:1)
Rather than viewing these precious gifts from God as that which is intended for harm, hurt or heartbreak, the Christian parent should see children as a source of help, healing and happiness in the Lord. This joy of the Lord is to be the strength of a family. "As arrows [are] in the hand of a mighty man; so [are] children of the youth. Happy [is] the man that hath his quiver full of them . ." (Psalm 127:4-5b) "The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise [child] shall have joy of him." (Prov. 23:24) But just what are some of the other real needs that Christian parents need to meet in the lives of their children today?
THE CHRISTIAN PARENT IS RESPONSIBLE TO PROVIDE A POSITIVE ROLE MODEL FOR THEIR CHILDREN TO FOLLOW THROUGH LIFE. The Word of God as well as contemporary studies and observations agree that this is the one overwhelming need of children today. God is calling Christian parents to be distinct and different from other parents in the world around them. Their attitudes, mind sets, values, standards, testimonies and life-styles are to be clearly and consistently correct before the Lord. They are not to walk in this world as the heathen walk. "This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind," (Eph. 4:17) They are to walk in the love of God and the light of His Word rather than in the darkness of the god of this world. "And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, . . .For ye were sometimes darkness, but now [are ye] light in the Lord: walk as children of light:" (Eph. 5:2a, 8)
The role and responsibility of the Christian parent is to walk unselfishly in the Spirit, not controlled by ego, but by the very Spirit of God. In essence, Christian parents who wish to meet the need of their children for a strong and positive role model, should walk as Jesus walked in this world. "As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, [so] walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving" (Col. 2:6-7)
RESPONSIBLE CHRISTIAN PARENTS ARE TO MEET THEIR CHILDREN'S NEED FOR GROWTH AND MATURATION. One of the major difficulties in rearing children becomes readily and acutely apparent to concerned parents at a very early age. Simply stated, this problem is: "Children are children or children will be children.!" Someone has well said that children are little people and should be treated as such. But this does not negate the idea that children have special needs that are described by their immaturity. This is merely a simple fact of life and does not necessarily imply anything negative about childhood. After all, we see this need described in the life of the perfect Son of God, Jesus Christ. "And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man." (Luke 2:51-52) It would be safe to scripturally assume that the home in which God placed His Son more than amply provided the environment needed to bring Him to the level of maturity that was pleasing to both God and man.
In this simple statement of the scripture we can conclude that children normally have four basic areas of immaturity. They need to grow in wisdom, stature and in favor with God and man. In more specific terms, we might say they need to mature physically, mentally, socially and spiritually. The responsible Christian parent will identify these needs and minister to them lovingly and sacrificially.
The nature of childhood implies a need for wisdom. The full development of a child's intellectual and mental processes should be of prime concern to the responsible Christian parent. We might compare a child's brain to a blank tape or a non-programmed computer. At the very beginning it is void of any worthwhile and useful information. Any knowledge he is to acquire must be given to him. He should also be shielded from any negative or destructive information. Unfortunately the GIGO (Garbage In -Garbage Out) principle does apply to an immature child. The immature child does not have the information needed to discriminate between right and wrong or to make the right choices about life. Without this information, he may place his hand upon a hot object, fall from a high place, dash out into a street or eat something that may hurt or destroy him. All these things must be taught in the right context and relative to the right spiritual values by the responsible Christian parent, if the child is to reach maturity and be able to exercise proper discretion and make the right value judgments in life.
All parents recognize a child's need for proper and controlled growth in stature. It is a tragedy when a child is deprived of what is needed to achieve this. They cannot provide for themselves. They must be given the proper nourishment, exercise, rest and sleep if they are to mature normally. The responsible Christian parent will recognize this and strive to provide proper diet as well as the disciplined activity and rest patterns needed.
Children are not socially developed or adept. The sin nature ensures that a child is naturally selfish. When we see a child lying in the floor, kicking and screaming and demanding his own way, we know he is socially immature and deprived. The skills of good and Godly socialization are to be taught not accidently caught. Sacrifice, sharing, submission, selflessness and humility, are graces that must come to the child from a higher source. Quite contrary to the criticism of educationalists, one of the advantages of real Christian Home Schooling or real Christian Schooling is to provide Christian parents with the tools needed in providing good socialization for their child. Children are not naturally spiritually inclined or mature. A love of God and the things of God must be taught and instilled into the child by a parent's wise use of the Word of God. To think that children will even wish to investigate and learn the things of God on their own, is contrary to the nature of man.
Just last week I was engaged in a conversation by an elderly man. He shared that he had four grown-up sons. He seemed very proud and pleased that since he is an agnostic or atheist, he had not taught them anything positive about God. He said he had intended for them to seek out the needed information and make up their own minds when they were grown up. This is by far the most common expressed philosophy about children and Christianity in our culture. His plan brought about the results I have come to expect. Three of his sons are avowed atheists and the fourth only came to know about God because against all odds he married a girl who believed in God. When children are small they will not naturally seek God nor will they have the capacity to conceive or comprehend Him. They need the help and guidance of concerned Christian parents.
PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE TO PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN FROM THE WAYS OF THE WORLD. From the very beginning God's plan required that His people be separate, sanctified and set apart from this world. Such separation was the criteria used by God in determining His cursing or blessing upon His people. Their desire to return to the environment and ungodly conditions of Egypt brought God's chastening hand upon them.
One of the most telling arguments for real Christian Schooling evolves around the concept: "Did God wish Israel to return their children to the influence of the religious and educational institutions of Egypt?" (See Duet. 6:1-9) "Were they to abdicate the God given responsibility of the whole life education of their children? Were they to return to Egypt and see their children reared in and guided by the idolatry and heathen philosophies of that culture? Would God have been pleased for the future generations of Israel to be schooled in the ways of the Egyptians."
The application to the Christian parent's responsibility to educate their children today is clear.
The New Testament proclaims the same principles of separation and contains the same commands to God's people today. "Therefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you," (II Cor., 6:17) "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, . . ." (Ro. 12:2a) Placing these principles into action for the protection of their children from the ways of the world is one of the most problematic tasks facing Christian parents in our culture today. Powerful peer pressure is placed upon parents and children to adopt the priorities and practices of the world .
The world seeks to set the agenda for Christian families. Men love darkness rather than light because their deeds are evil. The world is not comfortable with a class or group of people seeking to live in the light of God's Word. They are like light shining into the dark recesses of the evil world. So the world seeks to change or destroy those who resist their evil values and standards. Responsible Christian parents who decide to buck the flood tide of moral pollution, swim up the raging stream of perversion or resist the relentless rush of the herd of evil doers, will surely find the going difficult. Jesus identified the crux of the matter when He said, "For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God." (John 12:43)
Yes, the world says in effect, "My way is the best way. Look at my enlightened values and standards. Listen to my voice of reason. Be sophisticated. Live for yourself. Eat, drink and be merry. Forget about the idea of God and that antiquated book called the Bible. Only weak people who need a crutch pay any attention to that in our modern day world. " But God says, "Come out and be separate. I am the way, the truth and the life. The way of the world leads to destruction. You are not of the world any more. Obey my Word, walk my way and you will do well and live long in eternity." The responsible Christian parent will ignore and shut out the voice of the world. He will heed and harken to the voice of God. He will move to protect his children from the many evil voices and ways of the world.
CHRISTIAN PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE TO PROVIDE THEIR CHILDREN POSITIVE DISCIPLINE AND ENCOURAGEMENT. God has called Christian parents to accept the awesome responsibility of being disciplinarians The fact that God uses this responsibility and relationship as the primary illustration of the practical application of His love and care for His own dear children strongly emphasizes the importance of the parent's role and responsibility in this area, "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth . . if ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? . . . Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected [us], and we gave [them] reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?" (Heb. 12:6,8-9)
Our culture's move away from the principles involved in Godly discipline is to be decried. Real loving and effective corporal punishment has been outlawed across the wide spectrum of our culture. Even Christian Schools cannot legally apply it. Increasingly responsible Christian parents are being hauled before courts and having their children removed from their care. Why? Because they dared to discipline in a loving and scriptural way.
Surely those who sow to the wind are already reaping the whirlwind in this area. This reaping can be seen in the selfish and indisciplined generation that is upon us. The ungodly life-styles and the breakdown of families of our culture are facts that are too obvious to be denied. It would seem that even the man in the street has concluded that abandonment of tried and true methods of child correction has brought about disaster. A survey published this week in the Sunday Mail, the largest Sunday newspaper in our state, indicates that 95% of parents still believe in corporal punishment. In a world such as this, Christian parents are called and challenged more than ever to consistently provide their children with positive and loving discipline before the Lord.
But the responsible Christian parent also has a responsibility of balance. God has given every child of His a special ministry of encouragement. One of my greatest regrets as a parent whose children long ago went their own way in the world, is that because of my traditional upbringing, I seemed to view my role as a parent more as a stern disciplinarian and discourager rather than a loving and engaged encourager. Many of my generation tended to see ourselves as policemen rather than encouragers We were somewhat ignorant of the importance of constantly speaking words of real encouragement to our children along the way. We had
few of the good Christian books and helps on the subject that are available today. If I could only go back and focus more on the strengths and positive abilities of my children and speak more true and timely words of encouragement, I would willingly and enthusiastically do so.
CHRISTIAN PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE TO REAR THEIR CHILDREN IN THE NURTURE AND ADMONITION OF THE LORD. This obviously entails the whole terrible and awesome responsibility Chris- tian parents have of teaching their children about God and the things of God. The difficulty and challenge of this great task could be illustrated by this story: A little boy who was observed making an elaborate drawing by his Sunday School teacher. She asked, "What are you drawing?" He simply said, "God" She responded, "But no one knows what God really looks like." "They will when I get through," the boy replied.
Christian parents may not be as confident about their knowledge of God and His ways as was this little boy, but they are to draw a clear and correct picture of God and His ways for their children just the same. Some of the greatest pieces of art in existence merely reflect the artist's diligent and conscientious effort to copy and bring to life on canvass a person or a scene observed in the real world. His great work is based upon long hours spent in tedious observation and study of the subject until he has completely mastered all the details. Parents need to study and master the Word of God in order to be able to paint a divine masterpiece upon the canvass of a child's life.
Christian parents are responsible to convey to their children a reverence and respect for God. Our society is characterized by a casual attitude toward the God of this universe. Christian parents cannot teach their children such reverence and respect separate and apart from a life that consistently and continually demonstrates it. The teaching of real respect and reverence for God should ultimately result in the salvation of the whole household. The previously used examples of Cornelius and the Philippian Jailer speak to this. In these examples, Christian obedience and service to God was the obvious result. After all, is this not the ultimate prayer of every responsible Christian parent?
Responsible Christian parents will recognize the vital part the local New Testament Church should have in assisting them in rearing their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. After all, God's original instruction in the matter was given to parents who were obviously members of the church at Ephesus. The writer surely assumes, as is the case in all the epistles written to churches and believers in general, that those addressed have been obedient to the terms and imperative of the Great Commission. If so, they are faithful and active members of a body of true believers. They have been scripturally baptized and are vitally involved in teaching and propagating the all things of the Word of God. The importance of a similar connection and involvement for Christian parents today who wish to obey God's command to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord cannot be overempha- sized.
Why? Church attendance and involvement is commanded by God. "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some [is]; but exhorting [one another]: and so much the more, as ye see the day
approaching." (Heb. 10:25) Parents who by neglect disobey this command not only set the wrong example, but diminish the importance of faithful obedience in the eyes of their children.
Church attendance and involvement is clearly necessary for real spiritual growth. It is God's ordained repository, defender and dispenser of the truth. "But if I tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and ground of the truth." (I Tim. 3:15) Church attendance and participation is God's ordained way of continuing praise and regular worship. "God [is] a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship [him] in spirit and in truth." (John 4:24) Faithfulness in the local church is obviously needful for the mutual fellowship and encouragement of saints of all ages.
Participation in the evangelistic outreach of the local church is clearly commanded for all Christians. Children cannot be correctly nourished and admonished in the things of the Lord without a vital involvement in the corporate efforts of a committed and concerned local church in carrying out the commission of Christ.
Parents who sincerely feel they should neglect the scheduled services and needful and spiritually fruitful activities of the local church in order to provide quality time together for their family, are at the very least misinformed. It may appear old-fashioned and passe' to the trendy crowd, but I still must ask, "What better quality time can a family spend together than at the house of God?" Responsible Christian parents should weigh every aspect of this challenge and strive to above all be obedient to the Lord and His heavenly vision.
