ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY
Scott Bayles, pastor
Church in the Park, Modesto: 9/8/2015
Good morning again and welcome to Church in the Park. I read a story this week about a little old lady who was very impressed with the nice young man next door. He was always helping her out by raking her leaves, mowing her lawn, etc. One day, the old lady finally asked him, "Son, how did you become such a fine young man?" The young man replied, "Well, it’s all due to the fact that I had a drug problem when I was younger." The old lady was shocked. "Really?" The young man replied, "Yeah, my parents drug me to church on Sunday morning, drug me to church on Sunday night and drug me to youth group on Wednesdays."
I don’t know if someone drug you to here today or not, but either way we’re glad you’re here and I hope you are too. I love moving our churches outside and getting away from our regular worship routines, because it reminds me that church isn’t a place—it’s people. Church isn’t just something you attend; it’s something you are!
I doubt many of you remember, but three years ago in this very spot I spoke about the benefits of belonging to God’s family—specifically, a local church family. God doesn’t just call us to believe; he also calls us to belong. Belonging to a church family comes with some wonderful benefit. Perhaps the best thing about church is that it’s so much like a family. On the other hand, the worst thing about church is how it’s so much a family.
Just as families sometimes struggle to get along, so do churches. Every church, just like every family, experiences conflict. Personalities clash. Feelings get hurt. Grudges are held. No church is perfect because every church is made of people. Jesus commanded his followers to love one another, but that’s a lot easier said than done. There’s an old rhyme that puts it this way:
What joy to love the saints above
When I get home to glory.
To love below, the saints I know,
Well, that’s another story!
People—including Christians—can be down-right unlovable at times. We can be selfish, stubborn, and short-sighted. But God knew that ahead of time, so he had the apostle Peter write to churches scattered across the vast Roman Empire through the inspiration of the Spirit with some suggestions for getting along with your church family.
And now this word to all of you: You should be like one big happy family, full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t snap back at those who say unkind things about you. Instead, pray for God’s help for them, for we are to be kind to others, and God will bless us for it. If you want a happy, good life, keep control of your tongue, and guard your lips from telling lies. Turn away from evil and do good. Try to live in peace even if you must run after it to catch and hold it!
(1 Peter 3:8-11 TLB)
You may see others, but as I read this paragraph I see at least three suggestions for ensuring that your church family remains “one big happy family,” and I’d like to highlight those for you this morning. First, Peter says to be compassionate!
• BE COMPASSIONATE
Ella Wilcox once witnessed a strange phenomenon in the middle of a train car. Sitting quietly by herself, Ella noticed a woman near the front of the car who was crying. There was nothing subtle about it either. This wasn’t a single tear rolling down her check; rather, she was sobbing very noticeably. At first, Ella was a little bothered by the persistent weeping, but then she noticed another passenger in the car—an older gentlemen sitting near the rear of the car telling funny stories to the passengers sitting around him. Everybody smiled and chuckled along with the old man. After a while, some of the other passengers in the car started moving. They were getting up from their seats in the front, near the crying woman, and gravitating toward the back near the man telling the funny stories. Out of this experience, Ella Wilcox wrote the well-known adage: “Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and you weep alone.”
Sadly, her observation is true more often than not. But it shouldn’t be that way in the church, which is why Peter reminds Christians: “Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted” (1 Peter 3:8 NLT). The NIV translates that last phrase: “be compassionate” (NIV).
The dictionary defines compassion as “a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.” That last part is important. Compassion is more than just feeling bad for someone; it also means being compelled to do something about it.
Jesus modeled compassion. The Bible says, “A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus, begging to be healed… Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out and touched him.” (Mark 1:40-41 NLT). In another instance, the Bible says, “Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them… So he began teaching them many things” (Mark 6:34 NLT). In both instances, compassion led to action.
One of the great heartbreaks of the 1988 Winter Olympics was the story of speed skater Dan Jansen. Just hours before the race he learned that his sister, who had been fighting leukemia for over a year, had died. Bearing that sorrowful weight, Dan laced on his skates to race for his sister. When the gun sounded, he sprinted from the starting line, only to slip and fall in the first turn. He never recovered from his first round failure and the whole country seemed to mourn with him. Many American's sent Dan consolation letters. According to Sports Illustrated, not long after returning home, Jansen received a letter from Mark Arrowood, a disabled thirty-year-old from Doylestown, Pennsylvania. Mark wrote: Dear Dan, I watched you on TV. I'm sorry that you fell 2 times. I am in Special Olympics. I won a gold medal at Pennsylvania State Summer Olympics right after my Dad died seven years ago... Before we start the games we have a saying that goes like this: "Let me win, but if I can't win, let me be brave in the attempt"... I want to share one of my gold metals with you because I don't like to see you not get one. Try again in four more years. Inside the envelop, Dan Jansen found a gold metal that Mark Arrowood had won in track-and-field.
That’s compassion. And according to Peter, it’s the first ingredient in transforming your church into “one big happy family.” Furthermore, Peter says to be composed.
• BE COMPOSED
I’m reminded of a solider stationed overseas who received a “dear John” letter from his fiancé back home. Not only did she break up with him, but she told him that she’d met someone else and was marrying another man. Then writes, “Please send me the photo I gave you when you deployed. It’s my favorite picture of myself and I’d like to give it my new fiancé.” This heartbroken fella shared the letter with his brothers-in-arms who came up with a plan. Every man in the barracks donated a picture of his girlfriend and placed them in a shoebox. They then mailed all the photos to his new ex, along with a note that read: “I’m sending your picture back to you. Please remove it from the box and send back the rest. For the life of me I can’t remember which one you are.”
That’s pay back for you! The desire to "get even" seems to be woven into the human psyche. But as Christians we’re called to compose ourselves. Peter, again, puts it this way: “Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it” (1 Peter 3:9 NLT).
When someone hurts us, our first instinct is often to hurt them back. But retaliating in kind only escalates the situation and turns a molehill into a mountain.
While I was pastoring a small-town church in southern Illinois, we had several young families join the church our first year there. Most of these young families hadn’t been actively involved in a church for a long time and so they were still getting use to the idea of being part of God’s family. One of these young moms, Betty (names have been changed to protect the guilty), was having a birthday party for her daughter and invited some of the other kids from church. My wife happened to mention the party to Veronica, one of the other moms at church, only to discover that Veronica’s kids were not invited. Not normally a big deal to most people, but it was big deal to her. She felt insulted and hurt, so she retaliated. She called her friends, bad-mouthing Betty. She made sure everyone knew how she felt. Lines were drawn. And before long, despite my best pastoral efforts, both families dropped out of church.
When Christians fight amongst themselves, nobody wins. An old African proverb says, “When elephants fight, the grass always loses.” The average African elephant weighs 16,000 lbs. and when they throw their weight around there can be a lot of collateral damage. Building a loving church family is hard enough without over-sized egos throwing their weight around.
That’s why Peter urges us to keep our composure, rather than retaliating. When someone steps on your toes or hurts your feelings, take a deep breathe, and then calmly let them know how much they mean to you and how you feel. And in so doing, you’ll pay them back with a blessing. Chances are they never meant to hurt you anyway. But even if they did, God has called you to be a blessing to them and he will bless you in return.
The Bible says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18 NIV). That brings me to Peter’s final suggestion for dealing with disputes, which is to be conciliatory.
• BE CONCILIATORY
To be conciliatory means to help facilitate reconciliation—in other words, to be a peacemaker. In his closing comments about handling hot tempers and cold shoulders, Peter quotes from the psalms, saying, “If you want to enjoy life and see more happy days… Search for peace and work to maintain it” (1 Peter 3:10-11 NLT).
The church needs conciliatory Christian. We need peacemakers.
I think there are essentially two types of personalities. There are "thermostat" people and there are "thermometer" people. A thermometer reflects the climate of the room. If the room is cold, it's cold. If the temperature gets hot, the thermometer gets hot too. A thermostat, on the other hand, can change the climate of the room. By adjusting its setting, a thermostat can change a cold room into one that is warm, or a hot room into one that is cool. A peacemaker is a thermostat person.
A peacemaker can change the climate of whatever room he or she is in. Have you ever seen that happen? Have you ever been in a room where everybody is negative and complaining, and everything is going wrong? Then a thermostat person enters the room with a cool head and a warm heart, and suddenly the whole climate changes.
God wants peacemakers in his church. God wants peacemakers in the workplace. God wants peacemakers out in the world; people who never dwell on the negative, but concentrate on the positive—people who seek peace and work to maintain it. It takes a lot of spiritual maturity to be that kind of person. But the more we allow God’s Spirit to work inside of us, the less hard-headed and hard-hearted we’ll be and the more conciliatory, composed, and compassionate we’ll become.
Conclusion:
Belonging to God’s family is a precious gift. We all need a family that will love us even when we’re unpleasant, forgive us when we lose our patience, and help us to live at peace with everyone. When we follow Peter’s prescription to be compassionate, be composed and be conciliatory, our churches will each be “one big happy family” the way God intended us to be. And, you know what? He intended you to be a part of it.
Invitation:
If you are a believer in need of a place to belong, please talk to one of your neighbors here today and get connected with a church family. If you’ve never joined God’s family, I’d love to talk with you about being born again. Believe me, there's nothing like belonging to God’s family. So as we stand and sing, if there is any way I can help you become a part of God’s “big happy family,” please talk to me.
