We put the fun in dysfunctional. We’re probably a lot like you in that we have struggled in coming to understand why God created us and then placed us in such crazy mixed up families. Can I get a witness? The good news this morning is that we are not alone. Throughout the ages, people have struggled with question, where is God in my family situation. The bible offers plenty of interesting stories of dysfunctional family relationships but for the next three weeks we are going to camp out in Genesis 37 through 50: in specific, the story of Joseph, his family and God’s role throughout all of it.
To begin with, I want to tell you the beginning of the story of Joseph as it appears in the 37th chapter of Genesis. You are welcome to read along but I encourage you to listen now and re-read the scripture this week or show up tonight for our small group pot luck.
A little background, Joseph comes from a mixed up multi-racial family that would make the show, Sister Wives look tame. Joe’s a descendant of Abraham. Joe’s grandfather was borne to a woman in her 90’s. Joe’s father, Jacob, stole the first born birthright from his brother, Esau, with help of his mom (talk about favoritism) and created a 20+ year grudge between the two. Joe’s dad had a total of 4 wives. Two of his moms were sisters and also second cousins. Two of his moms were the servants of the sisters. From this brood of woman, Joe had a total of 10 step brothers, a single sister and a biological brother. You want to talk about weird family dynamics. The Bible is better than Jerry Springer and day so let me tell you some of Joe’s story.
We meet Joe at the age of seventeen. He already is favored because he is the son of the wife his father truly loved. His father Jacob always had a special look in his eye when he looked at Rachel. It really did light up the tent. Joe also was the family tattle tale and had this weird ability through dreams to see the future. These two traits began to wear on his siblings. You see, in a family that large, siblings raise siblings, and alliances are formed. In this family, who your birth mom determined some of that and so did Dad’s direction. On two particular cases, Joe shared a dream or vision which had him in charge of the family. This of course was not taken well by the other young men. They teased Joe and made sure Joe knew he was not the boss of them. In fact, when it came to do the chores, the older boys rarely took Joe along. He was a liability. Being out on your own in the field gave you freedom to explore a little. However, their father was aware of the goings on in his own family. So one day he sent Joe to check up on the brothers who were off herding. Joe grabbed the special coat his father gave him and then traveled some 63 miles by ankle express to find them, even getting lost along the way. When he finally came upon them, they teased him and called him the “the dreamer” and even pranked him by putting him in the cistern. A hole so deep, he couldn’t get out without their help. The oldest brother thought this would be enough but the other brothers were more envious. I wonder if he knew how much they actually despised or were angry with him. A lot of times we don’t know how deep our family hurts really are. He would soon find out though. In a fit of jealousy and envy, some of the younger brothers took the lead and grabbed Joe selling him to some passing slave traders. A good strong 17 year old boy could command a pretty good price. Afterward, the boys realized the error of their ways and concocted a lie of what happened to Brother Joe. The story was that wild animals came out of nowhere and ripped him to shreds. The even solidified the lie by offering some bloodied fabric. Jacob, their father bought the lie. Imagine the pain of the father, the guilt of the sons or the feelings of being less than by the boys.
Does anybody else want to ask Jacob why they would send a young man of 17 on a 63 mile adventure? Does anybody want to ask the other boys, “What the heck they were thinking?” Did they really think that they would get away with it? Could there really be that much hate, jealousy, envy and fear going on? For many of us, we can relate to being raised by a stranger, a step mom, having cousins living with us, or being called the favorite child by our siblings only to wonder why we still didn’t feel worthy. Our homes of origin were not the Norman Rockwell picture. Perfect and calm. They were filled with….humans.
Not long ago, I was in the grocery store. I was minding my own business when I ran into an old friend in the soda and chip aisle. I asked how she was. I don’t know if it’s the way I asked or her need to share but she told me of the divorce - his turning her in for newer model, the reactions of the high school children and the people she thought were her friends. She shared intimate details, tears and we prayed right there in the aisle. I’m not sure I said anything helpful. I know reassured her that “We’ll get through this. It won’t be painless and probably not as quick as we want. But God will use this messed up situations for good at some point. Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t lose hope. With God’s help you will get through this.” – Max Lucado – You’ll get through this - Thomas Nelson publishing– p.3-5
Then there was the former co-worker who called to check in for the first time in ages. He went on to describe his son’s addiction to heroin. The stealing, the lying and the trips to the ER were all taking a toll on the marriage. He was pouring his heart out. He couldn’t help himself. All I could think about is the person in cubby next to him. We prayed and talked of getting together and then said, “We’ll get through this. It won’t be painless and probably not as quick as you would like. But God will use this mess up situation for good at some point. Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t lose hope. With God’s help you will get through this.”
I then began to think back on my own wayward days as a youth and the moments which ultimately shaped me into the man I have become. I grew up in a suburban household of a corporate executive. We moved every three years of my life. From the outside, we looked pretty good with the nice house, two cars in the drive and two one-week vacations every year. However, nobody saw the angst and toll of moving every three years throughout the Midwest, the sibling rivalry of wanting to be recognized for excelling or the dysfunction of parents who parented using the Ostrich method. That is, keep your head in the sand and as long as the police don’t show up at the front door pretend everything is perfect. We didn’t talk about the family issues of functional alcoholism or the repressing of emotions or the favoritism shown the only male child in the family or the expectations and stress it put on each of us to hear continually that good people work hard to make their own luck and only lazy people fail.
However, one of the most traumatizing moments of my life came my Junior year of high school. We moved from Indiana to Illinois. It was a traumatic adjustment for me. You see, I had a great life back in Indiana. I was a wrestler known state-wide, had friends galore and was in the middle of my first real love. We moved and my parents said everything was going to be okay, but it wasn’t. I didn’t fit. I walked around the high school a loner for over six months. The coach had his own favorites. My girlfriend back in Indiana ended up with my best friend – no friends, no reputation and no girlfriend. I can remember when my dad finally came into my bedroom one night after work to ask how I was. I told him what I thinking about suicide. He didn’t know what to say. He just cried with me. He tried to assure me that it would get better. It didn’t right away and I did some stupid things I regret. I actually think I lost hope for a while. I had a bit of death wish. But then, 12 years later at the bottom of a pit of despair, I found hope.
Now, Every time I hit a spot like this, it reminds me of the scripture in Romans where the apostle Paul writes: “…in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Where we see a perfectly messed up situation, God sees an opportunity to help us, redeem us and heal us. He helps us break the chains which bind us to the past but we must first be willing to look at the past for what it was - A place to look up - A pit with only one view and one way out – of Jesus and his power. It’s about reliance instead of defiance. It’s about trust over thrust. It’s about the redemption over correction. It normally not easy or quick but it is always perfect. Noah prepared for 120 years. Sarah waited 90 years. Moses waited 80 years. The Jewish nation wandered in the desert for 40 years. Jesus walked the earth for 30. If you are climbing out of the pit for less than that, smile because with God’s help we will get through this.
Let’s pray.
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