We’re probably a lot like you in that we have struggled in coming to understand why God created us and then placed us in such crazy mixed up families. Can I get a witness? The good news this morning is that we are not alone. Throughout the ages, people have struggled with question, where is God in my family situation. The bible offers plenty of interesting stories of dysfunctional family relationships but we have been focusing on the story of Joseph in Genesis. The first week we uncovered that God doesn’t remove the challenging family, friends and work situations, He works through them. And then last week, we reinforced God’s reminder that no matter how bad a situation gets, God never leaves us or forsake us. This week we will strive to answer the question, “How do I do get over my past and its hurts?”
So let’s continue with our story of Joseph where we left off.
Joseph’s in prison for something he didn’t do. He ends up making some new friends through his gift of interpreting dreams. One of who eventually remembers him when the pharaoh is having a dream issue of his own. Joseph does a great job. He gets the recognition and respect of his new master and becomes the new Golden boy. It really is quite the rags to riches story and then his brothers show up and the story gets really interesting. I’m not sure about you but as I read it, there seems to be this underlying tension. It’s the tension between justice, revenge, grace and mercy. I almost find myself hoping the brothers get what’s coming to them. “When is the Hebrew turned Egyptian cobra going to strike, I muse” Wouldn’t it be natural for Joe to hold a grudge? Who could fault him for revenge? A biblical grudge match is order? Let’s get ready to rumble….
However, then I remember a story of grudge to end all grudges. It’s a true story of two businessmen from New York: Joseph Richardson and Hyman Sarner. Joseph owned a small strip – 5’ by 104’ of land on Lexington Avenue and Hyman owned a regular piece just behind it. Hyman went to Joseph and offered what was a low price for the land but Joseph was insulted. Hyman went ahead with his building plan and even had windows put into the building that looked out over the avenue. This new building so infuriated Joseph that he decided to build a 4 story “home” on his small piece of property to block the view of Hyman tenants. The building was so small that reporter touring the building got stuck in the stairway and to strip out of his close to exit. The building was known throughout New York in the early 1900’s as the spite house. – Max Lucado –You’ll get through this” p111
We laugh at stories like this because secretly I think we remember moments in our own lives in which we wish would have thought of a good way to exact some emotional capital from them. This is especially true if we’re related to them and we think just because they came from the same gene pool they must think like us. However that is just not the case is it. The reality is revenge is never as sweet as I envision and often the only one hurt by holding the grudge is the person holding the grudge. It is like taking poison and hoping the other dies. It’s true. Living in the past with the “should of's, the could of's, and the even would of’s” along with “if they only had's”, is a great way to miss life. The only way to peace and joy in this life is through the door of forgiveness and acceptance.
Many of us in this room are carry bags of hurts from childhood, adolescence and even adulthood. We carry the bags and open them up and reminisce in them. A friend of mind says we push the replay button and feel the emotions over and over again to the point we feel little else. It’s really actually a sick addiction.
After all, the apostle Paul writes in the scriptures:
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. – Col 3:13
In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold…. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. - Eph 4:26-27, 31
So how do I get past this, over this, under it or even just drop it? The answer is simple but it is rarely easy but it is critical. Jesus as he was teaching the disciples to pray offered the line, “forgive us our sins, trespasses, debts as we forgive others.” But how?
Over the course of my life, this seems to be one of the most difficult challenges: to forgive those who have wronged me – real or perceived. However, I have found a pattern which has been very helpful.
First, I must look within myself. I must be willing to admit that I have been holding on to this anger. I must come to understand what the payoff is. And there is always a payoff. I have found I have kept up the resentment because:
• it made me feel superior.
• it makes them less than
• It keeps me from admitting something about myself, something I know is wrong.
• it justified not going back and making the situation right.
Sick I know ….but truthful.
After I have figured out my part in holding on to the pain, I confess it to the Lord and ask for forgiveness from him and also to help change my heart towards the other. Jesus Half brother and leader of the early church, James also suggests to share our sins with another so I often feel obligated to share the discovery of my issue with a close confidential friend. In both instances, I am telling myself that, not the other person. So when I find myself with the resentment replay machine rolling, I can catch myself and put it on pause.
I then chose prayer. Every day for at least 14 days I pray for God to soften my heart. I then pray for the other person or the situation asking God to afford me his eyes to offer mercy and grace. I pray for the other person to experience what I want for myself: peace, joy, love and even hope. What I have found is over the next couple of weeks and sometimes longer, I become more tolerant and even hear words from my own mouth that pertain to the situation at hand. It’s often fairly surreal.
And then the miracle happens. I begin to forgive. You see, forgiveness does not require an admission by the other person of wrongs. It only requires my willingness to let it go. However, invariably the presents opportunities to or I seek out a moment of discussion where I can share what I have learned through the process. This has been cleansing and often enlightening. I often find the other person was unaware of the issue or the event but if they had been, they share their insight. It’s actually very cathartic.
Now I know what some of you are thinking, I am not doing that. But to you I remind you of your commitment to walk like Jesus. He never held a grudge. He prayed regularly. He lived by the Word of God.
In his book, “You will get through this’” Max Lucado says:
“Vengeance is God’s. He will repay – whether ultimately on the Day of Judgment or immediately in this life. The point of the story is that God has this. It is God who gets to discipline your abusive parent, soften your angry parent, bring your children to their knees or their senses. Forgiveness doesn’t diminish justice; it entrusts it to God. He guarantees the right retribution. We often give to much or to little. But the God of justice has the precise prescription. Unlike us, God never gives up on a person. Never. Long after we have moved on, God is still there, probing the conscience, stirring the conviction, always orchestrating redemption. Fix your enemies? That’s God’s job. Forgive your enemies? That’s yours. – ML:You’ll get through this p116.
The redemption in the story of Joseph and his family comes as a result of one person’s willingness to act in love. Forgiveness begins the process. There is no secret formula but, by trying to forgive you are participating in the process that Joseph outline’s at the end of story, Genesis 50:20 states:
…you intended harm to me, but God intended Good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives….
So who do you need to be praying for? Who will you let go and let God take it from here?
Let’s pray…
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