This our second message in our 3 week series entitled “Reconcile.” Jesus once said, the scriptures say an “eye for eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil. But if someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.”(Matt 5:38-39) In this simple statement are two profound truths: conflict will happen and following Jesus requires a third way of dealing with conflict. As long as humans exist on the planet, there will be struggles between us, our environment and our God. We can choose to fight it, run from it or be changed by it. If we choose the later, then we recognize that Conflict can be an intense journey toward a new path of holiness, revelation and reconciliation.
It is this journey, we will continue discussing today. Let’s face it: our lives are filled with conflict or if you prefer a softer word, tension. The tension of our lives becomes most apparent in our relationships when our ideas clash with those around us.
As a group of us gathered to discuss the idea of conflict in our lives; I noticed the natural reaction was to say I don’t have any conflict. It wasn’t until I re-framed conflict at relational tension that all of the sudden everyone in the room named someone or some situation that was uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable around someone is a sign that there is conflict or tension. One of us shared about the tension that comes during their small group gatherings, another shared about a recent discussion with an agnostic relative during a holiday meal, we all agreed we new the outspoken uninformed nice guy or girl and finally, I shared a story from a few years ago one of our members and her stylist. It turns out that she loved talking with their hair stylist. After a number of visits, our member invited the hair stylist to ALPHA. ALPHA is a world wide program for those seeking to know more about the faith. My friend shared that it's a place to get your questions answered about Christianity. To our member’s surprise the hairstylist came. In fact, she completed the course and had an incredibly holy Spirit moment on the retreat. Our member was thrilled. However, after the class was over, she never saw the women grace the doors of the church. Every few weeks when our member went into the salon she would see the hairstylist and say hello. There was a lot of tension. After a few months, our member got up enough nerve to ask, why she wasn’t coming church. The stylist explained that while she appreciated the opportunity to learn and the new friendships that came with the time, she would stick with her crystals. The member was stupefied. She didn’t know what to say so she didn’t say anything. After a little while, our member admitted she secretly hoped the stylist would leave the salon. It just made it too uncomfortable.
Isn’t that all of our natural instinct when something causes us pain or tension or conflict, to disengage, runaway and overpower? I would like to propose that all conflict/tension in our lives no matter how awkward can lead us back to reconciliation and ultimately back to the cross.
Message Slide with three types of conflict engagement below:
I would like for you to take a moment to reflect on the last time you felt tension in a relationship and how you approached it. John Paul Lederach in his book "Reconcile" talks about the three ways most us feel about engaging in conflict. His spectrum is:
1 )Fears or dislikes conflict: Run, hide, avoid, give-in, seeks not to hurt, passive-aggressive, relationship matters most even more than being truthful.
2) Accepts conflict as normal: inviting/engaging, listens to understand, committed to mutuality, no need to win, relationship and issues matter
3) Sees conflict as contest: plunges in, listens in order to counter or trap, argumentative/overbearing, winning is crucial, issue-perspectives matter more than relationships, its control.
Did you know the conflict is part of the natural order? Let's look to God's word in the book of Genesis...
The Bible tells a story. In Genesis, God makes a series of creation commitments. God is present with humanity. Humanity and all of the creatures on the planet are a gift from God. God values diversity. God gives us godlike freedom to choose. At the end of chapter one in the 31st verse it says that on the sixth day-God looked over this creation and said, “It is very good.” Dynamic relationships began in that moment when all things had been created by God.
Lederach suggests conflict was designed to part of the interaction between humanity and creation as a constructive tension to further God’s will. However, once sin entered into the dynamic relationships as revealed in the story of the Fall, conflict turns destructive between us and God. As we look at Genesis 3, we see how each of the characters responded to the conflict at hand:
The snake: promotes the conflict through doubt
Eve: Eve dislikes conflict so she runs away. She avoids the issue and does not naturally engage.
Adam: Adam also stays silent and hides until he is confronted. He has fear of the conflict. He then accepts the conflict and shares what happened. He also sees the conversation as a contest desiring to win the argument with God by reminding God how this all got started in the first place.
God: responds to the tension in the garden by inviting, engaging, listening and trying to discern the issue before them. He is demonstrating that He sees conflict as normal as well as a relational issue.
Before the Fall--conflict was defined as ‘good.’ The signs of sin entering into conflict appear when humans want to be God, assume superiority, oppress, lord it over others, refuse to listen, discount and exclude others.
So How did God reconcile a world he created and broke away? Paul addresses this directly in letter to the church plant in Ephesus. In the letter he is writing to both the Jews and the gentiles. He was trying to bring the church together as it wrestled with an influx of individuals they used to hold at arms length. He reminds them of their joint destiny with the following:
Slide Scripture: "Ephesians 2:11-22"
11 Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called “uncircumcised” by those who call themselves “the circumcision” (which is done in the body by human hands)— 12 remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. 13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. 14 For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, 15 by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, 16 and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. 17 He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. 18 For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit. 19 Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and strangers, but fellow citizens with God’s people and also members of his household, 20 built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. 21 In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. 22 And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.
The ministry of Jesus is rooted in grace expressed in his presence, in relationship and in the company of others, even those who wished him harm. The process of reconciliation begins when we first are reconciled to God AND we practice being present with Christ.
We practice being in the "presence of Jesus" in a world filled with tension through exercising his commandments: Love God. Love others. How? Each of these commandants will put you in tension with the world. But here are 4 practical ways to negotiate the tension:
Message Slide:
• Embedded in the community
o Jesus embedded himself in community: alongsidedness / incarnational
• Compassionately emphasize
o Shared in our suffering: this was a Godly choice--to come alongside our lived experience, become human, to do so expressed purpose of reconciliation and healing provided for the broken, shame-filled, reckless disregard for life.
o Jesus provides a living example of God’s compassion for us.
• See the person or their place in the societal structure
o The key to being like Jesus is noticing the humanity of others.
o Jesus displayed an audacious inclination to ignore paradigms and parameters of definition.
o Jesus recognized the sacred quality of identity.
• Offer grace and mercy (forgiveness, practicing generosity)
o Loving your self can be the hardest part.
o If we are honest, many of us do not:
? carefully attend and listen to our inner voice
? seek time for renewal and self-care
? recognize our own values & standards as equally valid
A new relationship becomes possible when we recognize what God has done in Jesus to reconcile us and so we in turn recognize conflict as a way to reach across lines of hostility move toward a new method of mission: movement into relationship. We will discuss this more next week.
https://communitycenter.life/rev-robert-butler-info
