THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE
Eph. 5:25-28
INTRODUCTION
A. HUMOR
1. Adam & Eve had the ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about how good his mother could cook!
2. Son: “Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.” The Dad replied: “Son, that’s true everywhere” (and vice-versa).
B. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE
1. One of the greatest moments in history, especially religious history, happened on Mt. Sinai 3,500 years ago. On that mountain a man named Moses met with God and God wrote for Moses a summarized statement of right and wrong, which is the basis of the moral code for most of the civilized world.
2. We know of this writing as the Ten Commandments. Movies have been made about it, plays and dramas written about it, and pilgrimages made to its supposed site.
3. I heard a funny story about how one time when Moses came down the mountain, the people asked him how his meeting with God was going. Moses responded, “Pretty good, I’ve got Him down to Ten!” That is pretty amazing.
4. But this morning, I want to give you a different list of Ten Commandments; the Ten Commandments of Marriage. These rules, if followed, will go a long way toward helping any couple “live happily ever after”.
C. IMPORTANCE OF THIS SUBJECT
1. Americans have one of the highest marriage rates in the world; we believe in marriage. Even 80% of those who divorce marry again. This indicates that they still believe in marriage.
2. Though marriages are meant to last a lifetime, they can deteriorate rather quickly. Every marriage has problems. Every marriage is a journey of hills and valleys, highs and lows. Although all marriages have troubles, not all marriages are in trouble….. There are times when we argue over trivial issues or when we think our partner acts dumb, or when we can’t agree about something that’s important to each of us. Maybe yours is a good marriage but you know its not as good as it could be, this message is for you.
3. When the Christian comes to marriage, we shouldn’t allow the culture to shape our thinking, our attitudes or our actions. A Christian marriage should be guided by a different set of expectations and principles; those laid down by God. Christian marriage is supposed to reflect the relationship which exists between Christ and his bride, the church.
4. At least part of the problem in our society has a false definition of love. Love is not just a sentimental feeling, nor simply affection. It is also an act of the will - a determination to give love in a form that others can accept.
5. So this morning we’re looking at The 10 Commandments of Marriage, five for the ladies and five for the men. We will begin with the ladies of course.
I. THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS FOR WIVES
A. GIVE UP ON YOUR QUEST FOR A PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Marriage is the most difficult and complex of all human relationships and it requires patience, skill, tact, emotional and spiritual growth. You can “grow a good marriage” if you are willing to work at it.
2. I know sometimes, ladies, you get tired of wrestling with your husband’s will. You think things would be better if you sent your husband packing. You dream of a husband who is obedient, submissive, and cooperative. If that’s what you want, then don’t get a man, get a dog!
3. But God has other plans. The Bible says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Prov. 27:17 God puts us together for our perfecting. We refine each other. God puts us together, not primarily for physical reasons, but for spiritual reasons. We will never be the people He intends us to be without developing the humility, patience, and sacrificial love that marriage calls for.
B. GIVE UP ALL HOPE OF CHANGING YOUR HUSBAND THROUGH CRITICISM
1. The simple truth is “you can’t make your husband
more thoughtful by complaining!” Such tactics usually have one of two results with men, they will either retreat or they will become hostile.
2. We can only change ourselves and when we change, others tend to change in reaction to us. Give up making demands. Abandon the martyr stance. Be what you want him to be.
C. GIVE PRAISE AND ACCEPTANCE
1. Eph. 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (NIV)
2. Be your husband’s biggest fan. Your husband has a deep need to be admired. He wants to know if you value him, if you respect what he does, if you are proud of him.
3. If your friends only knew your husband by what they heard you say about him, what would they think? When you’re around your women friends, don’t rag on your husband; brag on your husband. Say good things about him to others. It will pay dividends in your relationship.
D. DO THE THINGS YOUR HUSBAND LIKES TO DO
1. “Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get better return for their labor (10) If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble.” (NLT) (Eccles 4:9, 11)
2. Guys want their wives to be their best friends. They want to hang out with them. They want their wives to share their interest.
3. Enjoy time with your husband. Develop the intimacy that comes from having fun together.
E. PROVIDE A PEACEFUL PLACE
1. Proverbs 17:1 (NKJV) “Better is a dry morsel with quietness, Than a house full of feasting with strife.”
2. Would you say that your home is stress-reducing or stress producing? I know that it is difficult to create a peaceful, loving environment, especially in this society of two career families. In no way am I suggesting that it is the wife’s sole responsibility to turn her house into a home. It is a team effort.
3. Just remember that the first few minutes inside the door set the tone for the rest of the evening. Meet him at the door and welcome him home. Don’t meet him at the door with the news that Jimmy has been bad, the sink is backed up and oh, yeah, the bank called and we are overdrawn.
II. THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS FOR HUSBANDS
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life…”
Men listen carefully this may be the most important message you will hear all year. If you want bonus points with your wife today at least pretend to be listening. Extra points go to any man actually writing something down.
A. ASSIGN TOP PRIORITY TO YOUR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP
1. Ephesians 5:25-28(Message), “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything He does and says is designed to bring the best out of her….And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already one in marriage.”
2. Don’t take your marriage or your mate for granted. Helping do chores around the house is a good way to show love. Some men actually seem to believe that God created Adam and noticed all the clothes lying around all over the garden and created a woman to pick them up. One woman said that her husband’s idea of helping out is to lift his feet when she is vacuuming.
3. Guys, we need to put our relationship with our spouse back at the top of the list. Guys, where do you think that your wife would say that she is on your priority list? Does she have to compete with your work? With your hobbies?
B. DARE TO TALK AND REASSURE
1. Prov. 16:24 says, “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. (NKJV)
2. Have you ever witnessed two guys trying to express affection for one another. “Hey ugly, how’s it going?” “Oh, hey! I thought I smelled something!” Don’t even think about
trying that on a woman. Guys, you need to work at verbalizing your feelings for your wife, (i.e. tell her how you feel).
3. ILLUS. I heard about one guy whose cell phone died and he was stuck in gridlock traffic. He had his laptop with him, so he typed out a message, printed it on his portable printer, and taped it to the inside of his windows -- asking other drivers to call his wife’s number and let her know where he was. When he got home, his wife gave him the longest kiss and said, “I really think you love me! At least 70 people called and told me so!”
4. Guys, try praising your wife once in a while, even if it scares her at first.
C. LISTEN WITHOUT FEELING THE NEED TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM
1. A common complaint from women is that their husbands don’t listen to them and understand them. The men, on the other hand, are bewildered and say, “I do listen to her!” What is happening typically is that the woman wants to talk about a problem and share how she is feeling about it, the man wants to get at the problem and solve it.
2. The conversation may go like this.
The woman says, “I had a terrible day a work today.”
The man says, “Well, why don’t you quit.
She says, “I didn’t say I wanted to quit. I was just trying to tell you I had a hard day.”
He says, “If you didn’t want my opinion, why did you ask for it.” She says, “Just forget I said anything.”
He says, “I will.”
3. For the next week, try to listen to your wife, let her know you understand how she feels and don’t try to fix situation unless she asks you to.
D. AVOID CRITICISM
1. Prov. 13:3 “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin” NIV.
2. A man who constantly criticizes or puts down his wife will produce numerous results: all of them negative. A regular barrage of criticism, even if deserved, is always destructive.
3. The less the criticism in the marriage, the more satisfactory the marriage. You should say 5 positive things for every negative thing you say.
E. REMEMBER THE IMPORTANCE OF LITTLE THINGS
1. Men are usually less sentimental than women and attach less significance to such things as birthdays, anniversaries and “special days,” and are apt to over look the little gestures that mean so much to women. Love is not just a feeling; it involves positive actions which can mean a lot to a woman.
2. A husband that forgets his wedding anniversary or his wife’s birthday has committed an almost unforgivable sin. Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and Christmas all call for special recognition.
3. For some of you to begin to do this will cause shock to your wife, but you should do it anyway. Some of the sweetest things God has ever done for me have been the little, unexpected things that only He and I knew about. When you surprise your wife with some token of your affection, this assures her of your love than a thousand “I love Yous”.
CONCLUSION
A. STORY OF TONY TOTO; “silly little things”
1. Do you remember the story about Tony Toto, of Allentown, PA.? He operated a pizza parlor there. Tony Toto survived at least 5 attempts on his life, all arranged for or carried out by his dear wife, Frances, & her lover.
2. Twice she arranged for assailants to beat him over the head with baseball bats. On one occasion she put a tripwire across the basement stairs in their house, hoping that he would trip over it & plummet to his death.
3. Twice she arranged for him to be shot. The first time she drugged his chicken soup so he would sleep soundly, & he was shot in the head, but miraculously survived. The 2nd time he was shot in the chest, but only sustained minor injuries. Now this is a picture of a real happy couple, isn’t it?
4. Even more miraculous than Tony’s survival was his attitude toward his wife, once he found out she was responsible for all of this. Tony, a self-confessed lady’s man, said that he held his wife blameless.
5. When she was found guilty & sent to prison for arranging for his murder, he took their 4 children & visited her every week - every single week. Then when she was released from prison, she went back to their red brick home to resume her married life with Tony.
6. With his arm around her, Tony said, "We’re more in love now than ever before. I don’t understand why people break up over silly little things."
B. THE CALL
1. Success in Marriage does not depend on finding the right person so much as it does on being the right person. Focus on the person you can change, and that is yourself. It is not marriages that fail, it is people that fail.
2. If the church is to have the impact on the world and our society that God intends for us to have there must be a re-commitment of Christian homes and marriages to be what God wants them to be. Perhaps you need to begin by making or renewing your commitment to Christ as the Lord of your life.
3. In the final analysis the only person who can meet your deepest needs is Jesus. If you are looking for a man or woman to do that you are looking in the wrong place. God is the only one who can do that, why not turn to Him today?
[This is a rewrite of John Hamby’s message of the same title.]
