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The Art of Marriage
“Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.”
Matthew 19:6
Miracle Place Church
May 26, 2013 - Sunday
I. What Happens in Marriage
In marriage God somehow supernaturally fuses two individuals into one flesh that is not supposed to be torn apart. Marriage is to be a covenant between two people and the Lord. A contract is a binding, legal instrument between men. Contracts are only as good as the people who sign them and are often broken. A covenant is so similar except that it is used more often when you bring God into the formal agreement. A covenant is a binding, life time commitment between you, your spouse and your God. Most marriage vows include the phrase “Do you promise before God and these witnesses that you will love, honor and keep in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto him/her so long as you both shall live?” The customary response is “I do!”
II. The Purpose of Marriage
The main purpose of marriage must be to bring glory to God and to bring Him pleasure. Any other reason will cause you to center on yourself or the marriage relationship instead of God. “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33. “...all things were created by Him and for Him: and He is before all things, and by Him all things consist.” Colossians 1:16b, 17.
Genesis 2:18, 22 - You will notice that woman was not taken out of man’s head; therefore she must not be lorded over. She was not taken from his feet; therefore she should not be trampled on by him. She was, however, taken from his side, right under his arm, next to his heart. Her place is not before him nor behind him, but by his side.
She must be treated equally because she came from his side. She must be protected as she came from under his arm. She must be loved by him because she came from next to his heart.
III. What is Marriage?
A. Marriage is the legal, publicly witnessed and binding commitment between man and woman. In the Bible it is the process of leaving and cleaving.
1. Leaving - Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother...” Leaving requires putting your spouse before everyone except God. This would include parents, friends and family.
2. Cleaving - Genesis 2:24 “...and shall cleave unto his wife and they flesh.” Cleave means to cling to, to adhere, stick together, a refusal to let go. Both husband and wife must submit their own rights and demands to building a marriage that reflects oneness.
IV. The Power of Marriage
A. Love - Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” Genuine love is based upon a desire to please God and a commitment to your mate to be the best you can be.
1. Superficial Love - If our love is based upon feelings; our marriage will be a real roller coaster ride - up today down tomorrow. Love is to be based upon intentions and actions, not the whims of emotion.
2. Real Love - God kind of love requires the inner workings of the cross. There must be a denial of self mingled with selfless giving towards your partner. This is the power of God in a marriage.
B. Commitment is Foundational - Commitment is seen in the word cleave. The demands and trials of life will work to perfect and strengthen the love of those whose marriage is based upon commitment. Love based upon commitment will bring consistency.
V. The Order of Marriage
A. I Corinthians 11:3 “...the head of every man is Christ; and the head of woman is man; and the head of Christ is God.” God sustains the universe by order (Romans 13:1-2). Headship implies responsibility and covering, not superiority, nor greater intelligence, gifting or status in God. Male and female are created equal and are heirs together of the grace of life (I Peter 3:7).
Biblical submission requires the wife to yield and be supportive of her husband’s leadership. She is to undergird and encourage him. The husband in turn yields to and obeys Christ. A man uses his headship to establish his home in Godly order and to cultivate his wife’s potential as his helpmeet.
VI. Keys to a Successful Marriage
A. Christ at the Center - Stay spiritual, not carnal!
1. Individually make Jesus Lord of your lives. Now pray, read the Bible, go to church every time the doors are open.
2. Pray together, share spiritual insights and experiences, become comfortable together with Jesus.
3. Establish goals and directions upon the Word of God.
B. Always Build Each Other Up
Never allow criticism, anger and frustration to dominate your communication. Prince Charming can quickly become a frog. “Let all bitterness, wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31
C. Accept Your Complement
Fully accept your marriage partner as your complement. The Lord uses the opposite characteristics in our mates to complement, shape and enlarge us. Men, appreciate your wife’s intelligence and the thoughts she brings to the table as your helpmeet from God. Ladies, appreciate your husband in his creation and in all he does to hold things together. You are one and you complete each other.
D. Willingness to Change
Always be willing to make adjustments in attitudes and habits that offend or hurt your spouse. What’s more important, having things your way all of the time or having a great relationship?
E. Maintain Good Communication
1. Without good communication there will be no companionship or true intimacy. Below we will share barriers to communication and the following enhancement to that particular barrier.
a. Barriers and Enhancements to Communications
i. Exploding - Reactions of anger and frustration. Inability to hear reason or to communicate effectively without inducing fear.
Love should be easy to entreat. Love is patient and kind. Issues should be able to be discussed without fear of reproach.
ii. Withdrawal - You are so sensitive, that anything that is perceived as a threat or attack, you withdraw within yourself and hide your feelings. It’s hard to know exactly what’s going on with you.
Sometimes people who have dealt with a lot of rejection in their lives are super sensitive. Those who are sensitive must seek God for healing and recognize when they are being unreasonable. Those who are not plagued by this, need to use patience, wisdom and nonthreatening tactics when confronting issues.
iii. Verbal Jabs - When hurt, you react quick to inflict pain.
Love is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Instead of making a verbal assault on your partner, why don’t you just try to be honest by saying, “Hey, that really hurt me” or “You really just offended me by what you did.” Get everything on the table.
iv. Silent Treatment - Will not talk in order to work things out. You pout and withdraw instead of trying to pursue resolution.
Love is not rude or self-seeking. It is immature to give someone the Silent Treatment. Seek instead to open lines of communication. Hear them out instead of shutting them out. Value what your partner has to say. If they fear repercussion, chances are you’ll never move to the friendship stage of marriage.
v. Lack of Interest - Will not share common interest. There must be areas you are willing to share with your spouse in order to build your relationship, even if they are not your interest.
“...but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves.” Philippians 2:3. So what if you don’t like to go shopping or maybe you don’t care for fishing, if it’s what your spouse is interested in, try to do it with them sometime. Even though it’s not your idea of a great time, it shows them that you do care about what they enjoy. It says, “Hey, you are important to me!” Maybe you could even develop a hobby or pursue a project that means a lot to both of you.
F. Creating Romance
“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her and likewise also the wife to the husband.” I Corinthians 7:3
If the man will inject romance, the woman will respond. She needs times of warmth, affection and nonsexual touch, the tender touch, the sense of being desired. Get away alone, as often as you can. Be understanding of circumstances, physical differences and desires. Know that your partner may not be as romantically inclined as often as you. Find your balance.
Ladies, let your mind wander back to when you first fell in love. See him in that light. Know that your husband has some definite physical needs. He’s not possessed; he’s just obsessed with everything about you. You are his highlight. What an honor. Being with you relieves his stress and completes him as a man. This fulfills the oneness of your relationship. Look to your private moments together as exciting, an adventure and not as a duty that you must perform. If he perceives that this is just another job or burden to you, then he may get physically fulfilled but will still be emotionally lacking. He in turn will want you more to ensure that he is fulfilling your needs.
Remember - what it took to get your spouse is what it will take to keep them!
