Marriage is the most HOLY thing they will ever do. Marriage is about living in harmony, commonality, and agreement, which is impossible without both partners being Born-Again (See 2 Cor 6:14-7-2). It should be entered into just like the High Priest entering into the Holy of Holies - with reverent fear and trepidation – fully understanding the consequences of failure. God has explicitly forbidden a Born-Again Christian to marry a unbeliever, so the discussion here is directly addressed only to those who are already Born-Again and desire to be married (2 Cor 6:14).
Two Christians enter into a marriage with great joy and wonderful expectations of spending the rest of their days with the love of their life. Vows are exchanged, commitments are made, and the journey of learning how to make two distinctly different individuals become one begins.
Sadly, statistical evidence has shown that a majority of all marriages end in divorce. 33% of all households in the USA are single-mom families. Households with unwed cohabitation are on the rise.
What is interesting to note is that a Harvard study revealed that couples who read the Bible together regularly, pray together regularly and attend church together regularly have a divorce rate of 1 in 1287, less than one-tenth of one percent!
Contrary to popular belief, the statistical evidence also shows that, on the average, second marriages actually last four years less than the first marriage. It has been said, and I think rightly so, that marriage at its best is a struggle. In order for a marriage to continue and grow strong, it must flow in forgiveness.
First Century Marriage Customs
During biblical times it was customary for fathers to select wives for their sons. The betrothal, or engagement period, could last up to two years. On the wedding day, the bride would bathe and put on richly embroidered white robes. She would then cover her face with a veil, adorn her head with a garland of flowers, and wait for the groom to come to take her away to the wedding ceremony.
The groom, surrounded by his closest friends, would leave his home and begin his journey to pick up his bride. As they proceeded through town, the procession got bigger and bigger as people from each house they passed would join with them—until finally, they would arrive at the home of the bride's parents. Once at her home, they would both proceed to the marriage supper, or wedding feast, which could be held at either the home of the groom’s father or of the groom.
This was a joyous procession, with the invited guests singing and dancing to the sound of musical instruments as they moved through the streets. Everyone gathered together for a huge banquet, the vows would be made, and the marriage consummated. Wedding festivities would sometimes continue for up to two weeks! The joy of marriage gives a glimpse into the depths of God’s heart for the Bride of Christ!
The First Miracle of Jesus
At the beginning of Jesus’ ministry, He attended a wedding in Cana in Galilee. The story is told in John 2:1-11:
“Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, ‘They have no more wine’ ‘Dear woman, why do you involve me?’ Jesus replied. ‘My time has not yet come.’ His mother said to the servants, ‘Do whatever he tells you.’
“Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, ‘Fill the jars with water;’ so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, ‘Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.’
“They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, ‘Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.’” (John 2:1-10)
Jesus chose to perform His first miracle at this wedding. His transforming power, He caused water to acquire a new form. He showed Himself to be the God of nature by doing this. In the Old Testament, we see that at the beginning of Moses' miracles, there was the turning of water into blood. (Ex 4:9; 7:20) By turning water into wine as the first of His miracles, Jesus was showing the difference between the Law of Moses and the law; He was to preach—the law of love. The curse of the law turns water into blood; the blessing of the Gospel turns water into wine. Wine represents His spirit. Water represents our spirit. This wine was unfermented, pure with no decay. Our marriages can maintain their purity and avoid decay as we open ourselves up to being filled by the Holy Spirit on a daily basis.
The Reflection of God
One of the reasons God instituted marriage was to show mankind the kind of relationship He wants to have with every person on the planet. In the Old Testament, the word “marriage” is used to describe God's spiritual relationship with His chosen people, Israel (Ps 45; Isa 54:6). When God's people fell into sin, especially idolatry, the sin was likened to adultery on the part of a wife (Jer 3:1-20). In the New Testament, the analogy is continued: Christ is the Bridegroom, and the Church is His Bride (John 3:29; Eph 5:25-33).
The Bible counsels Born-Again Christian husbands and wives to imitate the spiritual closeness and love that Christ has for His Bride, the Church. The Bible says they must submit: “to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
The Bible continues on to say in that in that same way; “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Eph 5:21-33)
We can see from the instructions to the Ephesians that marriage must first begin with submission to one another. Submitting to one another in marriage means to esteem one’s spouse more highly than their self. It becomes easy for a wife to submit to her husband when she knows that he has only her best interest at the forefront of every action he takes, and every decision he makes. The husband has been given the grave responsibility to love his wife as Jesus loves the Church! This is an impossible task apart from Him. Unless the marriage is committed entirely into the hands of the Lord, it will be impossible to live as Paul describes.
It has been said that marriage is a 50/50 proposition. Actually, the true ideal is that both husband and wife should work at giving 100 percent in the marriage. However, the reality is that the demands of marriage will never result in a perfectly equal sharing, but will instead, create constant changes. These changes will result in, rather than a 100/100 or a 50/50 relationship, more realistically at times an 80/20 or 30/70 or 65/35 sharing relationship.
At times, one person will be required to meet a greater measure of demands due to such factors as job security, school, children, the health of the spouse—whether physical or mental and so on. By keeping this in proper perspective, being overwhelmed by those temporary challenges that will always be a part of married life will be averted.
Commitment is the Key
Marriage is first a commitment to God and then to each other. It must be based upon that commitment rather than just upon the emotion of love. Love, as mankind expresses it, is like a chameleon: it changes according to its environment!
When I asked my wife to marry me, I understood that I was actually making a vow of commitment to God first and to my wife second. But in actuality, the secondary commitment to my wife is really the same as my primary commitment to God. Jesus taught that the greatest commandment of loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind is the same as loving another person (Matt 22:39). So my commitment to my wife is based upon my commitment to God. The institution of marriage is a direct representation to the world of God’s marriage to each Believer as His Bride (Rev 19:7).
My wife and I vowed to one another that we would never use the word “divorce” in any conversation we had with each other, no matter how heated the argument, nor how terrible the wrong committed. Above all else, we were steadfast in our commitment before God.
When someone is unable to live in forgiveness with his or her spouse, he or she are telling the world that the sacrifice Jesus made by shedding His blood upon the Cross is not sufficient enough to restore broken lives and forgive sinful hearts.
When Believers get divorced, it broadcasts to the world that salvation is based upon works and not upon grace. This is why Jesus states there are no grounds for divorce. Look carefully at His response to a group of Pharisees that came one day to try and test Him on the subject of divorce.
They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" Jesus then asked them, "What did Moses command you?" They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
“It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of Creation God 'made them male and female,’ 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
“Sometime later when all the disciples were gathered together back at the house where they were staying, they asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:2-12).
Jesus devastated their thinking with His straightforward answer. He forced them to confront the real reason for divorce, which was the hardness of their hearts caused by their selfish needs and wants. He made it clear that once a man and woman were married, God would no longer consider them two separate people but “one flesh.”
Jesus clearly states that if for any reason, the husband divorces his wife or the wife divorces her husband, they are committing adultery. The only way they would not be committing adultery is if they had already committed it by being unfaithful. Jesus comments on this elsewhere in the book of Matthew by stating that “anyone who divorces his wife, causes her to become an adulteress” unless she had already become one by being unfaithful (Matt 5:31-32).
Moses only allowed a husband to divorce his wife. Never could a wife divorce her husband! The author of the book of Hebrews writes about the divorce laws of the Old Testament and tells us that; “marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” He goes on to say, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?’” (Heb 13:4-6)
Isn’t it interesting that the writer of Hebrews, while discussing keeping marriage pure, also warns us to live our lives free from the love of money? Money is one of the major troublemakers in a marriage, and the problems our desire for money can create are often cited as one of the major reasons a marriage ends. The writer then goes on to say that God will never leave us, nor forsake us. This was first said to Joshua but belongs to every Believer (1 Kings 8:57). Old Testament promises may always be applied to New Testament saints.
In the Greek text of Hebrews 13:4-6, five negatives are run together. It actually reads, “I will never, no, never, ever, leave you, nor ever forsake you.” Each Believer is given the absolute assurance that Jesus, the Groom, will never divorce His Bride. As the spiritual Bride of Christ, the Christian shall have Jesus with them throughout this life, at death, and forevermore. This promise contains the sum and substance of all the promises of God!
Forgiving a spouse, however, does not mean that there must be tolerance and acceptance of abusive behavior, whether it is mental, emotional, physical, or marital infidelity. Those types of behaviors are absolutely unacceptable and should never be tolerated by anyone. Living with the attitude of forgiveness towards the abuser is mandatory; living with the abuser is not. Forgiving another does not mean turning the other cheek and become their physical or emotional punching bag. It is altogether different when one is ridiculed and abused for their faith in Jesus than when they are in a personal relationship with one who is abusive.
For any marriage to succeed, partners must respond with forgiveness from the very heart of Jesus. Whether it is marital unfaithfulness, mistreatment, or any other reason, forgiveness must reign. One day soon, “in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye” we will hear the joyous music of the great and final wedding march!—at “the last trumpet’s sound,” and we will join the grand procession of Believers together as the Bride prepares to meet at last Her Groom face to face! (1 Cor 15:52)
“For blessed art those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb.” (Rev 19:19 KJV)
“Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready.” (Rev 19:7)
“He who testifies to these things says, ‘Yes, I am coming soon.’ Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.” (Rev 22:20)
Betrothed Betrayal*
“…You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.” “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are His. And why one? Because He is seeking Godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel, "and I hate a man covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the Lord Almighty. "So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith." (Mal 2:13 - 17 NIV)
Divorce betrays and injures the wife, the children, and the marriage covenant. God made the husband and wife "one" (Gen 2:18-25). This is the work of God in every marriage: the two become one flesh. By virtue of this marvelous, mysterious work, God binds husband and wife together in the most intimate fellowship. Malachi describes a man's wife as "thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant" (v.14). The essence of the marriage-relation is friendship. Biblically, "covenant" is a bond of communion. In the communion of the marriage-covenant, a man's wife is his "companion," his friend.
Divorce is a man's betrayal of his closest friend. As the wife of his youth, the young woman gave herself to him, body and soul. She entrusted herself to him completely. As a woman in marriage, she depends upon him. Treacherously, he forsakes his trusting friend and lover.
This does her grievous injury. Her divorcing husband hurts her as no other human can. There are her physical, bodily needs. There is her anguish of soul. Worst, there is her vulnerability to relations with another man, which would mean her eternal ruin, as Jesus warned: “whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery" (Matt 5:32). Her traitor-husband aims at her destruction.
Divorce is also a betrayal of one's own children, who must be seen as God's children. These children are precious to the covenant God of Judah/church, their heavenly Father. They must be precious also to married Christians.
One of God's main purposes originally with the institution of marriage was the bringing forth and bringing up of children--godly children (Gen. 1:28). This was God's purpose with the marriages in Judah, as it is still usually God's purpose with the marriages of Believers. In marriage, He seeks a "seed of God," as is the literal translation of verse 15. By His own covenant grace, He finds this "godly seed" among the children of Christians also. He begets or regenerates them through the Holy Spirit. He then rears them within the godly home by means of the cooperating father and mother to be godly children.
Divorce is the ultimate treachery to children that is ruinous for the family, causing untold and indescribable physical, psychological, and spiritual harm, as even the world belatedly begins to recognize. Apart from the extraordinary operations of God's grace, divorce destroys the children spiritually and eternally. The divorcing husband or wife is essentially willing, not only that his or her own children be destroyed, but also that the seed of God is destroyed.
Divorce is also a kind of betrayal of the institution of marriage itself. Divorce in the covenant community strikes out violently against everything that marriage is and signifies. The passage in Malachi is not only one of the strongest denunciations of divorce in all of Scripture, but also one of the most glorious descriptions of marriage. Marriage is an institution of God: "Did not he make one?" (v.15) It is a relationship between one man and one woman: "the wife of thy youth" (v.14). By God's ordaining and power, it is a relationship of such intimacy that the two become one: "Did not he make one?" (v.15) Implied is that marriage is for life. In accordance with this unique oneness, the actual life of marriage is delightful friendship: "thy companion and the wife of thy covenant" (v.14). The main purpose is the production and rearing of godly children: "That he might seek a godly seed" (v.15).
This good, wise, holy institution has equally remarkable significance. It signifies the bond of fellowship between God and His elect church in Jesus Christ (See Ezek 16; Eph 5:22). This is brought out in the passage when the prophet calls the earthly bond of marriage by the name of the spiritual bond between the Lord and His chosen people: "covenant" (v.14). Marriage is the divinely appointed symbol of the covenant between God and His church in Jesus Christ. So does God bind each elect personally and the entire elect body of the church to Himself by the Holy Spirit on the basis of the redemption of the cross that we are united with God by becoming one flesh with Jesus Christ. God and His church are no longer two parties, but one party. They are His companion, the "wife of (His) covenant." God has married them. This is the real marriage!
In His own marriage, God is faithful. He is faithful to His own marriage-vow, to be a Husband to this wife. He is faithful to His wife, to every individual Christian. He will not, He does not divorce His wife, not in her Old Testament form as Israel and not in her New Testament form as the church. He never divorces her in the sense of breaking the bond, so as to marry another. He never divorces her in the sense of separating her from Himself forever (See Jer 3; Ezek 16) does not divorce his wife even though she has given, and still gives, Him ample and just cause by her spiritual infidelities. His covenant is unbreakable.
The proof is the cross of the eternal Son in human flesh, Jesus. Although the cost of His marital faithfulness to His bride, and the necessary way of this faithfulness, is His death under the divine wrath as atonement for the sins of the bride, God is faithful in marriage. The issue of divorce and remarriage is settled for the Believer at the cross of Jesus Christ.
The Lord hates putting away. This is the kind of God He is. In His very nature, He is the "divorce-hating God." The other gods can approve divorce, even advocate them. At the least, they can tolerate them. Not He! Not the God, whose name is Jehovah! Not the God of the covenant of grace! Not the God made known in the incarnation and atoning death of Jesus Christ!
All of this, institution and significance, is betrayed and ruined, at least as regards the intent, by the man or woman in the church who divorces his wife or her husband, except, of course, it is for fornication (Matt 5:31, 32; 19:9). Divorce is hateful because it is ruinous of marriage. God hates divorce because He loves marriage. In His love of marriage, He maintains it. He maintains it in the instance of each and every marriage. Against the one who attacks the institution by divorcing his wife, God defends and maintains His institution by being a "witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously" (v.14).
*http://www.prca.org/pamphlets/pamphlet_78.html
New Testament Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage
Jesus often used hyperbole to overstate and amplify a literal truth He was teaching. Examples of this are seen in the Sermon on the Mount.
"If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." (Matt 5:29 ESV)
The truth Jesus taught was that a lustful thought was just as wrong as actually committing a sinful act. Sin is within the human heart and cannot be removed by actions or works (Jer 17:9). Jesus was not teaching that a person should literally tear their eye out or cut off a hand when they sin.
There were two religious schools of interpretation regarding divorce. The school of Shammai taught that it was acceptable for illicit or deviant behavior. The school of Hillel allowed it for ill fame, violation of vows made publicly, childlessness, spoiling of food, and the husband's finding another woman more beautiful (see I. Epstein, The Babylonian Talmud, Gittin [Eng. tr. 1936], pp. 200 f, 437).
Sometime after Jesus gave the Sermon on the Mount in Galilee, some Pharisees approached Him while He was in Judea and asked about the teaching of Hillel on divorce to test Him; "Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?" (Matt 19:3 ESV) Jesus replied, "Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matt 19:4-6 ESV).
Moses had taught that "Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce" (Deut 22:21-22, 24:1,3 ESV). The Pharisees were not happy with Jesus' answer and asked Him another question, "Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?" Jesus responded by telling them what the root cause for divorce was; "Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so." Jesus then repeated what He had taught at the Sermon on the Mount, "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery" (Matt 19: 7-9 ESV).
There was never any tolerance or exception given for a "bill of divorce" when a person was caught committing adultery. It was punishable by death (Lev 20:10, Deut 22:21-23). The literal answer Jesus gave the Pharisees that divorce was not an option stunned the disciples, and they asked Him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry." Jesus said to them, "Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it" (Matt 19:3-12 ESV). Jesus used the opportunity to emphasize a call to singleness for the sake of the kingdom (see Isa 56:4-5).
When Jesus was asked about divorce, He was speaking literally and was not using hyperbole. God hates divorce, period! He never changes His mind (Mal 3:6). From the beginning, His intent for marriage was that one man and one woman live together as "one flesh" for the rest of their lives. Sadly, Moses allowed grounds for divorce because of the hardness of the human heart. The divinely ordained marriage institution is unbreakable, and there is no possibility of rescinding God's command, "For I hate divorce, says the Lord the God of Israel" (Mal 2:16).
The Exception Clause
There is a growing consensus that the historical, rather than the modern (of the last 100 years), interpretation of the ‘exception clause,’ is by understanding the syntax of Matt 5:32 and 19:9; that it is a double conditional clause where an elliptical phrase is placed immediately after the first condition, ‘divorces/puts away.’ The elliptical phrase, ‘except for sexual immorality’ does not contain a verb, and must be supplied from the context. The only verb used is the one immediately preceding the “exception clause,” which is the word ‘divorce’ (Gk: apoluó). Because of that, it should be read in modern English: “whoever divorces his wife, unless she has ALREADY committed adultery, and marries another, commits adultery.” The 'exception' is from the guilt of divorcing a woman who is ALREADY an adulterer (Matt 5:32).
That interpretation is confirmed by the wording of Mark 10:11-12 and Luke 16:18, where there is no supposed “exception clause.” When compared with the facts that God hates divorce, just like He hates murder (Mal 2:13 – 17; Prov 6:17; 1 John 3:15; Matt 5:21-24), forbids committing adultery (Ex 20:14; Prov 6:32; Matt 5:17-20, 27-28; 1 Cor 6:9); that the Born-Again Christian is commanded not to divorce (1 Cor. 7:10-11), and is to remain married to the same person, unless the spouse dies; otherwise, if they don’t, they are committing adultery (Rom 7:1-3).
It would appear reasonable, based upon the numerous verses quoted above, that there is an extremely strong case to be made against two Born-Again Christians getting divorced for any reason - including adultery.
Various Interpretations Regarding Divorce and Remarriage
There are a number of interpretations regarding the Bible’s teaching on divorce and remarriage, the two most common having appeared at the turn of the 20th Century. The focus of this study is the relationship between two Born-Again Christians.
The most common interpretation teaches that if a Christian's (man or woman) spouse, who is also a Christian, has committed adultery or abandoned them, they may not only divorce but also remarry. This view sees the Scripture addressing two men in two different scenarios. One apparently married, exhorted not to divorce, and the other apparently divorced, being exhorted that remarriage would not be a sin.
Another interpretation sees the New Testament (NT) Scriptures as dealing with two kinds of individuals - "married" and "virgins" based on the context of 1 Cor 7:24-26; "Brethren, let every man ("married" or "Concerning virgins" - vs. 25), wherein he is called, therein abide with God. ... I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man ("married" or "virgin") to remain as he is."
This interpretation would argue that the perfect tense, which is used to indicate an action that was completed in the past and has continuing results, of the verb 'released' refers not to freedom from marriage by the divorce of a spouse, but rather a state of freedom from matrimonial ties. Paul is addressing his comments in verses 25-35 to unmarried persons, precisely virgins. Paul's main point set forth in verse 25 is the principle of marital status quo. Whether you are married or single, the Apostle Paul says stay that way! It is believed in this interpretation that the Apostle Paul is advocating the remarriage of divorced persons and that this may be done without sin.
Those who disagree with this interpretation would argue that it would be a violation of the context of the passage and contradict the clear teaching of Paul elsewhere, and the teaching of Jesus in the gospels.
The dominant interpretation throughout Christian history is that the Scriptures address only one kind of individual that is "virgins." There are only two kinds of virgins; engaged virgins and single virgins, not already engaged.
The context and the Greek support this interpretation. The "thou" of 1 Cor 7:25-38 is referring to the "now concerning virgins" of vs. 25. Since "virgin" in the rest of the N.T. is commonly used to refer to a betrothed woman (Lk. 1:27; Matt. 1:18, 23; 25:1-13; 2 Cor. 11:2), and "gune" Greek for "wife" or "woman" can just as easily be translated "of a betrothed woman" (see Strong's) this interpretation should be seen as the Biblical one as its theological interpretation does not violate the teaching of Jesus It is supported by the Greek and is contextually congruent with verses immediately preceding and immediately following.
Unfortunately, the betrothal debate is usually only considered by most exegetes in 1 Cor. 7:36-38. A lot of worthy theologians such as Hodge and Calvin interpreted this section as Paul giving advice to the father of a girl who is beyond the marriageable age. Once again, since "virgin" in the rest of the N.T. is commonly referring to a betrothed woman (Lk. 1:27; Matt. 1:18, 23; 25:1-13; 2 Cor. 11:2) and "huperakmos" (Gk.) defined as "highly sexed" (see Liddell and Scott), Paul is advising the betrothed man to marry his virgin (fiancée) if he finds his passion hard to control during their engagement. This is consistent advice from Paul, even within this chapter, while giving advice to the widows, " But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." There is nothing in the context or the Greek to support that a father of a virgin is in view here. This is why the RSV and NIV translations read, "If any one thinks that he is not behaving properly, toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry - it is no sin." (RSV) "If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to,..." (NIV)
This interpretation of Paul addressing the situation of a betrothed "virgin" in verses 36-38 is consistent and fits with the previous context of betrothed "virgins" in this entire section (verses 25-38). Paul has already spoken of the problems of the married and formerly married (widowed and divorced) in verses 1-24. He then addresses this entire section (25-38) to the situations of engaged couples and singles who need counsel regarding the present distress. As William Heth points out "In the rest of the N.T. 'virgin' is commonly used of a betrothed girl (Lk. 1:27; Matt. 1:18, 23; 25:1-13; 2 Cor. 11:2), and throughout verses 25-38 Paul addresses the men, and his special notations are to the women (cf. vv.28b, 34).
The question these engaged couples ask Paul is whether or not to fulfill their promises of marriage in view of the present distress. So when Paul says in verse 28, 'But if you should marry, you have not sinned,' he is not speaking to divorced individuals as a good number of Erasmians suppose. He is speaking to those who are bound by a promise of marriage (=engaged) in verse 27. It is to this group that Paul says, 'But if you should marry, you have not sinned.' (v. 28a)" (William Heth, Jesus, And Divorce The Problem with the Evangelical Consensus, Thomas Nelson Pub., p.147).
Some men and women feel that they can remarry another even if they are guilty of putting away their first spouse. They appeal to 2 Cor. 5:17 and interpret it to mean "the old (sin of divorce) has gone...the new (forgiveness means I can marry again in 'the Lord,' now) has come." No one is doubting that the Lord can forgive the sin of divorcing a spouse, but this does not mean that remarriage to a new partner, even though he or she may be a "Christian" would not then be considered adultery by our Lord.
Unfortunately, this is simply not taught anywhere in the Scriptures. Some have pointed to the case of Herod marrying his brother's wife to prove that God does consider the validity of non-Christian marriages. God records Herodias as Philip's wife after her marriage to Herod. Some would say that this example of the marriage of two unsaved people shows that the idea that God has nothing to do with the marriages of nonbelievers is simply not true. In context, wasn't Christ contending with the Pharisees (unbelievers) over matters of divorce, remarriage, and adultery (Gk. "moicheia")? God's holy standard for marriage is binding upon all, Christian and non-Christian alike.
However, what can and does apply to the Christian in the above situation (having sinfully divorced his or her spouse) if he or she truly has ears to hear its message is this, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Cor. 5:17 NIV) As a new creation in Christ, you now have the divine resources necessary to obey God’s commandments regarding divorce and remarriage.
"Thus a married woman is bound by law to her husband as long as he lives; but if her husband dies she is discharged from the law concerning the husband. Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.” (Rom 7:2-3)
"A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If the husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:39)
In the matters of divorce and remarriage, the Scriptures apply something to both the wife and the husband if it applies to both. Both the Christian wife and the husband are admonished not to divorce (1 Cor. 7:10-11).
Therefore, the Biblical position on remarriage would be the following: If a woman gets divorced by her husband, she may not remarry another because she is bound to her first husband as long as he lives. If a man is divorced by his wife, he may remarry another, but he must pray for his first wife's return and accept her back as a wife if she returns (1 Cor. 7:11). If a man divorces his wife unjustly, he may not remarry another, for it would then be considered "adultery" (Mk. 10:11).
“… You who are familiar with the law - don't you know that the law applies only to a person who is still living? Let me illustrate. When a woman marries, the law binds her to her husband as long as he is alive. But if he dies, the laws of marriage no longer apply to her.” “So while her husband is alive, she would be committing adultery if she married another man. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law and does not commit adultery when she remarries” (Rom 7:1-3 NLT)
Marriage survives remarriage and precludes it. It is binding as long as both husband and wife are still living. Remarriage while the spouse lives is the sin of adultery. The marriage covenant ceases upon the death of the spouse. When death breaks a marriage, the living spouse may remarry.
This reference is extremely important in a number of ways that are different from other scriptures on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. What we have here is a description of what the first century Christians believed in regard to these subjects. It is not being taught as doctrine but referred to as a commonly held principle of morals and law. It is key to understanding what the church understood as right and wrong.
"Now for those who are married I have a command that comes not from me, but from the Lord. A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not leave his wife." (1 Cor 7: 10-11 NLT)
This command has the full authority of the Creator and is the fundamental principle and interpretive device for understanding all that God has instructed us on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It every Christian to its overriding command, and it is not negotiable, conditional or non-applicable in all matters pertaining to it. This is not simply a statement of what God considers to be ideal, but a direct command.
A Christian wife must not leave her Christian husband. A provision is made for those who have had to be separated from their spouse for any reason whatsoever – and that is singleness. Remarriage for divorced or separated spouses is strictly forbidden. Upon separation or divorce, the spouses can (and should) be reconciled.
When a Believing Spouse is Married to an Unbeliever
Marriage is God’s institution and His written Word, the Bible, governs marriage which is subordinate to His greater commands of separation from the world and His command against being bound together with unbelievers.
From the time of Adam’s fall, God’s children have been instructed to remain separate from the world, and their repeated failure to obey this simple command has been their constant downfall throughout history.
“For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy” (1 Cor 7:14 NIV).
It is only God who can positionally sanctify to make holy a person after they become Born-Again receiving Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. Nowhere does Scripture imply that a person can enter into a marriage and be unequally yoked with an unbeliever of their choosing and that somehow, God will mystically sanction it with His blessing even though He said the following:
“Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole…clean out the old leaven…”, “ I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one”, “Remove the wicked man from among yourselves”, “Do we not have a right to take along a believing wife”, “Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals”, “If anyone does not love the Lord, he is to be accursed.” “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols?” ‘Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate, says the Lord. And do not touch what is unclean; and I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to Me, says the Lord Almighty’” (1 Cor 5:6, 7, 11, 13, 9:5, 15:33, 16:22; 2 Cor 6:14-18).
The idea that somehow a non-believing spouse is made holy and righteous before God because they are married to a Born-Again Christian conflicts with God’s all-encompassing command against being unequally yoked to unbelievers.
The Apostle Paul was dealing with unique challenges. There were countless people hearing the message about Jesus as the promised Messiah, and then receiving Him as their personal Lord and Savior. Many of them were married, which created the dilemma of an unbelieving spouse with a believing one which was a violation of Gods command to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.
The teaching of Paul on this subject is unique because he introduces his instructions with the phrase, “But to the rest, I say, not the Lord…” (1 Cor 7:12). He makes it clear that the instructions given are not from the Lord’s direct teaching during the time when Paul was taken up into the third heavens, nor did he find these instructions anywhere else in the scriptures. Nevertheless, Paul’s instructions, introducing a new doctrine, are inspired by the Holy Spirit, which means that they are divine in origin.
The guidelines for the use of divorce were provided in Mosaic Law (Deut 24), as well as for divorce for unequally yoked Israelites (Deut 21:10-14; see also Ezra 9-10). Whenever the conditions of a covenant are broken, the covenant is broken, and the innocent party is no longer bound by the covenant.
Marriage is a bi-lateral covenant. The biblical doctrines of marriage and divorce are governed by, and subordinate to, the prohibition of being bound together with unbelievers, which is itself subordinate to the doctrine of separation.
Marriage was given for humanity and not humanity for marriage. Remaining unequally yoked, by following man-made doctrinal teaching that the marriage covenant does not supersede God’s commandment against being unequally yoked. The path of remaining an unequally yoked child of God remains morally reprehensible to God.
That is why Paul commands every Born-Again Christian to get out of all unequally yoked relationships (2 Cor 6:14-7:1). Paul states that the Lord directly revealed to him the Christian rule that two Born-Again members of the body of Christ must not divorce. However, that same rule does not apply to unequally yoked marriages (1 Cor 7:10-11).
Paul makes use of a conditional clause to instruct the unequally yoked Believer as to the necessary condition to maintaining a marriage to an unrepentant person (1 Cor 7:12-16). He said that the Born-Again Christian unequally yoked in marriage must stay married if, and only if, specific conditions are met:
First, “she/he (the unbeliever) must consent “to live with him/her (the Believer)” (1 Cor 7:12-13 ESV). The Greek word 'suneudokei' is translated into English as ‘consents’. The prefix ‘sun' is a marker of accompaniment and association. The word ‘suneudokei' means to join in approval or agreement with consent to or in harmony with the person to whom one is joining. Consent means that the unbelieving spouse will work at conforming to the godliness their believing spouse is exhibiting rather than being bad company that corrupts the good morals of their believing spouse; “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband…” (vs 14)
Paul goes on to say “if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us/you to peace”(1 Cor 7:15 ESV). If the unbeliever consents to live with the Believer, then the Believer must not divorce the unbeliever if they have successfully fulfilled the divine requirement of consenting to the new covenant. This means that the old marriage covenant of two unrepentant sinners sharing their lives together has been invalidated by one becoming Born-Again, and a new covenant between takes precedence.
However, if the unbelieving spouse refuses or fails to consent, then the believing spouse has divine sanction and should divorce the unbelieving spouse because they did not consent to the distinct obedience to God’s command against being in an unequally yoked marriage “The brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace” (1 Cor 7:15 ESV).
Second - the unbeliever must consent to help bring up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord “for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy” (Vs. 14). Once an unequally yoked marriage exists the only way for the children to be holy is for the unbelieving spouse to meet all the conditions of consenting to stay.
Third - the unbelieving spouse must consent to a peaceful and harmonious Christian marriage; “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace” (vs 15). If the unbelieving spouse cannot consent to living in peace with the believing spouse, then the believing spouse is to live in peace after divorcing the unbelieving spouse. In either instance, peace is God’s expectation.
Fourth - the unbelieving spouse will consent to the gospel of repentance and faith in Christ Jesus. “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife” (Vs. 16)? This means that they must not reject the Gospel as the only way to come out from the penalty of sin.
A Christian husband is to treat his unchristian wife the same way he would if she was a Christian. A Christian wife is to treat her unbelieving husband the same way she would if he was a Christian. Once the unbelieving spouse consents to live with the believing spouse in all of these ways, then the believing spouse is free from the guilt of being bound together with an unbeliever as God strongly forbid.
The Christian husband or wife must bear in mind that they may be able to lead their unchristian spouse to the Lord because of the way they handle these matters. The Bible instructs Christians to act like Christians regardless of the actions of their spouses. They must do everything possible to live in harmony as a testimony to their children and their unbelieving spouse.
Some have tried to use 1 Cor 7:15 as a proof-text to teach that remarriage is acceptable for the Believer if "willful desertion" has occurred on the part of the unbelieving spouse. Out of poor exegesis, they oddly try and somehow tie 1 Cor 7:39 & Rom 7:2-3 to 1 Cor 7:15 with the conclusion that the Believer is now "free" to remarry and not "under bondage" to a life of singleness as they imagine the text must mean. The problem with this misinterpretation is that "bondage" to a life of singleness and "freedom" to remarry isn't even Paul's point in 1 Cor 7:15.
"When Paul is speaking about the biblical-legal aspect of being "bound" to one's partner in marriage (or bound by a promise of marriage to one's betrothed as in 1 Cor 7:27), he uses the verb deo (Rom 7:2; 1 Cor. 7:39). But he uses a different verb when he refers to the kind of duty or subjection (douloo) the Believer is freed from in 1 Corinthians 7:15." (Heth, Bill, Divorce, and Remarriage Four Christian Views, IVP Publishers, p.112) So, then, what is the "bondage" that the Believer is "freed" from in 1 Cor 7:15?
In Times of Trouble
"Now about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord about them. But the Lord in his kindness has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is best to remain just as you are.”
“If you have a wife, do not end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not get married. But if you do get married, it is not a sin. And if a young woman gets married it is not a sin. However I am trying to spare you the extra problems that come with marriage.”
“Now let me say this, the time that remains is very short, so husbands should not let marriage be their major concern. Happiness or sadness or wealth should not keep anyone from doing God's work." (1 Cor 7:25-30 NLT)
During a time of trouble, it is easier not to be married. If a man has a wife, do not end the marriage. If a man does not have a wife, don't get married. If an unmarried woman wants to get married, let her. If a man does not have a wife, it is not a sin to marry. Don't let marriage be your major concern; it's not first in importance; God is.
Christians must do God's work and obey him, no matter what the marital circumstances. Personal happiness or sadness must not alter our obedience in decisions and activities.
The word for young woman implies a maiden or virgin and applies to the masculine gender equally. If a man or woman is virginally unmarried, they may marry. If on the other hand anyone is already married, stay married as per the Lord's command.
The King James Version, the historic mainstay of the English speaking church, stands out as a variant in the modern understanding of two words in this passage, something the original English translators would never have intended in 1611.
The use of the words "bound and loosed" as the appropriate present-day English words for “married and unmarried” has provided considerable comfort for those seeking loopholes to run divorce and remarriage camels through.
They ignore the reference to the virginal unmarried precondition and stretch "loosed" to refer to those that had previously been married, but subsequently divorced.
With a blind eye to the Lord's command that if separated or divorced they are to remain single, many rationalize away the rest of the restraining teachings and proceed to do what seems right in their own eyes. Even a cursory look at the subject matter disallows such liberties. But in case any misunderstood him, Paul again explains what he meant in the verses to follow.
"But if a man thinks he should marry his fiancée because he has trouble controlling his passions, and time is passing, it is all-right, it is not a sin. Let them marry. But if he has decided firmly not to marry, and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry. So the person who marries does well, and the person who doesn't marry, does even better.”
“A wife is married to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wishes, but this must be in a marriage acceptable to the Lord. But in my opinion it will be better for her if she doesn't marry again, and I think I am giving you counsel from God's Spirit when I say this." (1 Cor 7:35 - 40 NLT)
These Scriptures state that Christians who have never been married are free to marry if they wish. Christians who have never been married are free not to marry if they wish.
Till Death Do Us Part?
A Christian is married to their Christian spouse as long as they both live, and the covenant bond is unbreakable while both live. A Christian is released upon the death of a spouse to remarry. The marriage has to be acceptable to the Lord. Some second marriages after the death of a spouse are not acceptable to the Lord.
"And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence to Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of His body, the church; he gave His life to be her savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.”
“And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up His life for her to make her Holy and clean, washed by baptism and God's word. He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead she will be Holy and without fault.”
“In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man actually loves himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for His body, which is the church. And we are His body.”
“As the scriptures say, 'a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Eph 5: 21-33 NLT)
These Scriptures tell us that mutual submission of both husband and wife to each other is an act of worship and obedience to Christ. Wives are to submit themselves to their husbands and respect them in the same way they are to submit themselves to the Lord.
The church is to submit to Christ in the same way that wives are to submit to their husbands. He laid down His life for those who are in His Body, the Church.
The husband is the head of the home in the same way as Christ is the head of the Church. He is to lay down his life for his wife in the same way Christ lived and died for the Church.
The husband is required to love and forgive his wife in the same way as Christ loves and forgives the Church. Regardless of her faults, he is to see her through Christ as spotless and pure.
A husband and wife are actually one flesh, not is some sort of flexible symbolic way, but in another, more substantial but mysterious way, as a divine act of God, just as Christ is united into one with those who are part of His Body.
Paul again repeats his other teachings on marriage, further giving us insight on just how central it is to the message of Jesus Christ and the law of love in the New Testament. It is clear here that marriage is not just another ideal given by God, but a mystery that symbolizes and models the very nature of the relationship He has chosen to have with us. He binds both husband and wife together in the same way as He binds himself to us.
The very nature of this entire Scripture and its context underscores the permanence of marriage and the one-flesh relationship of husband and wife. Each is to extend the same kind of commitment, forgiveness, and longsuffering to the other that Jesus extends to us.
"Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you." That is why we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?"
“Remember your leaders who first taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives and trust the Lord as they do. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. So do not be attracted by strange new ideas." (Heb 13: 3-8 NLT)
These passages teach that marriage must be upheld with honor and safeguarded. Husbands and wives are to remain faithful to each other. God will judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery by violating the sanctity and Christian understanding of marriage.
The Born-Again Christian is to live their life as the first church leaders lived theirs; being faithful and trusting God to be their helper in times of need and trial, regardless of opposition or resistance from others.
They are not be attracted to mutations or alterations to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but follow the original leaders because the Gospel, like its head, Jesus Christ, does not change with time. They must refute and resist doctrines that are either departures from, or additions to, the message already received.
These passages enforce the strict obedience to the covenant of marriage by repeating the command for absolute fidelity to the Christian marriage partner. Failure to do so by a husband or wife is the sin of adultery that will be judged and punished by God. The Scripture reminds that God will meet all their needs and will never abandon them or forsake them.
"In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, even those who refuse to accept the good news. Your Godly lives will speak to them better than any words. They will be won over by watching your pure godly behavior.”
“Don't be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
“That is the way the Holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, when she called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.”
“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. If you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard." (1 Peter 3:1–7 NLT)
Wives must accept the husband as the head of the home and recognize his authority. Women that let God give them a quiet, gentle spirit need not adorn themselves with all the latest worldly clothes, makeup, and jewelry. The Spirit of God within them will be pleasing to God, and through Him, wives will be made beautiful to their husbands too.
Wives are to obey God without fear of what their husbands may or may not do. They have a covenant with God who will protect them and bless them as God protected and blessed the women of old. If the husband is dangerous to the safety or welfare of his family, separation is in order so that the decks are cleared for God to work a miracle.
The Christian husband must honor their wife in the same way that wives are instructed to honor their husbands. They are also to understand their wives and the differences between them. Wives are equal partners with the husband in the family and in life. God does not deem one to be superior to the other.
Husbands that do not treat their wives as they should will have their relationship with God severed. God will not answer the prayers of a man who betrays his wife. Such an evil attitude also leaves him naked and exposed to the disciplining arm of God – a fearful thing indeed!
Peter closes off the New Testament revelation on the subject by independently commanding the same adherence to the law of Christ that Paul did. Marriage is sacred and to be held in the strictest regard. Failure to do so will result in the active displeasure and judgment of God.
Abuse of one’s covenant partner is considered as serious a breach of God’s laws as adulterous unfaithfulness.
Historical Church Teaching
Listed below is a summarized overview of early Church doctrine (90 A.D. – 419 A.D.) on marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
1. If a spouse persists in adulterous behavior, and there is no other alternative, the marriage relationship can be terminated by the innocent party. (Hermas, Clement, Jerome, Augustine)
2. Spouses that are divorced for any reason must remain celibate and single as long as both spouses live. Remarriage is expressly prohibited. (Hermas, Justin Martyr, Clement, Origen, Basil, Ambrose, Jerome, Augustine)
3. To indulge in lust with the mind is to be guilty of adultery of the heart. (Justin Martyr)
4. Whoever marries a divorced person commits adultery. (Hermas, Justin Martyr, Clement, Origen, Basil, Ambrose, Jerome, Augustine)
5. Whoever contracts a second marriage, whether a Christian or not, while a former spouse lives is sinning against God. (Justin Martyr, Ambrose)
6. God does not, and the Church must not take into account human law when it is in violation of God’s law. (Justin Martyr, Origen, Ambrose)
7. God judges motives and intentions, private thought life, and actions. (Justin Martyr)
8. The marriage covenant between a man and a woman is permanent, as long as both husband and wife are alive. (Clement, Origen, Ambrose, Jerome, Augustine)
9. It is a serious offense against God to take another person’s spouse. (Basil)
10. The Church must charge all persons who are in possession of another living person’s former husband or wife with adultery. (Basil)
11. Sexual relations are a marital right that is limited to one’s own husband or wife. (Hermas, Justin Martyr, Clement, Origen, Basil, Ambrose, Jerome, Augustine)
12. Sexual relations with one’s legitimate spouse protects from sexual sin. (Ambrose)
13. Marriage and sexual relations with a remarried spouse while a former spouse lives, is the sin of adultery. (Hermas, Justin Martyr, Clement, Origen, Basil, Ambrose, Jerome, Augustine)
14. It is a serious mistake to believe that it is simply one’s right to divorce a spouse and take another. Even though human law may permit such a thing, God strictly forbids it, and cannot, and will not honor it. (Clement, Origen, Ambrose, Jerome, Augustine)
15. Anyone who follows human customs and laws regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage, instead of God’s Divine instructions should stand in fearful awe of God Himself. (Clement, Ambrose)
16. All lawmakers, in and out of the Church are warned, to their peril, to hear and obey the Word of the Lord in regard to His commands on marriage and divorce. (Ambrose)
17. Christians are to stop making excuses and trying to find justification for divorce and remarriage. There are no valid reasons acceptable to God. (Jerome, Augustine)
18. Marriage is for life. No matter what a spouse turns out to be, or how they may act, what they do or don’t do, or the sins they commit, the covenant remains fully in effect. A remarriage while a former spouse lives is not marriage at all, but sinful adultery. God does not divide the one-flesh relationship except by physical death. (Hermas, Clement, Origen, Basil, Ambrose, Jerome, Augustine)
19. Marriage is a lifelong covenant that will never be invalidated by God while both parties live. (Hermas, Justin Martyr, Clement, Origen, Basil, Ambrose, Augustine)
The Law of Sin and Death
The law of sin and death means every human being stands guilty before God. But, by becoming a Christian, they are set free from this law. They no longer stand condemned before God because of their transgressions. When there is a feeling of guilt for having done wrong, they can be assured that they still "belong to the truth,” and can have their heart “at rest in his presence” whenever their heart condemns them. “For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything" (1 John 3:19-20).
Christians are supposed to feel conviction when they hurt someone or do something that is wrong because it becomes the primary force in directing them to repent and change their behavior. When a Christian sins, their relationship with the heavenly Father is damaged. However, the guilt experienced through the conviction of the Holy Spirit is not the same guilt as an unbeliever who has rejected Jesus and been found guilty before God.
Too many Believers feel that they may have crossed over the line and fallen out of their position of safety before God because of the sin they committed. I see many Christians who go down to the altar to get saved over and over again because they think that their sin has eternally separated them from God. What a shame!
When a Christian sins their position before God stays the same, but their condition at that moment is changed. If a husband or wife hurts the other and does not apologize or repent of his or her mistake, their condition, or relationship, is harmed, even though they are still just as married as when they were in newly-wedded bliss. In our current legal system, the only way the behavior could change their position is if they both mutually agree to get a divorce.
In Jesus’ time, only the husband could file for divorce. The Bible says the Born-Again Christian is the Bride of Christ. (Rev 21:2) Jesus is the “husband.” The Scriptures promise that Jesus will never leave nor forsake the Christian. (Heb 13:5) Jesus promises never to divorce His bride. This great truth can be radically life-changing!
The Apostle John wrote;
"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world." (1 John 2:1-2)
When a person sins, Jesus is always interceding on their behalf before God the Father. Their relationship with Jesus is based upon what He has already done for them, not what they have done for Him.
Adam's relationship with the Lord dramatically changed in the Garden of Eden after he sinned because of the condition he was in. The Lord cried out to Adam, "Where are you?" Adam answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid" (Gen 3:9-12).
For the first time in all of eternity, the created became afraid of the Creator. Prior to his sin, Adam had walked together, side by side, with God. But now, not only was he afraid, but he hid from God as he became aware and ashamed of his nakedness. Adam's guilt was directly a result of damaging his relationship with the Lord by his sin.
Sometimes when feelings of guilt arise because of something that was done, instead of dealing with it and acknowledging personal responsibility, there may be an attempt to try and hide it, just like Adam, and hunt for a fig leaf! Along with trying to cover it up, there may even be an attempt to blame it on something or someone else just as Adam did: "The man said, 'The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.’" (Gen 3:12) Adam attempted to shift blame from himself to Eve, but actually, he was blaming God for what happened—because God put the woman there!
At one time, I worked in the restaurant business. We had a great team of employees and consistently ranked number one nationally in our product quality and service. But there were many mistakes made. When I checked to find out who caused the problem so that I could ensure it wouldn't happen again, no one would "fess up" to being the cause. One week I placed a new employee on the schedule with the name Idun Noe, because every time I asked who caused the problem, the employees would all say, "I dunno!"
Let’s face it; human beings just don’t want to admit personal guilt and responsibility for a problem. If personal responsibility isn’t acknowledged and repented of when sin is committed the feeling of guilt won't go away. Instead, it stays locked inside, binding every move and stunting emotional, physical and spiritual health and growth. Through repentance, the chains of binding guilt are broken. When forgiveness is offered to the wrongdoers, they will also be loosed from those same chains of guilt. It is as important to ask for forgiveness as it is to forgive.
Guilt can help evaluate behavior and attitude. It can be used as a catalyst to help stop doing the things and thinking the thoughts, that are not pleasing to God. On the other hand, guilt can become a detriment if it turns into shame or lack of self-respect because of the strong statement it makes about the individual. This type of guilt is really self-condemnation. One may have done something foolish, but instead of forgiving their self, they begin self-hatred because of the humiliation they feel.
Until Christians hate divorce as God hates it in Malachi, the Church is on an opposing side, fighting God! God does not allow divorce and remarriage for the husband and wife who are both Born-Again Christians! It is not within His revealed, permissible will. All the wishful thinking to the contrary, no matter how much it disagrees with what is commonly taught and practiced, regardless of how it may limit our own choices, it is strictly forbidden by the Word of God under any circumstances.
Jesus said:
“Don’t imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! No, I came to bring a sword. I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. Your enemies will be right in your own household! If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it.” (Matt 10:34 – 39 NLT)
As has always been the case, right from the beginning, it comes down to each person’s personal decision whether to believe what God says, and obey, or to join the line of those denying and protesting against God’s instructions.
The Character of Forgiveness
The only answer for a troubled marriage is forgiveness. The life of every Christian should be characterized by forgiveness because God first forgave us: "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Col 3:13). Jesus said, "So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him" (Luke 17:3). Christians must learn to "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Eph 4:32).
In the book of Matthew, we discover that the Disciples had come to Jesus to learn how they should pray. In what is commonly called the “Lord’s Prayer,” one statement stands out among the others: "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors" (Matt 6:12 KJV).
In the Greek, the word translated as "forgiven" is in the perfect tense. This verse implies that in order to ask God to forgive our sins, we must have already forgiven those who have sinned against us! Jesus was teaching them that the fundamental guiding principle of being a disciple, a follower of His, was to live and breathe forgiveness toward one another, just as He had forgiven them.
Jesus goes on to elaborate. "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your heavenly Father will not forgive your sin." (Matt 6:14-15).
Jesus also said that “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins" (Mark 11:25).
At first glance, it would seem odd that Jesus would say this, especially in light of the fact that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. However, since He always was, always is, and always will be the same, our sins have been forgiven—past, present, and future!
Jesus was talking to men whose entire lives up to that point had been lived trying to serve God by good works; by doing what they thought was right, expecting that in doing so, they would gain God's acceptance and forgiveness. Jesus came along and literally demolished their way of thinking! Paul, when writing to the church at Ephesus, reminds his readers of this and tells them that “it is by grace we are saved through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—and not by works, so that no one can boast” (Eph 2:8-9). In their understanding of the Old Covenant law, they felt Jesus was giving them an impossible command.
Matthew describes how Peter, obviously still pondering what Jesus had said, later came to Him and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" (Matt 18:21).
To forgive someone seven times was an incredible, almost unattainable number in the mind of Jesus listeners. Now, Jesus destroys this insecure foundation of Peter’s way of thinking by answering, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven" (Matt 18:22). Jesus was commanding them to do something that they considered impossible - to forgive 490 times a day or once every 3+ minutes!. To a son of Abraham, forgiveness without conditions was unfathomable.
Apart from Jesus, it is impossible to forgive, as we have been forgiven. Jesus was teaching that the direct evidence of being a Christian is to forgive beyond the limits of human comprehension. It is supernatural—something that can’t be done apart from Him. Every Christian can forgive because they are a partaker of His grace. It is through forgiveness they prove to the world that Jesus has the power to transform lives. It is through the commitment of marriage that God proves how He loves every human being and promises to never leave or forsake them.
