Last week we started with the dilemma of two porcupines on a very cold night, who needed to snuggle up close to each other to stay warm. But the closer they got the more they pricked each other with their quills, so they pulled apart. But the more they pulled apart, the colder they got. So it was a very frustrating night of back and forth, coming closer and then backing away.
Unfortunately that is a paradigm for many human relationships as well. We have a deep need to come close to other humans. We are deeply social beings. We are made for love. But when we do dare to come close, we often hurt each other. And so there is this constant dance, meeting together, planning together, talking together, but always carefully guarding the distance to be sure we are safe, in and out, in and out.
How can two porcupines come close together? I can’t speak from experience because I have never squeezed into a close space with a porcupine before, and never want to. But if I did, all I can say is, I would want to do it ‘very carefully.’ How can a whole church full of people make a place that is safe to come together? Very carefully. We want relationships. We know the church is strengthened by relationships. But we’re scared, and rightly so. Healthy, safe relationships don’t just happen. If you don’t build your relationships carefully, you can really get burned. So we want to be very careful to make them safe.
And so today we come back to look again at Paul’s instructions for how the church can be truly united, from Ephesians 4:1-6. Please stand for the reading of God’s word.
1 I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3 making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all.
Paul starts out “begging” the Christians in Ephesus to live a life worth of the calling they have received. And that calling comes from the one God who exists in perpetual love, love extended back and forth among the three persons of the Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. And if we are going to demonstrate that kind of life of love to the world, then we need to make every effort to maintain that unity which is within the Trinity and which he has given us in the Spirit. He has provided everything we need to be truly united. It’s our job to live it out. We are doing what we are supposed to do when we love each other and come close to each other in the church.
And Paul lists several traits that will be essential parts of fulfilling that calling: humility, gentleness, forbearance, love and unity.
Today I want to just get us started by talking about humility and gentleness as the beginnings of building a safe place to come together. And really I’m mostly going to talk about humility, but once humility is in place, gentleness follows naturally, and the others will come much more easily.
How important are these two, humility and gentleness? When Jesus invited people to follow him, he picked out two traits in himself to describe himself to them. He said, “Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Jesus was gentle and humble. He’s our model.
How about a church full of people who are gentle and humble deep in their hearts? Doesn’t that make your soul feel rested, just thinking about it? Would it be safe to really come close in a church like that? Even if we only mastered these first two traits, humility and gentleness, it would be a joy to come close together.
Our calling is to be like Jesus, humble and gentle. Just as Paul begged the Ephesians to commit themselves to these traits, I beg each and every one of us to covenant together to be a church which would be described as humble and gentle.
But what does it mean to be humble? Let’s start with one thing that humble does not mean. Humble does not mean putting yourself down all the time. Humble does not mean that you hide the gifts that God has given you, putting your light under a bushel.
Probably all of us had parents who told us not to brag. And of course bragging, trying to make yourself look bigger than you are, trying to impress people with yourself, is not constructive.
But that’s a very different thing from standing up to the plate to serve someone else and to be open and honest about the things you really can do and want to put into service of others. False humility is a denial of God’s gifts to us. And all too often it blocks us from fulfilling our calling.
Does God want us putting ourselves down? Parents, how many of you want your kids to go around cutting themselves down all the time, thinking that they are failures and useless? None of us do. God is the same way as a parent. He wants his children to be useful and involved and appreciative of the gifts he has given them and the lessons he has taught them.
Humility is not cutting yourself down. Humility is raising others up, treating others as most important in your life. Humility has much more to do with the priority that you give to serving others than how you measure yourself.
It’s humility when we make choices that will benefit others. It’s pride when we make all our choices to benefit ourselves. Whether we are gifted or talented has nothing to do with it.
Jesus is our example of humility. Did he cut himself down? Did he belittle himself? No way. He claimed to be the eternal Son of God and savior of the world. Those are pretty big claims.
But John 13 says that Jesus, “knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God,” got up from the table, took off his outer robe, tied a towel around himself and washed his disciples’ feet.
A humble heart is a servant heart, honest about who we are and what we can do, and dedicated to putting all our gifts to work in service to God and others.
Someone may avoid getting involved with the ministries of the church with an excuse that sounds humble, that there isn’t much they can do. But they have chosen not to risk discomforting themselves by taking a chance on something going wrong. They are probably staying home and indulging themselves in whatever TV shows they like, sitting in the chair they most like. And who is their life all about? It’s about themselves. That’s pride, putting themselves first, the opposite of humility.
Humility is not cutting yourself down. It is putting others first. To be humble is to have the heart of a servant, whether you have a lot of skills or a few, either one.
Humility means to admit that you need others, that you can’t go it alone. Pride says ‘I can afford to just show up at church when I feel like it.” You can hear the “I” disease here again. It’s what “I” want, not others. Humility says, my church family needs me, so I’ll be there. They come first.
Pride says I can cut that person off who bothers me, and that person, and that person and that person. Humility says, with Charlie Brown, “I need all the friends I can get.” Humility says, sure there are things I would enjoy doing on my own when the church is together. But making that church go well is more important than what I enjoy. I’ll be there!
Humility is an antidote to the party spirit that gathers just a few friends together and says we don’t need the rest. Humility says I need every member of the family. The Apostle Paul described the church as being like a human body, which suffers if even one part is missing. Humility understands that.
Humility is quick to value what others say, quick to listen even to those who disagree. Humility is ready to listen even to people who criticize you. A proud heart is closed to different ideas and refuses to receive correction.
Humility means mutual submission, that we are willing to let the others take the lead and then stand behind them in support. Humility respects the offices held by other members and goes through channels. Humility gives the courtesy of good communication so that everybody is included.
Pride says I want it done my way and I want it now, and I’ll cut my pledge or I’ll stay home until I get what I want. Can you hear the “I” disease in that? It’s I want, I want, I want.
Humility is the antidote for most anything that tears the fabric of churches. And when the heart is humble, gentleness just follows naturally. When hearts are humble it’s safe to ask your questions, it’s safe to risk trying something where you might fail, it’s safe to risk sharing something that’s hard. When hearts are humble, the church is a safe place to grow.
And if you are recognizing that you need to work on humility, what can you do to help it grow? Don’t wait for humility to come naturally from your heart. It won’t. We are naturally selfish and you have to take steps against yourself to break that selfishness. If you wait for your heart to feel really humble, it will be a long wait.
And you can’t create humility by working on it directly. The more you aim at humility, the harder it gets. It’s like the morning frost that dies as soon as the light of the sun shines on it.
If you set up a system to measure your progress in humility each day, how can you win? If you have a perfectly humble day and count up your score and you win a ten, just scoring yourself ruins it. Humility is one of those things that shrivels up when you try to measure it. If you set out to be the humblest person in town you are doomed to failure.
But you can set out to be a servant. Whether you feel like it or not you can determine you are just going to be there for others. And as you think about others, you’ll just naturally start to forget about yourself.
We can commit ourselves to serve others, to put one another first, to work on the ‘one another’ scriptures we posted in the fellowship hall. Choose to act in humility. Choose to put others first. And God will bless us.
Please turn to your bulletins and find the covenant of unity printed there. Take a moment to read it and digest it and consider whether you want to join together in making this commitment to one another. This is one of the key foundations for a church where it’s safe to grow. And I’ll ask us to stand and speak it out in a moment.
For the sake of Christ and our world which so badly needs to know the love of God, we commit ourselves to building a church where it is safe to worship and grow and serve. We promise one another that we will strive to put others ahead of ourselves in humility and do our best to treat one another with the gentleness and respect that are due to a child of God. We ask that if one of us forgets and acts in ways that would tear the fabric of our unity, then the others would bring humble and gentle correction so that we can all move ahead in the grace of God. And may God bless our efforts to be truly united in heart and mind. Amen
