(Slide 1) Offense Defense
Pt. 4 - Anger Management
I. Introduction
You will remember in the first message of the series I told you that Jesus made it plain that it is impossible for offense not to come. There will be moments in our life where we will be confronted with actions, attitudes and words that cause our blood to boil, our face to flush and our fists to clinch. The truth is this even happened to Jesus! Although perfect He experienced this emotion that many of us experience called anger. I can instantly recall an example from His life where He became so enraged that He grabs rope and forms a whip to drive money changers out of the temple. Jesus knew what it feels like to want to punch somebody. And, yet we are told that Jesus never sinned. Then Paul comes along in Ephesians 4:26 and he instructs us to "Be angry, and do not sin." What? How can we manage our anger so that it doesn't become sin? How can we walk that fine line where we figure out how to toe the line where we “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”
Come on be honest haven't there been times when you can honestly say you have allowed anger to control you. So, if it is impossible for offense not to come and we are human and experience human emotions like anger, then I think we would be well served to try to figure out how to pattern our anger after Jesus rather than after our society. Our society makes it clear that it is OK to say, act any way we want and to post it on social media for the world to see when we are angry.
I think the best thing to do is to first take a quick look at what should not make us angry. I think this is an essential place to start because so many of us are so easily angered. Anger has become our go to emotion. We wear our anger like a badge of honor. We have a hair trigger. If we can be angry and not sin, then we need to figure out what should not anger us because if we are not careful we will allow things that shouldn't anger us to set us off.
1. We should not be offended by sinners. Jesus was never offended by sinners who sinned. Sinners are supposed to sin. In Jesus' day He spent His anger on religious folks rather than being mad at sinners. Go read the account of the woman caught in adultery. Jesus was offended by religious who misrepresented His Father.
2. We should not be offended by other people's opinion. Paul and Peter had a confrontation based on their opinions but the confrontation as blunt as it was wasn't allowed to break relationship. Other people's opinion shouldn't offend us because we know who we are. We are secure in our own identity.
3. We should not be offended by someone else's actions. I point you to the account of Joseph. Remember his brothers sold him into slavery. But rather than becoming angry he comes to the conclusion that what the enemy meant for harm God meant for good. We have to be careful because if we become offended someone's actions, then we allow them to determine destiny rather than trusting God with our destiny. Some of us are standing around waiting on explanations, apologies, and closure and God is unwilling to give us those things if they will cause us to camp out and revisit what should be buried.
4. We should not be offended by other people’s obedience. Remember Cain was offended/angry to the point that he murders his own brother simply because his brother obeyed. We have to interact with our brothers/sisters and come to the conclusion that if they are obedient then you can't be offended. If you are being obedient and you have permission to do something they don't . . . don't be offended by it and vise versa.
So, if these things shouldn't anger us what should and how do we manage anger so that it doesn't manage us? And if we aren't supposed to be this push over, door mat, wimpy version of a man or a woman how do we manage anger appropriately?
(SLIDE 2 & 3) Anger must be directed toward the appropriate target!
I am reminded of an instance when Peter bowed up on Jesus. Not wise. Peter rebukes Jesus! He wasn't the smartest guy in the group. One of the teacher's students tries to put the teacher in his place. This would be like your child publicly correcting you! That is offensive and anger causing right? But notice Jesus immediately directed His anger toward the appropriate target. He didn't jump down Peter's throat. He didn't put him in his place. Instead, Jesus addresses the real cause of this . . . In Matthew 16:23, He says "Get thee behind me Satan." He goes around Peter and addresses the real culprit and takes aim at the appropriate target.
Hebrews 5:14 teaches us that "Solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong." So we have to have enough maturity to not only know the difference between right and wrong but we must also be mature enough to know the right target.
When we see evil we should be angry at evil and the evil one but not the evil doer! I am concerned that too many of us direct all of our anger at people rather than at the power operating behind the people. So our wrath towards people pushes them away from God's love and grace.
(SLIDE 4 & 5) Anger must have a time limit!
I don't know about you but I struggle here. When something makes me mad if I am not careful I can waste an entire week on it. But according to Paul part of being angry without sin is making sure our anger has a time limit. (SLIDE 6) "When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day." (Ephesians 4:26, NCV)
In fact, from this admonition I would submit that if we are so angry that it escapes the confines of a single day then we are more than likely operating in human anger rather than righteous anger.
(SLIDE 7 & 8) Anger must have a speed limit!
In Nehemiah 9:31, Exodus 34:6, Numbers 14:18, Psalms 86:15, Joel 2:13 are just a few of the passages that inform us that one of the characteristics of the God whom we are supposed to pattern our life after is that He is slow to anger.
And yet some of us are hot heads. Anger is right there under the surface all the time. We are quick tempered. Listen our anger should have a speed limit and it should be slow.
Proverbs 12:16 - Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly; the prudent quietly shrug off insults.
Proverbs 19:11 - The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.
(SLIDE 9 & 10) James 1:19-20 - Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
How fast are you with temper? We must learn to manage our anger - temper our temper. A quick trigger isn't godly!
(SLIDE 11 & 12) Anger must have an appropriate tone!
(SLIDE 13) Proverbs 15:1 - A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Somehow Jesus mastered this. He could tell people some pretty blunt things and do it without offending them (other than religious folks). He could tell a lady when she asked for help with her possessed daughter . . . "It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs." And instead of becoming angry or offended she continues to ask for help. Something about Jesus' tone even when interrupted, even when perturbed didn't put people off.
I wonder if some of us are just to harsh. Our anger must have the appropriate tone. Even in anger we must use the right tone so that people understand that just because we disagree doesn't mean we have to be disagreeable. Nor does it mean I don’t like you.
Just because I am offended doesn't mean I should be offensive.
(SLIDE 14 & 15) Anger must have appropriate fruit!
All anger has fruit. It is either ungodly anger and it is destructive fruit or it is godly anger and produces productive fruit. If we are going to manage our anger righteously then we must learn to allow anger to be accompanied by the right fruit! Righteous anger is accompanied first by compassion. Righteous anger is grieved, not merely infuriated, by evil. Jesus did flip tables in the temple, but he was deeply grieved over the sin that made it necessary. As soon as His anger results in overturning tables the next thing we read (Matthew 23:37) is that He grieves over Jerusalem (I longed to gather you). He mourns that they are missing their divine appointment. Anger with no tears over evil is often evidence of a lack of love in us. We know we are righteously angry when the thing we are angry about is coupled with a broken heart.
Anger must also be accompanied by action - Jesus' anger produced compassion which then became action. If we are angry about what is being done, then what are you going to do to correct it? What actions are you going to take to make sure people have other options. I find a bunch of people angry about drug addiction but they won't help start a rehab. I find a bunch of people who are angry about abortion but they won't adopt or foster kids who were sparred. I find a bunch of people who are angry about poverty but they won't sponsor someone to go through FPU or volunteer at a pantry. I find a bunch of people who are angry about racism but won't cross a church aisle to talk to someone who is a different color than them. Ther are A lot of angry followers of Christ that aren't moved by compassion and take no action so their anger doesn't produce appropriate fruit. Too many of us can agree with Anglican priest Garret Keizer when he wrote "My anger has not carried me far enough towards changing what legitimately enrages me. "
In our world anger has become entertainment. We watch as people exhibit anger. But as believers our anger should break our heart and move our hands and feet to find a solution for what we are seeing. Otherwise we are just being emotional and it is really about us being in our feelings rather than being productive. If our anger doesn't lead to redemptive action, then it is a useless and often sinful emotion.
Anger is not meant to soothe me, or alleviate my boredom, or make me feel better about myself. It is a gift that ought to inspire me to do the things that the world needs
I wished I could tell you we won't ever get mad. That would be a lie. We will have opportunity to become angry. My challenge to us today is that we manage our anger by making sure we direct it toward the right target, it must have a time limit, a speed limit, it must be coupled with the right tone and accompanied it by compassion and action.
