I. Introduction
I stated that we are designed/created to connect. There’s a great deal of research which indicates that we are made for relationships, and when we lack healthy relationships we naturally flounder. We seek relationships from the moment we are born and begin to cry to attract attention. We can't escape the need to connect. The technological advancements that we have enjoyed even in last few years promises connection. We even evaluate and are judged by how connected we are by how many "friends" we have on social media. The average person, in 2017, has 338 friends on Facebook.
Limitations on brain capacity and free time mean humans can nurture no more than about 150 true friendships on social media, just as in real life, the study published in the journal Royal Society Open Science says. We have on average five intimate friends, 15 best friends, 50 good friends, 150 friends, 500 acquaintances and 1,500 people we recognize on sight.
"The 150 layer is the important one: this defines the people you have real reciprocated relationships with, those where you feel obligations and would willingly do favors."
In fact, a new study suggests that fewer than three percent of friends can be relied on in a crisis. It was revealed that for all the social media "friends" a person will turn to just four for help.
Despite the many ways humans can connect digitally, the percentage of Americans who report feeling lonely has increased greatly, growing from 11% to 20% in the 1970s and 80s, to 35% in 2010, according to AARP.
Compared with 1985, nearly 50 percent more people in 2004 reported that their spouse is the only person they can confide in.
So, here we are more connected than ever and yet so many of us are feeling alone together!
I want to talk to you about getting our head out of our app and investing time in real friendships. The the truth is we need each other!
I want to read a familiar passage to you. However, this passage isn't a familiar text for friendship. If you were here last week you would have probably thought I would have read this then since the only place we ever seem to hear this passage is at a wedding. We fast forward to Ecc. 4:12 - where it says a threefold cord can not be easily broken. However, we miss the guts of the account if we don't read it in relationship to friends!
TEXT: Ecclesiastes 4:7-12
Then I returned, and I saw vanity under the sun: There is one alone, without companion: He has neither son nor brother. Yet there is no end to all his labors, Nor is his eye satisfied with riches. But he never asks, “For whom do I toil and deprive myself of good?” This also is vanity and a grave misfortune. Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; But how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
I turned my head and saw yet another wisp of smoke on its way to nothingness: a solitary person, completely alone—no children, no family, no friends—yet working obsessively late into the night, compulsively greedy for more and more, never bothering to ask, “Why am I working like a dog, never having any fun? And who cares?” More smoke. A bad business. It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there’s no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.
This incredible passage outlines for us the reason we so desperately need to be genuinely connected.
It confronts the fact that if not careful, then we will give our life to things that don't/won't matter. The writer calls this vanity and a grave misfortune. A person is not rich if they don't have someone to share those gained riches with!
The writer then goes on to show us all the things that are provided with and lost without friendships.
Here is the list:
Success
Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor.
Who do you have in your life that is lifting you up? Making your dreams come to pass? Who will work to make you successful? There are so many that will work to destroy you but who works to make you better!
Rescue
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.
Who do you have your in life (not on your social media) who will rally when you fall? Who flees from your failure rather than dashing in to deliver? Proverbs tells us the righteous man can fall 7 times and still get back up every time. Could it be that is due to having real friends who don't just cheer when you win but they also comfort when you crash! You need someone to help you up. We laugh because the commercial is so poorly done but the message is important. Remember the scene of the elderly person who has fallen and she says "help I've fallen and I can't get up." The commercial is selling a service to give her someone to ask for help. How many of us in real life fall and have no one to buzz. No one to cry out to and we suffering not only in silence but in isolation.
Insulation
Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night.
We want to make that a sexual thing. But maybe the concept is really about warmth! Insulation.
You need folks that know you and will act as a buffer to your worry. They will be a barrier to depression. Who insulates you and protects you from outside voices? Who insulates you from you? They will fight you out of listening to your own doubts and fears.
Defense
By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst.
You need a shield. You need someone who will stick with you even on your worst day.
Think about the list I just shared with you. These are the benefits of brotherhood. These are the perks of partnerships. The favor of friendship. This is why Romans implores us to get connected relationally.
Romans 12:10 (MSG)
Be good friends who love deeply;
Romans 12:15-16 (MSG)
Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.
I know your facebook friends list may be huge. Your twitter audience may be massive. Your instagram may bulge with viewers but can I get you to stop this morning and ask this question . . . are you feeling alone together? Can you think of someone you can call in the middle of the night and they will respond? Is there anyone in your life who is providing the benefits listed in Ecclesiastes?
But let's go one step deeper. Let's narrow down the field just a little. I think Galatians 6 makes it clear that there is not only a whole other level of friendship needed but the writer puts a very clear label on another type of friendship that we need to establish. Listen to Galatians 6:1-2.
Galatians 6:1-2
Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
A couple of quick thoughts. First, it says brethren. That is an important label. The passage gives some of the same insight Ecclesiastes gives but then he says those who are spiritual should restore the one who has fallen. Did you catch it? Brethren/spiritual. In other words, unless someone is a believer they can't accomplish this. Why do you need to be connected to friends in this body? Because they are the one who can accomplish this. Your unbelieving friend, coworker, classmate can't do this. I am glad you have friends outside this body but unless they are believers they have no ability to restore your spiritually!
Then the writer says to "Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."
I just want to mention to you that this is not only a mandate it is a benefit. We are not only called to carry . . . we can be carried. However, you can’t carry if you aren’t connected. You won't be carried if you aren't connected.
You can't know that sitting next to you is someone who needs to be carried if you aren't connected. Likewise, you can't expect the person next to you to carry you if you are not connected! Connection starts in worship but it should culminate in conversation! If you don't take this step it results in feeling alone together! We harp on encountering God around here. I don't want a service to go by where you don't feel like you met God. But how many times do we worship in a crowd only to leave feeling alone together? Connection vertically must lead to connection horizontally or it is incomplete.
The war in Vietnam was building to its peak, and one stop for young army officers was the U.S. Army Ranger School at Fort Benning. A tough, battle tested sergeant stood before the young, anxious recruits. The sergeant told them that the next nine weeks would be the toughest they had ever experienced. The sergeant said many wouldn’t make the grade--it was just too tough. The sergeant talked about the war that was going on in Vietnam and he talked about killing and death. The sergeant talked about how training was tough because it was designed to save lives – the lives of the American soldiers. And he said he was going to do that by making them face their greatest fears, overcome their weaknesses and endure what they never dreamed possible.
Then the sergeant announced that they were about to start with step one. There was a pause, and all the soldiers feared the worst about what step one might be. But they were surprised with its simplicity. He told the soldiers to find a buddy. "This is step one," the sergeant growled. "You need to find yourself a Ranger buddy. You will stick together. You will never leave each other. You will encourage each other, and, as necessary, you will carry each other.
Step one. The jump off point to success, rescue, insulation, and defense is to find yourself a buddy. I want to challenge you practically this week. Intentionally connect with someone in this body this week. Post a picture of you doing it. #connecting!
