BE WISE - WORDS
August 4, 2019
Do you remember that old nursery rhyme . . .
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt!
In reality, don’t you wish that was true?! Most of us would rather have the sticks and stones thrown at us, because the wounds of vicious words can really hurt. And if you hear negative words enough, we start to believe what we’ve heard. We become and believe those words in our hearts, even though we know in reality they aren’t true. But somehow . . . we make them true. We make them our reality.
Well, we’re in our 6th week of looking at the book of Proverbs. And as I read over this book, I’m struck again and again at the wisdom contained in this book. Of course, Proverbs is part of a section in the Bible which is called Wisdom Literature, but what we can gain about ourselves and how we should live our lives in a way which honors and glorifies God is remarkable.
For the past 2 weeks, we’ve kind of been on this topic, but dancing all around it. We’ve talked about what it means to be friends, about giving advice, and today we’re looking at our words, more specifically, how we talk to one another. It’s important for us to learn and to teach our kids what it means to speak with wisdom.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a store and there’s a parent or grandparent just barking at their kids. In fact, the other day we were at the grocery store, and there was this grandmother with 3 younger kids with her, all pushing shopping carts which were fully loaded, and she was yelling at them. I’ve seen parents swearing at their little kids about their conduct in stores.
And I wonder how many people may have looked at me on those bad days and thought, ‘That guy needs to calm down with his kids.’ I never swore at my kids, but I’m sure they tried my patience a time or two.
So, how can we better learn to use words which build up and don’t tear down. Even when at home, as adults, we sometimes get upset and say things which are not the best. How can we learn from Solomon about how we speak to one another.
As we start, I want to jump to a passage from the book of James which will help us. James tells us –
3 If we put bits into the mouths of horses so that they obey us, we guide their whole bodies as well.
4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds,
they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs.
5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.
7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind,
8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.
10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. – James 3:3-10
Isn’t this true? Our tongue is so small, but think about the damage or the good it can do. That’s James point. A bit steers a horse, the rudder controls the ship. Yet, out of our mouths we praise God and curse God, we praise his creation and we tear it down. Our mouths build up and encourage, and within moments, we’re beating someone up with our words.
That’s why the words of Solomon are so important.
If we can't seem say the right things or even keep quiet, it threatens all of our relationships. Of course, we know some people find it easy to express themselves. Some can talk on and on and on, others say few words, but when they speak, we listen closely. Neither are wrong, it’s a product of our personalities.
I read that the Ten Commandments contain 297 words, Psalm 23 has 118 words, and the Lord's Prayer is 56 words long.
Yet, in a recent report, the Department of Agriculture needed 15,629 words to discuss the pricing of cabbage. It's not the ability to use a lot of words that makes a difference, it's being able to use the right words.
I really believe we need to be careful when we use our words. It’s the old adage, if you don’t have something good to say, don’t say anything. Sometimes, that’s really good advice.
Solomon tells us –
27 Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, – Proverbs 17:27
You don’t have to know everything about everything. Sometimes, we need to keep our mouths closed. We have a tendency to want to get involved in a conversation, but we often turn the focus to ourselves, so we can become the focal point.
If someone tells a story about meeting Andrew Luck, we share how we met him and Peyton Manning. If someone tells us about a physical issue, we tell them ours. We may think it’s innocent enough and we’re just sharing with them, but it’s letting someone share their story without sharing our story. We don’t have to one up a person.
In the next verse, Solomon tells us –
28 Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. – Proverbs 17:28
That’s what I’m talking about. Not that people think you a fool, but when we are careful with our words, when we don’t jump in at every breath, people can look at us as wise.
For example, when you’re in a meeting at work, and the topic being discussed is something you’re not overly familiar with, then it’s probably best not to talk, but to ask a couple of questions to help you understand. Then when the topic is about something you know, you can share your knowledge.
And remember, just because someone has a different viewpoint, it doesn’t make their view wrong, it’s just different than yours.
Also, just because you know something about someone doesn't mean you have to share that information. Isn’t that the way we share prayer requests? As a form of gossip? You know Sally Sue is having “FILL IN THE BLANK” problem, so we should pray for her. Maybe she does need prayer, but often times we share gossip or private information that really doesn’t need to be shared. So, sometimes, it’s better to say nothing, than something.
You see, sometimes when we talk too much, it’s with an ulterior motive. I’m just being real here folks. We say things on occasion to stir the pot. Solomon said –
28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. – Proverbs 16:28
You know what a whisperer is. They talk quietly so nobody else hears them. Why do they do that? Because they don’t want anyone else to hear what they’re sharing which is usually gossip. A whisperer comes from the Hebrew root word which means to ROLL INTO PIECES. Isn’t that what gossip and slander does?
So, a person who is dishonest wants to create discord and problems. The whisperer wants to create dissension among friends and lead them to battle with one another and ultimately to no longer become friends. Don’t we see that in a lot of junior high and high school relationships, and we see it in adults as well.
And let me add, that the word dishonest, is literally the word PERVERSE. So, it’s a perverse person seeks to spread strife.
That's something new to think about. Did it ever occur to you that when you talk bad about someone, God considers your actions perverted? It may seem hard to believe, but that is what the Bible says.
Again, Solomon says –
9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. – Proverbs 17:9
Isn’t that crucial in friendships? Can you let go of an offense. Can you seek forgiveness in the relationship, instead of going to everyone and repeating what they did to you so you can gain allies and have other people go against them. Isn’t that what happens? If we were to be really honest, we tell others, not so much for council, but to spread stories.
NOW . . . if you really are seeking advice and counsel from a trusted friend, then by all means share it. But don’t go to everyone seeking advice . . . you know what I mean?
Repeating everything you hear destroys friendships. This is why you need to think before you speak, and consider whether you should say anything at all. You don't have to repeat everything you hear.
Think about how many of us are guilty of what Solomon said - -
13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. – Proverbs 18:13
Think about how much damage we do when we speak before we have all of the facts. Think about how many people have been guilty in our minds, yet they were innocent. Add to that the fact that we often don’t wait for people to finish their sentences before we just jump in and start speaking.
How many times have we jumped in to solve a problem that really wasn’t there, because we really didn’t listen to the need. Now, add to that the fact when we’re having a disagreement what we do. We hear the other person talking but we’re not listening. James tells us –
19 Know this, let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger – James 1:19
In disagreements we tend to not listen to one another, instead we formulate our comebacks very quickly. We don’t catch how the other person is thinking of feeling, and we begin to form our response while they are talking and most of us cannot think and listen at the same time. So, as soon as they are done speaking, we fight back with our words.
I use this scripture with every couple I do premarital counseling with. Listen first, keep your moth closed. Listen! Listen! Listen! Then be slow to speak! Don’t blurt out the first comeback you have! Speak with wisdom and understanding because you’ve listened. And once you understand the other person, you will be slower to become angry.
In the end disagreements don’t have to turn into arguments and ugly messes. Confrontations and conflicts don’t have to be feared because of the way you approach them. If you take that, and add what Paul said in Philippians 2 –
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:3-4
When you count others as more significant than yourself and you look to the interests of others - - it changes your perspective. And when that happens we are better able to communicate with others and that makes a difference and it shows who Christ is in our lives.
Have you ever gotten really angry about something? But you realized in the end you were wrong. You were the one who made the mistake, or the person you blamed for whatever it was, really didn’t do it, but you blew up at them, and now you need to pick up the pieces.
It’s ugly and causes a great deal of damage to relationships. The words we use have tremendous power.
As we move to the end, and there’s really more, but we have next week too. Ultimately, our goal, our mission, if we are a Christ follower is to make a difference in this world by the way we live our lives.
Just imagine who ugly our words can be towards others. Imagine what the person who doesn’t know Jesus thinks of Christ followers who are swearing, gossiping, slandering and hurting others? Remember, Solomon said God views us as perverse. The hope is that in all we do, because we know Jesus, we move into the world, whether that’s at home, work, a store, the gym, wherever it is . . . we do it showing the love, the grace and the power of Jesus in our lives.
