BE WISE - Advice
July 28, 2019
Let me ask you a really easy question . . . . it’s an either / or question. Which is easier - - - giving advice or taking advice?
Isn’t it always easier to give advice!? I think so. Because we don’t always like the advice we are being given. It may be exactly what we need and exactly what we really don’t want to hear. But when we give advice, we believe our advice is the best advice the person is going to receive.
That’s what we’re talking about today! As we continue to look at the wisdom of Proverbs in our series, BE WISE, the words of Solomon will instruct us about the advice we receive and the advice we give.
We will look at a biblical example, as well as a personal example that’s going on right now in the Deutsch household. Because sometimes, the advice we get is good on all sides and we then aren’t sure what decision to make.
Remember, people like to give advice, and getting advice is pretty common. Go to Wal-Mart with a baby and people will tell you how to raise it, especially if your child is crying. In mid-July they'll say things like, "I can't believe you brought that baby out without a coat on!" or "If you let that baby suck her thumb like that she'll get buck-teeth." You get the idea.
Another easy way to get advice is go into business for yourself. There are plenty of people out there who are glad to tell you where you should spend your advertising dollar, what your prices should be, what your hours should be, and on and on.
Another easy way to get advice is to coach a team. Everyone has an opinion about what you should do and what you shouldn’t do, who should play and who shouldn’t play.
The point is - - - there is so much advice out there and lots of people willing to offer advice. Of course, the problem is that most unasked-for advice is worth what you paid for it. And taking the wrong advice can get you in trouble.
If you’re in the process of getting it together and keeping it together, you will need to fine-tune the art of taking advice. Everyone needs advice, and the book of Proverbs tells us it is absolutely essential to take advice in order to succeed in life. Solomon said...
20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. – Proverbs 19:20
15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. – Proverbs 12:15
The first thing we’re going to look at is the need to be selective in who you listen to. Sometimes that can be difficult to determine who’s best to listen to and who has your best interests in their heart, spirit and mind.
You can't get advice from just everyone, though sometimes it may seem that everyone is trying to give it to you. You have to choose who you'll listen to. This is why we should be wary of receiving unasked for advice. People who are wise rarely attempt to advise you until you ask for it, because they know you have to be ready to hear advice before it will do you any good.
The other option if you really are wanting to help someone is to offer a time to meet and talk and share encouragement. Most people don’t want to get beat up through advice.
For example, in one of my doctoral classes I had an amazing professor, Howard Hendricks. He really was this old, crusty guy, with the most amazing heart, and he just wanted you to call him, Howie!
He told the story about a time he taught a preaching class and this one student did everything you can possibly do wrong, wrong. He said the sermon was horrendous. But he had to meet with him and tell him how bad it was. But in Howie’s way, you did it with love and you always find 2-3 areas where he did well. So, Howie met with him and told him some things he actually did well, then asked him, “with all these good things, can I share some ways you can get even better?” It was so revelatory about how we should approach people.
Now, before you seek advice from anyone regarding a problem you're having or a decision you're facing, be careful to choose the right person to give you counsel.
Solomon tells us –
7 Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge. – Proverbs 14:7
The Living Bible says it very simply - - If you’re looking for advice, stay away from fools.
In other words, when you need help, go to people who will give you wisdom, not someone who doesn’t have a clue. For example, you wouldn’t ask the Chicago Bears for a good field goal kicker! You wouldn’t ask me how to build a home. You wouldn’t ask Elizabeth Taylor for marriage advice.
When you need advice, seek out people you admire and respect, who have credibility and who have experience to give advice. Solomon said...
20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. – Proverbs 13:20
When you seek advice or wisdom from others, find someone who’s been there. Or who has knowledge or can direct you in the right direction. Find someone you trust.
Now, I want to share a biblical story about being selective in receiving advice. In 1 Kings 11, we hear that the guy who wrote most of Proverbs became pretty foolish. He ended up with 700 wives and 300 concubines. There’s lots I could say about that, but I won’t!
The end result is that these women led him away from God, and he worshiped other false gods and this hurt him, his family and the nation. When he died, his son Rehoboam became king. This is where the nation becomes divided.
The northern part of the country came to him, through a guy named Jeroboam -
4 “Your father made our yoke heavy. Now therefore lighten the hard service
of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.”
5 He said to them, “Go away for three days, then come again to me.” So the people went away. – 1 Kings 12:4-5
OK, so far, that’s a great idea by Rehoboam. Give me time to seek counsel and make a decision. First, Rehoboam, seeks out the older men who were Solomon’s aids. They told him to be kind and gracious to them and they will serve you forever.
Then Rehoboam sought the advice of his friends who told him to say –
10 ‘My little finger is thicker than my father's thighs.
11 And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke.
My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’” – 1 KINGS 12:10-11
That was the advice he received from his young friends. And Rehoboam did exactly that. And the kingdom became a weaker and divided kingdom.
The moral of the story is beware of the advice you receive. When you receive advice ask yourself
— is it honoring God?
— Is it advice that will show who Christ is?
— Does the person giving advice have experience?
And sometimes, the advice is neutral, meaning, it’s not necessarily about honoring Christ, but about decisions. That’s when you need to look at those who are giving you advice. Who are they, what’s their experience level, who’s interests do they have in mind.
I don’t believe the advice from the younger guys was in Rehoboam’s best interest, or in the best interest of the nation. They had no experience, no wisdom, but they wanted to look like the tough guys and hide behind the new king.
Not all decisions which are the right decisions are going to be liked by all people. Sometimes you have to make difficult decisions about employees, or inventory, or about hours, or wages. If you do, seek out the best possible advice, but then present it in a way which isn’t brutal. It is possible to share bad news with love and grace.
Let me share with you a personal decision which is going on right now in the Deutsch household that pertains to Joshua. And I have his permission to share this with you. He’s been working in Baltimore, Maryland for the summer as an Assistant Tennis Pro.
He’s had a great summer which is influencing his career choices. He’s really torn in his decision about what to do after graduation. It’s a toss up between going to Grad School, working as a grad assistant tennis coach and hopefully becoming a college tennis coach . . . . OR going to work at a country club as a head pro with the desire to ultimately be the director. Both are good and viable options.
So, what does he do? He’s solicited advice from the director at the country club he’s working at. A guy who is knowledgeable and successful. And who is encouraging Joshua to seek to become a director, believing in Joshua and telling Joshua, he has connections. On the other hand, Joshua has been talking to his tennis coach and others in the tennis program at college. Talking about grad school and coaching.
My point is that Joshua is seeking advice, wisdom, from those who are in those fields. He’s asking a director about being a director. He’s talking to a man he trusts. He’s talking to his tennis coach, who is obviously a coach, another man he trusts. Debbie and I can give parental advice, but we don’t know the business side of things.
In the end, and here’s the tough part, neither decision is necessarily wrong. Both are great options, and that’s what makes decisions so difficult. In the end, when we’re making decisions about what to do, we need to look to those who have wisdom, experience and trust, so we can make the best possible decisions.
I mean you wouldn’t want to ask me about hair restoration, or ask me about singing lessons. You wouldn’t ask the Chicago Bears about field goal kickers.
When seeking wisdom and advice from others, find someone who has your best interests at heart.
When you ask for advice, you’re putting yourself in somewhat of a vulnerable position. You need to be sure this person has your best interests at heart, that they aren’t advising you with a self serving or hidden agenda.
For example, have you ever played a new game with a friend and they explain the game in such a way that it aids them and not you. Of course, that’s one way to learn how to play and who your friends are. Be selective in who you take advice from. Again, this goes back to trust.
Another aspect of asking for and receiving advice is being receptive. It’s not always easy to take advice, because sometimes it’s not what we want to hear. We tend to label some advice as constructive criticism, and there are moments when we need to hear what needs improvement, but when it’s labeled criticism, we do kind of struggle.
We don’t always want to advice because we’re afraid of hearing what we don't want to hear.
In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon said...
13 Better was a poor and wise youth than an old and foolish king who no longer knew how to take advice. – Ecclesiastes 4:13
And again in Proverbs –
15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice. – Proverbs 12:15
We can receive the greatest advice, but it doesn’t mean we will accept it, nor might we give perfect advice and have the recipient embrace it. Sometimes, even after asking for it, the person still will not accept it. We can’t force someone to say yes to what we advise.
As Solomon wrote —
16 Every prudent man acts out with knowledge, but a fool flaunts his folly. – Proverbs 13:16
Have you ever had a situation where you’ve told someone 20 times what to do and it’s ignored, then someone totally different comes by, says it one time, and it’s a new revelation. Don’t be angry, know that just maybe you were planting the seeds for the harvest to come at a later time. Even though it is frustrating.
Just because you make a foolish decision once doesn't mean you have to keep making foolish decisions. But you will continue to flounder until you open your heart to the advice from people who truly care about you. Seeking Godly people will sometimes change the perspective as well. When you seek people who can give you Godly advice, you see a different viewpoint than what others in the world might be giving you. Be receptive, and be willing to hear what you don't want to hear.
Asking for advice may be one of the greatest compliments you can give someone. It shows you trust and respect their opinion. When you seek advice, you need to ask yourself the following questions:
• Does this person have experience?
• Does this person have my best interests at heart?
• Will this person tell me what I need to hear?
• Can this person be one of a group of trusted friends to help me develop an objective view of my life?
• Will this person share advice with God in their heart? Or will this be advice which goes against God?
When you do this, it does not ensure success. But it gives you the opportunity to move in the right direction.
Finally, Solomon said –
20 Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. – Proverbs 19:20
In the end, even though Solomon didn’t always exhibit wisdom, we can learn from him, from others and yes, from ourselves about how to live our lives with wisdom. Proverbs reminds us to seek and accept good wisdom . . . it’s called advice.
This week, wherever you go . . . offer wisdom which will always honor God.
