Introduction:
A. The story is told of two police officers who responded to a call from the dispatcher concerning a bad traffic accident.
1. When they arrived on the scene, they found a father, mother and two children who were all unconscious inside the wrecked car.
2. After the ambulances arrived and began loading the family, the officers discovered that there was also a monkey inside the car and the monkey was conscious.
3. Since he was the only conscious witness to the accident they decided to try to ask him some questions.
4. They asked the monkey, “Do you know what the father was doing before the accident?”
a. The monkey gestured drinking from a bottle. One of the officers said, “Makes sense.”
5. They asked the monkey, “What was the mother doing?
a. The monkey gestured shaking his finger and frowning.
b. The officer said, “Now we are getting somewhere. The father was drinking and the mother was getting on him about it.”
6. Then they asked the monkey, “What were the children doing?”
a. The monkey gestured the children fighting with each other.
b. The officers look at each other and agree, “Well, with all that going on, it was inevitable that they were going to have an accident.”
7. The two officers turned to walk away, when one of them decided to ask the monkey one more question: “By the way, what were you doing the whole time?”
8. The monkey gestured driving the car.
B. Today I want to talk about spiritual leadership in the church and in the home.
1. In last week’s sermon, we explored what the Bible says about God’s plan for the distinctive roles for men and women in the church.
a. We learned that men and women have equal status and value, but have distinctive roles.
b. We learned that God has given the primary role of spiritual leadership in the church and in the home to men.
2. Today I want to begin with an obvious question: What kind of men are supposed to be steering the church and the home?
3. The right answer is not men acting like silly monkeys!
a. Although, if you know me well, you know that sometimes I like to pretend to turn into a monkey when I eat a banana in front of children. It’s a lot of fun!
4. What kind of men are supposed to be steering the church and the home? Spiritual men of God!
5. In today’s sermon I want us to look at the Biblical verses that focus on God’s expectations for male spiritual leaders in the church and in the home.
6. What kinds of things should the women we are leading in the church and the home expect from their male spiritual leaders?
a. It is important that all of us know the answer to that question.
b. And if you don’t already know the answer, let me simply say the calling and expectations for male spiritual leaders is high.
c. And although none of us men who are trying to provide leadership in the church and in the home are perfect, and will never be perfect, we must reach to embrace the high calling and expectations of God.
7. With that as an introduction, let’s turn our attention first to God’s expectations for spiritual leaders in the church.
I. Spiritual Leadership in the Church
A. So, who am I talking about when I address male spiritual leaders in the church, I am talking primarily about elders, deacons and evangelists (ministers).
1. Let’s begin with God’s general expectations for spiritual leadership.
2. In Matthew 20, Jesus was approached by the mother of James and John, Zebedee’s sons.
a. As a typical mother, she was interested in advancing the opportunities for her sons.
b. She asked Jesus if her two sons could occupy the positions of honor and power at Jesus’ right and left hands when He sits on His throne in His kingdom.
c. When the other disciples heard what James and John’s mother had requested, they became indignant (in other words, they wished they had made that personal request first!).
d. Jesus used it as an opportunity to teach His apostles about godly, spiritual leadership.
3. Jesus said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those in high positions act as tyrants over them. 26 It must not be like that among you. On the contrary, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave; 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25-28)
4. What do we learn from Jesus’ words?
a. We learn that ungodly, unspiritual leadership is all about power and position being used by the leader for self-serving purposes.
b. Godly, spiritual leadership is the exact opposite – the leader serves rather than being served.
c. Jesus is our perfect example of this – He came to serve, not to be served.
5. A man named Robert Townsend whose leadership transformed Avis into a rental car giant said, “True leadership must be for the benefit of the followers; not the enrichment of the leaders.”
a. He certainly had the right idea!
B. Jesus had many serious criticisms of the Jewish leadership of the time, but some of His harshest judgments against them were because they used their leadership positions to serve themselves.
1. In Matthew 23:1-7, Jesus gave them this scathing rebuke: 1 Then Jesus spoke to the crowds and to his disciples: 2 “The scribes and the Pharisees are seated in the chair of Moses. 3 Therefore do whatever they tell you, and observe it. But don’t do what they do, because they don’t practice what they teach. 4 They tie up heavy loads that are hard to carry and put them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves aren’t willing to lift a finger to move them. 5 They do everything to be seen by others: They enlarge their phylacteries and lengthen their tassels. 6 They love the place of honor at banquets, the front seats in the synagogues, 7 greetings in the marketplaces, and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by people.”
2. Those bad spiritual leaders didn’t practice what they preached, and didn’t lift a finger to help others.
3. What were they all about? They were all about the outward displays of religiosity, and the perks that came with it: special clothes, special names, and special places of honor.
4. The only people their leadership benefitted was themselves.
C. So, what should spiritual leadership look like for elders, deacons and evangelists?
1. The apostle Peter wrote some great instructions in his first letter.
2. He wrote: 1 I exhort the elders among you as a fellow elder and witness to the sufferings of Christ, as well as one who shares in the glory about to be revealed: 2 Shepherd God’s flock among you, not overseeing out of compulsion but willingly, as God would have you; not out of greed for money but eagerly; 3 not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory. (1 Peter 5:1-4)
3. The idea of shepherding a flock of sheep is such a good illustration of the role of spiritual leader.
1. One of the biblical words for an elder is pastor, which means shepherd.
2. Sheep need leading, protecting, feeding, and healing – all things people need as well.
4. Peter says that spiritual leaders should lead willingly – which suggests a willing heart.
5. Peter says they must not lead for self-serving reasons like monetary gain or power.
6. A spiritual leader’s most powerful tool isn’t their words, but is their life’s example.
D. Another great passage for spiritual leadership is 1 Thessalonians 2:1-12.
1. The writer is Paul who, like Peter, is another great spiritual leader.
2. Paul wrote: 1 For you yourselves know, brothers and sisters, that our visit with you was not without result. 2 On the contrary, after we had previously suffered and were treated outrageously in Philippi, as you know, we were emboldened by our God to speak the gospel of God to you in spite of great opposition. 3 For our exhortation didn’t come from error or impurity or an intent to deceive. 4 Instead, just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please people, but rather God, who examines our hearts. 5 For we never used flattering speech, as you know, or had greedy motives—God is our witness— 6 and we didn’t seek glory from people, either from you or from others. 7 Although we could have been a burden as Christ’s apostles, instead we were gentle among you, as a nurse nurtures her own children. 8 We cared so much for you that we were pleased to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. 9 For you remember our labor and hardship, brothers and sisters. Working night and day so that we would not burden any of you, we preached God’s gospel to you. 10 You are witnesses, and so is God, of how devoutly, righteously, and blamelessly we conducted ourselves with you believers. 11 As you know, like a father with his own children, 12 we encouraged, comforted, and implored each one of you to live worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.
3. That is a long passage, but I want us to feel Paul’s heart for the people he was leading.
a. He describes his leadership as like a mother (nurse) and a father, caring for children.
b. He described how they didn’t just see their roles as a job, but as a connection, a community, a family where lives are shared.
c. Paul reminded them of how they didn’t use deception or flattery, and that they didn’t have greedy motives – as a matter of fact they worked night and day so as not to be a burden.
d. That is excellent spiritual leadership!
E. Let’s look at one more passage that describes spiritual leadership in the church and is from the same letter of Paul to the Thessalonians, chapter 5:12-15.
1. Paul wrote: 12 Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to give recognition to those who labor among you and lead you in the Lord and admonish you, 13 and to regard them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves. 14 And we exhort you, brothers and sisters: warn those who are idle, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15 See to it that no one repays evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good for one another and for all.
2. In this passage we see the symbiotic relationship that should take place between leaders and followers.
3. Spiritual leaders who are working hard and doing a good job should be appreciated and cooperated with.
4. Spiritual leaders who are doing a good job will be sensitive to the different needs of the people they are leading, some need warning, others need comfort, and others need help, but everyone needs to be treated with patience.
5. George Washington Carver, the great American scientist and inventor once said, “How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these.”
6. Jesus’ golden rule works well: “Treat others as you would want to be treated.”
7. Godly, spiritual leaders keep that in mind as a guiding principle.
F. Much more could certainly be said about male spiritual leadership in the church, but let’s turn our attention to the home.
II. Spiritual Leadership in the Home
A. When I refer to male spiritual leadership in the home, I’m talking about the leadership of husbands and fathers.
1. The Bible certainly has a lot to say about the high calling and expectations for husbands and fathers.
2. And just as I said about spiritual leaders in the church, although none of us men who are trying to provide leadership in the home are perfect, and will never be perfect, we must reach to embrace the high calling and expectations of God.
3. Let’s take a quick survey of God’s commands and expectations for husbands and fathers.
B. Let’s start with the male spiritual leadership of husbands.
1. Most of us are familiar with Paul’s very challenging instructions for husbands that he included in his letter to the Ephesians.
2. Paul wrote: 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of his body. 31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. (Eph. 5:25-31)
3. The high calling and expectations for husbands includes striving to love their wives in a way similar to the way Jesus loves the church.
a. Jesus has loved the church with a sacrificial love – He gave all He had for His bride.
b. The husband’s love for his wife should cause him to put his wives interests and needs ahead of his own – Just like Jesus did for us.
c. A husband’s goal should be to help his wife flourish and blossom.
d. Because the husband and wife are one, when a husband does what is best for his wife, then he experiences what is best for himself.
4. When a husband loves his wife like Christ loved the church, the requirement for wives to submit and respect their husbands is made much easier.
a. The husband is to be the leader and initiator providing the necessary love first and foremost.
C. In Paul’s parallel passage written to the Colossians, Paul much more briefly commands husbands, saying: Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them (Colossians 3:19).
1. The primary positive command is love.
2. The negative or prohibition is to not be bitter toward them – which could include resentful, disgruntled, or spiteful.
a. The NIV chose the word “harsh” – which means cruel, severe, intolerant, dictatorial.
3. Remember, the model for spiritual leadership in the church or the home is of the servant serving, not the self-serving dictator.
D. The apostle Peter also offers important instructions for husbands, when he wrote: 7 Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)
1. Notice the phrase “In the same way” is used here in reference to husbands, just like it has been used for wives earlier in the chapter.
a. Our role as husbands is to be carried out in submission to God, just like wives, slaves and citizens are to be in submission to God and to those in authority over them.
2. The one word that summarizes what Peter has to say to husbands about their relationship with their wives is consideration.
a. Here the CSB version says to “live with your wives in an understanding way.”
b. Because we are to be the head of our wives and to love them as Christ loves the church (as Paul says), then we must be sensitive and consider our wives deepest physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.
c. A Christian husband must know and understand his wife’s moods and feelings, her needs and fears, her hopes and dreams.
d. We need to learn to listen with our ears and our hearts.
3. Peter said that this consideration includes a respect for our wives that recognizes two things.
a. First, we must recognize that they are the weaker partner.
1. That doesn’t mean that they are weaker morally, spiritually, or intellectually.
2. This weakness has to do with both her physical strength and her emotional makeup.
3. This weakness is like the fragile nature of fine china.
4. We should handle our wives like an expensive, beautiful, fragile vase.
5. Many men never come to understand how their harshness and inconsideration destroys their wives and their marriage.
6. I wish that women came stamped with the reminder: “Fragile! Handle with Care!”
b. Second, we must recognize that they are co-heirs with us of salvation.
1. Our wives are our spiritual partners and equals.
2. God’s rewards and blessings eternally will be shared alike.
3. Husbands are called on to be the heads of their wives and leaders in their homes, but we are in no way superior to our wives in this world or in the next.
4. Our wives must never be treated as inferior, but should be treated with consideration and respect and honor.
4. There are many very important reasons for husbands to obey the Lord and treat their wives appropriately, but Peter only mentions one: so that nothing will hinder our prayers.
a. How a man treats his wife is a spiritual matter between the man and God.
b. When a husband mistreats his wife, his fellowship with the Lord is broken and his prayers are powerless.
c. Can you think of many more serious divine threats that can be given, then the interruption of the promise of prayers being heard and answered?
d. The threat by God to shut off his divine blessings shows just how critical it is for a Christian husband to be lovingly considerate and respectful of his wife.
E. Let me give one final word about God’s high calling for husbands: God calls us to fidelity to our wives.
1. This is not God’s command for husbands only, but also for wives.
2. The Hebrew writer put it this way: Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. (Heb. 13:4)
3. This fidelity should include sexual purity of the heart, mind, and body.
4. Satan’s traps for husbands and wives include all kinds of sexual immorality and adultery – including emotional relationship attachments (even if they are just online) and pornographic appetites (whether in the TV shows and movies we watch, or internet activity we engage in).
5. With God’s help, let’s honor our marriages and keep them strong, pure and undefiled.
F. Let’s give brief attention to the spiritual leadership of fathers.
1. God has provided some powerful and wonderful passages for fathers in Deuteronomy, like this one: These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deut. 6:6-9)
2. The Word of God is to be present in the home as the father keeps the Word of God before his children – this can be done in more formal times, like devotionals, but also has powerful impact as the Word is brought into the everyday rhythm of life – the teachable moments.
G. This is something that Paul included when he gave instructions to fathers.
1. Ephesians 6:4 reads like this in the CSB: Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
a. The NIV reads: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
2. Paul’s parallel passage in his letter to the Colossians reads: Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged. (Col. 3:21)
a. The NIV chose the word “embitter” rather than “exasperate.”
3. How might a father stir up anger, embitter or exasperate his children?
a. He might do it by being too harsh or demanding.
b. He might do it by never being satisfied and always raising the bar.
c. He might do it by being inconsistent or over-disciplining.
d. When a father stirs up anger in his children, they often rebel against him and give up trying to please him.
4. There are a lot of great proverbs on parenting and fathering, so let me give you a few:
a. Proverbs 22:6, Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (KJV)
b. Proverbs 22:15, Foolishness is bound to the heart of a youth; a rod of discipline will separate it from him.
c. Proverbs 13:24, The one who will not use the rod hates his son, but the one who loves him disciplines him diligently.
d. Proverbs 19:18, Discipline your son while there is hope; don’t set your heart on being the cause of his death.
e. Proverbs 29:17, Discipline your child, and it will bring you peace of mind and give you delight.
f. We must keep in mind that the discipline of children has to do with teaching and training, more than just punishment.
5. The ultimate goal for fathers should be to provide, to protect and to love their children with the love of God and to teach their children to love God and to walk in God’s ways.
6. So much more could be said about fathering, but this sermon is more of an overview of male spiritual leadership in the church and the home, so I will leave it at that.
H. Allow me to end with something that Ruth Graham (the wife of Billy Graham) wrote.
1. She wrote this way before she met and married Billy Graham.
2. She wrote it while she was a single woman working as missionary in China and thought that she would likely remain single and continue to be a missionary.
3. What she wrote is a good description of what all of us men should strive to be as spiritual leaders in the church and in the home.
4. She wrote: “If I marry: He must be so tall that when he is on his knees, as one has said, he reaches all the way to heaven. His shoulders must be broad enough to bear the burden of a family. His lips must be strong enough to smile, firm enough to say no, and tender enough to kiss. Love must be so deep that it takes its stand in Christ and so wide that it takes the whole lost world in. He must be active enough to be gentle and great enough to be thoughtful. His arms must be strong enough to carry a little child.”
I. Men, let’s embrace the high calling that God has given us as spiritual leaders in the church and in the home.
1. We owe it to God, to the church, and to our wives and children to keep striving to grow as men of God and grow in our ability to provide spiritual leadership.
