A Better Father’s Day Card
1 Thessalonians 2:7-13
11 For you know how, like a father with his children, 12 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.
Please turn in your copy of God’s Word to 1 Thessalonians 2
The other day, I went to the greeting card section at Wal-Mart, because I wanted to see if the hunch I had was true. My hunch was this: most people when they buy their mother a mother’s day card, its flowery, and sweet, and has words in gold-foil script, and it may even smell like perfume. But when they buy their father a Father’s Day card, it's funny and cartoony, and if it smells like anything, its probably either motor oil or barbecue. Show of hands: if you got a father’s day card, was it funny or serious?
So I went to Wal-Mart, and I realized I was partially wrong. There are a good share of serious, sentimental Father’s day cards. And, full disclosure, there really are a lot of funny Mother’s Day cards. But there’s a difference between funny mother’s day cards and funny father’s day cards. With funny mother’s day cards, it's usually kids that are making fun of themselves. “Thanks, mom, for always taking the crust off my sandwiches.” “Thanks, mom, for not freaking out about the tattoo.” I call it the “I love you, Mom, for putting up with me” genre. But with funny father’s day cards, its more often kids making fun of their dads. This is the “We love you, Dad, that’s why we put up with you” genre.
• Dad, in your honor, I’m just going to sit on the couch and rest my eyes for a bit…
• Dads: saying more with less from the very beginning
• I love you dad, in spite of your horrible political views
Now, there’s nothing wrong with dads being able to laugh at themselves. In fact, if you couldn’t laugh at yourself, there might be something wrong. But today, as we honor both our biological dads and those men in our lives who have been spiritual fathers to us, I wanted to lead us to say thank you for some things that really matter. And for that, I we turn to 1 Thessalonians. Which is, admittedly, kind of a weird place to turn, because as far as we know, the apostle Paul didn’t have any children, and this particular passage isn’t specifically about parenting. But I think there are some truths here that we can apply to what dads who are doing right are doing right. So let’s look at this passage as “A Better Father’s Day Card” than what you might see at Wal-Mart.
And, as is our tradition here, if you are physically able please stand in honor of the reading of God’s Word:
7 But we were gentle[c] among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.
9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. 10 You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you believers. 11 For you know how, like a father with his children, 12 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.
13 And we also thank God constantly[d] for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men[e] but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers.
This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. You may be seated, and as you are being seated, please pray with me…
The first thing we want to say “Thanks” to our dads for is this: Thanks, Dad…
1. For not being so tough that you couldn’t be tender (v. 7)
7 But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. 8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.
Maybe you are hearing this first point and thinking, “Hang on. James, did you get your notes mixed up? Because this sounds like a Mother’s Day sermon.” But keep in mind this is the Apostle Paul that’s saying this. If there was any “man’s man” in the New Testament (other than Jesus), it was the Apostle Paul. Paul who got his start going from town to town hunting down Christians so he could put them to death. Who, once he became a Christian, endured about every kind of hardship you can endure for the sake of the gospel (see 2 Corinthians 11:24-33). Who confronted Peter to his face over his hypocrisy (Galatians 2:11-14). Paul took absolutely nothing from nobody.
But here’s Paul saying “We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.” Paul understood that for people to respond to the gospel, there were times when he had to be tough, but there were also times to be tender. Think about what a nursing mother does for the sake of her children. She gives of herself so her children can be nourished. She responds to their needs, no matter what time of day or night. She makes herself vulnerable in order to feed them. And men, let’s not lose sight of the fact that Paul—man’s man, tough guy, ninja warrior Paul! Is the one saying this. “We were gentle among you, like a nursing mother. We were affectionately desirous of you, sharing with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.”
Dads, are you gentle with your children? Are you affectionate with them? Do you allow them to see your tender heart? I loved all the responses to my facebook question this week. I put the question out there, “If your dad was a ‘man’s man,’ can you think of a time when you saw his softer side?” And even though I never specifically asked for this, so many of the stories had to do with when you saw your dad cry.
Illustration: When I was in college (I lived at home) I came home from classes and my dad told me I needed to take my dog to the vet, because it was time to put her down. This was the dog that I had grown up with. We got her when I was ten, so this was about twelve years later. And my dad said, “Bring her body back, and we’ll bury her in the back yard.” So when I got back, my dad met me in the driveway with two shovels. We buried my dog in the back yard. Afterwards, my dad looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Son, you want a beer?” Not only had I never seen my dad cry, but I’d never had a beer with him, either. And so we sat together and told stories about my dog, and just cried. Now, Trish and I don’t drink. We don’t keep alcohol in the house. But I have to tell you this. My dad has been gone for nearly 20 years now. Caleb doesn’t remember him, and he never met Josh. And there is so much of my life over the past two decades that I wish I could talk with him about. And if I had another chance to talk with him, then I think I would have to ask forgiveness from you, my church family, for the beer. Dads, we want to thank you for not being so tough that you couldn’t be tender.
2. For being an example of a godly man (v. 10)
9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God. 10 You are witnesses, and God also, how holy and righteous and blameless was our conduct toward you
One blank that isn’t on your listening guide but really should be the example of hard word. Paul says that he and Timothy and Silas worked “night and day so that they would not be a burden to any of you. So many people that commented on Facebook this week talked about how they learned the value of hard work from their dads.
Illustration: Mike Denning told me about a time when he had agreed to mow someone’s lawn for $3.00 with a push mower. And it was a huge lawn. He worked all afternoon on that lawn and still didn’t finish it. Came back and told his dad he wasn’t going back, that it wasn’t worth the $3. Mike, what was your dads reaction?
So, one of the characteristics of a godly man is that they labor and toil. They work night and day on behalf of their families. Then, verse ten gives us three more characteristics:
• Holy = set apart for service one of the factors Steve Parr references in his book "Why They Stay" is whether or not children saw their parents engaged in meaningful service in the church. Not just showing up, but serving. I love watching so many of the men in our church serving. And I watch your sons watch you serving. Many of them left this morning for the family mission trip together.
• Righteous = right standing before God (not self righteous. A man’s righteousness doesn’t come from himself, it comes from God)
• Blameless = right reputation before others: deals with honesty, fairness, integrity.
3. For caring for each of us as if there were only one of us(v. 12)
11 For you know how, like a father with his children, 12 we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.
Now we are getting onto more familiar “father’s day” territory, because Paul switches from comparing himself to a nursing mother to a loving father. But the first phrase I want you to highlight in this verse is “each one of you.” ESV does a good job capturing the second person singular of this. Because here Paul isn’t talking to a group. He’s talking to individuals. He says we EXHORTED each one of you, and we ENCOURAGED each one of you, and we CHARGED each one of you.
While these words are pretty similar in English, there’s some pretty cool shades of meaning when you break them down in the Greek. The first two are parakaleo paramytheo. Each start with the prefix para which means “alongside” (parallel, paralegal, etc). So they both deal with coming alongside someone else and doing something. That’s where the difference is.
• Exhort (parakaleo): kaleo is a verb meaning to call. So parakaleo is one called alongside. A teacher was a parakaleo. involves instruction and insight
• Encourage (paramytheomai): involves sympathy and concern. This word is more rare in the NT. You see “para” like with parakaleo so you know youre doing something alongside, but then you see the word “mythos” which is story. So paramytheomai literally means coming alongside someone else’s story.
• Charge (martyromai): appeals to character and witness. You see the word “martyr” here, which is simply a witness. So “charge” means to remind someone of their witness. In Christian parenting, this is what is known as the “come to Jesus” talk. It’s when you remind your children that who they are and whose they are should make a difference in how they behave. Even in non Christian households, there might be a conversation that goes along the lines of “You’re a Jackson. And Jackson men don’t do this… whatever “this” was.
Now, there are going to be times when you instruct your kids (parakaleo). There are going to be other times when you comfort and listen to them (paramytheo) . You come alongside their stories. And, there will be times when you need to have the come to Jesus talk with them (martyromai) . No matter who you are talking to, you will move back and forth between these three. But I want to look at it from a different perspective as well:
Dads, raise your hands if you have multiple children. Think about how different they are. You might have one who’s that respond best to your instruction and insight. That’s your parakaleo kid. But their sister or brother migh just need you to listen to them. They need to tell you their story. That’s your paramytheo kid. Then you might have a kid that all you need to do is remind them of who they are in order to get them to change their direction.
What I love about Paul here is that he is modeling what it means to respond to each person in your life differently. Paul mentored several different people in his life. He poured into a young pastor named Timothy, and encouraged him to not let anyone look down on him because he was young (1 Timothy 4:12). He also mentored Titus, who seems to have needed him to just listen while he talked about the immorality going on in his church (see Titus 1). And I imagine there must have been a time when Paul confronted the young John Mark to remind him of who he was as a believer and missionary. John Mark was the one who abandoned Paul and Barnabas on their first missionary journey. But later Paul recognized John Mark for being valuable to him in ministry (Acts 15; 2 Tim. 4:11)
4. For making it all about the Gospel (v. 8,9,13)
8 So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.
9 For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.
Everything Paul did, he did for the sake of the gospel. Why was he “tough and tender” with his spiritual children? Verse 8 says it was so he could share with them the gospel of God.” Why did he work night and day? So he could proclaim to them the gospel of God. So in verse 13, we see the payoff:
13 And we also thank God constantly for this, that when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men but as what it really is, the word of God, which is at work in you believers.
Men, Job one for us as dads is to proclaim the gospel to our sons and daughters. Winning is when we can look at our children and say, “you received the word of God, which you heard from me.” Which you saw lived out in me. You watched me love the church, and it made you love the church. You saw me live in right standing with God and in right reputation before men. And as a result, you accepted the gospel not as the word of men but as what it really is—the word of God. And guys, I want to tell you that what scares me most as a dad isn’t that I will fail, but that I will succeed at things that don’t really matter.
Illustration: When Trish was pregnant with Caleb, we were working at a church that had an open gym night for kids in the community to come and play basketball. And there was one kid who showed up every Thursday night to play ball, but I couldn’t have gotten him to a bible study for anything.
One time between games, we had a conversation about our upcoming child being born. And this kid asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. I told him I would love to have a son, but I was a little afraid of that because I wasn’t an athlete, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to teach him how to play baseball, or shoot free throws, or anything like that. And this kid, who I’d never heard say anything serious in all the time I knew him, looked at me and said, “Dude, just spend time with him. My dad is the best athlete I know, and I haven’t learned anything from him.”
Men, spend time with your children. Teach them to throw a baseball or do a pick and roll in basketball. Show your sons how to treat a young lady. Show your daughters what to expect from a man. Take them hunting. Fishing. Camping. Spend time leaning over an engine block with them. But hear me: If we are not working to instill the gospel in our kids, then it really doesn’t matter how well their cars run. It really doesn’t matter how well they can clean a fish, or bait a hook, or throw a baseball. If you aren’t pouring the gospel into your kids, then all those Sunday mornings you spent in the breakfast area at Hampton Inn because you were doing travel ball don’t really matter.
But if you are pouring the gospel into your kids, then every other area where you feel like you fall short really doesn’t matter either. Of all the Facebook comments I got this week, one of my favorite came from Nell Hassell, who said, "If the definition of a man's man is, "gets along with and admired by other man and enjoys men's activities such as fishing hunting camping Etc," my daddy was not a man's man at all. He worked a full-time job a part-time job and an all-night Saturday job yet never missed teaching his Sunday school class of teenage boys. Only in his retirement did he really soften. But I never doubted my daddy's love. I never saw daddy leave the house our return without hugging and kissing my mother. I knew I wanted a husband like him.
Men, that's how to dad. And for those of you who dad well, we say thank you. Let's pray.
