How To Deal With Anger
Ephesians 4:26-27
Introduction: Is anger a sin? Is anger ever justified? Is anger ever appropriate, and if so, when? How does one deal with anger? These are legitimate questions that need to be answered. All of us deal with anger. The question is “How do we deal with it?”
Paul tells us the proper way to handle this issue. Before we explore his words, let’s pause and discover what anger is. The first thing we should observe is that anger is an emotional outburst caused by something that displeases us. The second observation is that anger is a “God given emotion!” Why is it so easy for us to accept emotions such as joy and peace but not anger? Yet, God has given us this emotion.
Therefore, the approach before us is not to eliminate our anger, but, learn how to deal effectively with it. What did Paul mean when he wrote these words? Let’s learn three things.
I. Analyze Your Anger
Note that we are dealing here with a command. The Greek verb is in the imperative mood. Paul uses two different Greek words that stress two views about anger.
A. Appropriate Anger (26a): “In your anger.” The Greek reads like this “orge thumos.” “Orge” refers to an abiding and settled habit of mind which is aroused under certain conditions. “Thumos” means a turbulent, passionate outburst. What does all this mean? We are to have an abiding, settled attitude of righteous indignation against sin and sinful things. This is right and acceptable. The Bible speaks of God’s anger. Jesus got angry – remember Him cleansing the temple? Could you imagine if we never got angry over sin, oppression, injustice or abuse? The prophets displayed anger. They got angry over sin in the nation and the church.
Some anger is very appropriate. When we are offended; when we see God’s
work hindered, His word maligned, His people hurt, we have every right to be angry.
But note Paul’s words, “Do not sin.” At times anger is appropriate, but it must
be manifested and dealt with in healthy, acceptable ways. We must not allow it to lead us into actions that would dishonor God. It is entirely appropriate to be angry over the death of the unborn, it is not appropriate to bomb an abortion clinic!
B. Inappropriate Anger (26b): Paul uses a different Greek word here. The word is “paror gismo”. This is anger mixed with irritation and bitterness. It is anger based on improper motives and is inappropriately expressed. It is the anger that grows into grudges and revenge.
We are responsible for how we handle this emotion. Given the fact that our
emotions have been tainted by sin, shaped by family origin and environment and affected by body chemistry; much of our anger is sinful and inappropriate. Frank Minirth and Paul Meier in their book Happiness Is A Choice suggests there are three main sources of our sinful anger.
1. Selfishness: This is the root cause of most sinful anger. This occurs when our selfish demands are not met. The more selfish we are, the more anger we experience. Did you know that holding grudges is the main cause of people’s depression?
2. Perfectionism: In this case our demands are not satisfied. A perfectionist expects too much from oneself, others and God. That’s why they’re so frequently angry.
3. Suspicion: Read Matt. 7:3-5. These people are paranoid. Everything is out of proportion. They project that others are angry at them so they become angry. Their imagination runs wild.
The first thing to do is analyze your anger. Is it justified? If so, don’t exercise it in a way that would dishonor God. Is it inappropriate? Deal with it immediately – before nightfall! (v.26).
II. Verbalize Your Anger
It is impossible to deal with anger if you won’t acknowledge it’s there. Read carefully
Matthew 5:21-24. We must resolve the issue! This is our responsibility. Note two things:
A. Why? It needs to be resolved, not repressed. Observe that Jesus didn’t say what you have against Him but what He has against you! We are to forgive whether they deserve it or not. We are to forgive regardless of the response. God holds us accountable. We are to have already forgiven. We are seeking His forgiveness. In this process God can use our witness to convict others. If we don’t realize and verbalize this emotion, it will show up in non-verbal ways (avoidance, pouting, etc…).
B. Who? It has been suggested that there are six groups of people who are the object of our anger and need to be forgiven: parents, ourselves, God, spouses, authorities over us and others.
III. Minimize Your Anger
A. How? The best way is to grow in Christ. Leave all vengeance up to God. Be done with revenge. You’ll only wreck your own life. Cast your anger on Him. Enjoy your life. Why let it be controlled by an enemy? Unresolved anger affects the chemistry of your body which leads to depression.
B. Why? Take note of v. 27. When we don’t take care of our anger we give Satan a foothold. What does this mean? When we don’t manifest appropriate anger, we give him an opportunity to spread his opposition to God’s work. When we don’t deal with inappropriate anger, we give him an opportunity to sow dissension and discord which results in despair, discouragement and division.
Conclusion: Paul not only wrote about this here, but check out his words in Rom. 12:17-21. This is how we are to deal with anger.
