Responsibilities Of A Christian Wife And Mother
EPH. 5:21-24 "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (22) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (23) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. (24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing."
As quoted in my last message, the great British General Montgomery advised his young soldiers to not even consider marriage until they had mastered the art of warfare. If we combined that with General Patton's definition of war, then we can get a true reflection of our contemporary culture's view of the difficulty of the marriage relationship. If we go back to the beginning and examine the record of man's creation and the establishment of the marriage relationship and the institution of marriage and family, we can we can pinpoint the "beginning of sorrows," in this whole matter.
We can find in the account of the creation in the first two Chapters of Genesis that when God completed a particular part of creation He would say, "It is good," Or "It is very good." But perhaps you ladies have noticed that after he created man, for the very first time God said, "It is not good . . ." But, of course, He was basically saying that man without a good woman normally isn't worth a great deal! So God blessed man by giving him a what he needed for completion.
But let us look at the rest of the story and try to determine the most likely source of the tug of war that is admittedly a part of so many marriage relationships; even among those who are followers of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is obvious God didn't plan it that way in the beginning. He created man and woman and established their beautiful relationship for a much nobler purpose. "So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." (Gen. 1:27- 28) If this is the case, why do we see so much marriage and family breakdown and such obvious rebellion against God's purpose and plan?
A close look at the relationship and responsibilities God gave to the first
couple confirms His high and noble purpose in creating man and establishing the first home. This first perfect couple, made in the image of God, were nobility. Both in their being and in the oneness of their relationship and responsibilities. Even though it is obvious that man was created first and was placed as the responsible leader at the head of that first family, they were in fact commissioned to be co-regents over God's whole creation. A creation so pure, perfect and pristine that their God-given task of jointly filling the earth by fruitful multiplication, subduing the inhabitants and caring for the environment, would obviously proceed beautifully and harmoniously through the ages to come. But then sin rears its ugly head. The whole picture is changed and God's noble plan for man and his relationships is thrown into terrible chaos.
This terrible chaos in reflected in the curse God was compelled to pronounce. He first said to the woman, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Gen. 3:16) It is obvious that in order to carry out God's command to be fruitful, multiply and replenish the earth, that all women in the future must continually experience the pain associated with childbirth. This was to be a constant reminder that the rebellion of the first woman.
But this is not the end of the story. The second part of the curse states, " . . . and thy desire [shall be] to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." Could it be that this is telling us that the woman will desire the man so much that she will not only be willing for him to rule over her, but actually desire him to do so? Of course not. This goes against all common sense and human experience. It is a biological fact that man normally has a much stronger craving for sexual and physical fulfillment than woman. It is a observable historical fact that the natural woman has always resisted the concept of male leadership and authority. If a woman normally and naturally desired a man so strongly that she became willingly and wonderfully submissive to her man, then this would not be a curse. In fact, this is the reason why even many Christian marriages don't make it. Both the husband and wife live in the flesh and act naturally instead of spiritually such a great percentage of the time.
Just what does the second part of the curse mean? The word rule in the language and context means to reign. It carried the idea of installing or elevating a person to a high position. Previously man and woman had been
co-regents, now for the first time, the curse elevates man to an authoritative and supreme position. The word desire, used in the context described previously, comes from a root word that can mean to seek control. Based upon this, God seems to be saying to the woman: " . . . your desire will be to control your husband but he will rule over you." Then God turns to Adam and says in effect, "From now on she's going to keep on trying to control you."
It is demonstrably true that this curse has been at the core of marital conflict throughout history. This remains obviously operative today. In plain language it seems that man in the flesh, incapable of Christ-like love, has sought to place his heel upon the neck of woman and crush and dominate her. Woman in the flesh, incapable of Christ-like loving submission, has constantly sought to rise above man and dominate the world around her.
But in Christ those who are His have the ultimate solution. With Christ in our lives, and the Spirit of God in control of our actions, we can lovingly and submissively conform to God's perfect pattern and our homes can know the beautiful peace and harmony that permeated that idyllic first home in the Garden of God. Let us look at the responsibility of the wife in His perfect plan.
THE WIFE IS RESPONSIBLE TO RESPOND SUBMISSIVELY TO HER HUSBAND. It would seem that some Christian men have misunder- stood just what is involved in God's command to the wife to be in scripturally submission to her husband. They seem to feel that God has placed them in a command position and they are to stand as a Sergeant Major barking out commands to a cowering and inferior subordinate. This is obviously not the case. Paul does not use the word obey nor does he imply that a husband is to give commands to his wife; although he does use the word in this passage in relation to the submission of children and slaves Rather, the word used for submission in this passage indicates an lining up in order or rank. It means to rank under or below. It is clear He is not saying a wife is to be a slave who stands trembling awaiting the next order from the master of the house.
There's an old story many of us have heard a number of times that seems to reflect the ignorance and arrogance of a few husbands in the matter. It goes something like this: "In the old days a couple of newlyweds were riding along in a carriage as they headed out on their honeymoon. All at once the horse spooked and bolted down the road. After bring him under the control, the man said, "That's one." A little further along it all happened again. The man cried out, "That's two!" When it happened the third time the man yelled, "That's three!" Then he got out of the carriage and walked around in front of the horse and pulled out a gun and shot the horse. His shocked and hysterical wife started yelling, "What have you done?" " Why did you do that?" The man then replied, "That's one!" Some men approach marriage on the same basis. A three strikes and your out sort of philosophy. If God applied that principle to us we would all be down and out really quickly.
When we speak of the responsibility of the wife to submit to her husband as unto the Lord, it is good to understand the basis of submission in marital and family relationships. This whole passage speaks of Christ's willingness to lovingly and sacrificially give Himself to meet our desperate need for forgiveness and eternal salvation. A sacrificial willingness to lovingly meet the needs of another is the essence of the concept of submission involved in the Christ-like marital and family relationship spoken of in this section of scripture.
When we speak of the responsibility of the wife to submit to her husband, it is also good to examine the principle of mutual submission outlined here. Followers of Jesus Christ are to be in Christ-like submission to each other in all their relationships. For the Christian, this principle of authority and submission applies to interpersonal relationships in all of the four basic institutions God ordained: government, church, work place and family. But especially in the family. Paul uses the family as an illustration of how such mutual Christ-like submission should work in every relationship a Christian has in every facet of his life. Our ministry in this world is a ministry of encouragement in which we each are to humbly render sacrificial service designed to meet the needs of others.
How does this work? This passage says wives are to submit to their husbands but then goes on to say that husbands are also to submit to their wives; even to the point of being willing to die for them. This submission does not require the husband to abdicate his responsibility of leadership, but it does require that he subdue his own desires, lift her load and fulfill her needs. The beauty of this mutuality of submission is stated by Paul when he says, "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." (I Cor. 7:3-4) We have here again the principle of authority and submission coexisting. This statement does not change headship responsibility. It merely recognizes the mutual submissiveness that should exist in a happy Christian marriage.
None of the preceding negates the wife's responsibility to recognize the headship of her husband and to be scripturally in submission to him in his God ordained leadership role. This passage is not the only passage that emphasizes that responsibility. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord" (Col. 3:18) Here Paul tells the wife that she is to submit herself to her own husband. It is fitting and proper she do so. It is a well known and widely accepted law of human society. Cultures have recognized this for centuries; until very recently. No inferiority is indicated by the language used. He simply indicates she is so close to her husband that she possesses him and should want to willingly respond to him and meet his needs. After all, he is the one God has given her to care for her, protect her, provide her needs and give her real identity and security. But what if my husband won't accept his responsibility? What if he doesn't love me as he should? What if . .? God has Peter to deal with that situation in another place.
THE WIFE IS RESPONSIBLE TO REVERENCE AND RESPECT HER HUSBAND. All we have looked at to this point surely shows that those who would be Christ-like in all their interpersonal relationships will always possess and demonstrate a certain reverence and respect for other people within those relationships. This is particularly true in the marriage relation- ship and especially relates to wife's role of scriptural submission. "Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation [coupled] with fear." (I Pet. 3:1-2)
The word fear used here denotes a certain awe, respect or reverence. The wife should always look up to and respect her husband. Not necessarily for how much he shows his love to her, what he does, how he acts or how well he may fulfill his responsibilities as a husband. She is to do this because of God's command and because of the position God has given him in the marriage relationship. But someone may say, "But you have not idea what
my husband is like." In a sense that is irrelevant. Love, reverence and respect are to be shown to him because of the position of headship God has given him. Just in case someone may not understand just what this responsibility of reverence and respect may require of a Christian wife, God has Peter to use an unsaved and/or an ungodly husband as an example. Some wife might say, 'But my husband is awful. He takes advantage of me. He certainly doesn't obey the Word of God. He doesn't even act in a Christian way. Maybe I should give him a lecture on the ten commandments. Perhaps I should write, 'Repent,' on the back of his lottery tickets. Maybe I should pour the contents of his bottle of spirits down the sink. I could stick notes with the gospel on the refrigerator and on the mirrors in the bathroom." But God says, "if you want to win him you must begin by reverencing and respecting him as your husband. Then your respect must be reflected in your chaste and Christ-like daily life."
Those of us who are involved in the area of trying to give spiritual
counselling to those who are having trouble in their marriage spend long hours listening to long lists and liturgies of the failures, real or imagined, of the other party in the relationship. Some patterns are so repetitive they might be boring if it were not so serious and heartbreaking. One of these relates to the effect the modern day feminist movement has had upon the respect our culture has for men and husbands and fathers in particular. Again and again we encounter wives whose attitudes toward and expectations of their husbands have been so warped by these cultural attitudes that they show very little if any respect for the husband God has given them. It should not be so among responsible Christian wives.
THE WIFE IS RESPONSIBLE TO REFLECT AND REVEAL THE PURITY OF CHRIST. "Whose adorning let it not be that outward [adorning] of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But [let it be] the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, [even the ornament] of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." (I Pet. 3:3-4) The scripture makes it clear that God looks upon the inward and not upon the outward person. The responsible wife will not be overly absorbed with external adornment. Her outward appearance will not necessarily need to reflect the latest trends of a popular fashion designer or slavishly follow the immodest and overly revealing fads of Tinsel City. It should not be necessary to scrape away layers of cosmetics in order to get a good look at the real person underneath. She should not be weighted down with tons of jewelry, real or artificial. The scripture makes clear the principle that the responsible and submissive wife who reverences and respects her husband will not call attention to herself.
None of this is to say that a responsible wife will not be concerned with her outward appearance. But it is a question of spiritual balance. It is all a matter of contrast in priority or preoccupation. The responsible Christian wife should be primarily concerned with reflecting and revealing the purity of Christ to her husband first and then the world around her. Her main concern should be with the hidden or secret person of the heart. She is not to concentrate her effort upon the outside, but the inside. She, as is every Christian, is to let her light so shine before men that they may she her good works and glorify her Father which is in heaven. The indwelling Spirit of God should shine through in all her activities; reflecting and revealing a real purity of purpose and priority in her life.
Reflecting and revealing the purity of Christ is not just a matter of abstaining from that which is not pleasing to God and doing that which brings honor and glory to Him It also involves a meek, sweet and quiet spirit. A gentleness of nature. Perhaps we could go as far as to say a certain feminine mystique is indicated. So many women today are loud, boisterous, domineer- ing and demanding that they be given their rights. They speak of brass ceilings and sexual harassment. They march up and down in the streets speaking of injustices and proclaiming their equality. But the real beauty, strength and purity of a woman is more readily revealed by quietness and gentleness.
It is important that the responsible wife reflect and reveal the purity of Christ to her husband, family and the world around her. It is even more important that she understand she is doing so in the face and presence of God. She should be moved to do so because she knows that as she stands face to face with God, He views her purity of heart and chaste conduct as being priceless.
A WIFE IS RESPONSIBLE TO BE RELIABLE AND RESPONSIBLE. There is nothing more encouraging to a husband or more pleasing to God than a Godly wife who is responsible, reliable and trustworthy. It would be fair to turn the statement around and assert the negative as well. When God had the wise man to pen that immortal classical and poetical description of the idyllic virtuous wife, He began with those characteristics. "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price [is] far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." (Prov. 31:10-12) Happy is the husband whose heart can trust safely in the wife that God has given him. Happy is the husband who can truly believe that the vows made on that special day will never be broken and the love expressed then will never wane as the years pass by. In our day of promiscuity and loose living, confidence in a responsible wife's fidelity and trustworthy reliability can be terribly important.
But there are many other areas of reliability and trustworthiness that should also identify the responsible wife. She should be trustworthy even in financial affairs. Happy is the husband who can fully trust his wife with the cheque book or plastic cards. Through the long years of my ministry it has not been a too uncommon experience to encounter those wives who do not measure up in these areas. As a young student in Seminary, I was prevailed upon to lend money to a fellow student who seemed to be in dire financial straits. He left the school and the area and I lost my money. I found out later that it all came to pass because of his wife's financial irresponsibility. A few years later the same situation was repeated with a young preacher and his wife who were members of a church I served as pastor.. I do not think this situation has improved through the years. In our day of materialism and acquisition it seems that exercising financial responsibility has become increasingly unim- portant. It seems some young couples do not hesitate to spend more eating out on one occasion than some oldies may spend in months.
Reliability and trustworthiness are required in the areas of motherhood and homemaking as well. Selfish and irresponsible mothers and homemakers are not all that rare; even among Christians. Many homes of yesteryear, filled with the offspring of the womb, were kept spotless and sparkling by the sort of hard working and industrious wife described by Solomon. This is not always the case today.
The reliable and responsible wife does her husband good and not harm. She supports him and builds him up. She sees the importance of her role as an encourager and supporter. She knows that of all the people in his life, her opinion is the most important to her husband. She realizes that just one hurtful and discouraging word from her can do more to tear down his confidence and destroy his ego than dozens of words from someone else. She determines to make a relationship and build a home that will be a place of encouragement and enrichment for him.
THE WIFE IS RESPONSIBLE TO REAR HER CHILDREN IN THE RIGHT WAY. The vital importance of motherhood needs no confirmation because the very existence of each of us and any progress we may have made toward physical or emotional maturity is a living testimony to the essential nature of motherhood. Most of us could personally attest to and endorse old sayings such as, "God couldn't be everywhere, so he gave us mothers". Or, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." Or again, "Behind every great man stands a great woman." Down through the ages responsible Godly mothers have served mankind and have fulfilled God's eternal purpose for man as well. Since all good is a gift that comes down to man from the Father in heaven, these qualities could also be described as divine qualities; especially those particular characteristics that obviously emulate the divine attributes of God.
It would seem significant that God 's plan involves responsible wives who have a primary responsible in bringing up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The importance and influence of a wives role as a primary care giver and loving guide of the children God entrusts to the home cannot be overstated. Many studies have confirmed wives who take this responsibility seriously are by far the primary influence that can determine the direction of a child's life. The same studies reveal that a large percentage of this influence is exerted before the child is six years old. The mother often creates the environment and teaches the standards and values that ultimately determine a child's personality, character traits and future value judgments. Of course, this is not recent news. Someone said long ago, "Virtues are learned at mother's knee - vices at some other joint." God inspired the wise man to say, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."
History confirms the importance of responsible wives and mothers in the formative years of a child. Sir Walter Scott's mother was well educated and a lover or poetry. George Washington's mother was a pure and good woman. The mother of Patrick Henry was very eloquent of speech. John and Charles Wesley's mother was intelligent, pious and full of organizational ability. Napoleon Bonaparte's mother was energetic and full of ambition. When asked what France needed most, Napoleon replied, "Godly mothers." Lord Bryron, the great infidel and agnostic poet, had a mother who was ill-tempered, proud and violent.
The responsible wife's ministry of help includes a baby's first steps, first words, the mystery of shoe strings, and the magical world of pretend. There is a story told of a mother asking a pastor when she should begin teach her five year old about God. He replied, "Hurry home, you've lost five years already."
THE RESPONSIBLE WIFE WILL REAP THE REWARDS OF HER LABOUR. I would go as far to say that in spite of the destructive deprecation and downgrading of the role of the responsible wife and mother by the women's liberation movement, most women realize that there is no more important task nor rewarding role given to mankind. Only such wives and mothers can know the real joy and fulfillment to be found in observing and contemplating the fruits of their labor as the years roll by. The reaping of their reward is embodied in the successful and ongoing lives of the upright, God- honoring young men and women they have nursed and nourished at their knee. Who else can know such reward and blessing as is described by the wise man when he said, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband [also], and he praiseth her Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour [is] deceitful, and beauty [is] vain: [but] a woman [that] feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates." (Prov. 31:28-31)
The voice of history also confirms the rewards of the responsible wife and mother. Charles Dickens once said, "I think it must be somewhere written that the virtues of mothers shall be visited on their children, as well as the sins of their fathers." George Washington is quoted as saying, "The greatest teacher I ever had was my mother." Abraham Lincoln spoke eloquently about the rewards of responsible wives and mothers when he said, "All that I am and all that I ever hope to be, I owe to my mother; No man is poor when he has a Godly mother." Emerson said, "Men are what their mothers make them." Henry Ward Beecher said, "The mother's heart is the child's classroom. What the mother sings to the cradle, goes all the way to the grave." Winston Churchill said in a time of great national crisis, "If we want to change our nation, begin by enlisting the mothers."
Yes, the responsible wife and mother may reap great earthly rewards from the fruit of her womb. But the fullness of her reward must await the coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He whose mother in one sense was willing to make the greatest sacrifice of all, will surely appreciate the faithfulness and the value of a Godly wife and mother. I am sure such mothers will rejoice to hear these wonderful words, "Well done, thy God and faithful servant..." on that glorious day of His coming.
