SCARS - How Do I Deal with Emotional Scars?
January 15, 2023
Romans 12:9-21
Introduction:
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.”
I think that is one of the most powerful phrases in the Bible…it punches me in the chest with its simple power.
The Greek word for “sincere” literally means “without wax.” And it comes from a situation where dishonest pottery merchants would fill in the cracks and flaws caused when a piece was fired in the kiln. They’d fill in the flaws with wax, paint over it, and sell it as perfect.
Real love isn’t like that…real love doesn’t try to appear to be something it’s not…Real love is without wax…it’s sincere.
Here’s my problem…I don’t like for people to see how cracked and flawed I am…I want to hate what is evil and cling to what is good…but sometimes I do the exact opposite.
Six chapters earlier Paul told the Romans exactly that truth about Himself.
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (v. 16) He goes on to say “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing…I find this law (truth) at work. Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” (Romans 7:15, 18, 19, 21)
And then he makes an amazing plea - “What a wretched man I am. Who will rescue me from this body subject to death?” (v. 24)
This is one of the most amazing Christian servants of all time. He wrote over half the New Testament…He planted churches throughout the known world…and went through persecutions we could never imagine…and yet he reveals his struggles…He shows us his flaws…and he also lets us know the one who has rescued him from this struggle.
“Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (v. 25)
Jesus has saved me…He doesn’t love me less because of my flaws…He doesn’t take away my salvation because I struggle, He gives me the victory over it.
I believe people who try to cover their flaws with wax make it impossible to love sincerely…because it’s a preferred version of what they want you to see…not the truth.
I wrote a poem for this message called THE SCARS NO ONE CAN SEE
The scars no one can see
are the most painful ones of all
They fester deep inside me
and are the ones that make me fall
The abuse and the pain were real
And yet, the scars aren’t visible.
And my heart fights to hide their reveal
Until it just gets way too full.
I’m grateful for a Savior who cares
About the hidden and deep pains,
And the scars hidden way down there
I’m glad His grace is greater than those things.
I want to be healthy and free
Of the scars created by sinful souls
People…just like me.
I’m thankful for a God that fills up all those holes!
If we want Christ’s love to flow from us with sincerity we’d better learn how to deal with emotional scars…the marks that no one can see and Satan keeps handing us wax to hide…we’d better let God fill those holes with His grace…Romans 12 gives us 3 ways to do just that…
I. FOCUS ON OTHERS
But Rick…“You don’t know what they did to ME!” “As for myself, I’ll never forgive them.”
“I can’t let that go.” The center of all those statements is “Me, Myself and I.”
Listen, I’m not trying to minimize what has scarred you emotionally…or say I understand completely…but there are only two choices…you stay imprisoned as a victim…or you move forward in Christ’s victory toward freedom…Satan schemes to keep us chained to the past and our pain…Jesus breaks chains and His truth sets us free.
Satan would have us be narcissists who can’t stop looking at ourselves…focusing on Me, Myself and I.
And Jesus says…“Whoever wants to save their life will lose it…but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it.” (Mark 8:35)
Here’s the gospel truth… “It’s not about you.” “It’s not about me.” It’s about Jesus and the gospel.
If you want to emotionally heal and grow in your faith…focus on others.
“Be devoted to one another in love…honor one another above yourselves…share with the Lord’s people who are in need.”
Practice hospitality…rejoice with others…mourn with others…live in harmony with others…don’t be proud…be willing to hang around with lost people…Don’t be conceited…live at peace with everyone if you can…
OTHERS!!!
To begin to heal from the scars no one can see…Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me…” (Matthew 11:28-29)
Coming to Jesus is the first step in healing…and learning what it means to be yoked to Him is next…This yoke isn’t a drudgery or a burden…its a bond thats easy and light.
Jesus always served others…He loved the outcast and the broken…He healed…He called…He LOVED…His focus was always on the Gospel and OTHERS.
He said its how the world will know we belong to Him… “Love one another, even as I have loved you and the world will know you are my disciples.” (John 13:34)
By the way…This was a new commandment…not a request.
Love becomes sincere when we are “yoked” to Jesus…because that bond is through His Spirit united to ours.
Romans 12 also lets us know if we want to deal with our emotional scars we must:
II. FORGIVE THE DEBT
Here’s the hardest part of following Christ…It’s the real difference between church attenders and sincere followers of Jesus.
“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Do not take revenge…leave room for God’s wrath. If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he’s thirsty, give him something to drink.” (And I love that Paul throws in there…“If you do this its like heaping hot coals on his head.”)
By the way…if you try to love your enemy so God can get them I don’t think it helps you heal lol. (Nothing else to say)
[I have family and friends that have loved and cared for people that abused them in life while they died of cancer…some of them came to repentance…some didn’t…but neither regretted this Christlike choice because it helped them heal…I know folks who have bought and prepared meals for people who have stabbed them in the back…the goal wasn’t for God to drop burning coals…the goal was restoration and healing…leaving room for God to work instead of repaying evil for evil…Is this natural? No…it’s supernatural!]
Either God’s grace is greater than whatever has been done to us…or its not. If you believe its not you will live always expecting someone to pay you back the 10 dollars when Christ has forgiven you 100 million.
Let me state…that this level of forgiveness is impossible for you and me on our own…It doesn’t make sense…It’s not fair and it will never guarantee you get even…but it will guarantee you believe Jesus is bigger than the hurt and it will eventually set you free.
I hate financial debt…I think it debilitates many struggling families…I do everything I can to keep my credit cards at zero…and yet there have been times I’ve had to pay medical bills or put plane tickets on it…I don’t like the feeling of being in debt…The only thing worse is when someone is in debt to me…That feeling of “Man…when are they gonna pay me back…it changes the relationship and I don’t recommend it…and yet sometimes it happens.
When Jesus prays “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” I think the talking about being set free from the emotional jail sin causes…ours…and those who have trespassed against us…It’s not easy to let go of “They owe me” to “I release you.”
They might not even respond how we’d like…but truth be told…forgiveness is about our freedom…not theirs.
Let me end with one final truth from Romans 12:
III. FAITH WINS
When it comes to the scars no one can see…healing takes place when we focus on others…forgive the debt and allow Faith to win.
When we choose to be yoked to Jesus so the world’s evil doesn’t overcome us…and instead we overcome evil with good…FAITH WINS!
[I had a really good friend named Malcolm that I baptized into Christ a few years ago. He had an inoperable brain tumor. We prayed continually for God to heal him…and yet God hasn’t chosen to do so. Malcolm has a wife named Marcella…2 daughters…the oldest with grandchildren…His youngest is 13. Malcolm had to get to a place where he dealt with the unfairness of this situation…It didn’t seem fair. We sat in a restaurant a few weeks back and he told me he had been writing legacy letters (letters for occasions that he probably wouldn’t live to see). He said the hardest was to his 13 year old daughter for her wedding…He cried telling me about it…I cried while he was telling me about it…But he said, one of the benefits of knowing you’re gonna die is that you don’t waste opportunities…and I know that if I don’t give her away…here…she’ll have no doubt I’m in Heaven watching.]
Here’s the truth…Faith wins.
