Believe it or not, “Victim Mentality” can be an inherited, instilled or self-learned personality trait. People frequently perceive themselves as victims from the negative actions of others in the past, present, or even their fear of the future. This “scapegoat” or “I'm the injured party” mindset is often derived from a self-defeating, illogical thought process.
Yet, in some cases, some people have in fact been the victims of wrongdoing by others or have otherwise suffered misfortune through no fault of their own. However, such misfortune does not necessarily imply that one has to respond by developing a pervasive, all-inclusive attitude where one frequently or constantly pictures them self to be the victim. Most such victims behave as if everything is truly the fault of someone else or some dark and foreboding external consideration.
You are the victim only to the greatest extent that your mind is willing to accept. By irrationally rationalizing many people, unfortunately, sense they are unfairly, unduly persecuted in every state of affairs almost daily. The victimized mindset will have you dancing with the devil, then complain that it isn't your fault. Oh, but these victims have a chorus of ready-made responses.
I grew up dirt poor.
My parents didn't love me.
My parents smothered me.
I had no parents, Grammy raised me.
Dad was never home.
Dad was too strict.
Mom let me get away with everything.
Mom was an alcoholic, Dad a Druggie.
I had too many sisters and brothers.
All I had were hand-me-downs.
Persons like me are always held down.
I'm too old.
I'm too young.
I'm too dumb.
I'm smarter than everyone else.
Why isn't life fair?
My all time favorite is don't blame me –– it was the Devil's doings!
And so on and so forth. Notice how some excuses are the exact opposites of others. You've heard most of these. Maybe you've even uttered a few of these excuses from time to time.
As stated previously, in some cases, victims may have been the unfortunate target of wrongdoings committed by others or had otherwise suffered some travesty or tragedy through no fault of their own. Whether or not those responses are real or just convenient excuses, deciding to make a positive change is the only way to subdue and even vanquish all our feelings of inferiority. We’re not always going to understand why bad things happen. Yes, things like being passed over for promotion or, even worse, not getting the job in the first place is unfortunate. Being too fat or not having a striking appearance is disheartening. Being hassled by others for any reason is certainly not pleasant. But remember, you're only a victim to the degree of what your perception accepts.
Giving free rein to a ‘woe is me mentality,’ or ‘look what I suffered!’ or ‘why did this happen to me?’ will not only pull you down, it's likely to keep you down. The Bible never promises we can reach our destinations without trials, tribulations, or without heartfelt disappointments. Nor are we guaranteed to understand the circumstances and conditions we have to live through. Life is not fair. Life is not equal for all, life has never been! Life will never be equal for all!
Followers of Christ need to step up and rise above their difficulties. God doesn't allow suffering unless He has a purpose for it. Not to be trite, but the expression “no pain –– no gain is often true. As an example: An inspiring number of inmates personally acknowledge that going to prison was “the best thing that ever happened.” There they encountered Christ for the very first time. For many inmates, when they were visited by folks from a prison ministry it was the first time they ever experienced genuine, unconditional love from anyone. We may not understand the destinations and purpose of our lives at any given time but isn't that what faith is about?
We all know life is not a game –– but sometimes we can use games as a life-lessons. Imagine, if you will, that you won last year's Wembelton Tennis Championship. This year you again have battled your way to the final match. There is only one player that could prevent you from capturing the title again. The winning score of the final match is on the line. With what could be the last serve needed, your tennis racket rockets your best shot over the net and in bounds but the opponent smacks it right back. A bird flying overhead causes your eyes to flicker for a split second as you anticipated the ball's direction and tried to hustle over to return it. However, the ball bounces just out of your reach. Your reaction was a tad too slow. You lose! Can you blame the bird? Can you demand a 'do-over'? Can you blame the other player for your loss? No.
Shifting our example to football, when the Dallas Cowboys, playing in a windy, Green Bay snowstorm, have a pass intercepted, do they blame the home team? At game's end, do they complain about the snow, the playing field or weather conditions? Be honest! Yes they sometimes do! But if they do that, what do you think their chances of improving are? With a victim's mentality, the players won't try to improve because in their minds it wasn't their fault. If it wasn't their fault then there is no need to try to improve their passing and receiving skills, is there?
Friends, it is the same with your life. Be willing to evaluate yourself in every situation. Placing the blame on others, whether or not justifiable, places you smack-dab in the clutches of a Victim's Mentality. If you think it is not your problem, then you won't attempt the improvements necessary to rise above those particular circumstances.
Let's review Romans chapter 8 for a bit. But when you hear the word 'flesh' think of the mind as the mind is the controlling component of our overall flesh. I'll begin with verse nine.
“You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you. Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”
Don't let your mind control you to accept less than your best. Don't accept self-induced negative assessments that are bad for you! Problems must first be recognized and acknowledged before they can be corrected.
Now let's move on to some accompanying verses. “For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, (with Christ) then we are heirs of God, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”
Fears of our mind can enslave us. So whether by our own minds or actual circumstances we endure sufferings but we must also look forward to our future Glory. Here, from Romans 8 are verses 18- 21. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.”
Frustrations, sufferings, bondage, and decay abound! Victims, by definition, are those that have experienced persecution, abuse, or trauma of some sort. They are going through an array of emotions giving thought or excuses to real or imagined, internal and/or external, justifications. As they feel oppressed, they try to wrap their minds around what just happened. Some become unreasonably angry and lash out against anybody or everybody. Their minds often go into a state of crisis and pandemonium. On the other hand, some feel ashamed, betrayed, cheated, fearful, scared, violated, or just plain weak. Many times, people even feel 'frozen' and incapable of action by their situation. Yet they feel obliged to cast the blame on someone or something else.
Why do some folks seem to be content to continue as victims? I believe they find advantages to being labeled as the victim. Their whinings are heard and frequently sympathy is bestowed towards their direction. It may seem strange to us, but sometimes it's much more snug and comfortable to consider yourself the victim. Some people grow used to feeling sorry for themselves, throwing pity parties, and inviting others to join in. They want us to say, “You poor thing! You really have it tough!” Don't get me wrong, we all might enjoy a little pity once in a while.
Pretending to be the victim is soothingly convenient when we don't feel like changing. We might blame our troubles on our childhood, our alcoholic spouse, our nasty boss, or on a painful illness. After all, who can expect us to move ahead in life? Who could expect us to witness for the Lord with all the debris that holds us back? Don't we have every right to wallow in self-pity?
Jesus shatters the victim mentality. We're tempted to think of ourselves as helpless lambs being dragged to the slaughter. But faith in Jesus makes us “more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Nothing, no matter how painful or powerful, should separate us from God's love in Christ Jesus. As we believe in Christ, we should also accept ourselves. That can make us victorious –– no matter what has happened or what we face. When people stop using their personal shortcomings and troubles as excuses, then they can extinguish their problems or better their circumstances. Our love of God can help us transcend the victim mentality.
People paralyzed by self-pity need to reflect on how much God loves them. What Christ endured for them! Then they might find that Christ's greatest blessings far outweigh their self-perceived problems. When you meet and defeat the demons that bind you, you may realize that a victory celebration is more satisfying than a pity party. Through God's love, you can be the victor.
“Unfortunately, in the victim's mind, self-limiting boundaries are oftentimes approached with a fearful mindset against becoming responsible. This dreadful mindset often gives rise to terms such as “protect me,” “take care of me,” and “Gimme this or that because of my situation”. Instead, they should use terms of empowerment. Like “I can do it,” “I'll try harder,” or I'll change that myself.” When troubled we should use thoughts, words and deeds that suggest stepping into our natural, God-given powers. Isn't that better than of hiding away our shortcomings or blaming others.
To regain proper balance in their life, people have to exercise self-determination and set out to resolve their own personal situations, with God's help. Setting your prayers before Jesus and religiously studying God's Word are good methods to employ. Give yourself encouragement which will go a long ways towards improving your self-sufficiency and achievement.
But you might ask, “Is it right and proper to have a ministry of self-encouragement?” God provides the Biblical answers:
Proverbs 12:25 “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”
John 16:33 NIV “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 14:27 NIV “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Philippians. 4:5-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Of course, there are many other examples speaking to increasing faith and trusting in God. Do that rather than blaming your circumstances and current condition. Are you a victim of your past, your circumstances, your environment, your failures? If so, don't be! Study them. Be curious to learn how to make improvements. Never hesitate to ask for help, especially from a Christian acquaintance. Turn the reversals of your troubles into reflections of goodness and glory of Jesus.
Understand, that while we live in a world that has in many cases unbearable tragedies and overwhelming, unexpected, losses. But hope is a resource that is always at hand. By enduring past loneliness, devastation, and seemingly utter hopelessness, you can subdue any situation. Accept your burdens, suppress your troubles by placing more faith in Jesus. Don't go it alone! Surrender into the loving arms of Jesus Christ. That is an important message for all people to hear, especially when they need to be victorious over the problems or conditions of their life.
And finally, if you see someone anxious, someone struggling with a victim's mentality –– reach out in Christian love, with gentleness and extend a hand up. That's what God wants you to do.
