One of the newest catch phrases in today’s world is “toxic masculinity” , while there is a real application for this phrase, when applied to men who are violent, abusive, overly aggressive and overtly forceful. It is now being applied to all men. Modern society looks at the characteristics of men as being bad and are pushing a move to make men more like women. Young boys who want to play aggressive games are seen as violent, boys are not taught not to compete, everyone gets a trophy. We push men to leave behind the idea of being strong, frim and successful and to step up and lead thief families to being more in touch with our feelings. Anything else is seen as toxic and needs to be eliminated. After hearing and reading so much on this over the past few weeks, I decided to dig into the Bible and see what God has to say. The very first thing I discovered is that when men do not step up and grasp the responsibility of being a leader as God intended them to be only disaster will prevail.
Eve has always gotten a bad rap for what happened in the garden that fateful day. The truth is it was not her that let God down it was Adam. Adam was given the instructions by God to not eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge before Eve was created. It was Adam who had the responsibility to teach Eve want God had told him. It is grossly apparent that he did not. There is a small area of the account I think many overlook. First lets see what God told Adam.
Genesis 2
“You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat[d]of it you shall surely die.”
Now lets see what Eve told Satan, And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, 3 but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’”
It is clear to me that Satan was able to deceive Eve into eating the fruit, because she had been given the wrong instructions. Satan knew this and challenged Eve about what she had been told. She touched it and did not die so then it was clear in her mind that thee was no danger in eating it. Adams fall continued as he gave into his wife’s desires rather than standing firm on the commandment God had given to him. The reality is that as men we have been given the blessing and burden of being the spiritual leaders in our homes. Many of the struggles we endure would not exist if we as men lived as men concerned with glorifying God and keeping and teaching his commandments, rather than men who feared being reject and persecuted by the world we live in. There would be no violence in any way towards women, marriages would last, children would be encouraged and taught how to be men and women, and the world we live in would, would be a much better place. With these thoughts as our starting point let’s see what else the bible says about our relationship with our wives, children and world as strive to be the men God intends us to be.
How we relate to our wives is also rooted in the book of Genesis. This is where the relationship between men, women, and God began. In Genesis one we see that he made them male and female, and he made them in the image of God, God declares in our image we shall make them. So right off we see that we are all equal in the eyes of God, both being made in his image. In Paul’s letter to the Galatians he says, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all in Christ Jesus. A man of God recognizes this and the treats others accordingly.
The biblical relationship between man and woman, as husband and wife is made clear from the beginning. God makes the statement “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.” Notice it does not say, subordinate, or being of lesser worth, but a helper. When my wife and I are taking our driving day trips sometimes she likes to point out that my driving skills are lacking, and I must admit that at times this gets rather annoying. What I struggle to do is rather than take this personally I try to look at it as she is being my helper. The Hebrew word used here I ezer, and in occurs twenty-one times in the Old testament. It is used to describe woman, it is used to describe the powerful nations that Israel would call on for help, In the other sixteen instances it refers to God. Philip Payne said. “The noun used here throughout the Old Testament does not suggest ‘helper’ as in servant, but help, savior, rescuer, protector as in ‘God is our help’ In no other occurrence in the Old Testament does this refer to an inferior, but always to a superior or an equal.” A biblical view of the relationship between is that of equals. Each of theme give certain characteristics that complement one another, God gave woman to help man, not for man to dominate.
When presented with the idea that we are equals no matter our biological sex, there are some who will point out that the bible was written by a culture that was ruled by men and women were not seen as equals but as inferior. They always seem to remember that the bible says ‘Wives, submit to your own husbands.” And that is where they stop. Feeling that they have made their point and the argument is over. That is the danger of Scripture mining, that is the act of finding a piece of Scripture to support your argument and ignoring the rest.
Verse twenty-five “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Verse twenty-eight “Husbands should love their wives as their own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ doe the church.” What does this look like? A man that walks like a man, is a man that walks with God, he is a man that puts the needs of his wife above his own. Christ would always put the needs of others above his own. He was God and yet chose to be a servant. The man of God reflects that in his relationship with his wife. Christ was a servant to the point of dying for the church and a man of God values the life of his wife above his own. Christ spent his life teaching the church the ways of God, a man teaches and counsels his wife on the things of God. Christ cherished and nourished the church and a man does the same for his wife. In Titus men are instructed to teach what is good, and to be a model of good works, and to teach showing integrity, and dignity. The end results of this action are that men will gain the respect of their wives. There was a time in our lives where my wife and I were struggling with some spiritual issues. We both had been hurt by the church and for a time moved on to a new church. In my heart it just did not feel right, there was something amiss. I was approached by a friend from our former church and through him realized that my pride had been hurt and that is not a reason to change churches. I approached my wife I must admit with some trepidation knowing how she felt and informed her that we would be going back to our former church. While she was not thrilled with the idea, she told me, and these words still echo in my mind to this day and to be truthful terrify me. “You are my husband and the spiritual leader of this house and I respect your decision and will follow where you lead.” There is a great responsibility in being a husband but when done with a heart of servitude, humility, and faith, it is far from being toxic.
Toxic masculinity unlike biblical masculinity shuns responsibility, we live in a culture where men are not called upon to be men, they do not see anything other than their own self-satisfaction or needs as being important. Men are no longer taught to take responsibility for their actions. We are living in the “everyone gets a trophy” world. A world where we are taught the mantra of “It’s not my fault”. The number of fatherless households in American is alarming. More than 25% of children live in a house without a father. These children are at greater risk of living in poverty, teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse, prison, and dropping out of high school. These things are toxic, and these things need to change. And it starts with raising men and not boys. That responsibility lies with the father, and with other men. God gave to command in the book of Deuteronomy that should be at the for front of every man and father. After giving the Law to the people God commands them “You shall teach them diligently to your children.” The word diligently is defined as doing something with steady application and care, to not be negligent. As men if we are to raise men and women, to walk with integrity, must not neglect in teaching them such things. The most influential person in the household should be the father. It is the man’s responsibility to be the spiritual leader, and teacher in every house. And we have fumbled that ball more than Tony Romo in a playoff game. We have delegated that job to our wives and while they can be a great and powerful positive influence and should be such to our children, as men we must be the dominant influence on the spiritual lives of our children. Not only are we to teach them the word of God, we also to be living examples of what it looks like to live out the word in our lives. Every moment you are with them can and should become a teaching moment, a moment when you can point them to God. Our young men and women should be shown everyday how a man of God treats others, how a man of God loves his wife and loves God. Not in some sort of domineering doctoral manner, the Word tells us se are to do such things with love. Paul warns us “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” We seen hear again that being a man of God, does not mean being domineering, it is to be a man that stands firm in the Word, and teaches the word to his children with patience and love. On the door post of every house and in the hearts of every man should be these words, “If it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve…. But as for me and my house we will serve the Lord.”
While we have control over our own houses, the outside world is a different situation and how does a man of God deal with the outside world? Paul address this well in his letter to the Corinthians, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” Titus in his epistle reminds us to be sober minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love and in steadfastness. These should be the things the world sees when the see a man, when they see a man that walks with God.
Be watchful, sober minded, and self-controlled. While we are given the duty and blessing of leading our families we cannot be neglectful in our own spiritual growth and our own spiritual health. More now than in any other time men must be watchful, watchful of what they let their eyes see, what they let their ears hear and what they let their minds absorb. We are bombarded with images that entice the eye and the mind and we must at all times be wary of such things less we fall into the trap. There nearly not a single man who can say they have not be tempted. That is why we are also warned to be self-controlled. But that goes beyond self we need other men, we need brothers who are in the fight with us. I can tell you from experience getting men together is like herding cats. I can also tell you that without other men to help, to teach and to hold us accountable we will flounder. Self-control in reality is a myth, none of us have total self-control that is why we need each other. Scripture says it best iron sharpens iron and one man sharpens another.
Stand firm in the faith, be sound in the faith and in steadfastness. I find it interesting when people say that they can infer a certain meaning to scripture, if you just read between the lines. I have looked between the lines and all I see there is a blank space. The world will try and fill that space, with its own thoughts and moral truths, and yes there are some who will accept such things. A man of God is to be not such a person, he is to be a man of integrity, and man that stands firm and is unmovable in his convictions. Isaiah tells us, “The grass fades and the flower withers, but the word of the Lord endures forever” The word of God never changes, it’s truth will out last time, and we are to stand on it as the foundation of our lives. This will require us to be steadfast, and courageous, because the world sees God’s word as offensive and outdated. I will tell it is not a matter of if it is a matter of when this will happen. I can site case after case, story after story of men throughout history that have been persecuted for their faith, and in every case they stood firm some to the point of death. You may not be called upon to die for the Gospel, but you will be called upon that is pressured to compromise, and if you do not you will be lacked as intolerant, bigoted, homophobic, hateful and unjust. And we like Peter must in all things obey God rather than man.
The key factor we can miss in all of this is that we are to all we do in love. Without love, these things become intolerant, bigoted and hateful. If our motive is to just be right, then we are no better than the Pharisees, who Jesus called white washed tombs. In dealing with the world is to stand firm on the truth of God’s word, and our motivation is love, it is to lead them to the truth, to the saving grace and salvation found only at the cross. We can accomplish this if we focus on the love shown to us by God, the grace he has given to us in abundance. Remembering that we to at one time were prisoners of sin and someone loved us enough to show us the key that would unlock our chains.
Act like men, not just and men, but men of God, has called us to be spiritual leaders, to be teachers of the word, to be steadfast and courageous. We are not called to let the world change us we are called to change the world. To make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, The Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them all that we have been commanded to do.
