Once upon a time, an elderly man was traveling with a boy and a donkey. As they walked through a village, the man was leading the donkey and the boy was walking behind. The townspeople said the old man was a fool for not riding…so to please them, he climbed up on the animal’s back. When they came to the next village, the people said the old man was cruel to let the child walk while he enjoyed the ride. So…to please them, he got off and set the boy on the animal’s back and continued on his way. In the third village…people accused the child of being lazy for making the old man walk and the suggestion was made that they both ride. So…the man climbed on and they set off again. In the fourth village…the townspeople were indignant at the cruelty to the donkey because it was made to carry two people. The frustrated man was last seen carrying the donkey down the road.
Too many of us are carrying the donkey.
Who are you going to live your life trying to please? Who’s approval will you crave? Who’s opinion is the level of your success measured by?
The world calls it “peer pressure” or people pleasing. The Bible calls it the “fear of man”.
At it’s core…the “fear of man” is about our desire for approval and validation. There’s nothing wrong with people approving of us. If nobody likes you…that’s not good either. However…If we aren’t careful…our consuming desire to please people can actually get in the way of our pleasing God.
I started to call today’s sermon “Looking for Likes in All the Wrong Places.” Facebook introduced their “like” button in 2009…five years after its initial launch. There have been over 1.13 trillion likes on Facebook since it introduced the “like” button. That’s 4.5 billion “likes” every single day and 3,125,000 new “likes” every minute. That’s a lot of likes. We obviously like to “like” and we like to be liked…don’t we.
In a world where everyone is seeking the affirmation of others…it’s vitally important that we don’t develop an unhealthy need for the approval of man. Luke 6:26 sounds the alarm: “There’s trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them.” (The Message)
Wanting approval and needing approval are two very different things. We all want approval. And we do some pretty funny things in order to gain it. People’s approval:
It’s the source of toupee’s and comb-overs everywhere.
Have you ever changed something about yourself in the hopes of other’s liking you more?
Ever laughed at something you didn’t think was funny…just because you didn’t want to be the only one not laughing?
Ever dressed a certain way or done something stupid just to “fit in” or be “accepted”?
Ever listed to certain music (that you didn’t like)…just because your friends thought it was cool?
Ever not worshipped as expressively on the outside as you felt on the inside because you’d feel embarrassed?
What about this one: Have you ever acted like you “get it” or are “in the know”…when in fact you don’t have a clue?
Ever avoided asking for advice or help because you didn’t want to look incompetent?
How many have done this?: Your driving someplace and you’re just kinda in your own little world as your favorite song is blaring on the radio. All of a sudden…totally unaware…you’re singing at the top of your lungs. You’re having a blast. Your own little party. You feel alive…you’re having so much fun…loving life. But that changes in a nanosecond. Why? Because right as you’re belting out the chorus…you look over to your left and someone notices you singing. And I mean…the concert comes to a crashing conclusion. The fun is over and you quickly try to play cool…kinda like somehow someway…you’ll make them believe they never really saw what they just witnessed. You’re never gonna see these people ever again…never…yet you feel humiliated…embarassed…totally exposed. Why? Because you care about what people think about you. You even want the approval of total strangers.
Lecrae - “If you live for people’s acceptance, you’ll die from their rejection.”
Proverbs 29:25 - “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”
Fear: Gives an object or a person power. For Example…a spider has very little power unless you see one where it shouldn’t be. It causes my girls to scream. It literally paralizes them…they can’t bring themselves to finish whatever it was they were doing when they saw the spider. Their fear gives the spider power over them. The fear of man…lays a snare…it gives people power over us that they shouldn’t have.
And here’s where the problem lies…we obey the one we fear. The risk of being consumed with pleasing people is that you end up living your life for other people instead of God.
I graduated High School in 1989. Twenty-nine years ago. Here’s what I’ve discovered. You can’t please everyone. You can definitely tick them all off…but you can’t make / keep them all happy.
It’s been said that, “We fear men so much because we fear God so little.” God must be bigger to you than people are.
1 Samuel 15
The Bible tells us that Saul was an, “impressive young man without equal among all Israelites…a head taller than any of the others.” (1 Samuel 9:2) This guy had it all. He was good looking…strong…tall…he came from a good family…but he thought little of himself…and pleasing people gave him the validation he was craving. God had already placed His stamp of approval on Saul’s life…but it wasn’t enough. His need for approval…his persistent penchant for people pleasing cost him big time.
The High Price of Living For People’s Approval (1 Samuel 15:1-31)
(1) When you live for People’s Approval…you will eventually do something stupid.
God told Saul to, “go and attack the Amalekites.” He was given specific instructions. There wasn’t any gray area. He was supposed to completely annihilate these people and all their animals. But verse nine says, “Saul and his men spared Agag’s life and kept the best of the sheep and goats, the cattle, the fat calves, and the lambs…everything, in fact, that appealed to them.”
If you are consumed with trying to please people…you will eventually run into a situation in which you have to choose God’s way or man’s way. And just so you know…God’s ways don’t always initially make sense. He doesn’t do things like we might do them. Isaiah 55:8 - “My thoughts and my ways are not like yours.”
Will you permit me to save you a lot of trouble, pain, and heartache? The fear of man will lead you to do what is easy more often than doing what is right. If you live for people’s approval…you will eventually disobey God. Live for an audience of One.
(2) When you live for People’s Approval…you will eventually make God sad.
Verse 11 - God says, “I am sorry that I ever made Saul king, (Why?), for he has not been loyal to me and has refused to obey my command.”
God wasn’t saying that He had made a mistake…He was expressing His sorrow and grief. God hadn’t changed His mind. God hadn’t made a mistake…Saul had…when He feared man more than He feared God. Saul’s heart belonged more to his own self-interest than it did to the purposes of God. Can I ask you this morning?…is your life and schedule more controlled by the desires of someone else or yourself…or by the desires of God? Are you living for an audience of One?
(3) When you live for People’s Approval…God’s Glory often becomes Less Important Than Yours.
It’s Common Sense: the more people you please…the higher your approval rating. If you don’t take a stand…nobody will ever yell at you because you’re blocking their view. If you don’t rock the boat…nobody will ever fall out.
There’s nothing wrong with people liking us…so long as we don’t get full of ourselves. Abraham and Moses built monuments to God. Saul built a monument to Himself…to remember HIS victory over the Amalekites. The applause of the crowd can become a drug that produces pride. Pride is subtle…so subtle those most infected don’t even recognize it. Pride always separates us from an appropriate relationship with God…leading us to turn from Him instead of towards Him.
(4) When you live for People’s Approval… You are inviting unnecessary drama & frustration into your life.
You are bound to eventually upset someone. It may go real smooth for a while…but…sooner or later…you’re going to hit a roadblock. There’s no possible way you will ever please everybody. Saul tried. He wanted to please the men of his army…so he only partially obeyed the Lord’s instructions. (partial obedience is disobedience).
v. 15 - Saul tries to shift the blame from himself to his army. Now he wants to please Samuel…so he tries acting as if he had nothing to do with what happened.
Now…it doesn’t take a genius to figure out…Saul’s army was no longer pleased with Saul when they learned he threw them under the bus. I can guarantee you that dissension set in. In Saul’s attempt to please Samuel…They’d been betrayed by their commander in Chief. There’s no way they were still supportive. I’m pretty sure that if God hadn’t removed Saul from his thrown…his army would have.
You can’t please everyone. That doesn’t mean you should decide to just tick everyone off. But…here’s the thing: If you’re genuinely making every effort to please God…you’re bound to have people upset with you. In fact…if everybody loves you…if nobody is ever upset…you probably aren’t doing anything signficicant in life. You’ll never please everyone…so make sure you’re pleasing the most important ONE.
(5) If you live for People’s Approval…you will end up redefining success to meet someone else’s standards.
Saul’s definition of “victory” or “success” wasn’t defined by God…it was defined by the opinion of his army. God told Saul what was required for victory. Saul settled for good-enough. He allowed the people around him to re-define success. Anything other than God’s definition of success for your life…regardless of what anyone else says…is failure.
(6) If you live for People’s Approval…you will eventually have a hard time recognizing Truth.
In verses 17-19…Samuel confronts Saul. Samuel tells Saul that God isn’t happy. Now you’d think that Saul would repent. Nope. Instead, he insist, in verse 20, “But I did obey the Lord…I carried out the mission God gave me.”
Saul was deceiving himself. He’d allowed truth to become so relative that He couldn’t even recognize the Truth any longer.
Here’s the thing: Like Saul…you can’t help but have a hard time recognizing the truth if you are listening to a million different voices and trying to follow them all. There’s One voice you must be certain you hear, listen to, and follow. He’s speaking…make sure you’re listening.
(7) If you live for People’s Approval…you’ll eventually become apathetic in your faith.
Apathy is: a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. The only nice thing about apathy is that you don’t have to exert yourself to show you’re sincere about it.
You can’t help but become indifferent in your worship of God if you crave the worship / approval of others. Your pursuit of their praise will keep you from pursuing His presence. Your enthusiasm for God will wain if you’re increasingly enthused by the approval of people. If you focused on the opinions people have of you…you’ll lose focus on fellowship with Him. If you routinely put your heart into gaining people’s approval…your heart will increasingly not be in your worship…and your worship will become religious routine. You’re heart is going to beat for something…and whatever it beats for…that’s what will live.
v.22 - Samuel isn’t done. He’s listened to Saul’s lame excuses and attempts to justify what he’s done. “Oh yeah…the animals…oh…yeah…well…no…we weren’t keeping them for ourselves…no way…we decided we wouldn’t kill the animals so that we could use them to make sacrifices to God.” And then we see Samuel’s response: “Do you really think the Lord wants / needs your sacrifices and offerings? Man…you’ve really missed it Saul. He’s not after your sacrifices.”
A sacrifice was a ritual…and exchange…between man and God that physically demonstrated a relationship between them. But…if the person’s heart wasn’t in it…the sacrifice was nothing more than religious ritual.
Let me remind you…The Bible says that God is searching the earth…looking for those who’s hearts are completely devoted to Him. When you fear man…more than you fear God…there is a danger of slipping into a place where our worship lacks life and passion and becomes ritual religious routine.
If you live for People’s Approval…it will eventually cost you your destiny.
It cost Saul everything. It cost him his authority. He lost his respect. It even cost him his life. Second Samuel 1:4 tells us that because Saul feared the people more than He feared God…because he redifined victory…he and his son were killed by…GUESS WHO…the Amalekites. The very people who God had told him to completely wipe out. Pleasing people rather than God had finally caught up with Saul. It always will.
CLOSING
1 Thessalonians 2:4 (NCV) says, “We are not trying to please people but God.”
Pleasing people is exhausting. It’s easy to get stuck on the hamster wheel of living for other people’s approval and hard to get off. Striving for people’s approval places us at the mercy of their opinions. It puts us on an emotional rollercoaster. We measure our approval to see if we matter. We want to be valued. We want to be liked. We want to be accepted. We forget that we already are. What the people pleaser longs for…unending acceptance and affirmation…no person can ever satisfy. But God can. Jesus does!
One day…when it’s all said and done…you will have to give an account of your life to God…Not to anyone else. Knowing that: Who are you going to spend your life focused on pleasing?
To the influential religious leaders of His day, Jesus said, “Your approval or disapproval means nothing to Me.” Jesus lived with a singleminded focus on pleasing His Heavenly Father.
