15-year-old Douglas Maurer of Missouri had been feeling bad for several days. His temperature was ranging between 103 and 105 degrees, and he was suffering from severe flu-like symptoms. Finally, his mother took him to the hospital in St. Louis.
Doctors diagnosed his symptoms as leukemia. They told him in frank terms about his disease. For the next three years, he would have to undergo chemotherapy. They didn't sugarcoat the side effects. They told Douglas he would go bald and that his body would most likely bloat. Upon learning this, he went into a deep depression.
His aunt called a florist to send Douglas flowers. She told the clerk that it was for her teenage nephew who has leukemia. When the flowers arrived at the hospital, they were beautiful.
Douglas read the card from his aunt. Then he saw a second card. It said: “Douglas?I took your order. I work at Brix florist. I had leukemia when I was 7 years old. I'm 22 years old now. Good luck; my heart goes out to you. Sincerely, Laura Bradley”. Immediately his demeanor changed. He still had the disease, but these words of encouragement from a woman he never met brought great comfort to him.
Interesting: Douglas was in a hospital filled with millions of dollars of the most sophisticated medical equipment. Experts whose aggregate medical training totaled in the hundreds of years treated him. But it was a salesclerk in a flower shop, a woman making $170 a week, who, by simply caring and doing what her heart told her to do?gave Douglas hope and the will to carry on.
I. INTRODUCTION
A. Come with me on an imaginary journey. Several weeks ago you received word that your best friend is stricken by tragedy.
1. He lost his job; his car is repossessed; he returns home from a three-day job search to find his children brutally murdered. His wife survives, but is so bitter from the disaster that their marriage is on the rocks.
2. There has been a sheriff’s sale of his home; he is in debt beyond any hope of financial recovery. His possessions are gone; his prospects are nothing.
3. On top of everything else, he has taken ill. By the time you arrive on the west coast, he is living in a homeless shelter. You don’t even recognize him; disease has stricken his body in a way that is absolutely frightening to behold.
4. You arrange to stay with him for a while, and for a full week, you sit by his side unable to speak; his pain is so severe, his suffering so imposing, that words offer nothing.
5. After seven long, impossible days and nights, your friend cries out in anger and despair, cursing the day he was born. It is the most pitiful thing you have ever heard?his anguish tears at your heart, leaving you weak and nauseous.
6. Exhausted, he ends his lament with “I have no peace, no quiet, no rest…only turmoil”
B. It’s your turn to speak. The silence grows awkward as you search for the right words; you choose your words carefully; you want desperately to console him, so you say
1. “Obviously, unresolved sin in your life has led to your downfall…” (5:17,19; Eliphaz)
2. “Since you won’t admit to your sin, you continue to suffer…” (8:13; Bildad)
3. “You used to be such an inspiration to others, now look at you…” (4:3-5; Eliphaz)
4. “Your kids were sinners too, that’s why they died…” (8:4; Bildad)
5. “You’re not getting it as bad as you should be…” (11:6; Zophar)
6. “God is just trying to teach you something?I get it, why don’t you?…” (33:33; Elihu)
7. “Trust me on this. I had a vision…” (4:12; Eliphaz)
[God sometimes grants us the joy of comforting someone. It is a gift of grace. Use the gift wisely.]
C. It’s unimaginable that a friend would talk this way; we cannot bear to think about it. Yet Job has not one?but four friends who say these very things!
1. Much of what they say is theologically sound, a solid argument. Taught from pulpits just like this one all over the world, week after week. It just doesn’t apply to Job’s circumstances. Conventional wisdom is inappropriate and hurtful in this instance.
2. It is important for us to think critically about the conversation between Job and his friends Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar and Elihu. We learn how not to comfort others from their example.
II. ADVICE FOR FRIENDS OF SUFFERERS
A. LESSON #1: Be aware that your friend may be one of God’s most beloved children.
1. Eliphaz, Bildad, Zophar and Elihu all suggest their standing with God is better than Job’s, since they are OK. How arrogant is that? Remember the discussion God had with Satan? Consider Job! He’s the greatest!
2. God does not call us to be critical of others; “judge not, lest ye be judged…” (Mt. 7:1)
3. If God intends to punish, why would he send you to participate? What role do you play?
4. Guard your words; if you are speaking to one God sees as righteous (more than you?), you may be entering very dangerous territory!
5. Job’s friends took too much liberty in their discourses – don’t let that happen to you.
B. LESSON #2: Be a good listener; know when to be quiet. (13:5)
1. “Be quick to listen, slow to speak” James says in his epistle.
Once during Queen Victoria's reign, she heard that the wife of a common laborer had lost her baby. Having experienced deep sorrow herself, she felt moved to express her sympathy. She called on the bereaved woman one day and spent some time with her. After she left, the neighbors asked what the queen had said. “Nothing”, replied the grieving mother. “She simply put her hands on mine, and we silently wept together”.
2. It’s not important for you to be right; only that you be present. A few misguided words can destroy a lifelong relationship. Would it make you feel better to know you were right?
3. Perhaps the prize for most arrogant? A toss-up between Zophar and Elihu.
a. Zophar: Will no one rebuke you? (11:3); My wisdom comes straight from God (11:6)
b. Elihu: Be quiet and I will teach you wisdom (33:33). Two notes of interest?
? Elihu is probably under 30, so he has no voice in society whatsoever
? God rebukes Job’s friends (42:7), yet does not address Elihu. No reason. Interesting.
C. LESSON #3: Seek to comfort, not to instruct.
1. Be a comforter?not an instructor. We remember the compassionate comforter long after we forget the gifted teacher. When I am well, I appreciate instruction. When I am not well, I prefer consolation. Never have these two been reversed in my life.
2. Job’s friends draw attention away from him, and onto themselves! Ever do that?
a. I know how you feel (an unsolicited personal story follows)
b. God loves you, so don’t feel this way…
c. I’ve had a vision from God about your fate…
[God sometimes grants us the joy of comforting someone. It is a gift of grace. Use the gift wisely.]
III. CONCLUSION
A. One of the special joys we have is to comfort others; it is a gift from God
B. Our “wisdom” adds nothing to these opportunities; as matter of fact, it hinders the work!
C. When these opportunities present themselves:
1. Be aware that your friend may be one of God’s most beloved children.
2. Be a good listener; know when to be quiet.
3. Seek to comfort, not to instruct.
D. Advice for the friends of sufferers from the life of Job.
