Managing Relationships
September 30, 2018
This week I was going to tell you a story which is about a friendship gone hay-wire. It’s bizarre and sad, yet kind of funny. But, I’m going to tell you next Sunday, because I want to tell you a different story . . . one that is also sad, maybe a little bizarre, but is not funny.
As I was working on this message Thursday night, I was thinking more about the Senate Judiciary Committee meetings which went on all day! Admittedly, I didn’t watch a lot of what was going on. I did watch some at home, and some clips later on the Internet.
What I saw was so appalling! I really think it’s possible both people are telling the truth. Sometimes, it’s really hard to know what’s true anymore. I really sympathize with what happened to her. I believe something did happen. I’m just not sure who did what.
The line of questioning was pathetic, the comments, the innuendos, the slander, the anger and malice . . . you could feel it in Alexandria! This was all about politics and if someone’s life and reputation could be destroyed in the process, it seemed that nobody really cared. That’s how it seemed to me.
Please understand, I am not AND I repeat, I am not trivializing any of this. People’s lives and reputations have been ruined and smeared . . . Kavanaugh’s and Ford’s. This is not the forum to discuss my politics nor my feelings, but I think we can all agree, this was embarrassing . . . and we can learn a little from what happened.
We’re in our 3rd week of talking about stewardship. That means “managing our lives in a healthy manner.” Being a good steward, means you’re a good manager. And our focus today is - - - managing relationships! When we look at our government - - nationally, and it extends to local government as well. It’s all about how badly can you kick your opponent. Most opponents don’t have mutual respect for one another. Our country has become so polarized, so disconnected and disunified that we can’t have civil disagreements. Certainly you don’t attempt to do that on social media.
My point in my opening rant is that we’ve moved away from the joy of healthy relationships. We’ve come to believe it’s acceptable to say whatever you want to whomever you want. You can call people names, you can swear at them, and we believe it is acceptable - - - but it is not!
I believe it’s the role of the church to put order in our country. It starts in our little corner of the world . . . in Alexandria and Summitville and Elwood and Anderson and Yorktown and Eaton and wherever I’ve left out.
If we don’t learn how to love one another, if we don’t learn how to disagree with one another, we will be no better than our brothers and sisters who we shook our heads at when watching those hearings the other day.
Let me tell you one last thing . . . the church I served prior to coming here was totally toxic. They acted like that senate hearing. They truly believed they could yell and one another in business meetings and tell each other off, then they thought they could go out for a meal.
No way! I’m not going out with anyone after they’ve ripped into me. We had to have rules at business meetings. We eventually called meetings Town Hall meetings, where there was no voting and rules of conduct were posted. It was crazy, ridiculous. That church was toxic long before we went there, and they stayed that way after we left.
Sadly, it took 4 years for them to get a new pastor after we left, and 2 years after that, they closed their doors for good. Closing a once great and vital church. That’s what happens when the church cannot manage relationships. Yet, the church should be the driving force in the world. We should be the leaders in showing people how to live and how to relate to one another. Even when we don’t agree with one another.
Can you imagine some of these folks going to worship together on Sunday? Can you imagine what it would be like to worship next to someone you totally distrust in the business world? That’s not healthy! It creates dis-ease!
The call in the church is to follow what Jesus said ~
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. – John 13:34
We’ve heard to love one another. It’s not new, yet, here Jesus is telling the disciples and us that He has a NEW commandment for us. So, what’s He talking about? What makes this new?
You see, Jesus wants us to love in a manner which is sacrificial. It’s not about us. It’s about one another. Isn’t that how Jesus loved us? What’s new is that God sent His Son into the world - - He gave Himself up for us. He suffered and died so we could find forgiveness through God. He suffered and died so that we could experience salvation and eternal life.
He died for you and I so that we could experience the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s the most precious gift we can receive in this lifetime. The greatest gift in the world will not even come close to the gift of Christ in our lives. So, when we think about how we are to act with one another, and how we are to act with the world, we are called to love, to love in a sacrificial manner.
It was not always the expectation of the people to love this way. They never had anyone who showed them how to love sacrificially. It used to be an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and a life for a life.
Nobody was willing to die for them. But now, here’s Jesus willing to die for those who are on the margins of society. He’s willing to die for the sinners and the sick and the disenfranchised. It was a new way to live and love.
That always has to be the premise for everything we do. We can’t pick and choose. Love is the starting point and ending point. If we can really answer, even in those heated moments of life - - - “Did I show love? Did I love my brother or sister?” If we can say yes, then good for you!
Can you imagine if for a moment, someone at those senate hearings would have stopped and just spoke from a heart of love. If someone could have just said, “Hey, Dr. Ford, Judge Kavanaugh . . . I am so sorry about all of this, you are in my prayers. You are loved and embraced by the God of all creation. This is all sinful, but know that God is love, and I hope you can experience the power of His love today and in the days to come.” Can you imagine that? I would bet so many people would have condemned those words as well as praised them.
But, that’s why Peter added ~
8 Finally, ALL of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. – 1 Peter 3:8
Do you see where he’s going? Peter tells us the way we manage our relationships is when we All have
divinely inspired unity of mind
compassion for one another,
love our brothers and sisters
a gut level compassion
humility
Isn’t that a great start as we seek to manage our relationships? Paul adds to that when he tells us in Philippians 2 ~
2 complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.
3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. – Philippians 2:2-4
Paul wants us to complete his joy, because we are of the same mind, that’s what Peter said. We have the same love, the love of Christ - - which is a divinely inspired unity.
We do nothing from selfish ambition. Instead of placing ourselves first, we practice humility. This is not easy to do, folks! It’s not easy to place others ahead of ourselves. We usually want to be first.
Just look at adults who have to get in a line. They’re on the lookout for people cutting in front of them. We want to be first!! But Paul is telling us, it doesn’t matter. Think about someone else instead of yourself.
So, we don’t look at ourselves first, we look at others first. It’s radical, it’s not the way of the world, is it? Yet, this is the Christian way. Then Paul adds, we look not only to our own interests, but we also look to the interests of others. The purpose is to be open to love and care for others.
That’s managing relationships. That’s the starting point. It’s the call for every Christ follower. That’s truly how the world will know who we are. They see the way we love, they see the way we relate to one another, they see us when we’re angry and frustrated, yet, they see Christ in all we do . . . and that is attractive for others. They want what we have. They want Jesus.
This is what John is talking about, when he said ~
18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. – 1 John 3:18
That’s the point of what John is getting at. We can talk a big game, we can write about what we believe, but if the world does not see Christ in us, if they don’t experience Christ by the way we live, then have we really embraced His love?
Again, this is radical! This is not for the faint of heart. Being a follower of Christ is the greatest gift we can receive, but along with being a follower of Christ, comes amazing responsibility for passing the message on in a way which helps others to know Jesus and see He is truly alive in our heart, spirit, mind and body.
This is the start of what it means to manage our relationships. We’re going to continue talking about managing relationships next week as well.
There’s someone who has been wanting to share part of their story for awhile, and I he and I have been talking about it for awhile. He’s been on a journey which is not what he expected. It’s changed his life dramatically, but his walk with Christ has changed his life as well, and it’s changed who he is.
So, as we talk about managing relationships, I would like him to come up and share for a few minutes before we move to our final song. Then we will continue talking about relationships next week.
