Here is a video of it: https://www.facebook.com/chapelnextfortcarson/videos/270510407124885/?hc_ref=ARRswcWerQV0GW5makF0Z687x0dQue3baYUHvNCzrzVIAAwypSxgScoXWIN2fv7hqpo&__xts__[0]=68.ARB7vPbjp3JIpABsNIQ0Jjzsx-Ky8pYPGSAZUX_zyT_CPLFUmdHNHWYSbG0iCyFdhzbe7X8jmX2z4eVPwIAprjPVYcYzTRa8o1wTJ2WmUyD_iy-Z70uHMKvGvhoPx_a9uVdatHwy1f4a7bJlVkw1YLVm0inMDdYCIzo_GlQ2F0wp_0tLFmqIj7s&__tn__=FC-R&fb_dtsg_ag=Adz60attQKKfE2GYmBUHf6AH1k5MdOZt6lUMt4-pxp9Mfg%3AAdxC7VvZ61Q6c1uNkoevXVw3UBom8tXtickE3GPLSd_GHA
Since I haven’t married, I volunteered to preach on this chapter. When people ask why I’m 51 and still single, I tell them I’ve been to 30 countries and I haven’t settled down yet. There’s an old joke that if the Army wanted me to have a wife I would’ve been issued one.
I’m a David Letterman fan, so here are my top 6 Christian pick-up lines:
I believe one of my ribs belongs to you.
I was reading the book of Numbers then I realized I don’t have yours.
I didn’t know angels flew this low. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Is it a sin you stole my heart?
Is it warm in here or is that just the Holy Spirit burning in you?
I put the stud in Bible study.
In a similar way Kellar wrote the following regarding how churches incorrectly try to explain singleness:
Think Valley Boy for the first two. Gag me with a fork, dude.
You’re too picky as if God is frustrated by our fickle whims and needs broader parameters in which to work.
As a single you can commit yourself wholeheartedly to the Lord’s work as if God requires emotional martyrs.
Before you can marry someone wonderful the Lord has to make you someone wonderful.
As soon as you’re satisfied with God alone, He’ll bring you someone.
I realize that most of our congregation is married, but today’s message may encourage you to give hope to those who single around you.
Here is a reminder of how the first man and woman were made.
Gen 1: 26-28 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the [a]sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the [b]sky and over every living thing that [c]moves on the earth.”
Man and woman are made in the image of God. We both have attributes that reflect God.
1 Cor 7: 28 – “If a virgin should marry s/he has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.”
Paul warns those in Corinth that marriage may be difficult.
I didn’t know until I skimmed Kellar’s book dating didn’t appear in print until 1914 (p. 234)
There was a book in the 1990s called I kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. Two years ago he was interviewed by NPR and he said “that doesn't mean that dating is somehow wrong or a certain way of dating is the only way to do things.”
Kellar’s Practical Counsel For Those Seeking Marriage is as follows.
1. There are some seasons not for seeking marriage. I know a guy from high school who ALWAYS had to have a girlfriend. He’s happily married now.
2. Understand the gift of singleness from 1 Cor 7:7-8 “Yet I wish that all (hu)mans were even as I myself am. However, each human has their own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.” But I say to the unmarried and to the widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I”.
According to Christianity Today Paul was probably single. He may have thought the world was going to end soon.
Vs. 9 “But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn.” These are strong words that the world needs to hear through us.
3. Get more serious about seeking marriage as you get older. I’m working on it. ?
4. Don’t allow deep emotional involvement with a non-believer.
2 Cor 6: 14 – Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Gal 5: 22 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
5. Feel attraction in the most comprehensive sense.
(M ental E motional P hysical S ocial S piritual)
6. Don’t get too passionate too quickly. More on that in a bit.
7. Don’t become a fake spouse for someone who won’t commit to you.
8. Get and submit to a lot of community input. Proverbs 11: 14 states But in abundance of counselors there is [a]victory.
One of the Strong Bonds programs made by Christian psychologist Jon Van Epp was called “How to Avoid Marrying A Jerk”.
He made this Relationship Attachment Model. Think of an old school bass, mid, and treble and equalizer. Sometimes people get it backwards, going from right to left. Van Epp says it works best from left to right.
Know, Trust, Rely, Commit then Touch https://shop.lovethinks.com/collections/links-program-materials
His definition of Trust is can we trust the other person with our thoughts. His definition of Rely is can we rely on the other person with their actions. A formula Van Epp came up with is Intimacy = Talk+ Togetherness+ Time (p. 58)
Van Epp likes acronyms as you will now see. It is important for us to be OPEN.
O bservations and Facts about each other, our family, friends, etc.
P erspectives and Emotions – We should be objective vs. subjective.
E xperiences and emotions – How do we feel around each other?
N eeds and Relationship Responses (p. 68) compared to wants and thoughts.
Van Epp has an acronym for his characteristics of what a marriage should look like. He has changed it a little in between 2005 and 200:
M ature - Are we acting like adults or like children?
A daptable - A phrase I learned in YWAM is be fluid. If we’re flexible we break.
R esponsible - Some tips I learned from Christian psychologist Gary Chapman are the Five Love Languages of
Apologies:
• expressing regret – Are we really sorry?
• accepting responsibility vs. blaming the other
• making restitution – What are we going to do about it?
• genuinely repenting – Are we really changing?
• requesting forgiveness – Do you forgive me?
R elational - A marriage is a relationship where both have to communicate, cooperate
I nsightful / Inner Confidence – Both the man and the woman should be able to learn from one another.
A nger / Assertive – This is better than being too passive or too aggressive.
G racious / Giving – Acts 20: 35 “He Himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.'”
E motionally Stable – It’s normal to get mad, be sad, prayerfully sometimes glad, and afraid. (p. 236)
Dr. Ted Huton from the University of Texas wrote about the 4 Patterns of Courtship
1. Early exiters
2. Fireworks romances
3. Status quo settlers
4. Stable loving investors
So What?
1. God loves us and wants the best for us.
2. Humankind sinned so we are separated from God.
3. Christ died and rose again for our salvation.
4. We must individually receive Jesus as Lord.
