Family is the primary Building Block of Society. From the beginning of times, the primary purposes of Marriage are Companionship (Genesis 2:18), Procreation or Establishment of a Home (Genesis 1:28), and Sexual Fulfillment (the two shall become one). These purposes have and will not change until the end of times. The million-dollar question then is: - How to Find One’s Better Half?
Choice of Partner - God alone can lead you to the person best suited to be your life-partner. Prayerful Approach – Young men and women as they enter into adulthood must earnestly seek God’s guidance in finding the right person for them for the long-lasting covenant of marriage
Parental Involvement – Whether arranged by parents or by other means, parental involvement in the most important chapter in their children’s lives is extremely crucial. If parents were not involved in the initial ‘finding’ process, convey the proposal to the parents immediately after ascertaining ‘God’s Will’. The parents and the young man or woman together must come to a loving and prayerful understanding about it.
Pray that God will convince your parents about ‘God’s Choice’ in your life; Wait until they approve, ‘if you are certain that you made the RIGHT choice and if your parents are believers’’ and continue to PRAY; If there is still resistance and disapproval, RE-CHECK your ‘GUIDANCE’; If parents are unbelievers, they disapprove your choice and you ascertained ‘God’s will’ there is no need to wait indefinitely
Compatibility – Compatibility in many areas is an important component of a healthy and godly choice
Spiritual – The partner chosen must be of the same ‘faith’ as you are. The Bible is very clear about the warning on ‘getting unequally yoked to unbelievers’ (2nd Corinthians 6:14). Zac Poonen says ‘if you as a believer marry an unbeliever, the devil is your father-in-law’.
? Beware of the plan of ‘conversion’ after marriage! History proves a ‘reverse effect’ in most of the cases
? Beware of ‘hot vs. ‘cold’ and ‘hot’ vs. ‘lukewarm’
Emotional – For compatibility in marriage the same should permeate the emotional realm as well. God’s choice for you will be of the ‘same mental age’ as you are! This does not mean that the partner must be an ‘yes man’ or ‘yes woman’. Walter Trobisch in ‘I loved a Young woman’ states
? She must challenge me to the highest, through absolutely honest criticism of me
? When she is disappointed in me, she must never withdraw her confidence
? Untiringly she must help to overcome my weak sides
? She must never pretend, but must tell me honestly when I have hurt her
Physical – Chemistry between partners is absolutely essential for a long-lasting relationship. This can include height or in other words over all physique of both partners. Age, health (especially hereditary, mental health issues) etc. are other parts of this sub division that needs to be paid attention to. Both partners should be honest to each other prior to ‘commitment phase’ about these aspects.
Social – Two individuals from similar back grounds especially in relation to family back grounds, financial status, education, culture etc. are a better match than two individuals from strikingly dissimilar social strata even though there may be exceptions to this. Many times, some marriages are carried out across the above stated boundaries merely to prove that Christians are above such differences. Marriage is not one that can be risked to PROVE a POINT. A good background check done prior to making engagement and wedding plans may save a lot of grief later
Inter Personal Relationships; Clean Pre-Marital Life; Race and Ethnicity
Courtship
Courtship and Dating are not Biblical words. However, there are many examples of Courtship in the Bible (Jacob and Rachel, Joseph and Mary etc.). Courtship is often misinterpreted in our community. If presented with clarity and practiced with conviction, courtship will help solve some major issues that prevail in the community. What happens in courtship after the ‘choice’ has been made?
Discern commonality of spirits.
1. Is this person spiritually regenerated? John 3:1-6
2. Take time to observe their values and attitudes. (Matt. 7:16
3. Will they pray with you? ...study Scripture? ...attend church?
4. Seek counsel of pastor or spiritual leader.
Determine correlation of minds.
1. Are there common interests?
2. Do you share "the mind which is in Christ Jesus?" (Phil. 2:5)
3. Is there common desire to "renew the mind?" (Rom. 12:2; Eph. 4:23)
Discover concerns of emotions.
1. Don't start with "feelings;" these should be by-product.
2. Are your affections directed toward the highest well-being of the other person?
3. Do you detect anger, fear, jealousy, pride, etc.?
Develop commitments of wills.
1. Are there common objectives and priorities?
2. Discuss short-range and long-range goals. Career choices.
3. Is there a mutual decision to follow God's leading together?
Desire companionship of bodily presence.
1. Desire to share recreation, entertainment, social occasions in each other's company within the parameters of God’s Holiness Laws.
2. Communication; communication; communication!
3. Premarital sexual relationships are contrary to God's intent. (I Cor. 6:12-20).
SECURITY is the primary component of the success of a marriage. Do I feel safe with him/her? How will he/she feel or react when I share some of my secrets or some of my needs? The more intimate the relationship is, the safer you feel. It cannot be achieved overnight.
HONOR is the second key component in the success of a marriage. Your mate is personally autographed by your creator. Try to fit into Adam’s shoes and see how he felt when God presented Eve to him. See the value of your mate through honor by action. Become a student of your mate. Know each other’s needs, likes and dislikes well. Cultivate security through intimacy and honor each other through action. There are four stages to a marriage relationship where these two components come into play at one stage or the other.
• Infatuation stage – Everything is bright and sunny
• Post Rapture – Soon after infatuation, the plane will land somewhere. This is where the real partner is revealed to each other
• Discovery – The post rapture stage leads you to a discovery stage where the actual meaning of saying ‘I love you’ is revealed through actions. How ‘safe’ am I is gauged really well at this stage
• Connection Stage – Once the intimacy and security is cultivated, honor marks the connection stage effective especially when the couple are connected to their power source
Make 5 promises to each other
1. Confirm your beliefs to God’s truths
2. Be filled with God – Make him the center piece
3. Find God’s best in every trial – stop the blame game
4. Serve each other all your living days
5. Communicate with Love
Avoid 4 marriage killers – Withdrawal from each other when confronted with an issue, Escalation of an argument, belittling the spouse in front of others, and fostering False Beliefs.
Ruth Graham was once asked “Did you ever contemplate Divorce”? Her answer “Murder Yes, Divorce, No”.
Remember; it is a Long, Long journey!! Ask for God’s Grace to sustain your relationship.
