A MAN AND HIS WIFE
“Valuing And Keeping A Good Thing”
Used in Men Of Integrity Meetings by Luther Sexton
SCRIPTURE:
Proverbs 18:22 “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.”
INTRODUCTION: A good wife is a great blessing to a man.
I. FINDETH A WIFE
A. A Good Thing
1. Doesn’t have to have Craftsmen written on it.
2. Neither will it always say Winchester.
3. Or Ford, or Chevy, or Dodge, etc.
4. Lastly, it is not a Hewlett Packard, IBM, Digital Camera, or a Scanner.
B. A Help Meet Is A Good Thing
Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
C. How Could This Be Good?
The "Rules" taken from “His Needs, Her Needs”, Part 1 by ALAN PERKINS
1. The Female always makes the Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all the Rules, she must immediately change some or all of the Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant Misunderstanding, which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize IMMEDIATELY for causing
the Misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from
the Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these Rules could result in bodily harm to the Male.
D. Two Are Better (Even with “The Rules”) Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Two are better than one;”
1. In order to lift one another up.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”
a. Physically
b. Spiritually
2. In order to impart heat to one another.
Ecclesiastes 4:11 “Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?”
a. Don’t be cold physically, emotionally, or spiritually with your wife.
b. Don’t expect her to supply all of the heat in your relationship.
c. A mutual relationship, giving and receiving as God intended, is a
“good thing.”
3. In order to defend one another.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 “And if one prevail against him, two shall [husband and wife] withstand him; and a threefold cord [the family?] is not quickly broken.”
a. No one, nor nothing, should come between a man and his wife if the relationship is what God intended it to be.
b. In order to cleave, you must leave . . . others behind such as family, friends, etc.
c. Certainly, behind every good man is a good woman which is a
“good thing.”
II. TO KEEP WHAT HE HAS FOUND, COMMUNICATION IS VITAL
A. Physical Communication
1. By supplying basic human needs such as food, clothing, shelter, etc. in such a way that says, “I Love You.” (Not grudgingly.)
2. By giving gifts that matter to her, especially during special times.
Ex: Cards, Flowers
3. By caring about the physical things that she cares about such as helping with the housework, especially if she works outside of the home. A female is attached emotionally to the furniture, carpet, etc. in the home. By taking care of them, you send the message that you are taking care of her.
B. Verbal Communication
1. Meaningful Conversation = 1 hour/day
a. Sharing feelings, hopes, dreams, and fears, as well as talking about ordinary things.
b. A man has to make a decision to have meaningful conversation.
2. Females speak 25,000 word per day vs. Males speak 12,000 words per day
C. Emotional Communication
1. A Physical Touch that sends an Emotional Message
a. Females need 10 - 12 touches per day from a loved one to remain physically and emotionally healthy. (Study at UCLA.)
b. Touching someone lowers blood pressure and literally energizes a person who is down and hurting.
2. The woman’s greatest need: Affection (Alan Perkins)
To a woman, affection represents security, protection, comfort, and approval. It is the essential cement of the relationship. This affection is not foreplay. It has no direct connection with sex.
D. Sexual Communication (Many men of God who fall, fall in sexual sin.)
1. We are all sexual creatures.
2. There is nothing to be ashamed of---we were made so by a holy and loving God.
3. The idea that sex and sexual feelings are evil is a distortion of the Devil.
4. The only legitimate place for sexual expression is in the marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
5. If you want to protect your mate from temptation, you should meet their needs.
(Alan Perkins)
I Corinthians 7:5 “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
E. Spiritual Communication (By Acting In Your God-given Position of Headship.)
I Corinthians 11:1 “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. 11:2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you. 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”
1. As the ordained “head” of the family, it is your responsibility to strive to ensure the spiritual success of the family.
a. The wife must first submit. It’s voluntary submission, not forced oppression.
b. It’s a partnership, not an ownership.
c. We are fellow laborers together in Christ.
2. Be a leader and she will follow.
a. If you know more about everything else except for the Word of God, you are not leading.
b. If your wife has to urge you to attend church services and take responsibility in the church, you are not leading.
3. She seeks spiritual protection and she will naturally respect a leader.
I Peter 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
4. What if your wife doesn’t want to be led? (A Perkins-“Leadership In The Home”) a. First of all, look carefully at how you are leading.
b. Second, if you aren’t accustomed to taking initiative, your wife may be testing you.
c. Third, help her out. You’re not the only one trying something new -- she needs to learn new habits too.
d. Finally, if all else fails, lead anyway. You can’t force your wife to follow your leadership. But God does require you to be faithful.
CONCLUSION: The relationship between the husband and the wife is one of the most important and should be one of the most precious relationships in our lives if we realize the value of what we have and understand how to keep the relationship alive and growing by God’s grace.
A MAN AND HIS WIFE
“Valuing And Keeping A Good Thing”
Used in Men Of Integrity Meetings by Luther Sexton
SCRIPTURE:
Proverbs 18:22 “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.”
INTRODUCTION: A good wife is a great blessing to a man.
I. FINDETH A WIFE
A. A Good Thing
1. Doesn’t have to have Craftsmen written on it.
2. Neither will it always say Winchester.
3. Or Ford, or Chevy, or Dodge, etc.
4. Lastly, it is not a Hewlett Packard, IBM, Digital Camera, or a Scanner.
B. A Help Meet Is A Good Thing
Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
C. How Could This Be Good?
The "Rules" taken from “His Needs, Her Needs”, Part 1 by ALAN PERKINS
1. The Female always makes the Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all the Rules, she must immediately change some or all of the Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant Misunderstanding, which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize IMMEDIATELY for causing
the Misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from
the Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. Any attempt to document these Rules could result in bodily harm to the Male.
D. Two Are Better (Even with “The Rules”) Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Two are better than one;”
1. In order to lift one another up.
Ecclesiastes 4:10 “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”
a. Physically
b. Spiritually
2. In order to impart heat to one another.
Ecclesiastes 4:11 “Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?”
a. Don’t be cold physically, emotionally, or spiritually with your wife.
b. Don’t expect her to supply all of the heat in your relationship.
c. A mutual relationship, giving and receiving as God intended, is a
“good thing.”
3. In order to defend one another.
Ecclesiastes 4:12 “And if one prevail against him, two shall [husband and wife] withstand him; and a threefold cord [the family?] is not quickly broken.”
a. No one, nor nothing, should come between a man and his wife if the relationship is what God intended it to be.
b. In order to cleave, you must leave . . . others behind such as family, friends, etc.
c. Certainly, behind every good man is a good woman which is a
“good thing.”
II. TO KEEP WHAT HE HAS FOUND, COMMUNICATION IS VITAL
A. Physical Communication
1. By supplying basic human needs such as food, clothing, shelter, etc. in such a way that says, “I Love You.” (Not grudgingly.)
2. By giving gifts that matter to her, especially during special times.
Ex: Cards, Flowers
3. By caring about the physical things that she cares about such as helping with the housework, especially if she works outside of the home. A female is attached emotionally to the furniture, carpet, etc. in the home. By taking care of them, you send the message that you are taking care of her.
B. Verbal Communication
1. Meaningful Conversation = 1 hour/day
a. Sharing feelings, hopes, dreams, and fears, as well as talking about ordinary things.
b. A man has to make a decision to have meaningful conversation.
2. Females speak 25,000 word per day vs. Males speak 12,000 words per day
C. Emotional Communication
1. A Physical Touch that sends an Emotional Message
a. Females need 10 - 12 touches per day from a loved one to remain physically and emotionally healthy. (Study at UCLA.)
b. Touching someone lowers blood pressure and literally energizes a person who is down and hurting.
2. The woman’s greatest need: Affection (Alan Perkins)
To a woman, affection represents security, protection, comfort, and approval. It is the essential cement of the relationship. This affection is not foreplay. It has no direct connection with sex.
D. Sexual Communication (Many men of God who fall, fall in sexual sin.)
1. We are all sexual creatures.
2. There is nothing to be ashamed of---we were made so by a holy and loving God.
3. The idea that sex and sexual feelings are evil is a distortion of the Devil.
4. The only legitimate place for sexual expression is in the marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
5. If you want to protect your mate from temptation, you should meet their needs.
(Alan Perkins)
I Corinthians 7:5 “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”
E. Spiritual Communication (By Acting In Your God-given Position of Headship.)
I Corinthians 11:1 “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. 11:2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you. 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”
1. As the ordained “head” of the family, it is your responsibility to strive to ensure the spiritual success of the family.
a. The wife must first submit. It’s voluntary submission, not forced oppression.
b. It’s a partnership, not an ownership.
c. We are fellow laborers together in Christ.
2. Be a leader and she will follow.
a. If you know more about everything else except for the Word of God, you are not leading.
b. If your wife has to urge you to attend church services and take responsibility in the church, you are not leading.
3. She seeks spiritual protection and she will naturally respect a leader.
I Peter 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
4. What if your wife doesn’t want to be led? (A Perkins-“Leadership In The Home”) a. First of all, look carefully at how you are leading.
b. Second, if you aren’t accustomed to taking initiative, your wife may be testing you.
c. Third, help her out. You’re not the only one trying something new -- she needs to learn new habits too.
d. Finally, if all else fails, lead anyway. You can’t force your wife to follow your leadership. But God does require you to be faithful.
CONCLUSION: The relationship between the husband and the wife is one of the most important and should be one of the most precious relationships in our lives if we realize the value of what we have and understand how to keep the relationship alive and growing by God’s grace.
