During a visit to the mental institution, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. “Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.” “Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.” “No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”
Well, when it comes to the state of the family today, many would say we’ve gone crazy. The look of the family is changing.
I recently looked over data from PEW research on the family. The share of U.S. children living with an unmarried parent has more than doubled since 1968, jumping from 13% to 32% in 2017. That trend has been accompanied by a drop in the share of children living with two married parents, down from 85% in 1968 to 65%. Research shows that within a 10 mile radius of our church address, 34% of households are single parent households.
Whether you’re single, in your first marriage, your second, or more, the advice for families found in Proverbs can make a difference in your life, and your children’s lives. No matter how the look of the family might change, the reliable truth of God’s Word for the family does not change; and it can provide the stability families need in an
ever-changing world and help you fulfill the primary purpose of a family - raising your children well. Let’s see what we can learn.
Many parents are concerned with providing the basic “necessities” of life. Indeed, Paul emphasized the importance of such provision.
“But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” - 1 Timothy 5:8 (CSB)
Dave Ramsey calls these “The Four Walls”: the basic necessities of food, shelter (including utilities), basic clothing and transportation.
Beyond these four items, anything else in terms of physical provision, is “extra.” While we might want to provide nice “extras” for our kids or grandkids, our next priority in terms of provision should move from the physical to the emotional and spiritual, according to Proverbs.
A. Parents need to provide their kids with faith.
“Better is a little with the [reverent, worshipful] fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble with it.”
- Proverbs 15:16 (Amplified)
“The [reverent] fear of the Lord [that is, worshiping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] is the beginning and the preeminent part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence].” - Proverbs 1:7a (Amplified)
“The [reverent] fear of the Lord [worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect] prolongs one’s life.” - Proverbs 10:27a (Amplified)
“By fearing the Lord, people avoid evil.” - Proverbs 16:6b (NLT)
“The reward of humility [that is, having a realistic view of one’s importance] and the [reverent, worshipful] fear of the LORD is riches, honor, and life.” - Proverbs 22:4 (Amplified)
Teaching your kids how to have a personal, meaningful, intimate love relationship with God that results in proper perspective on oneself and one’s God is the most important “provision” a parent can give.
How might one do this? Four thoughts.
1) Pray together as a family.
2) Read the Bible together as a family.
3) Worship together as a family.
4) Serve together as a family.
B. Parents need to provide their kids with hope.
Several Proverbs mention the “rod” when speaking of disciplining a child (13:24; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:15). At first reading, it seems the Bible recommends spanking as an important means of correction. But this is not the only way to interpret these passages.
While the rod seems to be an object to strike with, the term rod is also used in the Bible in connection with the shepherd’s staff: “Your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). The shepherd’s staff was used to guide wandering sheep along the right path. The rod was used to beat off predators, not hit sheep who stray. The idea behind the rod is that of discipline and guidance in the effort to protect and child so they might prosper and flourish.
“Discipline and teach your son while there is hope, and do not [indulge your anger or resentment by imposing
inappropriate punishment nor] desire his destruction.” - Proverbs 19:18 (Amplified)
Every child is born with certain abilities, capacities, and possibilities. The job of a parent is to help them discover and develop them.
Discipline is all about a parent providing guidance that helps a child minimize the chance they waste their life and maximize the chance to make the most of their life. One familiar proverb on child raising is:
“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” - Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Counselors, Gary Smalley and John Trent say the verse would be better translated, “Bring up a child according to their bent.”
“Teach children in a way that fits their needs, and even when they are old, they will not leave the right path.”
- Proverbs 22:6 (Easy to Read)
There’s no “one size fits all” approach to disciplining a child. A wise parent gets to know their child, what’s meaningful to them and what gets their attention. Discipline isn’t just about letting your child know when they’ve done poorly, but also about letting them know when they’ve done well. To do this, John Trent and Gary Smalley
encourage parents to learn their kid’s personality type (Refer to chart).
Lion (the powerful personality) - project oriented (wants to get things done) - Motivated by results, challenge, and action.
Beaver (the perfectionist personality) - project oriented (wants to get things done right) - Motivated by being right.
Otter (the playful personality) - people oriented (many friends) - Motivated by recognition, approval and visibility.
Golden Retriever (the peaceful personality) - people oriented (deep friendships) - Motivated by relationships, appreciation and service.
C. Parents need to provide their kids with love.
“A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate.” - Proverbs 15:17 (NLT)
Providing an environment where love reigns is more important than providing material abundance. Troubled kids come from homes where “love” is lacking, not money! But what does a loving home look like?
I came across an article written by respected pastor and Bible teacher, Chuck Swindoll titled, “8 Characteristics of a Healthy Family.” What made his list?
1) They are committed to one another.
2) They spend time together.
3) They enjoy open, frequent communication.
4) They pull together during times of crisis.
5) They express affirmation and encouragement often.
6) They share a spiritual commitment.
7) They trust each other and value the trust they have earned.
8) They enjoy freedom and grace.
This list reminds me of the words of Paul:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
That’s quite a list. In fact, it could be seen as rather intimidating. And there are, no doubt, other items that could be added to that list, but what helps when we don’t always fit the picture of a “healthy” family?
Note again verse 8, “Love never fails” or “Love never quits!”
Love sometimes has to be “tough” and put distance between us and a family member, but that’s never our primary objective. Our primary objective in our family is to have healthy, loving relationships.
“Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting - and conflict.” - Proverbs 17:1 (NLT)
When it comes to the failure of others in my family - I forgive. Whether it be parents forgiving kids or kids forgiving parents; siblings forgiving siblings or spouse forgiving spouse.
When it comes to my failures in my family - I fight. That is, for the sake of my family, I fight to be the best parent, sibling, child I can be.
Conclusion: How well are your providing for your family? Are you providing faith? Hope? Love? Are you forgiving when you need to forgive? Are you fighting to make your family better? How?
