FAMILY MATTERS
Text: Col. 3:18-21
Introduction
1. Illustration: When a national random sample of 1,000 adults was asked about the morality of eight family-related behaviors, large majorities of the public claimed that five of those behaviors are acceptable either because they are "morally acceptable" or that they do not even qualify as moral issues (i.e., that choice is a matter of personal preference, there is no right or wrong position related to the behavior).
The five behaviors deemed acceptable by most U.S. adults included:
• using pills or medical devices for birth control – acceptable to 86%
• getting a divorce - acceptable to 77%
• sexual intercourse between unmarried male and female adults -acceptable to 71%
• having a baby without being married acceptable to 69%
• intentionally looking at pictures or videos that display nudity or explicit sexual behavior acceptable to 58%
In addition, about half of the nation (48%) said that having an abortion is acceptable.
For each of the other seven behaviors, however, born again Christians were much more likely to embrace a more traditional, biblical moral perspective. Even so, a majority of the born again adults deemed half of the eight behaviors to be acceptable: using birth control (87%), getting a divorce (66%), having a baby without being married (54%), and sexual relations between unmarried adults (51%). In addition, about four out of ten born again adults believe that viewing pornography is acceptable (38%). (http://www.georgebarna.com/research-flow/2018/4/25/americans-redefine-family-morality).
2. Now what this survey tells me is that the church is in trouble, and a part of the reason it's in trouble is because the family is in trouble.
3. So how do we fix this problem? By turning the family back to Christ!
4. We do this by making Jesus the center of the family again, and we do this by returning to what the Scriptures tell us about the family.
A. Wives and Husbands
B. Parents and Children
5. Let's stand together this morning out of respect for the Word of God as we read Col. 3:18-21.
Proposition: It's time to turn the family back to Jesus!
Transition: First, let's talk about...
I. Wives and Husbands (18-19).
A. Wives Submit, Husbands Love
1. In the previous couple of paragraphs of this letter Paul talked about how Christians should act, and now he moves on to how Christians families should operate.
2. He begins, as he does in other letters, with the wives. He says in v. 18, "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord."
A. Now this is a concept that doesn't go over very well, and mostly because it is misunderstood and misrepresented.
B. It is looked upon in our society as a forced subjection, but that it is not what Scripture intends.
C. Submit: It has the concept of putting oneself under the authority of (hupo), not by compulsion, but willingly. The term is used in Luke 2:51 to refer to Jesus' submission to His parents (MacArthur, MacArthur New Testament Commentary – Colossians and Philemon, 168).
D. The family in Paul's day was a long-established social unit, and the church was in its infant stages. The church was God's new creation, and it provided a vehicle for putting the principles of the new life into practice.
E. Contrary to Paul's society, women had equal status in the church. But the structure of the family was already in place, and it wasn't the business of the early church to undermine society, which is what would have happened if they had radically changed the family structure.
F. However, notice that Paul adds, "is fitting in the Lord."
G. As is fitting: Wives have rights and privileges, but recognition of the husband's leadership is essential to a well-ordered home, only the assumption is that the husband has a head and a wise one (Robertson, Word Pictures in the New Testament, , Under: "Colossians 3:18").
H. It is not suggested here are anywhere in the NT that the woman is naturally or spiritually inferior to the man, or the wife to the husband.
I. When the relationship is seen from the context of the words, "as it fitting in the Lord," the true dignity of women in general and wives in particular is placed on a firm foundation (Bruce, 163-164).
3. Now Paul moves from the wives to the husbands. In v. 19 he says, "Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly."
A. The wife's submission to her husband has as its counterpart the husband obligation to love his wife.
B. This is not a love-dove type of emotion or sexual attraction; it refers to his active and unceasing responsibility to care for her well-being.
C. The phrase, "and never treat them harshly," really drives Paul's positive intention home by forbidding the opposite attitude and treatment.
D. Based on the laws of Paul's day a husband's legal authority over his wife was such that she had little or no hope of help for harsh treatment from her husband.
E. So, you see, Paul's instructions here go far above the law and requirement for the husband in this time.
F. Paul indicates that this should never happen in the church: the love and forgiveness that he stressed in the previous section of the letter, together with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, forbid a Christian man to be harsh in his treatment of anyone, especially not his own wife (Bruce, 165).
4. A wise and Christ-honoring husband will not abuse his leadership role. At the same time, a wise and Christ-honoring wife will not try to undermine her husband's leadership.
A. There must be mutual love and respect.
B. Husband and wife must accept mutual subordination in God's hierarchy.
C. The Lord Jesus is the criterion for our duty. He, not society, defines what is "fitting" (Barton, 885).
B. Mutual Respect
1. Illustration: While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
2. The secret to a joyful marriage is putting Jesus first and mutual respect for one another.
A. Hebrews 12:1-2 (NLT2)
1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.
B. We cannot hope to have a good marriage relationship without putting Jesus at the center.
C. Jesus said, "Apart from me you can do nothing!" So in order to have a successful marriage it's got to start and finish with Jesus.
D. Secondly, we have to have mutual respect of one another.
E. It's uncanny how well the Bible knows human existence. Now I am about to speak in generalities, but what most women want it is to be loved. For men what they crave is respect.
F. Ephesians 5:33 (NLT2)
33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
G. Husbands we have to love our wives above ourselves. She is a gift to us from God and should be treated as such.
H. Wives, likewise, your husband is a gift from God to you, and he gets disrespected everywhere he turns in life. But the one place in life they should receive the respect they so desperately crave is at home.
I. It's all about mutual respect and meeting each other's needs.
Transition: We also need to have Christ at the center of the relationship between...
II. Parents And Children (20-21).
A. Children Obey, Father's Don't Aggravate
1. The next family relationship dynamic that Paul deals with in this section is the relationship between parents and children.
2. The first thing Paul says concerning this relationship is, "Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord."
A. Children are called upon to ALWAYS obey their parents.
B. Notice, young people, that the word IF is not used anywhere in this sentence. Paul doesn't say, "obey your parents if they're cool!"
C. Nor does he say, "obey your parents if you think they're the smartest person on the planet."
D. He also doesn't say, "obey your parents if they let you do what everyone else is doing."
E. It simply says, "Always obey them."
F. While all young children will at times be disobedient and test their limits with their parents, as they get older and understand what they are told, God wants them to obey.
G. Such obedience reveals an understanding of authority that can carry over into understanding God's authority and all believers' responsibility to obey him.
H. A child's obedience to his or her parents pleases the Lord (Barton, 885-886).
I. However, the idea of "always obey" is with a Christian family in mind: it is not considered here the situation that a parent gives a command that is contrary to the teachings of Jesus or the Christian faith.
J. For example, if a child from an Islamic family accepts Christ, and their Father commands them to deny Christ, they are under no Scriptural obligation to obey.
K. Yet they are to do so in a spirit of love and respect, not in an attitude to defiance (Bruce, 165).
3. Next, Paul addresses the parents, in particular, the Father's. In v. 21 he says, "Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged."
A. If children are encouraged to obey their parents, then parents, and especially fathers, are urged not to aggravate their children by being so unreasonable in their demands that the child loses heart and begins to think that pleasing their parents is impossible (Bruce, 165).
B. The command for children to obey does not give parents license for harsh treatment.
C. Children must be handled with care. They need firm discipline administered in love.
D. Fathers refers to both parents. Parents must not discourage their children by nagging and putting them down.
E. Belittling children, or showing by words or actions that they are unimportant to the parents, should have no place in Christian families.
F. Discipline administered in contempt ultimately discourages children, destroys their self-respect, and causes them to quit trying (Barton 886).
4. The purpose of parental discipline is to help children grow, not to exasperate and provoke them to anger or discouragement.
A. Parenting is not easy and it takes lots of patience to raise children in a loving, Christ-honoring manner.
B. But frustration and anger should not be causes for discipline. Instead, parents should act in love, treating their children as Jesus treats the people he loves.
C. This is vital to children's development and to their understanding of what Christ is like (Barton, 886).
B. Love Is The Key
1. Illustration: Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your children are teenagers doesn't reach them until they're in their forties!
2. Illustration: "I'm worried," said one little boy to a friend. "Dad slaves away at his job so I'll never want for anything, so I'll be able to go to the university if I want to. Mom works hard everyday washing, ironing, cleaning up after me, and taking care of me when I get sick. They spend every day of their lives working just on my behalf. I'm worried." His friend asked, "What are you so worried about?" And he replied, "I'm afraid they might try and escape!"
3. Like marriage, the relationship between parents and children needs to be centered on Jesus and based on mutual love and respect.
A. Ephesians 6:1-4 (NLT2)
1 Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.
2 “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise:
3 If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.
B. Of all the commandments in Scripture, there is only one with a promise; honor your parents and you will live a long life on earth.
C. Children should obey their parents because it's what the Lord wants them to do.
D. Children should obey their parents because God has promised that if they do things will go well for them.
E. Children should obey their parents because we generally only get one set, and once they're gone you don't get a second chance.
F. Parents should discipline their children, but not to the point of harming them either physically or emotionally.
G. Parents should love and care for their children even when it's difficult because there are times when we are difficult, and yet our Heavenly Father still loves us and cares for us.
H. Parents should teach their children not only by what they say, but also in what they do.
Conclusion
1. So how do we fix this problem? By turning the family back to Christ!
2. We do this by making Jesus the center of the family again, and we do this by returning to what the Scriptures tell us about the family.
A. Wives and Husbands
B. Parents and Children
3. FOUR THINGS TO REMEMBER...
A. WIVES WANT TO BE LOVED SO LOVE THEM.
B. HUSBANDS WANT TO BE RESPECTED SO RESPECT THEM.
C. CHILDREN SHOULD OBEY THEIR PARENTS BECAUSE GOD SAID SO.
D. PARENTS SHOULD WORK TO BE A GOOD EXAMPLE TO THEIR CHILDREN.
