OPENING
SENTENCE: Let me read a story that has been lived out in thousands of homes.
INTRODUCTION: “Making no effort to be quiet, Graham comes to bed. It's about 1:00 a.m. Anna has been asleep for three hours, but she's wide awake now. "Anna," says Graham, "we're never going to make it if you keep spending so much money." Stress squeezes Anna's stomach. She knows Graham has been working on their finances. She'd like to pretend she didn't hear him but figures she can't.
She turns toward him. "Honey, what can I do? I try not to spend too much. There are things that we need." Graham sighs. "We need $50 worth of makeup from Dillard's? We need $120 worth of groceries a week? We need to buy new furniture for the living room and put up new curtains? These are not needs, Hon."
Anna stares at the ceiling. "Okay, the furniture and the curtains may not be needs, but my makeup and—" Graham interrupts, "Honey, you're beautiful. You don't need to spend that kind of money on makeup." "But that's what it costs. And I don't buy it that often." She tries to snuggle next to Graham, but he pulls away. "Are you kidding?" he says. "I'm so stressed out, and you think you can just cuddle up and be cute and it'll all be okay. You've got to take some responsibility here, Anna. Things are not okay."
TRANSITION
SENTENCE: As Graham and Anna have found, it can be a huge problem between husband and wife when one of them spends–or seems to spend—too much.
TRANSITION: In fact, if someone were to ask you what the number one reason is for couples falling apart, you might think sex, household chores or the strain of bringing up children would top the list. However, it's actually money that drives couples apart. Three leading charities all cited money worries as the number one cause of conflict in a relationship. They said it was not lack of cash that was the main cause of strife, but issues around trust and values – basically, if you disagree about how to manage your finances. Money problems surpassed other factors such as differing sex drives and poor division of labor in a survey of 5,000 adults, which was carried out by Relate, Relationships Scotland and Marriage Care. More than a quarter of respondees said family finances were the biggest cause of arguments with their partner, ahead of lack of compatibility (20 per cent), poor work-life balance (17 per cent) and differing interests (16 per cent). Other common causes of dissatisfaction were alcohol consumption, jealousy, and rows over the in-laws, while political differences, smoking and bringing up children all ranked surprisingly low in terms of relationship problems.
SAY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY: This morning I want to ask the questions, “How can you avoid allowing finances to damage your marriage?” Finances become a major issue in marriage when one of both members of a marriage get too wrapped up in accumulating things or they worry too much about financial matters. They are resolved when both parties put God first.
TEXT: Matthew 6:19-34
THEME: Money issues in marriage are resolved when couples put the Kingdom of Heaven first.
How can you avoid allowing finances to damage your marriage?
I. Both should focus on investing in eternal things. (19-24)
19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! 24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
A. Everything we value on earth will pass away. Most of our existence will not be on this earth and there is not one thing that you possess that you will take with you into eternity. Yet we fight and argue over things that have no lasting value whatsoever. You must start your discussions with this reality- “Everything you have will decay”.
B. How we handle money reflects on the focus of our heart. The value we give to things says something about us. Things like a passion to get fancy new cars, larger houses, or the latest technological gadget says something about what is really important to us. We go into debt, we stress ourselves and lose sleep when we have to give up something of value to us.
C. You can’t serve both God and money- you have to choose one.
Sandra Lundberg has said, “You've probably heard a variety of reasons for overspending: deprived childhood, privileged childhood, depression, anxiety, the thrill of the hunt. All of these have one thing in common: a search for security. Consciously or not, the spender thinks something like, "If I have this, I'll be in style." Or, "I'll be accepted." Or, "I'll be safe." Or, "I'll be okay."
Buying things doesn't provide real security. It does nothing to change God's love for us. Due to
the consumerism so prevalent in our culture, it's an ongoing battle for many people to let go of
the fleeting gratification of things for the long-term security of a relationship with God.
ILLUSTRATE: Several years ago, construction workers were laying a foundation for a building outside the city of Pompeii. They found the corpse of a woman who must have been fleeing from the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, but was caught in the rain of hot ashes. The woman's hands clutched jewels, which were preserved in excellent condition. She had the jewels, but death had stolen it all. That's the bottom line in life. Worldly treasure is not a wise investment because you can't take it with you. Jim Elliot, a missionary who was martyred for his faith, understood this reality when he wrote in his journal, "A person is no fool to give up what he cannot keep in order to gain what he cannot lose." It's not foolish to give up what you cannot keep in order to gain what you cannot lose.
APPLY: If you make eternity your focus you can put your finances into perspective and reduce the tensions it creates in your marriage.
THEME: Money issues in marriage are resolved when couples put the Kingdom of Heaven first.
How can you avoid allowing finances to damage your marriage?
II. Trust God to provide for your essential needs. (25-32)
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.”
A. You are more valuable to God than anything else he has created. One of the most difficult things to deal with is a loss of a job and the income that goes with it. It is exacerbated when you add debt to that mix. I have been there I know. When you face such times you must always remember- you are still of immeasurable value to God. Just as he has provided for us in the past he will continue to provide. Even if we lose everything we own our earth we still have what really matters- a God who loves us and works all things for our good. (Romans 8:28).
B. Worrying does absolutely nothing to resolve things. I can’t think of anyone who has a better life because they are obsessed with worry because of finances. If you can devote yourself to more productive things, other than worry, you are far more likely to come out better.
Listen to these statistics on worry:
Forty percent of what we worry about never comes to pass.
Thirty percent of what we worry about happened in the past and can't be changed.
Ten percent of what we worry about relates to health. (What's both funny and sad is that
researchers have proven that worry actually makes your health worse not better!)
Eight percent of worry is legitimate, but even then, you're worrying about it won't change
it! Your worry will not make the loan go through. Your worry will not make you pregnant or
"unpregnant." Your worry will not get rid of the cancer. Your worry will not pay the bills.
Jesus is telling you in this passage that your worry is useless
C. God knows your needs as much as you do. I am convinced that one of the reasons that God allows us to go through tough financial times to get our priorities in order. God knows your need but He wants you to know where everything we have comes from.
ILLUSTRATE: This week I read a book titled, “The God Guarantee: Finding Freedom from the Fear of Not Having Enough.” This book “understands that at the root of an ungenerous heart is not mere stinginess or greed but fearfulness. Accruing resources is often a way we try to take control of our own world and fend for ourselves because we fear we can’t trust God.” He says,
“The feeling of scarcity impacts every level of society. In a 2015 survey of American millionaires, more than half said they did not feel financially secure. Most reported they worried an unexpected change— a job loss, a market crash, or a failed investment— could affect their lifestyle at any moment. Fifty-two percent said they felt “stuck on a treadmill.” At every level of wealth evaluated in the survey, respondents said they need double what they have in order to feel secure.”
“And Christians today are not exempt from a scarcity mentality. They too worry about rising costs and stagnant incomes. Their time also is stretched to the breaking point in the digital age, and they are just as saturated as non-Christians with images and stories highlighting the hurt, brokenness, and lack in the world. They also have questions. Can God really meet our needs? How can we say God loves us if it seems as if he’s not adequately providing for us? Sure, once upon a time God may have given his people manna to eat. But where is he today?
APPLY: This fear is fundamentally selfish. How can we worship and serve God if we are driven by the fear that we do not have enough and if a crisis hits I will be destitute? It says, “I do not really believe that God cares for me and will provide for me.” In Acts 2 Luke clearly saw that the lifestyle of radical giving that characterized the infant church in the sharing of resources was proceeding from a heart that has been changed through the filling of the Holy Spirit.
THEME: Money issues in marriage are resolved when couples put the Kingdom of Heaven first.
How can you avoid allowing finances to damage your marriage?
III. Everything else falls into place when we seek God first. (33-34)
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
A. The things we worry about most will be provided for. God is far more committed to our good than we believe. Look at what he did through Jesus. We see God’s free gift of salvation that God can be trusted. Jesus is more “precious” (1 Peter 2: 7) than anything else. When we have him we have the most important thing.
As Alexander has said, “This makes me wonder, If God, in his generosity, creativity, and abundance, chose to create humans with such intricate detail, why do we doubt he has the capacity to care for a single person? Does his provision cover seemingly irrelevant and useless things, like a bunch of stars millions of miles out of reach, but not the very beings he created in his own image? When we try to argue that God doesn’t care or we put him in a box we “control,” we ignore the truth about his character. It’s a mistake to write off God, believing he doesn’t care about the details of either an individual life or the world as a whole. And it’s a mistake to try to “control” life without him.
B. Stay focused on the problems of today- not what could be.
One reason it is so easy to fall into Satan’s trap of a scarcity mindset that produces our fear is that we rarely make the time anymore to stop and appreciate all the blessings God has already showered on us and all the capacity for blessing others he has placed within us. Ironically, we can usually manage the day to day issues of life without too much pain- especially if we focus on these blessings. It is the imagined awful scenarios that most likely will never occur that causes our anxiety. It is this “awfulizing” that cripples our marriages more than anything else.
There is a Father who has blessed us and will continue to do so. But, there is also an enemy, Satan. First Peter 5: 8 tells us, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” He will do everything to distract you, hurt you, and make you believe there is not enough and God does not really care for you. He will attack you in the places where you are most vulnerable. He will make empty promises and brew dissatisfaction in your soul and blatantly lie to you about God’s love and provision. He plants seeds of fear and hopelessness for the future. But remember- “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.” (I John 4:4)
William Barclay offers a helpful word: Those who feed their hearts on the record of what God has done in the past will never worry about the future. Worry refuses to learn the lesson of life. We are still alive and our heads are still above water; and yet if someone had told us that we would have to go through what we have actually gone through, we would have said that it was impossible. The lesson of life is that somehow we have been enabled to bear the unbearable and to do the undoable and to pass the breaking point and not to break. The lesson of life is that worry is unnecessary.
ILLUSTRATE: So, in a very real sense, financial anxiety can also be a spiritual battle. It is a battle of, “Will I trust that God will provide for my needs (not wants) or will I succumb to my fears and anxiety.”
Pastor Chip Ingram tells a story about when he and his wife were newly married. It was early in Chip’s ministry, and there wasn’t much extra money. They had a neighbor who was raising her young child alone after being abandoned by her husband. As rent came due one month, she confessed to Chip’s wife that she did not have enough to pay the bill. The Ingrams felt burdened for her, wanting to help, but they barely had enough money in the bank to pay their own rent. After much prayer, they decided to pay their neighbor’s rent instead of their own. As Chip tells the story, he and his wife had no idea how they were going to make ends meet. Rent was due in three days, and they had only ten dollars in their bank account. On the third day, they received an envelope in the mail. It was from someone the Ingrams hadn’t seen or talked to in years— a young man who had been blessed as a high school student by Chip’s youth ministry. The man had been praying when he felt the Lord nudge him to send a check for the exact amount the Ingrams needed. God miraculously provided.
APPLY: While I don’t recommend we make a habit of spending money we don’t have this story does illustrate that when we seek God first, He will provide. God reminds us over and over that none of this— not our money, not our health, not our families— is really our own. Everything is His and is part of His divine plan. And, that same God promises to provide.
THEME: Money issues in marriage are resolved when couples put the Kingdom of Heaven first.
SAY WHAT YOU HAVE SAID: This morning we asked the question, “How can you avoid allowing finances to damage your marriage?” We learned if we focus on investing in eternal things, realize God cares for us more than all of His creation and, seek his kingdom first everything we need will be provided.
TIE INTO OPENING SENTENCE: Many couples are like the one in our opening story. One spends too much and the other is fragile and worries too much. Both need to read this passage and learn to overcome the fear of scarcity and to seek God’s kingdom first. For the wife it is to learn that stuff does not provide security and for the husband, that worry fixes nothing.
APPY TO SPECIFIC AUDIENCE:
1. If you spend more than you make you need to ask yourself, “Why?” I would suggest for many of you the problem is not lack of income but a belief that “stuff” is necessary for happiness. We periodically offer a series called, “Financial Peace University” to help you get your finances in order.
2. If you always worry about money you need to focus on putting God first in your life. With that comes the promise that all your real needs will be provided for.
3. Invest your time and resources in things that have eternal value. Remember there is nothing on this earth that you can take with you into the future.
HAYMAKER: Imagine a Financial Consultant sitting down with the Apostle Paul. The FC says, “Paul if you look at this time chart, I think you’ll agree with me that your spiritual life is doing pretty well but vocationally your tent making has seriously fallen off and has led to some considerable downsizing in your financial portfolio. Let’s take a look at the time log I asked you to keep since our last meeting.” This is what Paul answers:
II Corinthians 11: 25-27: Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one.25 Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, 26 I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. 27 I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked
It’s hard for me to imagine what the FC would say to all of this. But I do know this. That God used Paul in a powerful way and in putting God first he has a reward in eternity that far exceeds anything he could ever obtain on earth. He had his priorities right even if it meant some financial sacrifice to fulfill them.
THEME: Money issues in marriage are resolved when couples put the Kingdom of Heaven first.
