OPENING
SENTENCE: Not long before Vaunda and I moved to Canada we the got news about Christian musician Steven Curtis Chapman tragically losing his daughter.
INTRODUCTION: Stephen and most of his family were at home and the younger kids were playing outside. The family included 3 naturally born children and 3 adopted children- two from China. The older son, Will, was returning home from an errand and one of the young adopted girls, Maria, ran up to the SUV he was driving but he did not see her. In the process he hit her and she soon died.
I can remember another story from my childhood with friends a few houses down from ours in Virginia. Nine-year-old Karen ran into her parent’s bedroom to answer the phone. In her rush, she knocked over her fathers loaded gun and it discharged when it hit the floor- killing her instantly.
Life is filled with stories like this. They are examples of a major crisis that dramatically change our lives and how we relate to each other. Times like this can put a huge strain on marital relationships. Things like miscarriages, job losses, and financial collapse add an emotional stress that limits our capacity to support and encourage each other because we are all dealing with the same pain. It is hard to give comfort when you are needing it yourself. Pain can be all consuming and it is hard for others to lean on us when we can barely hold ourselves up.
TRANSITION
SENTENCE: This problem is exacerbated when you, or your spouse, bears some of the fault for the crisis.
TRANSITION: In fact, we have learned that times such as this put a huge strain on marriage. The spouse that we hope will give us support cannot offer it because they too are obsessed with their pain. And, if they share some of the guilt they can become the focus of our anger at the same time they feel the oppression of guilt. For this reason, it seems that many otherwise stable marriages become unraveled when tragedy strikes. We know divorce rates go up for people under marital and emotional stress.
SAY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY: This morning I want us to look at an example a tragedy that was caused by the guilt of the key party- David. In that light, we will ask the question, “How should you deal with a crisis in which you bear some responsibility?”
TEXT: Psalm 51
THEME: When dealing with a major life crisis let God handle what you and your spouse cannot.
How should you deal with a crisis in which you bear some responsibility?
I. You should accept full responsibility for your guilt. (1-5)
Psalm 51 shows us the two extremes brought together by Gods unfailing love. It reveals David’s extreme guilt and God’s extreme mercy. We learn God can by make us righteous, whiter than snow, in spite of our extreme guilt. We learn a lot about God, sin, forgiveness, and salvation.
1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
A. The context for this Psalm is found in II Sam. 12:14-19
This psalm is written right after David’s affair with Bathsheba and his murdering of her husband. Nathan, the prophet is confronting him and warns David of the following.
Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.”
15 After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.
18 On the seventh day, the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”
19 David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.
“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”
B. David pleads to God for mercy. (1-2) The power of God’s Word to transform a person is no more apparent than in David’s response to Nathans warning. David pleads to God for mercy- not for justice, in that he knows any punishment he receives is well deserved. Yet, for all his unworthiness, David knows he still belongs to God. In these words, David makes an audacious request- he asks God to wash away all of his iniquity- like the washing of dirty clothes or blotting out something. David recognizes he is not fit for God’s presence of his people.
C. David recognizes the magnitude of his sin and confesses it. (3-5) While others have been hurt by David’s sin he recognizes that at heart all sin is against God. While our confession should include those who have been hurt- it must start with God. David fully acknowledges that any verdict that God brings against him is well deserved and that this sin was a reflection of his overall character- not just a one-time event. To summarize these verses, he is saying, “my sins are his own, they are inexcusable and they are a reflection of my true character”.
ILLUSTRATE: Today we tend to “half-confess.” We accept partial responsibility and blame the rest on others or our circumstances. We have a propensity to try to justify ourselves.
In their book Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me), social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson describe how a fixation on our own righteousness can choke the life out of love. They write: “The vast majority of couples who drift apart do so slowly, over time, in a snowballing pattern of blame and self-justification. Each partner focuses on what the other one is doing wrong while justifying his or her own preferences, attitudes, and ways of doing things. … From our standpoint, therefore, misunderstandings, conflicts, personality differences, and even angry quarrels are not the assassins of love; self-justification is.
A recent study conducted by researchers in the U.S. and Israel titled "I Cheated but Only a Little." Based on a series of studies involving over 4,000 people, the researchers found that people who only partially confessed a transgression felt worse than those who do not confess at all. Dr. Eyal Pe'er, the study's lead author, had a surprisingly biblical angle on the results. He said, "Confessing to only part of the guilt of one's transgression is attractive to a lot of people because they expect the confession to be more believable and guilt-relieving than not confessing. But our findings show the exact opposite … People seeking redemption by partially admitting their big lies feel guiltier because they do not take complete responsibility for their behaviors." The Harvard Business Review summarized the research this way: "Confession is a powerful way to relieve guilt, but it works only if you tell the whole truth."
APPLY: In this Psalm, we see no attempt by David to diffuse and redirect blame. The first step in genuine restoration is to take full responsibility for your guilt and appeal to God for mercy.
THEME: When dealing with a major life crisis let God handle what you and your spouse cannot.
How should you deal with a crisis in which you bear some responsibility?
II. Let go of what happened and move on. (6-13)
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.
A. David accepted the consequences of his sin in I Sam. 12:20=-23. Let’s read what he did.
20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.
21 His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”
22 He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
Forgiveness and mercy do not always mean we will not face the consequences of our sin. David recognized that. In this intensely emotional appeal to God, he did not question or begrudge whatever punishment God saw fit to impose. That is a key part of repentance- we accept what we deserve. And, the consequences do not end with the death of the baby either. It affected his whole family, something we looked at some weeks ago. We learned that one of his sons raped another of his son’s daughters. The offended son, Absalom, killed his brother and attempted a coup against his father- only to be killed in his attempts. While painful, it appears David accepted this as part of God’s judgment.
B. His relationship with God is restored- whiter than snow (6-9) In verse 7 he refers to hyssop that was used in the cleansing of lepers but it is in the words, “Wash me, and I shall be whiter than the snow” that we find his trust in God’s ability to cleanse us fully. As Kidner says, “with God there are no half measures”, when it comes to the cleansing of sin. Think about that. God supernaturally makes a darkened sinner whiter than snow.
C. He is miraculously renewed in his spirit. (10-13) David takes it even a step further. He asks for more than just being cleansed. He then asks that God takes his selfish reprobate heart that lead to his sin and create within his a new and clean heart and give to him the right spirit. He is asking for a miracle. It's something that only God does and is instantaneous- but it is also sustained over time. It is a prayer for holiness. It is a plea to God to help him avoid further offenses against Him.
In this prayer, he is probably reminded of Saul who preceded him as king. David saw how the Spirt of the Lord left him Saul I Sam. 16:14. Once that happened Saul hardened his heart against God and never repented. In a sense, this Psalm shows us a stark contrast with the repentant David vs. the unrepentant Saul. In fact, in his plea, David asks that God would use His forgiveness and unfailing love to be a model that he can use to teach others in the future.
ILLUSTRATE: Letting go is often even harder than a confession in that we feel that we must keep punishing ourselves. Steve Brown tells a story that illustrates this. “Early in my ministry, I counseled a woman who, some twenty years before, had been unfaithful to her husband. For years that sin had haunted her. I was the first person she had ever told about it. After we talked and prayed for a long time, I recommended she tell her husband. (That, by the way, isn't always the advice I give. In this case, I knew the woman's husband and knew that her revelation, after the initial shock, would probably strengthen their marriage.) It wasn't easy for her, but she promised she would tell him. "Pastor," she said, "I trust you enough to do what you ask, but if my marriage falls apart as a result, I want you to know I'm going to blame you." She didn't smile when she said that, either.
That's when I commenced to pray with a high degree of seriousness. (I pray best when I'm scared.) "Father," I prayed, "if I gave her dumb advice, forgive me and clean up my mess." I saw her the next day, and she looked fifteen years younger. "What happened?" I asked. "When I told him," she exclaimed, "he replied that he had known about the incident for twenty years and was just waiting for me to tell him so he could tell me how much he loved me!" And then she started to laugh. "He forgave me twenty years ago, and I've been needlessly carrying all this guilt for all these years!"
APPLY: Perhaps you are like this woman: you've already been forgiven years ago but you can’t let it go and you've been haunted by a load of guilt for years. Like David, we need to let it go.
THEME: When dealing with a major life crisis let God handle what you and your spouse cannot.
How should you deal with a crisis in which you bear some responsibility?
III. Praise God for His forgiveness and unfailing love. (14-19)
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar.
A. Because he can take a sinner and make him righteous. (14-17) The horror of David’s sin continues to plague him. It is not the consequences of the in that he is concerned about- it is the guilt. He praises God for His righteousness but greater yet is His willingness and ability to make a sinner righteous. David has been shamed into silence due to his sin and he longs to worship again freely and he believes that he will because of God’s unfailing love. God values a contrite heart over our sacrifices and offerings.
B. David’s restoration becomes a model for all of us. (18-19) It is most likely the last two verses were added later sometime between the captivity of Israel and the rebuilding of the temple. They are an interpretation of verse 16 and they become the words of the nation who was in exile due to their failures. These verses express their own repentance and restoration. They essential fulfill David’s request to use his experience of forgiveness as a lesson for others.
ILLUSTRATE: If we can’t let go our past and our failures we cannot fully worship God. It questions God’s ability to fully forgive. It is no wonder that Satan is called the accuser. He tries to magnify the degree of our guilt to demoralize us and hinder our ability to worship God.
We can learn a lot about some of Satan's strategies in spiritual warfare by studying the military strategies of some of the warriors of old. In his book Head Game, author Tim Downs writes:
Psy-ops stands for Psychological Operations, a form of warfare as old as the art of war itself. An early example of this can be found in the battle strategies of Alexander the Great. On one occasion when his army was in full retreat from a larger army, he gave orders to his armorers to construct oversized breastplates and helmets that would fit men 7 or 8 feet tall. As his army would retreat, he would leave these items for the pursuing army to discover. When the enemy would find the oversized gear, they would be demoralized by the thought of fighting such giant soldiers, and they would abandon their pursuit.
APPLY: Satan likes to play head games with us, too, often leaving us demoralized by fear or doubt. We assume Satan is bigger or greater than he really is. And the quickest way to thwart our Enemy's psyops is to gaze upon the greatness of our God.
THEME: When dealing with a major life crisis let God handle what you and your spouse cannot.
SAY WHAT YOU HAVE SAID: This morning we looked at an example of a crisis that was caused by the guilt of David. In that light, we asked the question, “How should you deal with a crisis in which you bear some responsibility?” We found we must accept full responsibility for our guilt and then let it go once we have confessed it before God. God can take a darkened sinner and make him white as snow it should cause us to worship.
TIE INTO OPENING SENTENCE: We know that a crisis puts great strain on a relationship and even more so when one of the spouses bear some responsibility. I opened with the story of Karen being accidentally killed by a loaded gun the bedroom by her father. This is the type of thing that often destroys families. But, this family and this father, understood what it was to accept responsibility, plead for mercy and move on. As a result, they survived the crisis.
APPLY TO SPECIFIC AUDIENCE:
1. Every marriage will have at least one crisis that will put it to the test. Some of these tests are no fault of anyone; things like miscarriages, loss of a child, job loss, economic stress, etc. At such times we must learn that we cannot always depend on our spouse for support, in that they are hurting as well. We must turn to God and draw our strength from him.
2. There may be times in your marriage when you or your spouse has created a crisis due to your own sinfulness, stupidity or incompetence. In such cases the one who is guilty must look to David as our model by accepting full responsibility, repenting and allowing God to restore your soul so that you can move on.
3. If you are the spouse who was not at fault you must forgive yourself and let go so you don’t keep holding it against your partner. While caution and protection are in order constantly reminding him/her of the offense does little to restore the relationship.
HAYMAKER: The great British physicist Stephen Hawking has emerged in recent years as a poster boy for atheism, especially in light of his heroic struggles against Lou Gehrig's disease. But the recent film about Hawking's life, A Theory of Everything has been called a "God-haunted movie." “In one of the opening scenes, the young Hawking meets Jane, his future wife, and tells her that he is a cosmologist. "What's cosmology?" she asks, and he responds, "Religion for intelligent atheists." "What do cosmologists worship?" she asks. And he replies, "A single unifying equation that explains everything in the universe." In another scene, Jane asks, "So, I take it you've never been to church?" When Stephen replies "Once upon a time," she asks, "Tempted to convert?" Stephen replies, "I have a slight problem with the celestial dictatorship premise."
Later on in the film, Jane challenges him: "You've never said why you don't believe in God." Hawking counters, "A physicist can't allow his calculations to be muddled by belief in a supernatural creator," to which she responds, "Sounds less of an argument against God than against physicists." In one of her two published memoirs, the real Jane Hawking argued, "However far-reaching our intellectual achievements … without faith [in God] there is only isolation and despair, and the human race is a lost cause"
David’s Psalm 51 reminds us why. We are sinners and apart from the cleansing mercy of God, we are left in our guilt and sin- without hope. We, and the human race, are a lost cause.
