“Effective Parents”
FATHERS
I tried to find a way to share the responsibility of God's instructions concerning the nurture or of children with the moms but there is no way around it.
In the two major passages which we will briefly examine today, God addresses “Fathers” not parents.
If he intended to address “parents” he would have used the same word used in the previous verse.
The following instruction is addressed primarily to FATHERS!
The wife is the willing support in this responsibility but not the primary responsible party.
It is the responsibility and privilege of the father to take the lead in the training of the children in the home and I believe there is an indication from this passage that men should take the lead in the training of children in the church as well.
Our culture today definitely takes a different view than what is presented here in these two passages.
We find a greater in greater percentage of single parent homes.
Even when there is a father in the home, he is absent.
New studies come out every day revealing the devastating effects of absent or abusive fathers.
The father’s role in the home is vital to healthy development.
Being and producing individuals who develop and demonstrate a dynamic relationship with God, sacrificially love people and effectively impact our world begins in the home with the fathers.
Children long for the approval of their fathers.
Mothers are wonderful and admired and are at times the focus of the children in the home, but there is some vital dynamic associated with the role of the father in the healthy development of a child.
Some who are now adults, even now, continue to seek and pursue the approval and blessing of their father and express the devastation of not having received such approval or blessing.
One survey of 300 7th grade boys reveled that their fathers spent an average of 7 minutes a week individually with them.
Love starved kids are turning to gangs where they feel accepted.
Scott Larson of “Straight Ahead Ministries” said,
“Gang kids are usually the leaders in their communities. They climb the ladder to success through a gang. Gangs also meet their desire for family and close relationships.”
In 1990 a Los Angeles Times poll found that 57 percent of all fathers felt guilty about spending too little time with their children. Since 1960 the number of fatherless families has tripled. And research by University of Pennsylvania sociologist Frank Furstenberg shows that three-fourths of all children of divorce have contact with their fathers less than two days a month.
Dr. Dennis Schumuland MD
“As a family physician, I’ve come to believe that fathers shape the moral behavior of our society more than they realize. The Center for Disease Control is completely baffled by the spread of violence, but they haven’t yet figured out that many two-parent families are effectively ‘zero parent’ families because of the fanatical career commitments of each parent. Children se our values by the choices we make.
A book was written back in 1947 in which historian Carle Zimmerman compared the deterioration and ultimate disintegration of various cultures with the parallel in the decline of the family unit in America.
• Increased and rapid easy causeless divorce.
• Decreased number of children, population decay and increased public disrespect for parents and parenthood.
• Elimination of the real meaning of the marriage ceremony.
• Popularity of pessimistic teachings about the early heroes.
• Breaking down of most inhibitions against adultery.
• Revolts of youth against parents so that parenthood became more and more difficult for those who did try to raise children.
• Rapid rise and spread of juvenile delinquency.
• Common acceptance of all forms of sex perversions.
Our society is raising a generation of angry violent children.
One does not have to look very far, even in recent days, to know the truth of this statement.
There is much in Scripture about family, children, marriage and parenting.
Many of the principles are by example both negative and positive.
God presents us here and in Ephesians with some of the most succinct yet complete instructions for a healthy family ever written.
These are things that we know.
My intention this morning is to stir our conscience once again regarding our responsibility as fathers and parents to practice the things we know.
Because Scripture puts the heaviest responsibility on fathers, I feel I must do the same realizing however that raising children is a team effort that requires the cooperation and motivation all of the wife to accomplish.
In our culture, not only do parents need to cooperate with one another but we need the cooperation of the church family.
The church family, Sunday school, church programs should never become a substitute for parental responsibility but be designed to come alongside and help in what ever way possible.
Slide Col 3:21
Fathers, do not exasperate (erethizo - stir up) your children, that they may not lose heart. (athumos)
The Greek word translated “exasperate” means to stir up, excite, stimulate or provoke.
This particular word is only found twice in the new Testament.
Here in a negative sense.
The other used in a positive sense of stirring or motivating someone to action.
The assumption in this passage is that fathers have a tendency to stir their children in a negative sense that causes them to lose heart.
The instruction giving hereby God is for fathers to stop in action that had been going on.
The passage could be translated “fathers stop exasperating your children.”
The word "to lose heart" is a very interesting word.
It is the word for anger with a negative placed in front of it.
“thumos” interestingly enough is one of the NT words for anger used here in the positive sense of a bubbling passion, an energy , a bubbling enthusiasm for life.
God explains that the consequences of exasperating or stirring up children is that they lose a passion for life.
Paul uses a present tense verb indicating a continuous action.
This stirring up by fathers can cause a continual lack of enthusiasm for life in their children.
It is within the capacity of fathers to rob children of their zeal for life.
By our words, our actions, or failure to speak and act appropriately, we, as fathers, can de-energize or discourage our children.
We can rob their natural passion for life.
DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO ANGER
God also warns father’s not to provoke their children to a deep settled anger that destroys.
I am certain that much of what we are seeing today in the anger expressed by children is due to a lack of involvement by fathers in the lives of their children.
In the passage in Ephesians we have another instruction not to do something.
Don’t stir up your children so as to cause them to lose heart.
Don’t make angry.
There are two basic Greek roots translated “anger” in English.
Both words may be used in a positive sense and in a destructive sense.
Both words are used in relation to God.
The passion for life that we just discussed it is one of those words.
It is a passion that causes us to act against evil as it rises and to stand in the face the junk hurled at us from a fallen world.
We need that godly anger that burns in the depths because of deep convictions concerning good and evil, that passion the God feels toward sin and wrong.
There is another word in the Greek that refers to a deep seated, settled emotion.
We are told in Eph 4:31 to put away all anger (thumos) and wrath (orge) when it is a self-centered, sinful passion the flesh which drives us to react in sinful, selfish actions rather than a godly emotion in our spirit which motivates us to act in a godly way.
Fathers have the capacity to provoke children to a deep seated bitterness and wrath that causes damage to the soul and effects everything the child does.
We have a Child Care Center full of angry children.
This provocation to anger, this stirring up of bitter passion in children or anyone is the result of a “closed soul.”
One closes their soul to others when hurt full words were actions or neglect continue without resolution.
The soul is purposely closed further open relationships with others in an effort to protect itself from further damage.
That aspect of our being that relates to others and even ourselves closes down.
Our mind will and emotion no longer function properly in meaningful relationship with others.
What makes children angry or closes a child’s spirit?
Perhaps, because every family is different, the best way to find out what to provoke staggering children is to ask them.
We have discussed this in greater detail in our study of Ephesians.
For a detailed discussion of what closes the soul of a child or anyone for that matter Gary Smalley has written a book called “Key to your child’s heart” that you may find helpful.
What opens a child’s spirit?
He suggests the following five stages to opening a child's soul.
1. Become Tender Hearted
2. Increase Understanding
3. Recognize the offense
4. Attempt to touch
5. Seek Forgiveness
God’s instruction here to fathers and parents is painfully clear, or should I say wonderfully clear.
Fathers stop stirring your children to anger lest they lose their passion to function effectively in a fallen world.
Stop provoking them to anger.
But that is not the whole of the instruction!
The positive side of this instruction is to continually do something.
Don’t neglect your children
“BUT nurture them in the ways of God.”
NURTURE YOUR CHILDREN
ektrepho, to bring up to maturity, to nourish :- bring up(1), nourishes(1).
This is the same word used in regard to husbands and in their attitude toward their own bodies.
for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
Ephes. 5:29
Christ modeled what it means to nurture by his relationship with the church.
We take the time and are consistent providing the necessary nourishment for our bodies.
Christ provides all the necessary resources for the nourishment of the spirit and soul.
The Greek word used here means to bring up, to nourish, support, feed, to give suck, to fatten
Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?
Luke 4:16 And He came to Nazareth, where He had been brought up; and as was His custom, He entered the synagogue on the Sabbath, and stood up to read.
Acts 7:20-21 "And it was at this time that Moses was born; and he was lovely in the sight of God; and he was nurtured three months in his father's home. "And after he had been exposed, Pharaoh's daughter took him away, and nurtured him as her own son.
1 Tim. 4:6 In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following.
God instructs fathers not to numb the heart, but nourish the heart of their children.
Fathers must provide for the children’s nourishment.
This is not a reference to body nourishment only but soul and spirit nourishment as well.
Nurture them in the Lord’s discipline and the Lord’s admonition.
The world provides discipline and the world provides admonition.
We must provide the discipline and admonition of the Lord.
DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD
1) the whole training and education of children (which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment) It also includes the training and care of the body
2) whatever in adults also cultivates the soul, esp. by correcting mistakes and curbing passions.
2a) instruction which aims at increasing virtue
2b) chastisement, chastening, (of the evils with which God visits men for their amendment)
2 Tim. 3:16-17 All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; 17that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.
Hebrews 12:3-13 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary and lose heart. 4You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; 5and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
"MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD,
NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM;
6FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES,
AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES."
It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? 10For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. 11All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained (see word study below - gumnazo) by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. 12Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, 13and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.
The verb also refers to this same thing.
train children, to be instructed or taught or learn, to cause one to learn, to chastise, to chastise or castigate with words, to correct, of those who are moulding the character of others by reproof and admonition of God, to chasten by the affliction of evils and calamities to chastise with blows, to scourge, of a father punishing his son, of a judge ordering one to be scourged
Luke 23:16,22"I will therefore punish Him and release Him." And he said to them the third time, "Why, what evil has this man done? I have found in Him no guilt demanding death; I will therefore punish Him and release Him."
Acts 7:22"And Moses was educated in all the learning of the Egyptians, and he was a man of power in words and deeds.
Acts 22:3"I am a Jew, born in Tarsus of Cilicia, but brought up in this city, educated under Gamaliel, strictly according to the law of our fathers, being zealous for God, just as you all are today.
1 Cor. 11:32 But when we are judged, we are disciplined by the Lord in order that we may not be condemned along with the world.
1 Tim. 1:20 Among these are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have delivered over to Satan, so that they may be taught not to blaspheme.
2 Tim. 2:25-26 with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.
Titus 2:11-14 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus; who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.
Training is the result of discipline
gumnazo, (trained) Greek NAS 1128; from Greek 1131 (gumnos); to exercise naked, to train :- discipline(1), trained(3)
Hebrews 5:12-14 For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.
having eyes full of adultery and that never cease from sin, enticing unstable souls, having a heart trained in greed, accursed children; forsaking the right way they have gone astray, having followed the way of Balaam, the son of Beor, who loved the wages of unrighteousness,
Because every person born into this world with selfishness and foolishness bound up in the heart, every person requires “discipline and training in righteousness.”
Left to themselves, children will not develop character.
We all need training.
Paul requires fathers to provide the nourishment necessary for the development of a child.
It focuses on instruction in the ways of God.
This training includes the teaching process that leads to learning and doing.
We seem not to have much trouble making the training of the world a priority of our children.
Work with homework.
Watch the grades.
Send them to “training” five days a week, six hours a day.
How concerned are we about their nurturing in the discipline of the Lord?
Our children will be trained.
Will it be toward destruction or the discipline that enables us to share in His holiness?
The other word used in regard to the nurturing process is admonition of the Lord.
Again it is an process linked to the ways of God.
ADMONITION OF THE LORD
This word is the marriage to two Greek words
The word for “mind” and the word “to put”
The marriage of these two Greek words means to establish in the mind, put in the mind, lay in the mind.
The admonition of the Lord describes the act of establishing God’s truth into the mind.
Both the noun and the verb form of this couplet appear several places in the NT
1 Cor. 10:11-13 Now these things happened to them as an example, and they were written for our instruction, upon whom the ends of the ages have come. 12Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. 13No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.
Ephes. 6:4 And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Titus 3:10-11 Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, 11knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned.
VERB
Acts 20:31 "Therefore be on the alert, remembering that night and day for a period of three years I did not cease to admonish each one with tears.
Romans 15:14 And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, and able also to admonish one another.
1 Cor. 4:14 I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.
Col. 1:28-2:3 And we proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, that we may present every man complete in Christ. 29And for this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me. 2:1For I want you to know how great a struggle I have on your behalf, and for those who are at Laodicea, and for all those who have not personally seen my face, 2that their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God's mystery, that is, Christ Himself, 3in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
Col. 3:16 Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
This establishment of truth in the mind is a multifaceted process.
Confrontive, continual, systematic, informational, disciplinary, emotional, musical.
CONCLUSION
Fathers, stop exasperating your children.
Fathers, you have a responsibility to nurture the soul of your children.
Through the continual discipline and training of the Lord
Through continually establishing of God’s truth in their mind.
Deut. 6:4-9 "Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one! "And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. "And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. "And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. "And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
How
Deut presents a good pattern --
Put God’s word in your heart first
Teach them to your children by talking about them all the time.
Get help, pool together.
We have a generation of people who do not know God or His ways.
We expect them to make decisions and develop values out of a spiritual vacuum.
There is a careless, take it or leave it attitude about the truth of God.
It is time to change the tide.
Time to put fathers back in the lead regarding the spiritual training in the home.
The groundwork for the first coming of Christ was to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the children to the fathers.
Perhaps it is also just as necessary a step before His second coming.
Your task today is to examine your present nurturing practice.
Then commit to doing something differently.
We as a church are responsible to work harder at the nurturing of our children.
We must team together.
We must pool our resources.
We must devote energy and resources to nurturing the children that will be the leaders of the church in the next generation.
