We began last week by saying that we are the sum total of the choices we’ve made in life until today, and that what we will be in the future will depend on the choices we make today and subsequently. Last week, we looked at choosing purpose over popularity. This week, we’re going to look at the choices of surrender or control.
By a show of hands, how many of you here would say that in some area of your life, you like to be in complete control? Okay, if you’re sitting next to someone who isn’t raising their hand and you’re wanting to reach over and raise it for them, that qualifies you as a control freak. Honestly, though, we all struggle with the issue of control in some area of our lives.
Some of us like to be in control at work. You know—“Do it my way, and if you don’t do it my way, I’ll do it myself.” Some of you work for that person. Some of you are that person. Others of us are control freaks at home. Everything has a place and everything in its place. I won’t mention any names, but I know someone like that. It could be that your controlling nature comes through in dealing with your children. They have to be perfect and you’re going to do everything you can to insure that they are perfect. For some people, there’s really only one thing that needs controlling, and that one thing is everything. Control can be a real issue…for all of us.
I’ll confess my area of struggle. It’s the remote control. You know? The television. Hey? I figure, it’s my TV, it’s my house, I pay the cable bill. I control the control. That’s the law of the jungle, right? And, really…it doesn’t matter what’s on. The only thing that matters when it comes to the TV control is what ELSE is on! That’s my confession for the day!
Control is a big issue, even though we make fun of it. For controlling people…in whatever area of life…the larger spiritual issue is that we often usurp the place of God. Uncontrollable control is taking God off the throne of our lives and placing ourselves firmly in that place. I believe that’s what the wisdom writer of Proverbs was saying when he wrote:
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
do not depend on your own understanding.
6 Seek his will in all you do,
and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3: 5 – 6)
If we’ve been around the church any at all, we’ve probably heard that verse 100 times. If we haven’t been around the church, the likelihood is you’ve seen it hanging on someone’s wall, or sitting in a nice little calendar on someone’s desk, or maybe printed on their coffee cup. Some of us here may even have it posted somewhere in our homes or workplaces right now. We’ve heard it. We know it. But, honestly, it’s one of the hardest things to live in the world. It is so because, in order to live it, we have to surrender our will to God’s will, and for us control freaks, the idea of surrender is tough.
The writer says to trust in the Lord with ALL our heart. Then, he says don’t depend on your own understanding. But, I know what I know, and sometimes I know best, right? The translation we read this morning says, “Seek his will in all you do.” When we were growing up we probably heard that as “In all your ways acknowledge him…” That word acknowledge in the Hebrew is the same word that is used in Genesis for Adam knowing Eve. It is an intimate knowledge. The wisdom writer says when we know God intimately, He will make our paths straight. He gives the direction. He gives the guidance. We spend so much of our lives trying to figure our own way through life, but the reality is as long as we depend upon our own knowing, we’re eventually going to steer ourselves in the wrong direction. There’s a big reason for that. It’s called sin. The brokenness of our human condition will prevent us from always seeing things clearly. Generally, we’ll make decisions that are supremely self-centered. We’ll never knowingly vote against self-interest. It’s not in our unredeemed nature. There are even times when we know the promise of God, and we still try to take control.
One Old Testament example is Abraham and Sarah. We’ve talked about them before, but here’s the short version of their story. Abraham and Sarah are the patriarch and matriarch of the Hebrew people, and both had control issues. There was more than one occasion when Abraham lied about Sarah being his wife…called her his sister because he was afraid he would be killed and Sarah taken into another guy’s harem. He was trying to control the situation and neither time did it turn out well. Sarah, too. She and Abraham had been promised children, even though she remained childless into her 70’s. Surely, she thought, God would want me to take this situation into my control, so she took her handmaid, Hagar, and gave her to Abraham to bear his children. What was a noble gesture turned in to disaster for everyone involved. See, Abraham now has two branches of his family tree. On the one branch is Ishmael, the son born of Hagar the handmaid. His descendants include this person named Mohammed. On the other branch of Abraham’s family tree is a guy named Isaac, from whom the entire nation of Israel in descended, including the person of Jesus. Those two branches on the one family are still fighting in the near east today. That’s what happens when we depend upon our own understanding rather than trusting the Lord…rather than surrendering to His guidance and His wisdom.
Granted, most of us won’t ever be tempted to take control in the ways that Sarah and Abraham did. Our temptations will come in different ways. Maybe you’re a single Christian who has been looking for the person who is a Christian who you can form the perfect Christian family, but you’re tired of waiting. You met this person, and no, he/she isn’t a believer, but they’re a really good person, and maybe they’ll change, so you take the plunge. Maybe it’s a financial issue in your life. You’re a disciple of Jesus, and you know you’re supposed to return a tithe to the Lord. That’s one of the ways we put the Lord first. That’s one of the ways we acknowledge him. But, hey, it’s my money, and it doesn’t make sense to me right now, so I’m just going to take control of this situation because I know best. Or, perhaps you’re one of those helicopter parents. You know what a helicopter parent is, right? You just kind of hover over your children to insure they do everything perfectly, and when it looks like something is going haywire, you sort of swoop in to save the day…like finishing that project or paper they left undone. Whatever it is, you just gotta’ control it.
Here’s what I want everyone to do. Take your worship folder. I want you to think for one moment—what is that area of life that I’m trying to control? Is it your finances? Is it a relationship with a significant other? Is it your children? Is it your work, or your image? Think about it for a moment, and when you’ve identified what that area is, I want you to write it down on your worship folder. Don’t make a mental note. You’ll forget it. Literally, write it down!
Okay, I know some of you sitting out there are saying, “I’m not doing that!” I’ve only got one thing to say to you: “Control freak!”
Now that everyone’s written that one thing down, I want you to look at it and ask, “Is this something I need to control, or do I need to trust the Lord and not lean on my own understanding about?” Will I choose surrender or control?
Let me offer you three questions that will help you answer the big question. First question: Is this worth my concern? Let me put it in perspective. At FUMC, we have at any given time 65 people on our payroll. When we take into consideration the day care and the pre-school, as well as the ministry staff and administrative support staff, it averages 65 people. They all have different jobs to do, and I have to care about those people and those jobs, but I can’t hover over their shoulders and insure they do their jobs in the way I would do them, or even want them to do them. Yes, everything ultimately stops on my desk, but I prefer to get good people and let them do their job. If I try to control how they do their job, I’ll drive them off and I’ll drive myself crazy. I like what Pastor Craig Groeschel says: “You can have control, or you can have growth, but you can’t have both.” That applies both personally and professionally.
That’s like our relationships. We can have control, or we can have intimacy. We will not have both. Let me ask, is it worth your concern because your spouse doesn’t fold the towels the same way as you? A hundred years from now, will it make any difference? Then, why are you trying to control it now?
The second question: Is it mine to control? Sometimes, the answer is yes. Surrendering control does not equate to relinquishing responsibility. There are some things we are responsible for, and we should take care of them. If you’ve messed up financially, we need to own that. Hey? That’s because of decisions we’ve made. You can do something about it. Get a second job. Spend less than you make. Go to Financial Peace University.
Same thing in your relationships. There are some things you can control and some things you can’t. Learn which is which. At work, too. Simply ask, is this mine to control.
Final question: Is this for God alone? There are some things simply out of our control. When our spouse, or our children, or our co-workers, or whomever is making bad decisions, we can’t control that. Only God can do something. It’s out of our control. When our health fails, or the health of a loved one fails, it’s out of our control. Only God can do something. We need to leave those things we can’t control to God. Maybe we take the advice of the Apostle Paul:
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4: 6 – 7 NLT)
Paul wrote those words chained to a Roman soldier while he was in prison. Circumstances completely beyond his control. He did the only thing he could do…prayed. Let me remind us, though. Prayer isn’t the last defense. It’s the first offense. We must start with prayer, and our prayer ought always be, “Lord, I surrender my life to your control. Lead me. Guide me, and may my life bring joy to you.” That’s the beginning of perfect peace that will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. We’ll not find that peace in trying to totally control every aspect of our lives.
Surrender or control. Which will you choose?
