Avoiding Sexual Temptations - Assorted Proverbs
Turn with me if you would to the book of Proverbs, chapter 5. We have been going through the Old Testament together, and we are looking at the period of the unified kingdom: God brought the Jews as His chosen people into a land that he had prepared for them. He gave them a King after his own heart, David, son of Jesse. David’s son Solomon replaced him. David wrote many songs, which we have recorded in the book of the Psalms. We talked about some of them the last few weeks. Solomon also was an author, but of Proverbs - wise, pithy sayings of great insight. He wrote 1000 songs and 3000 proverbs. We are going to look at some of his writings today. Especially those dealing with SEX.
Sometimes we get the idea that things were so much different back in those OT days. David and Solomon just hung out at the palace, watching sheep, collecting tribute, and taking life easy. But the truth of both the Bible as well as confirmed by archaeology is that they lived in a VERY sexual society. The Canaanites, who lived all around them, basically worshiped sex. Intercourse with temple prostitutes was the way farmers would try to ensure a good harvest for their crops. Very graphic images were everywhere in the Canaanite culture. And in the midst of this oversexed society God placed his people to be a light and a witness.
The NT days were no better. The Roman and Greek societies both had a high emphasis on sex. Some of the Roman emperors were very notable for their blatant sexual orgies. Marriage meant very little. It was not a bond of commitment, but rather a legal bond. Sexual gratification was found outside of marriage more than in marriage. And as his salt and light, God placed the Christians teaching the first century world to live by a very different standard, to value women, to be faithful, to be chaste and pure, to live for God over living for lust.
Then we come to our day, and we realize it is no different. We live in a sexual society. In fact everywhere you turn, except for the church, you will find those talking about sex. But as the church we have often felt ashamed or embarrassed and failed to address our sexuality. The truth is that our sexuality is one of the most powerful driving forces in our lives and in our society, and God has much to say about it. We need to talk about it, and we don’t need to be ashamed.
When we think back to Genesis, we see God creating man in chapter 1. Verse 26 tells us Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God is the one who created our sexuality. And it was no mistake. One teacher I enjoy, Dan Allendar, says when we think about how men and women are created, God must either be a sadistic madman or an incredible genius. We all know about the differences.
Two weeks ago I was at a men’s retreat, and Stu Weber compared men and women with the analogy of a haircut. One woman comes up to another woman and says, “Did you get a new haircut, it looks so good on you.” Do you really think so, I mean, you don’t think it makes my face out of proportion do you? Are you kidding, I just wish I had half the face you do. And that color, it just blends so well with your personality. Well, I really don’t want to seem ostentatious or showy, but I felt it was time for a change. I’m glad you noticed. Are you kidding, I think it is just what you needed ---- and so the conversation goes on for half an hour. MEN on the other hand, can have the same conversation in only two words: Haircut? Yep!
When it comes to sex, it is well known that there are major differences between men and women. And I don’t just mean physically. One analogy that has often been used is the crockpot and the microwave. And those two cooking devices haunt us all sexually day after day after day.
But to get back to the main point, God in his GENIUS planned us male and female. And in verse 31, God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. God created sex, and he gave it to us for several purposes: For procreation, for pleasure, and for bonding. But when man fell and sin entered this new world, sex became abused in many ways.
1 Thessalonians 4 gives us a good reminder, God wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin. Then each of you will control your body and live in holiness and honor-- not in lustful passion as the pagans do, in their ignorance of God and his ways.
We live IN a sexual society, but we don’t live according to that society and its values or lack of them. You turn on the TV, and you get the idea that all the housewives in America are desperate for extramarital affairs. You get the idea that if you drink more beer you will enjoy lots of sensual women in your fishing boat. Sex is used to sell everything. Hollywood markets to our sexual desires. They understand what we often fail to understand as Christians.
The most powerful sex organ we have is our mind!
Sex starts in the mind. It is mentally motivated. And if we want to control ourselves sexually, we must control our minds. Deut. 5:21 reminds us, “You shall not covet your neighbor's wife. You shall not set your desire on your neighbor's house or land, his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Wrong action comes from wrong thinking. Proverbs 6 tells us These commands and this teaching will keep you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of an adulterous woman. Don’t lust for her beauty. Don’t let her coyness seduce you. For a prostitute will bring you to poverty, and sleeping with another man’s wife may cost you your very life. Our problem with sex starts in our hearts, with our desires, and with wrong ways of thinking. This morning, I want us to consider what God says about sex - and there is much - we could spend several weeks on this subject - but also to consider what God says about our minds. Let’s begin with prayer.
PRAY - for God to help us identify wrong ways of thinking.
Psalm 119:9 tells us, How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. And God definitely has some standards, some principles that guide us in the area of our sexuality. If we want to pure sexually, we need to . . .
1. Make a commitment to God’s standard.
Many people say, “God wants me to be happy.” He does. And that’s why He puts boundaries for His children. Can you imagine if I, as a parent, let my kids do anything they wanted to when they were growing up. Let them get up when they wanted to, go to bed when they wanted to, eat whatever they wanted to, play in the middle of the freeway if they wanted to. Do whatever they wanted to do because I'm a loving, forgiving parent.
That kind of parent would be jailed for child abuse. When parents love their children, they set boundaries. They set limits. Not to punish the kids but to protect the kids because the kids aren’t smart enough to know what to do.
God made you. He is your Heavenly Father. He created you. You wouldn’t even be alive if it weren’t for God. When God gave you your life He also established some principles, some boundaries. He says, “If you play by the rules of life, you win. If you ignore them, you break the rules of life, you lose.” And the loss is enormous. Sin always takes you farther than you want to go and costs you more than you want to pay.
If you were driving down 52 and you decided to get on I-69, but instead of an On ramp you got on an OFF ramp, you would see a sign that says, “Do not enter - Wrong Way!” How would you feel about that sign? Would you resent that sign? – “Oh, that stupid sign! I should be able to drive wherever I want to. I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions. I don’t need any signs telling me what not to do with my car. It’s my car and I can do whatever I want to with my car.”
That would be silly. It would be ridiculous. The sign is there not to punish you. The sign is there for your protection. If you stupidly drive onto the wrong ramp you’ll end up going the wrong direction, and you’re going to hurt somebody and probably hurt yourself.
Yet many people see God’s rules that way: When God says “This is off limits,” they say, “Why? The audacity of God to tell me I can’t do that! I'm an adult. This is my body. This is my life. I can do whatever I want to with it.” Sure you can. God will let you do that. But you’re going to get hurt, just as sure as driving onto an Off ramp.
The real issue here when you boil it all down about sex comes to this, Who’s really smarter, God or me? Who knows more about life, God or me? Who knows what will make me the most happy? Does God know, the one who wired me up and created me and saw me even before I was born or do I know more about my life?” Anytime I disobey God and say, “I know You said not to do this but I'm going to do it anyway,” I'm basically saying, “God, You’re dumb. I'm smarter than You. I'm going to be my own god. I'm going to choose what I want to do. I'm going to listen to the opinions of other people and thumb my nose at God and say, ‘Forget You, God! You may have created me. You may have given me my life. I may owe everything to You. But I'm not going to play by the rules that You established for my own protection.’”
We need to establish a commitment to God’s standard. It really boils down to this. Am I more committed to doing what God says will make me happy or am I more committed to doing what I think will make me most happy? As a Christian, we know God’s ways are always best. We may know it with our heads, but we struggle because we fail to make that commitment to completely follow God’s standard, whatever it may be. It’s not a question whether we like it or not. It’s simply a matter of doing what we know is right!
The second key to right thinking about Sex is
2. Manage your mind
When we think about those who have fallen sexually, there’s usually a predictable process that happens. You are not a moral person one day and then an immoral person the next day. There is a process that occurs. There are decisions that happen over a period of time that lead eventually to immoral actions.
The first step toward sinful behavior, if you don’t manage your mind, is to accept sinful thoughts in your mind. The battle for any temptation begins and ends in the mind. Proverbs 4:23 tells us, Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do. [NLT] Then Psalm 101:3, says “I will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar.” [NLT]
We think of ourselves as much too smart to be governed by something as old-fashioned as that. In fact, movies and magazines are full of people telling you that you not only need to think whatever you want to think but it’s all right for you to go ahead and fantasize about people other than the person you’re married to. That that’s good, healthy thing to do.
The Bible clearly over and over and over tells us that what we think about will affect our behavior and our thoughts are not harmless. Even Christians get caught in the trap thinking, “It’s no big deal. It’s just a thought. Just a harmless thought.” That’s not what the Bible says. The Bible says our lives are shaped by our thoughts.
If you don’t take care of it right here, you can quickly move into the next stage, which is emotional, non-physical involvement. After thinking and thinking about another person and fantasizing about them and starting to rearrange your time and your schedule so that you run into them or at the same place that they are, then what can happen next is, if that person is at all kind to you or receptive or a good listener or somebody that you share a common interest with, you will find yourself talking about your life and things that are making you unhappy and the things that aren’t going right and maybe how your marriage didn’t turn out the way you thought it was going to or your spouse doesn’t love you or all the things you can end up sharing. And then, not only is your head involved – your thoughts – but your heart is involved. And you begin to fall in love with somebody that you have no legitimate right to fall in love with. It’s a very, very dangerous thing that happens.
We soothe our conscious at this stage by saying, “But nothing physical is going on! Don’t worry about it.” But that’s a dangerous thing to say. Because even if something physical is not happening, that does not mean that what is happening is not powerful and can have a profound effect on your life.
If you ignore this, if you continue the next step will be rationalizing your actions. We are all pros at rationalizing our actions. We are all experts at pulling the wool over our own eyes, at coming up with very creative reasons to justify what we’re doing.
The third step to sexual purity is to . . .
3. Minimize the opportunities for sexual misconduct
We need to acknowledge that we’re vulnerable. 1 Corinthians 10:12 reminds us If you think you are standing strong, be careful, for you, too, may fall into the same sin. Given the right opportunity, given the right circumstance, anybody can commit any sin. If you don’t think you’re vulnerable, you are going to let your pride keep you from putting the barriers and the safeguards around your heart and your lifestyle that you need to put into place. Because each one of us is vulnerable, we need to put safeguards into our lives. Maintaining sexual purity is as easy as ABCD.
A. Avoid questionable situations - Look over in Prov. 5:8 - Here in the passage about the adulteress, it encourages us to stay far away- Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house. We would think it foolish for an alcoholic to go sit in a bar and sip on a water. It would be foolish for a car thief to walk past car lots browsing. It is also foolish for us to play around with temptations in the area of sexual sins. Don’t let yourself look at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue: it’s just a temptation to go further down the road. Don’t go exploring questionable websites on the internet. Don’t rent “sexy” videos or watch questionable cable TV shows: they only lead you down a path that you don’t want to go down. Temptation is all around us. We need to avoid temptation and live. I Cor. 6:18 tells us to Flee from sexual immorality. Don’t allow yourself to think, “I can handle it.” No! We can’t! Flee!
B. Build a good marriage - to those who are married, the best way to keep from going down the wrong road to sexual failure is to build a good marriage. Prov. 5:15-20 Drink water from your own well--share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers. Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Let yourself be overwhelmed, intoxicated with love for your spouse. My relationship with Ronda is what helps me to stay pure sexually. Let your marriage be a safeguard against sexual temptations.
C. Confess your faults to one another. Prov. 5:21 tells us For a man's ways are in full view of the LORD, and he examines all his paths. God sees us as we really are. Let’s admit the truth about our struggles to one another. James 5:16 - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. If we are struggling in the area of sexual sins, we need not to cover it up. Ps. 32:5 - David says of his sin - Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD" --and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah [Pause and think of that!]
Let’s find help from others in the area of our sexual sins.
D. Determine to be obedient - Prov. 5:7 - Now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. We need to make a commitment in our heart not to turn aside from the right way, the way of the Lord. We need to determine we will not entertain or play around with temptation. Rather we are to resist the devil and he will flee from us. So often Satan tries to wear us down over time. Potiphar’s wife tempted Joseph daily to sleep with her. Day after day he refused. This was not just a string of lucky days. Rather Joseph had determined he would be faithful to his master: his earthly master and his heavenly master. We need to determine in our hearts we will not allow Satan to use sexual sins as a stronghold of sin in our life.
The fourth step to keeping sexual purity is to . . .
4. Magnify the consequences
Magnify the consequences of ignoring God, not doing what He says, of sin. If you want a good antidote to stop you dead in your tracks from the lure of any kind of temptation, pause a minute and think, “What will I be giving up if I give in to this?” Think of the consequences. When you’re tempted you don’t think clearly. You allow the moment’s pleasure, the moment’s drive, impulse, desire, to cause you to forget what you’re going to be giving up. We need to just pause and remind ourselves of the devastation and the destruction that sexual sin causes in lives.
Hollywood has desensitized and romanticized and glamorized illicit sex. Hollywood never shows the downside of illicit sex. It just makes it all look so great and grand. The truth is, nothing destroys, harms, hurts your spirit, your soul, your emotions, your relationships, your future, your past, your memories like failure in this area. The scars tend to be permanent. The shame tends to linger on. The sense of loss to everybody involved is enormous.
Remember the story of Esau in the Bible? Esau gave up his entire family inheritance for a bowl of cereal. He allowed the momentary hunger of his body to give up what was rightfully his for the rest of his life and he exchanged the rest of his life’s inheritance for one momentary pleasure – a bowl of cereal.
Some people here have been tempted to walk out on everything you’ve got. Turn your back on kids, turn your back on a husband or wife, your reputation, just because somebody paid attention to you. Proverbs 6:32 says this, But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul. The Bible says in Proverbs 6:26 “sleeping with another man’s wife may cost you your very life.” Today that could be literal! With AIDS and all the sexually transmitted disease that could be literally true. Every 13 minutes 72 people die from AIDS.
God will never change His standard. Premarital sex is unacceptable to God. It always has been. It always will be. All the opinion polls of the world aren’t going to change that. Adultery is unacceptable to God. It always has been. It always will be. Pornography, homosexuality or any sexual thing that’s outside of between a husband and a wife in marriage is always wrong. People may giggle about it, laugh at it, joke about it, make comedy about it but they’re not going to laugh one day. One day they’re going to stand before God and explain why they thought they were smarter than God. Why in the face of God they said, “I know You said not to do this but I'm going to do this. Because I know more than You, God.” I'm going to do what I want to do.” It’s selfishness pure and simple.
If you have fallen or stumbled or engaged in any of these activities, you’ve come to the right place. You’re hanging out with a bunch of people who’ve blown it. But we have a God who loves to forgive. Let’s renew our commitment today to sexual purity, that we will be obedient to God and seek to honor him in our lives.
