LETTING GO AND MOVING ON—Genesis 50:12-21
A few years ago, I was visiting the town where I grew up, and I ran into someone I had never met, who knew my sister. As we made the connection, she asked me, “Are you the brother who pulled her doll in half?” Well, I guess I was pulling on the legs of her precious doll, Pammy, when the doll broke in two and the stuffing fell out on the front porch. Apparently my sister hadn’t forgotten, and I guess I hadn’t either.
Of course, that was child’s play (literally), compared to what happens in some families. Often there is favoritism, manipulation, or power struggles. There may be verbal or physical abuse, lies and betrayal. As siblings age, there might be fighting over inheritances, or undeserved disrespect.
The hurts can go beyond families: false rumors, bullying, cruel comments online. People are selfishly used, friendships abused, or trust betrayed.
Some of us may bear scars from our past: bitterness, anger, or desire to get even somehow.
How can we get past all of that? Is it even possible?
We are concluding a series on the life of Joseph. Early on, Joseph was arrogant, and his brothers were jealous. They caught him away from home, and sold him to a slave trader, who took him to Egypt. Joseph went through some hard times in Egypt, enduring loneliness, slavery, and prison. We can imagine the pain and bitterness that he felt, and we wouldn’t blame him if he harbored resentment toward his brothers.
Yet God was in control, and God was with Joseph in Egypt. He got out of prison, to become the most powerful man in Egypt, behind Pharaoh himself. His father and brothers came to Egypt to escape a famine, and they stayed because they were prospering. Joseph’s father, Jacob, lived 17 years in Egypt, before he died of old age.
Read Genesis 49:29-50:21.
The brothers remembered what they had done to Joseph, and they were concerned about what he might not do to get even with them. Joseph had done nothing when his father was alive, because it literally might have literally killed Jacob if he had. Now Jacob is dead, and the brothers are desperate in their fear of what he might do.
Read Genesis 50:15-17.
Did their father really say that? Probably not! After all, why would he say that to them, and not to Joseph? I’m sure Joseph could see through that ploy; they were still lying and manipulating.
When Joseph got their message, he wept. I think he wept because he still hurt from what they had done to him. He hadn’t forgotten; how could he forget, when they were still the same lying brood?
How will Joseph respond? The brothers come, and grovel before him. “We are your slaves,” they say.
How would you respond, in a similar situation? If you could picture someone who has hurt you, now coming to you, trying to avoid payback, how would you respond? When you feel the old anger, distrust, or resentment, and think of the years that you have endured it…and now, that person, those people, are at your mercy. How will you respond? What will you say, and what will you do?
Joseph has one goal: He wants to put this behind them, and he wants to build a better relationship with them.
How does Joseph get beyond the hurts of the past? How can we get beyond the pain, the resentment, the disappointment, the rage, the coldness that is part of our relationship with some people?
Joseph says two things, that are the keys to letting go and moving on. In verse 19, “Am I in the place of God,” and in verse 20, “God intended it for good.” Those are also the keys for us to get past the hurt.
AM I IN THE PLACE OF GOD?
When we appoint ourselves as judge of the universe (our universe, at least), we are out of our depth. W We can’t teach a lesson to every bad driver, correct every evil in world, or take care of every bully or mean person. Even if we could, we would do a poor job of it. We might exaggerate some offenses, and not be bothered by others just as serious. Rarely could we be unbiased or just in our judgments. Jesus pointed out the essence of our problem:
Matthew 7:3 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”
Joseph asks, “Am I in the place of God?” What is God’s place? It is God’s role to judge, and to maintain justice in the world. If God were not just, the world would be a very unruly place.
It is not our place to judge; that is for God to do. It is a good thing to leave that to God, because when we try to judge, we are biased by our own needs. This is especially true when we have been hurt, as we are inclined to seek revenge. For that reason, the Apostle Paul said,
Romans 12:17-19 “Do not repay anyone evil for evil...If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
“It is mine to avenge; I will repay.” Some people think that celebrating the judgment of God makes us cruel and judgmental. Actually, the opposite is true. If we can leave judgment to God, we are relieved of our need to judge. Don’t try to do God’s job.
Of course, we have a role in holding people accountable. Parents represent God, and they hold their children accountable. People in positions of authority, such law enforcement, teachers, or supervisors at work have a responsibility to judge and determine consequences for wrong actions. We also share a God-given responsibility to protect the less powerful, take a stand for right, and uphold justice.
This is not personal vengeance, however. We must trust God to avenge offenses against us, if indeed those offenses need to be avenged. That is for God to decide, in his justice and mercy.
There is freedom in that! If we can get to the point of trusting God to deal with the sins of others, it will relieve us the responsibility of having to fix everyone. It will also protect us from the evil of revenge.
Joseph said, “Am I in the place of God?” Since he wasn’t he had no need to respond in anger or revenge.
The second thing Joseph said brought peace to painful memories:
GOD INTENDED IT FOR GOOD
Through their cruelty, deceit, and manipulation, God saved their family and Egypt from starvation. Not only that; God preserved a covenant relationship with the descendants of Abraham, that would culminate in the salvation of many.
Let’s be clear: God did not cause all of the bad things that happened to Joseph. God worked them into a tapestry, in which he was beginning to the goodness of God’s plan. That tapestry is even clearer to us, as the part about Jesus is filled in. Someday, we will see the fullness of the grand design, and we will see how even our hurts fit into God’s plan.
Joseph was not blaming the actions of his brothers on God, and he was not minimizing or excusing the evil of what they did. He said, “You intended to harm me.” He had to be truthful about the harm and hurt, before he could deal with it.
Joseph was making a statement about what God is able to do. It was a profound statement, arising out of the amazing providence of God in placing a shepherd’s son—a foreigner, with no experience—in the highest position of power in Egypt. God is powerful, and his providence is beyond knowing.
What did belief in the providence of God do for Joseph? It motivated him to join God in bringing good out of evil. Read Genesis 50:21.
We are a lot farther down the path of God’s providence. We can see that even the cruelty that led to the death of Jesus was for our good, and for the good of the world. God is able work even evil actions into his plan for the salvation of the world. As Paul says,
Romans 8:28 (NIV2011) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
What should we do, then? We should join God in turning evil into good!
1 Peter 4:19 Those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.
What is our role when people hurt us? How can we work with God to bring good out of a bad situation?
First, we must try to break the cycle of harm and hurt.
If the game is revenge or retribution, we must decide not to play. We refuse to hurt those who hurt us, by gossip, putting them down, of the silent treatment. We refuse to harass them, by reminding them what they have done, or playing the martyr. We don’t allow our anger to stay with us, in bitterness, hatred, or self-pity.
Joseph refused to get caught in a cycle of evil. He wasn’t going to mope about what they had done, and he wasn’t going to ignore them either. With God’s help, he redirected his energies toward doing good.
Some of you may be carrying a load of hurt, and you may think, “I don’t know how any good can come out of what happened to me.” That may be true, but you probably know what will block good from coming out of it! Actively pursue whatever you know might bring good from it.
As we break the cycle of harm and hurt, we take positive action.
Actively pursue what is good.
If Joseph had ignored his brothers, it would have been quite decent of him. But Jesus demands more of his disciples:
Luke 6:27-28 “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.”
What can we do for the good of everyone, both the one who has hurt us, and ourselves? Jesus tells us:
“Pray for them.” If we do, we might see them as God sees them: sinners like us, hurting from what evil has done to them, and (perhaps) rebels against God. They need our prayers!
“Love…bless…” Desire the best for them. Forgiveness is often misunderstood; it is not denying or excusing the offense, or forgetting what the person did. Forgiveness is no longer holding the offense against them, but desiring the best for them.
“Do good…” Doing good may involve confrontation, honest words, and expressing hurt. I will involve wiping the slate clean, and seeking change. It may involve giving what we can: kindness, encouragement, and hope. Although we know we can’t fix another person, we can try to support them in whatever changes they might be willing to make. And yes, if it is possible, we can try to rebuild the relationship. It may not always be possible: Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
How can we handle our hurts?
“Am I in the place of God?” It works a lot better when we let God handle what he wants to handle!
“God intend(s) it for good.” What can I do to break the cycle of evil, and do good?
We have a God who can bring good out of evil! We must allow him to begin his work in us.
