Chico Alliance Church
Pastor David Welch
“Impossible Love” Part Two
Introduction
Our current stop in our exploration of Paul’s letter to the believers meeting in Corinth written a couple thousand years ago deals with love. 1 Corinthians 13 has been dubbed the “love” chapter. Here Paul does not really define love but describes how genuine love acts in real life. Love is a general term that embodies everything that is positive about a relationship with another human.
I. Terms of Endearment
Feeling Love (eros) – celebration love
Describes a relationship based on the pleasure of closeness and sexual stimulation.
Family Love (storge) – community love
Describes a relationship based on a sense of loyalty and togetherness
Friendship Love (philos) – companionship love
Describes a relationship based on a sense of friendship and comradeship.
Foundational Love (agape) – covenant or commitment love
Describes a relationship based on personal commitment to unconditionally care
A strong marriage cultivates all four of these aspects of love. Strong relationships outside of marriage cultivate the bottom three aspects although non-sexual touch holds an important place in relationships. Covenant love serves as the foundation block to all the other aspects of love. It is the only aspect that does not depend on a response from the one being loved. It functions solely on the committed love of the one loving. It is not dependent on feeling or sense of family or even a sense of companionship. It describes a decision to care for and pursue relationship with the other person no matter what based on a God-given passion to care.
II. A better way to go
1. Inadequate love
a) Conditions
If I have supernatural…
Ability to speak more eloquently than any person and even if I speak with the heavenly language of angels…
Prophecy and have the ability to interpret all the mysteries of life…
Knowledge to understand and explain how everything works…
Faith so as to transfer Mount Rainer to another State
If I give…
All my possessions to feed the poor
My body to be sacrificed on behalf of others
“but”
do not continually demonstrate, have, possess, or desire to truly care and connect with people
b) Conclusions
My abilities and actions become only an irritating sound to the people who listen.
I become of no eternal significance. (I am nothing)
I personally gain nothing in terms of eternal value or reward.
Love describes the interaction and connection with people. Without meaningful interaction with people, there cannot be genuine love. Love has to do with a passion to meaningful connect and related to people of all kinds. God’s foundational love finds its energy from inner divinely transformed character and God inspired passion energized by the indwelling Spirit of love. It is a genuine desire to be involved in the life of someone else. Any inability to genuinely respond in love to others says more about me and my character than about the deficiencies or inadequacies that may be found in others. If this love is a decision and passion that emanates from our inner core and has little to do with the character others, then failure to love is a melt down or disconnect between me and God. In fact Scripture indicates we do not truly love God if we don’t love those He created.
Biblical love is a divinely motivated decision to persistently pursue meaningful connection with God and others based on a God-given inner desire and evidenced by selfless care and sacrificial service that significantly touches or impacts the one being loved.
2. Humanly impossible love from 1 Corinthians 13
Most of the portraits and descriptions of love focus on deeds that develop and demonstrate meaningful relationship with others.
a) Love is long-tempered not short tempered
This word is made up of two Greek words. macro (long) thumia (hot flashing anger, passion or temper)
Love at its core constantly longs for restored community. Nothing disrupts meaningful community like flesh driven flashy anger. The manifestation of genuine love for meaningful relationship is stronger than the selfish desire of the flesh to retaliate or react. Love’s desire to impact people for the good serves as a control over my actions and responses. Because of love I develop and demonstrate long anger, long-suffering. I intentionally squelch the flesh’s natural desire to react or respond with body language or verbal tone or physical actions that communicate a self-centered focus rather than an others-centered focus. James taught that conflict is always the result of a selfish agenda. Jealousy and selfish ambition. How quick are we to respond to the things others do that hurt or annoy us? It is because we don’t really love. We are more interested in personal issues than relational health. Genuine love delays the angry reaction or response in order to restore, preserve or deepen the relationship. Love avoids anything that might hinder or harm relationships.
God is love. Jesus demonstrated God’s love. God continually holds back His anger against our sin in order to restore relationship.
The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient (long-angered) toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9
…regard the patience (long anger) of our Lord to be salvation... 2 Peter 3:15
Until this restraint of anger toward others becomes a lifestyle, a character trait, not just an occasional thing we are not adequately connected to the source of genuine love.
Since love desires deeper connection with God and others…
Love exhibits long-suffering not a short temper.
Take inventory. Do we care about others enough to change how we respond?
Angry responses only indicate unbridled selfish core that cares more about my agenda than God’s.
b) Love is Kind not cruel or apathetic
Where as long–temper focuses on withholding expression of the negative, kindness focuses on graceful expression of the positive. Love willingly “bears” the offenses of others. (Long suffering) Love naturally “gives” in order to help relieve the misery of others. (Kindness)
Kindness involves doing things that help relive misery or suffering or needs. It not only feels generous it IS generous. This aspect of love offers help and looks for ways to minister to people in need in hopes of deepening relationship. Love longs to relive suffering or express affirmation and care to others. Love keeps an eye out to the basic needs that others have. The opposite of kindness is not necessarily cruelty, it could be apathy. To simply not care about meeting the needs of others is unkind. God Himself demonstrates this aspect of love even to the wicked and ungrateful.
Kindness driven by love is lifestyle based on the work of the Holy Spirit, not just an occasional thing. This manifestation of love continually looks for opportunities to do helpful things for others in order to deepen or restore relationship. Do we care about others enough to give the thought, time and resources to express kindness?
Since love desires deeper connection with God and others…
Love continually offers kindness not cruelty or apathy.
Take inventory. How much do I care and how much am I involved in the needs of others?
c) Love is continually supportive not jealous
The word used here and translated “jealous” can be positive or negative depending on the context. It is the word meaning “to be zealous, to boil, to strive for”. Zeal and ambition can be good or bad depending on the motive and objective. The Corinthians were horribly jealous and ambitious people. In the previous chapter Paul highlighted their lack of genuine love.
Actually in the whole letter he laments their continual internal strife.
“But you earnestly desire (same word) the greater gifts!
“But I show you a more excellent way” – love which is not jealous of others.
Jealousy deeply damages relationships. James 3:13-16
Wherever we find conflict, we can be sure the root of jealousy exists somewhere in the soil.
“Jealousy intensely desires what someone else has!”
“Jealously intensely resents what someone else has.”
Jesus’ love did not seek to have more than others but give more than others. You can’t maintain a good relationship to those you envy. Jealousy and selfish ambition absolutely prevent the expression of genuine love. They are the seed bed of disorder and every evil thing. Love requires selfless giving. Jealousy nurtures selfish grabbing. You cannot pursue your needs and other’s at the same time. Love seeks the best for others. Envy and jealousy seek the best for self. Love continues to be supportive no matter what. Love delights at the successes and blessing of others. The Corinthians failed to demonstrate this kind of attitude because they failed to love. Do we care about people enough to deny any desire to compete or conquer and release the spirit-motivated desire to celebrate and cooperate with others?
Since love desires deeper connection with God and others…
Love continually supports others without jealousy.
Take inventory – Am I content with God has given me or am I jealous of others?
d) Love considers others first (humble) not self (arrogant)
The word used by Paul here is a very visual one. It is the action of a bellows, a windbag. In the middle voice it is the idea of puffing oneself up to look better than others. Mostly this fleshly drive has to do with the determination to build a reputation. It is an attitude that considers themselves more important than others. Paul crawled all over the Corinthians for their inflated view of themselves. 1 Cor. 4:6 4:18-19 1 Cor. 5:2 1 Cor. 8:1; Jam 4:6 1 Pet5:5
The self-centered, arrogant heart only cares about looking superior to others.
Tries to show themselves smarter than others by having to comment on everything.
Tries to show themselves better by criticizing others.
Tries to appear better by making others appear worse.
The heart of love pursues opportunities to make others look good and feel good in Christ and build them up. Arrogance is a self perception that blocks the development of healthy relationships. Humility longs to build relationship. Humility is the quality of heart that sustains a proper view of one’s self from God’s perspective and therefore has no need to promote or protect one’s self. In Christ we have nothing to nothing to prove, nothing to lose, nothing to protect. In Christ we find the ultimate expression of humility.
The heart of love entertains no drive to prove anything or to pursue anything but love.
A heart that focuses on building and promoting self has no time to build others.
Since love desires deeper connection with God and others…
Love continually considers others before self.
Take inventory. Who gets first consideration in my life?
e) Love is tolerant not provoked
Again, Paul presents the negative aspect of this attribute -- “Not provoked”
Note: The word “easily” is not in the original text.
Paul used a word that speaks of irritation, provocation to anger. It describes a “sudden outburst of emotion or action” in response to the action of others.
Now while Paul was waiting for them at Athens, his spirit was being provoked within him as he was observing the city full of idols. Acts 17:16
Because love pursues a deeper relationship it is able to overlook those daily little irritations that easily obstruct relationships. A self-centered focus sets us up to be irritated at the actions or lack of actions by others. This tolerance is not the ungodly tolerance advocated by the world today. That tolerance entertains the erroneous idea that there is no objective truth and therefore we need to accept any person’s idea of truth as equally true as mine. The godly tolerance motivated by impossible love accepts people right where they are in hopes of building a relationship that will lead them to accept God’s eternal truth. Until I deal with my own self-centeredness or bitterness it will be like an open sore that continually gets bumped by others and easily provokes a negative response.
Isn’t it interesting that when we commit to pursue, maintain and deepen relationship with someone, things that would normal irritate or provoke us don’t hinder us anymore? We deliberately overlook those “flaws” because of love. Many married your spouse with a full realization of one or two possible irritations. But because you committed to the relationship they were not an issue until time tested your commitment. Once a couple forsakes the commitment to pursue relationship (love), then every little thing becomes a major obstacle and irritation. Once the commitment to pursue relationship (love) dies, tolerance dies because love is tolerant, not provoked. Love pledges to deepen relationship and cannot therefore be provoked. Because Jesus committed to restore wandering sheep, nothing could provoke a retaliatory response. 1 Peter 2:21-25
When we become provoked, we rarely look at ourselves. The blame shifts to the provoker. “You make me mad.” Paul implies that when we have genuine love, nothing can make us mad!
Since love desires deeper connection with God and others…
Love tolerates the imperfections of others without provocation.
Take inventory. Can I overlook the “flaws of others or am I continual provoked?
The remainder of the pedals on this beautiful rose come in the form of what love does or does not do.
f) Love focuses on the qualities of others not self (does not brag)
Again Paul presents the negative side of the attribute. The word for bragging is found only here in the New Testament and means to talk conceitedly. Bragging is the natural inclination of an arrogant self-centered heart to talk about itself. The Corinthian believer’s fleshly focus resulted in gatherings where everyone tried to demonstrate their superiority to everyone else. Solomon spoke concerning this principle.
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips. Proverbs 27:2
Remember, he who toots his own horn invariable plays off key. Our bragging may manifest in subtle ways. An arrogant heart will draw attention to self in some way. A self-centered person that tries to convince others of their importance impedes the development of relationship both with God and others. God is not impressed with us and generally, neither are people. We should heed the wisdom of the Scriptures:
Be slow to speak and quick to listen.
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
Since love desires to deepen connection with God and others…
Love looks for ways to affirm the attributes of others, not self.
Take inventory. How much do I talk about myself over others?
g) Love acts honorably not shamefully
The word used here conveys the idea of shameful, embarrassing or indecent actions. The last thing we want to do to someone with whom we desire to deepen relationship is to cause them shame by our actions, especially God. We can embarrass others by our actions or dress or manners or talk. The Corinthians were not demonstrating even this toward one another as at the Lord’s supper they didn’t even wait for others. They also would cause others to feel ashamed because they were poor. Nothing blocks relationship building like inconsiderate behavior. The women were not dressing appropriately. The flip side is to act with consideration and thoughtfulness and honorable behavior. Some translate, “love has good manners.” I think it goes beyond just manners but includes all behavior. Love avoids any behavior that might shame or embarrass those we love.
Since love desires to deepen relationship with God and others…
Love acts honorably and thoughtfully not shamefully.
Take inventory. Does any of my behavior make others uncomfortable or cause shame?
h) Love seeks to serve others not self
Two tombstones in a small English village cemetery provide a gripping contrast.
Here lies a miser, who lived for himself, and cared for nothing but gathering wealth.
Now where he is or how he fares, nobody knows and nobody cares.
Sacred to the memory of General Charles George Gordon, who at all times and everywhere gave his strength to the weak, his substance to the poor, his sympathy to the suffering, his heart to God.
God calls us to adopt the very attitude of Christ in Philippians 2.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped (held on to), but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Philip. 2:3-8
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; Romans 12:10
Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor. 1 Cor. 10:24
For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare. For they all seek after their own interests, not those of Christ Jesus. Philip. 2:20-21
Just as bragging is the outward manifestation of arrogance and pride, so selfless service is the outward manifestation of humility. This is the central part of this beautiful rose to which all the others connect. One commentator wrote, “Cure selfishness and you have just replanted the garden of Eden.”
By now it should be quite clear that at the core of our failure to demonstrate the attributes of genuine love is selfishness and pride. We live in a culture absolutely committed to the “me first” philosophy.
Since love desires to deepen connection with God and people…
Love seeks to continually serve others first not self.
Take inventory. Whose needs take priority?
i) Love forgives not tracts the offenses of others
For this next attribute of genuine love Paul employs an accounting term. Paul uses a term that means to calculate or reckon. Tracking the offenses that others do to us inhibits relationships. Reformat your hard drive that holds the offenses of others. Wipe it out and then do not record them. This characteristic of love even goes further I think than forgiving, it does not make a habit of tracking the bad things people do. We are so adept at tracking dirt. What an example in Jesus who ministered equally to Judas as the others knowing his heart. God “passed over” sins of the past until adequate payment though Christ would be made.
Since love desires to deepen connection with God and people…
Love continually forgives rather than tracts the offenses of others.
Love covers a multitude of sins.
Take inventory. How many relationships have been broke through lack of forgiveness and bitterness?
Conclusion
This inward passion to connect with others that manifests in such a selfless manner is humanly impossible. It can only come from God. It is the result of His love within me. These are the evidence of the existence of such divine love. Would they find enough evidence to convict us of love in a court of law?
This is God’s description. If these attributes are missing it is no longer love. It may be something else but it is not divine love.
A rose bears certain characteristics. It is those characteristics that make it a rose. Without those characteristics it is not a rose.
Love without God’s attributes is not love. Only His love can change the heart. Only as we experience His love for us and through us will we ever realize the fullness of God Himself who is love.
Receive His covenant love today.
Reflect His Love always
Impossible Love Test (Partial test)
? I willingly restrain any negative response to people’s flaws rather than react quickly.
? I easily feel compassion for the needs of others and joyfully seek to meet them.
? I eagerly rejoice at the success of others and deny jealousy of what they have.
? I intentionally seek to consider others more important than myself.
? I consistently seek to build others up rather than brag about my own accomplishments.
? I purposely overlook the irritating actions of others rather than get provoked by them.
? I act honorably and thoughtfully toward others so as not to bring shame of them or me.
? I look for ways to serve the needs of others before my own.
? I choose to forgive the offenses of others rather than keep track of them.
Suggestions for Further Study and Application
Review the nine characteristics of love listed above. Do any of these characteristics reflect how I relate to others? How consistent? Take the “love test” above. How am I doing on a consistent basis? Do I reflect more of the negative side (easily provoked) or the positive side (restrain negative response – long-suffering)? Go through each one and either put a check mark or put your progress on a scale of 1-10. Spend the week asking God to make these true in your life. Perhaps even begin memorizing and meditating on the passage.
