Chico Alliance Church
“Married with Purpose”
1 Cor 7:1-9
I
ntroduction
Marriage is under attack. The very foundation of our culture is in danger of deterioration.
God has blessed America to the extent that America has embraced Biblical principles. These principles direct relationships with each other and relationship with God. The Creator handed down an operations manual. Whenever we cry for God to bless America we should understand the basis on which He blesses a nation.
Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD. Psalm 33:12
If My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chron. 7:14
Our cry should be that America humble ourselves and turn from our wicked ways. Much of the wickedness in America has to do with sexual immorality and the disintegration of the family. God conceived sex. It is not a shameful thing. God designed it and blesses it. But it is only blessed when practiced within the borders God instituted to protect the family. Whenever man becomes the center of the universe and God is not honored as God, sexual perversion is not far behind. This is a topic that touches every person. Every person must deal with this issue almost on a daily basis.
The Scriptures have a great deal to say about the topic from both sides of the boundary lines.
Schools teach the mechanics but ignore the morality. Mechanics without morality only fosters greater immorality. Paul tackled the question straight on in the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians.
Evidently the church at Corinth asked Paul to address the issue. It is kind of like playing Jeopardy. We must come up with their question by reading Paul’s answer.
God’s Purpose for Marriage
1. Partnership (Companionship)
2. Potential (Completeness)
3. Procreation (raising up godly seed)
4. Portrayal (Illustration of relationship with God)
5. Protection (from sexual perversion)
6. Pleasure (guilt free)
But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 1 Cor. 7:31-34
This is a pleasure that goes beyond sexual pleasure. It does however include the sexual relationship as well.
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
1. It is more beneficial to stay single.
This theme is all through this chapter. His reasoning doesn’t say that marriage is bad or less spiritual. His reasoning comes from three aspects.
? Marriage brings additional trauma in life.
But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you. 1 Cor. 7:28
? Marriage divides one’s energy between pleasing God and one’s spouse.
? The time is short before Jesus returns
But this I say, brethren, the time has been shortened, so that from now on those who have wives should be as though they had none; 1 Cor. 7:29
These do not denigrate the fact that God designed marriage to be beneficial. The purposes of God for marriage still pertain to His creation.
2. Marriage (healthy relationship) protects from immorality.
Why steal a bicycle when you have a Ferrari in the garage? Two sides to consider in this protection.
The spouse must be working on being the partner God intended them to be.
No spouse can protect from a fleshly or demonically intensified sex drive due to sin.
3. Marriage is one man committed to one woman.
Even though we find multiple wives practiced in biblical history, it is not God’s design.
Multiple wives violate God’s purposes for marriage. This was the culture of Corinth.
4. Sex is not just for procreation
From this passage it is quite obvious that God intend sex for other than extending the race.
5. Couples are indebted to sexually relate to each other.
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 1 Cor. 7:3
Important word to note. “Duty” debt, what is owed. There is an obligation in regard to one another in regard to sexual relations. The obligation has to do with both protection and pleasure.
If part of marriage is to protect against immorality, then there is an obligation to provide that protection for each other. There is another reason why the spouse must consider this an obligation.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 1 Cor. 7:4
This is a much misunderstood verse. The important term here is “authority” = jurisdiction, right to act, liberty, power. The context here has to do with sexual pleasure or fulfillment.
This is not an all encompassing statement. He is not teaching that the spouse can do anything they want to their partner’s body. I believe this teaches that when it comes to sexual fulfillment, neither spouse has the jurisdiction or right to act in regard to their own body. God has given that privilege and duty to the spouse. I believe this passage teaches against self-centered sexual gratification. Some use this passage to teach that either spouse has unlimited access and control over the other’s body in regard to sex. Some have gone so far as to teach from this passage that the spouse can never say, “No.” This goes against other clear teaching regarding God’s design for sex. It was designed to be a mutual communication and celebration of oneness.
It is an other’s-centered thing. To interpret this verse as saying that the individual has no right over their own body but the spouse has absolute authority over their body is a violation of the principles of intimacy. What I do believe this teaches is that we are dependent on our spouse when it comes to sexual fulfillment and no one else. We are not free to pursue any other avenue for sexual fulfillment.
Finally then, brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God (just as you actually do walk), that you excel still more. For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you. 1 Thes. 4:1-8
Abstain from sexual immorality. Keep your sexual passions under control. Do not sexually defraud others. Not to follow these instructions is to deliberately reject God. Our spouse alone has the God given authority to grant sexual fulfillment. We are thus dependent on each other.
It is another living lesson designed by God to inspire oneness. Like having two bank accounts in different names. The only way the one can benefit from what is in that account is through the other. Only the spouse has “authority” to access that account. Only our spouse has the God-given authority to access the sexual pleasure account. We are dependent on each other. The Corinthian culture violated all of these. Multiplied wives and went to the temple to meet their sensual needs.
6. Sexual abstinence must be carefully managed
Since our spouse is the only outlet for sexual release Paul urges couples to STOP depriving one another of this most important aspect of the marriage relationship. The verb action here is a command to stop a current practice. The word “deprive” is a pretty strong term. It means to deprive, rob, defraud. For some reason the Corinthians over-reacted to a sexualized culture and felt that total abstinence even among married couples was more spiritual. Paul nixed this notion by a strong command to STOP it. He acknowledged that abstinence by agreement for the purpose of prayer is permissible but to be carefully regulated. Notice it is only by mutual agreement for a specific spiritual cause for a limited time. Sexual deprivation is not to be used by one party as a punishment or weapon. Such a motivation would be considered stealing.
7. Both celibacy and matrimony is a gift from God.
But this I say by way of concession, not of command. Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. 1 Cor. 7:6-7
8. If you don’t have self-control, get married
But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 1 Cor. 7:8-9
Just like any created thing, God intended sex to function within protective borders. Inside the border it is delightful. Outside the border it is destructive.
Biblical Sexual Oneness
Some call this body oneness or physical oneness. The more I have thought about this God-given gift, the less inclined I am to call it body or physical oneness. Sex involves more than just the physical aspects of our being. We are not like the animals. God intended sex for humans to mean something. It is not just recreational or merely sensual. God designed sex between married people on a much higher plane. Sex engages every sense and every aspect of the person. Most all of the physical senses are engaged -- Touch, smell, taste, hearing, seeing. Most all of the soul senses are engaged -- mental, emotional, volitional. Even the spiritual senses are involved.
Perhaps that is why it is such an overwhelming force in our world today. Satan has worked hard to crash and even obliterate the God-designed boundaries which protect and harness this powerful phenomenon. God established certain borders to protect this most powerful experience. Whenever we travel outside the God-designed borders, there is difficulty and even destruction.
1. Selfless commitment between one man and one woman (Marriage)
For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
Leave / Cleave/ One flesh
No one flesh until leaving and cleaving are established. Unless there is both private and public (legal) declarations of commitment, there is not marriage. God reserved sexual privileges for committed marriage. Commitment is the protective context for physical intimacy. Sex is not for recreational exercise but reflective expression. Sex is to be practiced within a treasured marriage relationship. Let marriage be honorable.
“precious, valued, most precious, honored, revered, venerated, held especially dear, of great price, estimated highly and valuable”
Destructive Border Crossing
Sex outside of marriage “pre-marital sex” “fornication”
The price of Holland's famous "free-love" lifestyle is often an unhappy sex life, according to a survey of more than 1,000 Dutch singles. The poll, conducted by the online journal My life, found that less than one-fifth of Dutch singles said they are happy with their sex lives and two-thirds said married couples are happier. About half of Dutch single men and a third of Dutch single women reported having regular one-night stands. (From World Magazine October 2, 2004 page 11)
Sex with same sex. “homosexuality”
Sex with other than spouse. “adultery”
Outside God’s protective borders, sex becomes diminished and even dangerous.
2. Purity
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4
The marriage bed is to be undefiled. This again includes un-marital sexual focus -- fornication.
Undefiled = “free from that by which the nature of a thing is deformed and debased, or its force and vigor impaired.” We are to stay clear of anything that would deform, debase or impair the vigor of sexual oneness with our spouse. Comes from the word to defile, color pollute, stain with sin, contaminate, soil.
Crossing the Border
Mentioned especially here are “fornication” and “adultery. Fornication is sex outside of marriage. Also a word used for homosexual activity. Adultery is sex with someone other than one’s partner. One can go out of bounds without physical contact with another.
"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:27-28
“Look” look, watch, guard. “Lust” strongly desire, covet, crave. Meaning: Look with the intent to have for one’s self or enter into sexual activity. To go out of bounds effects marriage commitment brings personal consequences. To introduce impure literature or pictures into the sexual oneness violates the boundary of purity as well as the next boundary of purpose. If there is impurity, there will be insecurity and damage. Impurity will be sensed by the partner. We also open ourselves up for demonic interference and bondage when this border is crossed.
Sensualization will destroy a wonderful relationship.
Repent, ask forgiveness for violating His bondaries.
Unrepented sensuality will break out of the ground in other ways. 2 Cor. 12:20-21
Any and every sensual and sexual activity outside of marriage must be named and repented of.
3. Purpose
The focus of sexual oneness is not to achieve the most intense sexual response and set off a warehouse of fireworks. God designed sex as a non-verbal language to communicate and celebrate oneness. The sexual union becomes a continual affirmation, expression and celebration of a continuing commitment to leave and cleave. Sexual oneness is a wonderful communication and celebration of spirit and soul oneness. Sex is not so much sensual as meaningful.
It celebrates intimacy and relationship. Without meaning, it loses impact. Like a non-Christian taking communion. Communion celebrates unity and oneness with Christ. A non-Christian can taste the bread, the grape juice will provide sensation. If they are hungry it will only make them crave for more. When the ONLY point is the sensation, it will never satisfy. When the celebration has the intended communication, a whole new dimension opens up. Sex celebrates intimate relationship with our spouse. The more significant the oneness, the more meaningful the celebration. Our culture focuses on the sensual elements of marriage without the corresponding oneness. We think we can ignore the development of trust, commitment, accountability, vulnerability, acceptance, responsibility, faithfulness and find ultimate meaning in the spirit, soul and body activity designed to celebrate that oneness.
Sex was intended to demonstrate not develop oneness.
Sex was intended to experience not establish oneness.
Sex is meant to communicate and celebrate marital commitment and oneness and bear godly seed. God just happened to make it very pleasurable.
Crossing the Border
Communicate selfishness. Expecting sex to fill emptiness only God can fill crosses the border.
Using sex to numb pain, escape loneliness, failure, insecurity, tension crosses the border. Relying on sex to create intimacy rather than celebrate oneness of soul crosses the border. Practicing sex as a pure emotional release without regard for one another crosses the border. Sensual fantasy and selfish focus destroys the celebration. Self-gratification violates the purpose and picture of intimate relationship. When only the sensual matters, perversion, bondage and dysfunction are not far behind. Communicating rejection, conditional acceptance, individualism by sexual manipulation crosses the purpose border. If sex is a language, be sure it is used carefully to communicate oneness. God designed sex to communicate and celebrate a total oneness developed through humility.
4. Mutual Pleasure
I do not intend to portray the sexual aspect of marriage as something undesirable. God made it pleasurable. The important boundary here is that sex is to be mutually pleasurable.
Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.
As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
Be exhilarated always with her love. Proverbs 5:18-19
The giving and receiving of pleasure to one another is God-designed. One reading of the Song of Solomon makes this fact abundantly clear. Sex is not a weapon to manipulate but a tool to minister to one another. In the palace of sexual pleasure there are various levels. If one’s focus is purely on the physical aspects of sex and ignores the principle purpose of communicating and celebrating oneness, there will be frustration. If sex is a non-verbal language to communicate oneness. Some days, communication is graphic and monumental. Other times, communication is more regular. Still other times, communication temporarily breaks down all together.
A - Prime communication
B - Regular communication
C - Maintenance communication
D - Miss communication
The point is, that we communicate and receive the right message.
“You are number One priority”
“I am committed to pursue you”
“We are developing oneness”
“I celebrate our oneness.”
Communicate verbally about what is mutually pleasurable. When it comes to the pleasure, we must never look only to the sensual aspect of sexual oneness. Sex is much more.
Crossing the border
Notice the border is mutually pleasurable. We cross the border when we introduce or force things not mutually pleasurable. We cross the border when we operate purely from selfish motives and manipulate to serve our own needs. Sex outside of marriage could be very passionate but selfish, sinful and ultimately destructive.
5. Spirit Control
God intends that all our fleshly appetites be under control including sex. Not only do we need a spirit-controlled temperament. We need a Spirit-controlled sex drive. God never intended that the marriage relationship satisfy a sensualized, out of control sex drive due to past or present sin.
Pornography, literature, movies, pictures, sensual talk all cross the border and intensify our sex drive beyond what is natural before God. The fruit of the Spirit’s work in the believer’s life is SELF CONTROL not lustful passion like the Gentiles who have not such restraints on their life. (1 Thess 4:1-8)
Because you feel such an irresistible urge does not give a green light to cross the borders of purpose, commitment, mutual pleasure
Crossing the Border
To walk in the flesh and be driven by the flesh is to cross the border of Spirit control. To be consumed and controlled by the fleshly drives whether sex, food, sensuality, etc. is not what God intended for the Christian. He intended that nothing enslave us but that we willingly submit to the direction of the Holy Spirit who indwells us for His purposes. When these God-ordained borders have been secured there is protection.
Conclusion
Obviously this topic is much more involved that we are able to address in such a group.
Unbridled, our sexual passions destroy lives. Some families never recover. Some border crossings do irreparable damage. Things are never the same. Don’t ignore these Biblical principles.
Remember!
This is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you. 1 Thes. 4:1-8
Paul clearly addressed border crossings in the first part of his letter.
Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Cor. 6:18-20
