Genesis 12:1-3 (NLT)
Then the Lord told Abram, "Leave your country, your relatives, and your father's house, and go to the land that I will show you. [2] I will cause you to become the father of a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and I will make you a blessing to others. [3] I will bless those who bless you and curse those who curse you. All the families of the earth will be blessed through you."
I thank the Lord for all of you especially Richard and Kenny’s participation. You have been my inspiration for doing this small group. As each of us has shared in our group regarding some of our needs, I would like to take the time to address the issue concerning fatherhood. Because I am an aspiring father myself, I have asked God to give me His wisdom and incite as to how I can be a good father.
In Genesis 12, we see that God made Abraham into a father with many blessings. He was a great man of faith. I believe he provided for his descendants something that is priceless and that is his faith in God. He also became the father of many nations (Gen. 17:5). I would also like to share a few things in addition to that that may be helpful to you as well.
Do you love the people you lead in your family?
Here is what I believe to be the basic role and responsibility of a good father:
1. Provider
2. Protector
3. Pace setter
As a loving leader in our homes, we are to provide certain things that God holds each of us fathers accountable. That basic thing I believe we are to provide for our family is loving leadership. By this I mean that I have their best interests in mind. We are to guide, direct, model, teach and lead our family in a healthy way where certain basic needs and development for the family are met. These can be broken into five basic areas that include physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual needs of the human makeup and its development into maturity. With God’s help, we make every provision possible for opportunities that will help our family with these needs and to develop and grow them to their full potential in all these areas so that they can be all that God has called them to be both in this life and in preparation of the life to come. We as fathers are responsible for this.
As a loving leader in our homes, we are to protect our family and make secure all that God gives to us and our family for this provision in the five areas mentioned. It means standing up to anything that may endanger or attack the stability in our family in these five areas of need and development. Endangerment and attacks may come from our society, culture, humanistic worldviews, sin, our own self, etc. It also means we must be willing to fight to ensure that these are safeguarded in such a way that progress to maturity for each family member in all areas is the result. And that means we also must be pursuing this ourselves.
As a loving leader in our homes, we are to set the pace and the direction for the physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual development of our family. It means we are to know the time and seasons of change in our environment and move our families in accordance with it. We are the time keeper for each of our children at each stage of their life development. It means we are to let them know the proper time for taking the next step and the consequences for not doing so. It means accepting the responsibility for their discipline when they are children. We are to set the proper limits and priorities in a balanced way in these five areas as provider, protector and pace setter.
So often we as fathers fall short because we only mind the most obvious ones such as physical provision, spiritual protection, etc. But to be the head that Christ has called us to for our family, we are to mind all 3 x 5 = 15 areas. If we are not balanced in the 15 areas or leave out some of these areas altogether, we are not fulfilling our total role and responsibility as the father and leader God has entrusted to us. We are to provide for the five areas of need, protect the five areas of development and growth, and set the direction and pace in the five areas for each individual member of our family. That is what I mean by being the responsible father that God calls us to be.
Some questions for consideration to fathers are these: What do I want my son or daughter to know me best for? In what way do I want them to be most proud of me for when they are older? What kind of legacy do I want to leave them with? I asked myself these questions when my wife Anne became pregnant with our first child Maureen. One of things I want my daughter to know me for is that her father was a person that loves God immensely in his willingness to take risks continually for Him. Rick Warren said that, “a safe life is a wasted life.” What is it for you? I believe that will help us to be good fathers because we have intentionally thought these kinds of questions through and made an effort to live that way for their benefit. I think these will make us “Superdads” when we discipline our lives to be the kind of fathers God has called us to be for His glory. May God help us all with this awesome fatherhood role and responsibility. Here are a few illustrations of this of the above.
1. Provider:
Provide for family social needs – First we need to find a place of opportunity where healthy relationships are in close proximity so that proper social skills may develop. One of the places Anne and I have developed our social skills is with brothers and sisters in our churches. We have found the Chinese churches we have visited in New York sorely lacking in this area in comparison to other churches we have grown up in. Chinese people in general tend to isolate themselves and are not very relational people. Although I myself have a way to go in developing in this area, I hope to be able to contribute in making up for this wide social gap among the Chinese people. This is an area we the Chinese people seriously need to address. We tend to be a closed people living in a closed system with a very self-centered materialistic worldview not allowing very much to penetrate. May God help us and set us free from this bondage.
Provide for family emotional needs – First we need to have an authentic relationship with Jesus Christ where we feel loved by Him daily in our lives. When we are secure in God’s love, we will also love. However, we need to learn how to do this in a practical way in our family everyday. Here are some practical behavioral change I am working on towards my wife in providing for our family’s emotional needs: Creating an atmosphere of acceptance in my home, I keep the place clean for her, I treat my wife kindly, I let her in on what I am doing, I don’t let her down when I tell her I am going to do something, I give her warm hugs for physical affirmation, stay positive with her and the children in as much as possible, I offer my wife acceptance without necessarily approving everything she does, I do everything possible to leave no doubt in her mind that her husband does really loves. Some of these are very difficult for me if not impossible and so I pray that God will help me to love her and that He would love her through me since God already loves her.
2. Protector:
Protect family spiritual health and development – Model and teach them to love God and to obey the word of God in practical ways. Guard them from false teaching whether they come from the world, self, or the devil. Often, we have been taught falsely ourselves and have many false concepts that we need to correct in order to do this properly. I have discovered this to be true for myself and it is most difficult to accept and have to face. I now pray with my wife almost very night and challenge her to keep her personal devotional to God. I also like to praise God out loud with baby Maureen in my arms so she can feel my heart going up to God in glorious dancing and praise! This is a time I enjoy around 6pm almost everyday when I pop in some worship music.
Protect their physical health and development – ignorance is not bliss in this area or any other area. It is not enough to have the proper information but we must act on them wisely as best we can so as to ensure our families physical health and development for each stage of their bodily growth. This includes proper dieting and exercise for each one of us. I have done some reading to track the speed of development for Maureen and are preparing always for her next stage of growth. I educate my wife on how to take proper care of Maureen dry skin condition because she has Eczema like Victoria once had but not as severe. She will also begin to feed on some soft solid food very soon. She is a happy laughing baby!
3. Pace-setter
As a loving leader, I am setting the pace and general direction for my family with plans to permanently bring my wife Anne to the United States. The immigration process will probably take a year or so from our date of application in November. Anne has already been approved for a work permit and wants to be active in American society as soon as possible (physical, social, and intellectual health and development). She has already registered for workshop classes with the Department of Labor and will probably seek employment after the classes are over. We are planning to stay in the New York area for the next three to five years at least, in which I hope to build up the ministry God has entrusted to me (spiritual, social, and intellectual health and development). I believe that God is our Father and is our pacesetter as we allow Him to be Lord over our lives in every area. He knows when I need to pick up the speed, when to slow down, and the proper timing for us to take our next step forward. When we are able to hear God’s voice clearly and are open to His leading, I believe we will be able to set the pace and lead our families into the center of God’s will, plan and purpose.
Prayer: I humbly accept this awesome role and responsibility before my God this day and will seek His help to fulfill my proper role and responsibility for fatherhood. May God help you as well if you are a father.
