“The Mystery of Marriage”
REVIEW
I. Our Wealth and Worth In Christ 1-3
II. Our Worthy Walk in Christ 4-6
A. Live in Unity 4:1-16
B. Live in Newness of life 4:17-24
C. Live in Love 4:17-24
D. Live in Purity 5:3-14
E. Live in Wisdom 5:15-6:9
1. Seize every opportune moment 15-16
2. Seek to understand the will of the Lord 17
3. Be continually filled with the Holy Spirit 18-20
a. Speaking and singing truth to one another and praise to God
b. Giving thanks for all things
c. Submitting to one another in the fear of Christ
1) Wives submit to husbands who are to love them 22-33
Interspersed in this practical section dealing with relationships are some of the most significant truths relating to Christ's love for and connection to the church found in the Bible.
There is a mysterious link between human marriage and relationship with Christ. In this passage, Paul segues from the mysterious unity in a marriage to the mysterious unity of Christ and the church. I want to take some time to explore both.
Jesus loves the church.
His love motivates him to sanctify or treat the church as special.
That sanctification comes about by the application of his word.
He actively participates in the growth of the church in order that he might enjoy a vital relationship.
He focuses on the splendor of the church.
He works toward the church’s purity (without spot or wrinkle, holy and blameless).
He nourishes and cherishes the church.
He is vitally connected with the church; we are members of his body.
b). Husbands love wives who are to respect them
Husbands are called to love their wives in the same way as Christ loves the church. Husbands are to love their wives as they would their own selves. This oneness is the core of marriage.
Paul includes a quote from the Old Testament that was also quoted by Jesus in the Gospels.
The quote originally appears in the book of Genesis after joining Adam and Eve. It's a phrase we have probably heard many times. It is the basis for the lyrics of a popular wedding song called "the wedding song".
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Eph 5:31
Here's the context of the original quote. Got executed a solution to the absence of another creature that corresponded to Adam.
So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.
After a long search for someone to relate and finding nothing that would fill the empty spot in his soul (even with perfect fellowship with God), God presents Him with Eve. Adam’s response was classic.
Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Adam realized that there was a significant connection to Eve beyond proximity. They both shared DNA. She was literally bone of his bone. They shared God’s image. God intended that this meaningful connection would not only address Adam’s loneliness but would illustrate the possibility of significant connection to God through Jesus Christ. The connecting word "therefore" links to the concept of oneness and meaningful connection. Because of this God-designed biological and spiritual connection between male and female, God established from the outset the basic foundation for unity in marriage. Why I believe this was intended to be a universal principle is because it was originally presented to Adam and Eve who had no father and mother to leave. It applies to every marriage. Unity in marriage involves three stages.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:21-24 (ESV)
Jesus responded to the Pharisees’ question concerning divorce. They were asking Jesus about the dissolving of marriage unity.
And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10:2-9 (ESV)
Every place this quote is found, it includes the original "therefore" and a link to the concept of one flesh or unity. The same is true in our current passage in Ephesians. Paul just finished writing about husbands loving their wives as their own bodies as Christ loves and cherishes the body “because we are members of His body”.
“Therefore”
Here are the three stages necessary for unity in marriage. All three words are in the future tense. This means these are elements that shall take place in the future at some period of time.
Man shall leave father and mother
The term leave is just as it sounds. It is a future active. This requires the full participation of especially the man. It's an act of the will to readjust previous family relationships. It's not an abandonment of the former family unit but the formation of a new independent family unit.
Whereas relationship with the parents was primary now relationship with the spouse becomes primary. This is essential for unity in marriage. How many times have in-laws become the catalyst for disunity in marriage? The man is to take the initiative to establish a new family unit with his wife.
Man shall be glued to his wife
A leaving of the old must be followed by a cleaving to the new. Interestingly this is a passive future. I would've expected an active verb. A passive indicates an action done to the subject.
The Greek term translated cleave means to be glued, strongly connected. The Hebrew term used in Genesis carries an idea of actively clinging, holding onto as something valuable, to be emotionally connected. It appears that both concepts are important in the marriage relationship.
Man and woman shall themselves become one flesh
The final word in our passage and final stage of a unified marriage has to do with developing oneness. Whereas the first two seem to be an accomplished fact, this last seems to be a process. It seems to be a process that requires involvement by both parties. It is a future middle voice. The middle voice has to do with something done by yourself or to yourself.
The two shall by virtue of their commitment develop oneness. This phrase may refer to the sexual relationship of marriage but I think it goes beyond just the physical and also includes spiritual, mental and emotional aspects.
I propose a sevenfold purpose for marriage.
? Partnership (Companionship)
“It is not good that man should be alone! I will make a helper, one called alongside.
“Naked and not ashamed” Speaks of unity in the body. Work together toward common goals.
? Potential (Completeness)
“Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” Speaks of mutuality in the body. ‘
One cannot properly function without the other.
? Pleasure
1 Cor. 7:31-34 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
1 Cor. 7:1-5Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does
? Protection
Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
? Procreation
“Be fruitful and fill up the earth.”
? Purity (growth)
I like Gary Thomas’ emphasis on the divine purpose for marriage.
In his book called "sacred marriage" he asked the profound question if marriage were more intended to make us holy than happy. What a concept. What better place can we practice the virtues of true change than in the family? In the context of intimate relationships all of our remaining pockets of selfishness are exposed.
? Portrayal (Illustration)
Earthly marriages picture, or portray what relationship with God can be like. God always tries to teach from the known to the unknown. Perhaps, this is why there is no marriage or giving in marriage in heaven. The ultimate goal is intimate relationship with Jesus as the bridegroom.
Once you have the real thing, the picture is unnecessary. Interestingly Paul, in the next verse, jumps back to the truth concerning our relationship with Christ.
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. Ephesians 5:32 (ESV)
I had never really thought about the specifics of this passage in relationship to salvation.
Just as it was difficult for human to relate to non-human, it was also difficult for flesh (man) to relate to Spirit (God). That all has changed since Jesus took on flesh in order to better relate to us. Here was relationship with one who corresponded to them. The purposes I just stated for marriage relate to our relationship with Christ.
? Partnership (Companionship)
We are vitally connected to Jesus Christ as a friend. He is please to call us his friends.
We are called his cherished bride. He will come to take his bride and we never again be separated.
Even the Hebrew traditions concerning marriage fit the coming of Jesus for his bride. After an engagement. The couple would separate and go their separate ways. During this time the bridegroom would prepare for his new life with his bride. The bridegroom would then return with a whole entourage to receive his wife and take her into his home. We are still in the engagement period awaiting the return of the bridegroom.
? Potential (Completeness)
There is an oneness which we will talk about in a moment in our relationship with Christ.
? Pleasure
In his right hand are pleasures evermore.
? Protection
Our focus on Jesus Christ protects us from the snares of this world.
? Procreation
Romans 7 uses the marriage analogy to illustrate the fact that we are now joined to Jesus Christ and expected to bear spiritual fruit.
? Purity (growth)
Jesus is genuinely interested in our spiritual growth as so clearly illustrated in this Ephesians passage.
? Portrayal (Illustration)
Of course we no longer a need a picture because relationship with Jesus Christ was the ultimate reality in the first place. Our unity with Christ and oneness with Christ involves the same three elements we discussed earlier.
LEAVE
We must leave all our former connections. We must renounce our allegiance to this world system, the devil and even our flesh. Anything less is considered spiritual adultery. Israel struggled all of their early existence with leaving the past behind.
Cleave
Relationship with Christ also requires a cleaving to this new relationship as something valuable. In fact, the Old Testament uses this term in numerous places calling for Israel to renounce the gods of this world and cling to, or cleave to Yahweh.
This holding fast to Christ no matter what is really the core of Christianity. It's called faith.
James is very clear about this aspect of our relationship with God.
You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, “He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”? James 4:4-5 (ESV)
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, "I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. "Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE," says the Lord. "AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you. "And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me," Says the Lord Almighty. 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (NASB)
Become one
I want to close today with a most amazing passage from the book of John regarding oneness.
You will recognize some of the elements of marriage in this most intimate prayer of Jesus on our behalf shortly before He gave Himself to be crucified.
Jesus prayed for unity and protection during the period of separation.
I am no longer in the world; and yet they themselves are in the world, and I come to You. Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are. John 17:11 (NASB)
Jesus prayed for a full joy in the relationship (pleasure).
But now I come to You; and these things I speak in the world so that they may have My joy made full in themselves. John 17:13 (NASB)
Jesus prayed again for protection from evil.
Jesus prayed for cleansing and spiritual growth.
I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. For their sakes I sanctify Myself, that they themselves also may be sanctified in truth. John 17:15-19 (NASB)
Jesus prayed for integration into the Trinity. There is a real connection whether we feel it or not.
I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. John 17:20-21 (NASB)
Jesus prayed for a manifested newness (glory) in the relationship. He repeated the mystery of oneness again. He looked forward to perfection in the relationship. He prayed for intimacy.
The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. "Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. John 17:22-24 (NASB)
Jesus prayed for a new sense of love to become real.
O righteous Father, although the world has not known You, yet I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me; and I have made Your name known to them, and will make it known, so that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them." John 17:25-26
The mystery of marriage unity is great. But the mystery of unity with Jesus is even greater.
The comparison between the two deserves some more contemplation and thought. Here is one more interesting comparison with present marriage and relationship with Christ.
The fact of marriage unity is indisputable.
Personal Commitment, public confession, private consummation
There is a joining that involves the WHOLE person. That ongoing fact is not dependent on anything we do. It is a settled fact.
The feeling of marriage unity is however dependent on what we do.
It can either be cultivated or curtailed by our actions. The feeling of unity IS dependent on what we do.
The same is true regarding our relationship with Christ. At regeneration or salvation we are joined to Christ. It is a done deal. We are forever united to Jesus and become connected to His body. The feeling of our unity with Jesus is dependent on cultivation.
Two Action Suggestions
1. Cultivate (give time and energy) oneness in your marriage.
2. Cultivate (give time and energy) oneness in your relationship with Jesus.
