FATHER, I FORGIVE THEM
When Jesus prayed for the Father to forgive those who were mistreating him I said in the sermon a couple of weeks ago that if Jesus can forgive those who mistreated him then we can forgive those who mistreat us. But that isn't easy. No, but with the Holy Spirit living in us, we have the power to forgive as Jesus did. Let's delve into the subject of forgiveness.
1) Do we want to forgive?
That's the first question that needs to be answered when talking about forgiving others. C.S. Lewis said, "We all agree that forgiveness is beautiful idea until we have to practice it." Perhaps we don't have any intentions of forgiving those who've mistreated us. We feel justified in harboring the resentment and bitterness we feel.
Plus, we feel if we were to forgive it lets the person off the hook so we are fiercely opposed to even the idea of forgiveness when it comes to certain people. However, the irony is, when we choose to forgive it lets us off the hook. Malachy McCourt said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
It helps to see what having an unforgiving spirit does to us. Oftentimes, because of how we feel about the people that wronged us, we develop a negative attitude overall. Because of the combination of the wrongs that were committed against us with our reaction to them we've developed a cynical outlook on life.
However, being able to forgive causes us to put it behind us and move on. Not that we forget what happened, not that we say what happened was okay and not that we pretend the one who did these things to us is all of a sudden a great person, but when we decide to not hold onto that bitterness anymore we free ourselves from the venomous and destructive cancer that eats away at us when we harbor unforgiveness.
But wait, they haven't asked for forgiveness so why should I forgive them? Again, in recalling the sermon from two weeks ago, Jesus asked the Father to forgive his torturers yet they weren't asking for it.
But Jesus said, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. That's not my case. They knew what they did, they just didn't care. The ones who beat and whipped and crucified Jesus knew what they were doing and they didn't care. However, they didn't know they were killing the Son of God. They didn't know they were killing an innocent man.
The people who wronged us didn't know what they were doing from a spiritual standpoint. In our sin we're blind; blind to the severity of our actions. Yes, we had a sense of right and wrong but not with the clarity and conviction we experienced when we came to Christ.
When we were in the world we were desensitized to the gravity of our actions. But when we came to Christ, he shined the light on us and our sin and he showed us what it really looked like. And over time that light shines brighter to reveal more but those who aren't in Christ don't have that light; they can't see like we see. So, we need to take that in consideration.
In an article by R.T. Kendall titled, ‘Forgiving the Unrepentant’, he recalls an incident that happened to him. “When I was minister of Westminster Chapel in London, the people who had betrayed me didn't think they had done one thing wrong. You could have hooked them up to a lie detector, and they would have passed with flying colors.
My old friend, Josif Tson, whom the Communist government of Romania imprisoned and beat for his faith, came to me with the sobering words: "R.T., you must totally forgive them; unless you totally forgive them, you will be in chains." Once you forgive in your heart, it ceases to be an issue whether they repent or not. The blessing I got personally from this has been immeasurable.”
Forgiveness has a lot more to do with us than it does with them. Forgiving someone lets us off the hook and frees us from the chains of bitterness, pain and resentment. Lewis Smedes- “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that prisoner was you.” We need to see the benefit that being able to forgive others brings us.
2) How do I forgive?
If we get to the place where we are willing to forgive, how do we do it? Being willing to forgive and carrying it out are two different things. It may be the most difficult thing you ever do. We can have a difficult time letting go of the past. Even though some of these hurts happened so many years ago, we talk about them like they happened yesterday. That’s how fresh they are in our mind.
We might not be able to forget but we do have a choice whether we relive it or release it. If we hold onto bitterness and hate we will be reliving the pain more and more. Our past can rent way too much space in our heads and hearts. We need to become free of all that garbage.
Since I can’t reverse the damage I’m not making anything better by reliving it. Instead, I need to release it. The word forgiveness means, 'to release'. When we choose to forgive we're releasing ourselves from the bondage that an unforgiving spirit produces. In that bondage we are stuck in sorrow, stuck in anger; stuck in pessimism.
The damage we've suffered from past events may be real but it doesn't have to be permanent. We think it is because we've lived with the psychological effects for so long that they are now an ingrained and permanent part of our messed-up selves. But, the reality is, the power of God can help us to overcome. It's not impossible; I've done it myself. I'm sure my story isn't as tragic as many of yours but I've got one-trust me. And I stand here as a testimony that the power is real and the release is real.
When we really choose to no longer hold onto that weighty baggage and give it to him he enables us to move on and focus on him and his will. I know this because I've experienced it. And I'm no more special than any of you so it can happen for you too. It's not about trying to erase your history; it's about releasing yourself from continuing to carry the wreckage from your past.
3) I can forgive because God has forgiven me.
Eph. 4:31-5:2, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
Having an unforgiving spirit produces all the things we see here-bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander and malice. However, if we remember that God has forgiven us, if we understand the compassion, kindness and love he has shown us, then we can be motivated to honor him by extending these things to others.
"But wait. I know God has forgiven me and so I'm supposed to forgive others but I never did what was done to me." Maybe not, but that doesn't release you from the command. There's no qualifier here, "you only have to forgive the minor offenses"; it just says, 'forgive each other'.
But ironically, there are times when we are guilty of doing unto others the very things we are outraged over when done unto us. But we can't see it because we're blind to the severity of our actions. We justify, minimize, and rationalize our behavior, but when that same behavior is exhibited toward us, suddenly it’s a major offense (cut off in traffic, gossip about someone, lying).
Lord’s prayer, ‘forgive us our trespasses (sins) as we forgive those who trespass (sin) against us’. There was a young lad who, upon reaching this part of the Lord’s Prayer, misquoted it yet he truly captured its essence. He said, “and forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.” We begin by receiving forgiveness from God. We continue our journey by giving forgiveness to others.
And we can forgive others when we put on new clothes. Col. 3:12&13, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
There’s a reason why Paul mentioned the attributes in vs. 12 before he talked about forgiveness in vs. 13. If we are going to be forgiving people we need to be clothed in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. I can get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, malice, brawling and slander when I replace those things with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. If I’m not a forgiving person, then chances are I’m lacking in these things.
But if I clothe myself with these characteristics I will be an imitator of Christ and I'll be able to forgive. William Arthur Ward said, “We are most like beasts when we kill. We are most like men when we judge. We are most like God when we forgive.”
"Bear with each other". Deal with each other, tolerate each other, accept each other for who they are-not who you want them to be. We encourage someone to be all they can be but we bear with them through the process. Being able to do this takes patience, understanding and humility. Has God shown me grace? Has God been patient with me? How many ways do I fall short? How many times do I mess up? Again, not that we don't address something wrong when we see it but we do so in a way that recognizes our own shortcomings.
Vs. 13, ‘grievance’. 'A cause for complaint or resentment that may or may not be founded'. Some grievances are legit and some aren't; but they always are to us. There are plenty of times where we don't have a legitimate reason to be upset but then there are times when we do. If someone promised you they would do something and they didn't follow through you have a valid grievance. If you had to endure some form of injustice or unfair treatment, you have a valid grievance.
However, if we're in selfish mode and someone isn't catering to us we think we have a legitimate compliant but we don't. If our expectations are unrealistic we don't have a justifiable grievance. However, with Paul saying, forgive whatever grievances we have, this tells me that reasonable or not they all need to be forgiven.
But the problem is, if we feel our grievance is legitimate, then we are justified in how we react to it. But again, we need to put it back on us. Am I perfect? Have I ever let someone down? Have I ever done something dishonest? Even if it's not in the same way or capacity, chances are I have still done things that have hurt others.
So, since I'm human too and therefore capable of doing things that aren't right, I can try to be understanding and forgiving of the grievances I have against my brother.
No matter what has happened, no matter how impossible it might seem; we can bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances we have against one another. And if we clothe ourselves with Christian character we can forgive others because God forgave us.
4) How can I know if I've truly forgiven someone?
(1) you don’t tell others what they did to you. When we do this we are continuing to punish the one who hurt us. Archie Halt said, “Forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.”
(2) You don’t let them continue to feel guilty. You don’t hold it over their heads. Instead, when they continue to express sorrow for what they did, you put them at ease by confirming to them the matter is over and done with and you encourage them to let it go.
(3) You accept the matter of total forgiveness. This means you don’t bring the offense up later. One husband told a friend, “When my wife and I argue, she gets historical.” His friend said, “Don’t you mean hysterical?” The husband said, “No, historical–she brings up all the mistakes I’ve ever made.”
(4) You love them. What?! Okay, forgiving them is one thing, but love them? I don't think so; now you're asking too much. Consider what Jesus said in Matt. 5:43-44, “You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
Jesus highlighted the natural thing for us to do. If you're good to me, I'll be good to you. If you mistreat me, you are now my enemy and I am justified to hate you and do what comes natural in the essence of those feelings.
Sometimes the enemy isn't someone who has mistreated us; they are just someone who is different than us. For the Jew, the 'love your neighbor; hate your enemy' rule would mean, love your fellow Jew but you are free to hate non-Jews; like how the Jews felt toward the Samaritans. Even though they were part Jewish, they were also part gentile, so there was animosity between Jews and Samaritans. The Jews looked down on them for being "mixed".
But Jesus would later remove that barrier by answering the question of, 'who is your neighbor' with the parable of the Good Samaritan. Jesus wanted to remove any justification for hate. But not only that, he also challenged them to love their enemy. No longer hating your enemy is good but I want you to go further than that. I want you to replace that hate with love.
Jesus wouldn’t command us to, ‘love our enemies’ if we weren’t capable of doing it. Since I have the Holy Spirit in me, I can forgive. And with the Holy Spirit in me, I need to have the fruit of the Spirit coming out of me. And since love is the main fruit of the spirit, we have the ability to not only forgive, but to love.
When we forgive we are committing an act of love. Forgiving someone is showing love towards them. And we show love by praying for them. We pray for their salvation and their well-being. We pray that God would bless their lives. And when we act in love, we open ourselves up to a deeper experience of God's love.
Corrie Ten Boom was imprisoned by the Nazis during World War II because her family provided a hiding place for Jews when they were being arrested. She and her sister Betsy were sent to Ravensbruk where horrible torture, rape, and death occurred on a regular basis. Betsy died in the prison camp, but Corrie miraculously survived. She became an effective Christian author and speaker.
In 1947 she was invited to speak in Munich, Germany. That evening, she spoke on the topic of forgiveness–how God buries our sins in the depths of the sea. After her talk she was approached by a man who looked familiar to her. With horror she recognized him as one of the cruelest guards at the concentration camp. She remembered the shame of walking naked in front of this very man.
Suddenly all the fear and hatred returned in a flash. He said to her, “In your talk you mentioned Ravensbruk. I was a guard there. But since that time, I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from you as well.” He held out his hand to Corrie and said, “Will you forgive me?”
Corrie wrote about that encounter: “It could not have been many seconds that he stood there, hand held out, but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do. I stood there with coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. ‘Jesus, help me!’ I prayed silently. ‘I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.’
And so, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. As I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm and sprang into our joined hands. Then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. ‘I forgive you, brother!’ I cried. ‘With all my heart!’
For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then.”
Is that your prayer today-Jesus, help me to forgive? If so, let him move you to action so you can be free from the bondage that unforgiveness keeps you in so you can experience his love like never before.
