PROTECTING YOUR FAMILY IN AN UNGODLY CULTURE—Genesis 33:18-35:15
Is it more difficult to raise a godly family today than it used to be?
The world seems more dangerous: drugs, school shootings, abuse and rape. Social media allows bullying and peer pressure to come to our families, 24/7. The media displays sinful activities as normal, and family members are exposed to all kinds of perversions from an early age. There is less community support, as extended families are far away, and neighbors don’t always share the same values.
Is that new? My 93-year-old father-in-law lives with us. Recently he has been telling stories of his younger years, which he had not shared before. There are stories of dysfunctional families in the small community where my wife grew up, stories of soldiers doing shameful things, stories of sexual pressure, abortion, alcohol abuse, road rage, and class distinctions. Is the world more dangerous today, or do we just hear more about it?
When we read about Jacob in the Old Testament, we discover that Jacob and his family faced many of the same dangers people face today (except for Facebook). He knew all about family dysfunction, ungodly cultural values, and social pressure. His story connects with us in so many ways.
Jacob’s story begins with his grandfather, Abraham. God told Abraham to go to a land he would show him, and he promised to bless him, to make his name great, and to bless all nations through him. God made a covenant with Abraham, and the covenant promises would be fulfilled after Jesus came and established his church. We are included in the “all nations” God promised to bless through Abraham!
Abraham had a son in his old age, named Isaac. Isaac married Rebekah, and they had twin sons, Esau and Jacob. It was a very dysfunctional family; the parents lived separate lives, and they undermined each other. In that dysfunctional family, Jacob learned to deceive and manipulate, eventually stealing from Esau the rights the firstborn son. Esau was so angry that he made plans to kill his brother. Fearing for his life, his parents sent him away secretly, to find a wife among the relatives that they had left behind when they moved away.
Jacob found his way to Paddan Aram, to the family of his mother, Rebekah. His mother’s brother, Laban, had two daughters. Jacob wanted to marry one of them, Rachel. Laban tricked him into marrying both of them. Jacob worked for Laban for 20 years, and he prospered. He had 11 sons and a daughter named Dinah, some by his wives, and others by their female maid-servants. If that sounds like a setup for family dysfunction, it was!
Jacob had been a schemer and manipulator from birth, and in his father-in-law Laban, he met his match. After 20 years of scheming and manipulation, Jacob decided to take and his family and flocks and herds, and slip away without Laban knowing. When Laban discovered that they were gone, he pursued them, and only by God’s intervention was armed conflict averted.
Now, Jacob is headed back to the land of his youth, the land God promised to Abraham and his descendants. He doesn’t know what he will find there, after 20 years. What he does know is that he will have to face his brother, Esau, the same brother who had planned to kill him for lying and stealing. Jacob is afraid, and all night long he has been wrestling with God, seeking assurance that God will have his back. The sun rises, and Jacob is limping, because God has touched his hip. Yet Jacob has “seen the face of God.”
Read Genesis 33:1-10. Jacob’s family is in danger. They are in danger from Esau, who comes to meet Jacob with 400 men. They are in danger from within, as Jacob shows favoritism by putting his least-favorite “sister wives” and their children in the front of the procession, where they would be in greater danger.
God protects Jacob and his family. Esau is placated, even gracious. Jacob recognizes the hand of God in this, as he says, “To see your face is like seeing the face of God, now that you have received me favorably.”
But there are other dangers. Esau invites Jacob to join him and his clan in Edom. Jacob refuses, giving fake excuses, because he knows that Esau is an ungodly man, with Hittite wives and pagan gods. Instead, Jacob enters the land of promise, settling first in Succoth, and then finding his way to Shechem, where Abraham first built an altar to God.
Jacob is home! He buys a plot of land, and builds an altar, calling it God, the God of Israel—God, his God, since God had given him the name, Israel. Jacob is home, Jacob is safe, his family is safe in the land of promise! But how safe are they?
Read Genesis 34:1-12. This is a parent’s worst nightmare: Dinah, probably about 14 years old, wanders off to make new friends, and she is raped by a man named Shechem. What kind of place is this? (We might say, “What is this world coming to?”) But maybe Shechem, the ruler of the area, didn’t think of it as rape. Maybe in the pagan culture of the city, powerful men were allowed to take any women they wanted, and marry them if they were pleased to do so.
Imagine how Jacob felt. He wanted to kill somebody! But he didn’t dare do anything, because his clan was in the minority. He felt powerless to protect his daughter!
Jacob’s sons were less cautious, and they had learned from their father how to scheme and lie. Read 34:13-17. Every man in town was circumcised (with flint knives), and by the third day, they were in pain, hardly able to walk, let alone fight. Simeon and Levi took up swords and led the charge against the city. Every male was killed, the city was looted, and the clan of Israel became richer. The women and children were taken alive, as slaves, or maybe as wives. What effect would that have on the family of Jacob (Israel)?
This was a wakeup call for Jacob. Read Genesis 34:30-31. He and his family may be home, but they live in a dangerous, scary world. How can he protect his family?
How can we protect our families?
We have learned from Jacob what doesn’t work.
Retreating into a family cocoon doesn’t work. When Jacob tried to do that, he was caught up in family dysfunction. His parents were dysfunctional, he and his brother nearly killed each other, his father-in-law cheated him, his wives manipulated him, and his sons were uncontrollable. Of course our families are better than his. Yet if you could retreat from the world, would it all be good?
Fighting the “culture wars” doesn’t work. Christians tried that in America, and we lost! We lost because we can’t control the culture, we can’t control how people think and act, and we can’t eliminate ungodly influences. We can try to restrain evil, although (as Jacob saw), even if we win, we create enemies. The dangers are never eliminated.
What can we do to protect our families in a dangerous world?
Jesus prayed for his followers, in John 17:15, “My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.” If we can’t insulate our families from the world, we must prepare and equip them to live in the world. We can only do that when God is at the center of our lives
Read Genesis 35:1. Why Bethel? Will Bethel be safer than Shechem? Couldn’t Dinah be raped there also?
Bethel is not just any place for Jacob. Bethel is the place where God appeared to Jacob, when he fled for his life from his brother, Esau. Bethel is the place where Jacob first committed his life to God. Beth-El, which in Hebrew is literally house of God, was his destination when he left Laban with his family.
For various reasons, Jacob stopped short of Beth-El. First, he believed his own lies to his brother Esau, when he said that the children were too young to travel, and the ewe lambs were nursing. Instead, he settled in Succoth, and built shelters for his livestock. Then, he bought property in Shechem, and built an altar there. He was close to Bethel, but he stopped short of his goal, by a day’s journey.
Now God tells him to go all the way—to take his family to God’s house. The biggest problem in Jacob’s family is not the culture, not their social butterfly daughter, not rebellious sons, nor the dangers of the city. The biggest problem is that Jacob is not totally committed to God. He lacks courageous faith, and he is not providing spiritual leadership to his family.
As Jacob sought God’s protection for his family at Bethel, we seek God protection for our families as well:
HOW CAN WE PREPARE OUR FAMILIES TO LIVE IN AN UNGODLY WORLD? (3 ways)
Eliminate idols Genesis 35:2-4
Even Rachel, Jacob’s favorite wife, had idols—the family gods she had stolen from her father. It was not that Jacob’s family denied the true God; they had an attachment to their idols, and they had earrings that might bring good luck and protection.
An idol is anything that competes with God. It might be an extravagant lifestyle, and the need to have every new thing. It might be an all-consuming desire for popularity and approval. It might be lust for fun and excitement. As long as we keep those idols, we are vulnerable to temptation and manipulation.
Jacob finally stepped up and put the family idols into the ground, because they were competing with God for trust and obedience. His wives and grown children gave up their idols, because they too had a wakeup call; but Jacob stepped up to take the lead. He was ready to give up his own idols: security, comfort, maybe even prosperity, as he left Shechem for Bethel. His family followed his lead.
If you want to protect your household, you must lead the way. You must give up your own idols—perhaps the need to be liked, or a desire for the pleasures of the world, or a need for security. Then you can challenge your family to give up their idols.
It won’t work to challenge kids to limit their screen time, if you don’t lead the way. It won’t work to talk to your kids about drugs, if your drinking is controlling you. It won’t work to demand respect, if you don’t give respect—especially to your spouse. Your kids won’t learn to resist peer pressure if you are driven to gain the approval of others.
Eliminate idols.
Get serious about worship Genesis 35:5-7
For some people, worshipping God is like a hobby (like golfing, scrapbooking, traveling, Facebook, sports). Worship is a nice thing to fit in, if there is time, but it is not the center of life.
Jacob had built an altar at Shechem, but worship was not the center of his life. He was much more concerned about buying land, getting comfortable, and pacifying the neighbors.
When Jacob left his property and sheep shelters in Shechem and went to Bethel, he was making a statement—a statement of value. (The English word worship is rooted in worth-ship.) Worshipping God was the guiding force in his life.
Worship is not an add-on to life, one thing we do, along with everything else. Worship is a statement of what (or Who) matters most to us. Worship at church is a statement we make to ourselves, that God is our first priority. It is also a statement to others, about the place of God in our lives.
When your your family sees you change plans so you can get to church, that is a statement of “worth”-ship. When they see you using your time off to serve other people or study the Bible, that is a statement of “worth”-ship. When you care more about God’s approval than your reputation with your friends, that is a statement of “worth”-ship.
A family that is serious about putting God in his place—first place—has a foundation for healthy priorities in all areas of life.
Renew your vision for your family Genesis 35:9-15
This is not the first time God appeared to Jacob at Bethel, or the first time he set up a stone pillar and poured oil on top of it. It is not the first time that Jacob heard about God’s covenant, and God’s vision for him and his descendants. All of that happened when he fled from Esau, before he had a family. This time, however, his family is watching and listening, as he tells them what God has said, sets up the stone pillar, and pours oil on it.
Jacob was passing on the covenant promise and vision to his family. It was a vision of more than survival or prosperity, or God’s blessing—although it was all that. It was a vision for his family to have a place in God’s glorious plan for the salvation of the nations. This was the vision that could inspire them to be different, to be holy, to live as God called them to live. This was the vision that could give them a guiding purpose, as they lived good lives among the pagans.
Christians have an even greater vision in Christ, that gives them purpose and direction. I Peter 2:9-10 puts it this way: “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light…Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.” The vision God gave to Jacob is fulfilled through Jesus Christ, and through Christians who live for him.
That is a vision that motivates! Too often, all that children hear is, “Don’t embarrass me,” or, “Don’t mess up your life too much.” The vision is to not be too bad, or at least, not worse than most kids. That’s not a vision—that’s damage control!
God’s vision for our families is much more: “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light”
Do you believe that you and your family have a special place in God’s heart? Do you believe that you are set apart as holy, to display the holiness of God? Do you believe that you can be the link between God and other people in world?
How can you protect your family? Eliminate idols. Get serious about worship. Renew your vision.
If we do that, our families will stand strong in God’s strength, to overcome the dangers of the world.
