“THAT’S JUST THE WAY I AM”—Genesis 25:19-34
(Series on the life of Jacob: “Life is Messy; God Is Faithful”)
“That’s just the way I am.” People say that, and maybe we say it about ourselves: “I’m shy…I’m not very tactful…I’m not assertive…I’m not a sensitive guy…My emotions take over…I’m a people-pleaser…I’m stubborn…I’m really nice, sometimes too nice…I’m spoiled (I admit it)”
“That’s just the way I am. It is my nature.”
We are formed by NATURE.
Parents who have more than one child might observe that their children are, by nature, quite different from each other. They are born with unique personalities, abilities, and inclinations.
Esau was born “red and hairy,” and his personality matched the stereotypes. He was a rugged outdoorsman, wild at heart. By nature, he was passionate, impulsive, and impatient.
When Jacob came out of the womb, he was already grasping the heel of Esau. His name meant, literally, “He grasps the heel,” which was a Hebrew expression for “He deceives.” Quite a name for a boy, and Jacob lived up to his name! He was a quiet young man, staying at home among the tents, but his mind was active, always thinking of new schemes to further his own ambitions.
“That’s just the way I am.”
We are born with inherited traits: attractiveness, intelligence, health or physical challenges, temperament and personality. God made us unique, and that is good. However, as a result of the brokenness of the world, caused by sin, our nature is corrupted. We inherit flaws like color-blindness, arthritis, or a bad back. Our personalities are distorted, perhaps leading to depression, narcissism, or discontent. We are inclined to fall into sin, through selfishness or stupidity. King David said,
“Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” (Psalms 51:5)
David recognized that he was born with a tendency to sin. Theologians call this original sin, or inherited sin. Our nature is corrupted by sin in the world.
“That’s just the way I am.” We are formed by nature.
We are formed by NURTURE.
For centuries, philosophers and psychologists have debated whether nature or nurture determine human behavior. Is it genetics and DNA, or are people formed by their environment and the people around them? Recent studies have shown that nature and nurture are both important, and that they interact with each other. I think most parents knew that already!
Esau and Jacob were shaped by their sibling rivalry, which began before birth: “The babies jostled each other within Rebekah,” so much that Rebekah prayed to God about why the two boys seemed to be fighting for position all the time. That pattern continued after birth, even into adulthood, and it shaped them both. Relationships between siblings have a significant role in forming personalities—for better or worse.
More than siblings, parents nurture personality and character. Isaac and Rebekah reinforced the natural differences between Esau and Jacob:
“The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents. Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.” (Genesis 25:27-28)
The nurturing that Isaac and Rebekah gave to their sons was not always healthy. Each parent had their favorite, and it sounds like they were living out their dreams through their favorite sons. Esau and Jacob were each encouraged to do whatever their heart desired, with a doting parent as a cheerleader, and no coach to confront their weaknesses. It was not a good situation for character development.
The environment that forms us is never perfect. Most of us had good parents, but none of us had perfect parents. Many of us appreciate the influence of our siblings on us, although they may have hurt us in some ways as well. Friends and enemies, communities, teachers, coaches, bullies and abusers may also contribute to our development. Some people tell painful stories of being rejected, abused, misled, or constantly criticized and put down. Others identify key people who brought out the best in them.
The circumstances of life shape us as well. Some people have health problems, or lose a parent, or lack opportunity. Others have everything handed to them, and never need to struggle. Nurture shapes us.
“That’s just the way I am.”
DO NATURE AND NURTURE FULLY DETERMINE WHO WE ARE, AND WHAT WE DO?
Before Esau was born, God saw two different futures for Jacob and Esau, and their descendants!
The LORD said to Rebekah, “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you will be separated; one people will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.” (Genesis 25:23)
It seems that Esau’s life and legacy were set in stone, before he was born. Or perhaps, it was just that God was looking into the future of the nations that would come from them.
Yet Esau’s life was not determined solely by nature and nurture. He made CHOICES, which shaped him.
We are formed by CHOICES.
We don’t choose our genes, the time and place of our birth, or our parents and siblings. We don’t control many of the things that happen to us, and we not even be able to choose our gut-level response to many circumstances. What do we choose?
1) We choose our VALUES
“Esau despised his birthright.”
Esau won his first battle with Jacob in the womb, and he was a minute or two older than Jacob. No big deal, we might think—but in those days, it meant that he owned the family birthright.
The birthright was not only the right to a bigger share of their father’s flocks and herds, but leadership in the family. In Isaac’s family, the birthright had eternal significance: Isaac was the heir of God’s covenant-promise given to Abraham. Which son would be the heir of that promise? Of which son would God say, “I am the God of Abraham, Isaac, and _________? Which son would be given the name of Israel, the father of the Israelites, and eventually the ancestor of the Messiah?
The family birthright was Esau’s to lose—and lose it he did. He had been out hunting (as usual), and Jacob was cooking some stew, as his mother had taught him. Jacob was shrewd by nature, and he had been nurtured by his mother to manipulate and deceive. Esau was impulsive by nature, and he was famished from a long day of hunting. He was not thinking clearly, and he traded his birthright for a bowl of stew, which would pass through his system in a few hours!
Poor choice! Yet the choice was consistent with Esau’s values. “Esau despised his birthright.”
Why did Esau not value his birthright? Was it because he was a shallow thinker, or because his father had not explained God’s covenant promises to him? Esau must have heard something about the call of God, which had caused Abraham to leave father’s house, and go to the land of Canaan. Esau must have heard that his father was the heir to a promise, and was chosen to be the patriarch of a people blessed by God. Esau could have understood that, as firstborn, he could be the heir to the promise, the patriarch of the chosen people, with a place in the plan of God to save the world. The birthright should have meant everything to him! Yet long before that fateful day, when he came in from the field, Esau had decided not to place any value on his birthright, or on the God whose promises made it so valuable.
We might wonder how Esau could be so shallow and short-sighted. Yet some young people, who are raised in Christian homes, make similar choices. They don’t value their Christian heritage, and the benefits they have received from it. They place more value on the approval of others, having a good time, or success that lasts for a few years. When placed in a stressful situation, their values lead them astray, and they lose some of the benefits of their birthright.
We choose our values.
2) We choose our PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE
Esau comes in from the hunt, and he is focused on his physical needs. “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said, “What good is this birthright to me?”
In psychological terms, this is known as cognitive distortion. Esau is not going to die from hunger. The teenager who is not asked to the dance is not going to die from loneliness. The person who doesn’t get the promotion is not destined for a life of failure and disappointment.
It is natural, because of inherited sin, to be tempted by untrue perceptions: “Life will not be worth living if I can’t get what I want.” “This feeling is so strong, I just can’t resist.” “I’m not strong enough to handle this.”
False perceptions can be strong, but we choose our perspective. We might choose to say to ourselves things like, “Life is more than possessions.” “Feelings can be controlled.” “I are stronger than I think I am.”
We choose our perspective.
3) We choose our ACTIONS.
“Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So Esau swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.” (Genesis 25:33)
Yes, we could see this coming, from Esau’s values and perspective. But Esau chose to sell his birthright that day, and the choice was a defining moment in his life.
Choices can change the course of our lives! A night of drunkenness, a dishonest business deal, a decision to join up with the wrong people—everything changes. Even the smallest compromises, or words that should not have been spoken, can affect us profoundly. On the positive side, the choice of a mate, a decision to further one’s education, or a decision to follow Christ can transform a person’s life.
But…CAN WE REALLY CHOOSE?
Esau’s choices seemed inevitable, based on his innate personality, the influence of his parents and the surrounding culture, and his life experiences. It might seem like we don’t have much choice, even in our values, perspective, and actions.
“That’s just the way I am.”
Except for Jesus. Esau didn’t have Jesus.
By birth, Esau was a son of Isaac, a son of Abraham, a son of Adam. By birth, we are all children of Adam and Eve, and we have inherited the results of their sin. That is just the way we are.
But there can be more to who we are, because Jesus came into the world. Jesus was a son of Abraham—but he was also the Son of God the Father. Although he was born into a fallen world, he was uncorrupted by nature, and uncorrupted by the environment in which he lived.
The good news of the gospel is that Jesus’ story becomes our story. The gospel of John says something amazing about those who are joined to Jesus by faith:
“[To all who received Jesus Christ as Savior], to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. (John 1:12-13)
The sons and daughters of Adam and Eve have the right to live as children of God! It is a birthright, not passed on by natural birth, but given by God himself to everyone who is “born again” by the Spirit of God.
“That is just the way I am.” Well, in Christ, I am a child of God! In Christ, I am reborn, to new life in Christ!
The apostle Paul says, “So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view…if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:16-17)
By faith in Christ, we can rise about our corrupted nature, and whatever life has done to us, and live as God’s children! We can choose to leave behind the imperfect identity that nature and nurture gave us, and put on a new identity that is formed around faith in Christ:
“You were taught…to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:22-24)
WE CAN TRULY CHOOSE!
1) We can choose NEW VALUES.
The apostle Paul lived the first half of his life, pursuing fulfillment in religious achievement. Then he met Jesus, and he gave up his self-centered values, for a life of greater value:
“Whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him…” (Philippians 3:7-10)
When Paul found his place in the plan of God, he focused on the goal of being like Christ. Nothing compared in value to knowing the God of the universe, being loved and accepted by him, and becoming what God created him to be.
2) We can choose a NEW PERSPECTIVE.
Paul said, “We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
We can tell ourselves the truth—God’s truth: “God’s commands are not burdensome, but life-giving.” “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.” “God’s approval is more important than what people think of me.”
Our perspective may not change immediately, but we can make a habit of shaping our thoughts and self-talk, according to the truth that is in Jesus.
3) By faith, we can choose to ACT like children of God.
Paul said, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” (Colossians 2:6-7)
New life in Christ is a lifestyle, rooted in Christ. It is built around Christ-directed habits: obedience, trust, and being thankful to God. As we continue to live in Christ, we act more and more like Christ.
We still say, “That’s just the way I am.” But the way I am is becoming more like what God made me to be, in Christ Jesus! I am as a child of God, a new creation in Christ Jesus. The old nature is passing away, and the new nature is growing stronger.
Is that true of you? Can it be true of you?
John 1:12-13 (NIV2011, tenses changed) to all who receive Jesus, to those who believe in the name of Jesus, God gives the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.
