Recently, the Tonight Show changed hosts. Jay Leno had been the host for 17 years. He handed the number one late night talk show over to Conan O’Brian. Our young adults know this. Before Leno there was Johnny Carson, who hosted the Tonight Show for 30 years. Carson had several characters he made famous. One was Carnac the Magnificent. Carson would wear this oversize turban and Carnac had the gift of giving the answer before the question. For example, it would go like this: Carnac would hold the envelope containing the question up to his forehead and give the answer. The answer is, “Yes, dear.” Then Carnac would open the envelope and read the question: “What does a husband say to get in the last word?”
In this section of 1 Corinthians Paul is answering questions they put in a letter to him. We don’t have their questions. We have Paul’s answers. To properly understand Paul’s answer we must go back to Corinth and understand the context of these Christians. In this chapter Paul is addressing the issue of marriage, singleness, and sex. This is a Q & A time with their pastor. Paul is not trying to give a fully developed treatment on these subjects. He is answering a specific question and issue. For a full treatment you will need to include a study of passages like Ephesians, Colossians, Matthew 19, and Genesis.
There are two big issues that help us properly interpret what Paul is saying in this chapter. One is the immorality of Corinth. Sexual immorality was rampant in Corinth. The major religion of the city promoted prostitution. Every evening the 1,000 temple prostitutes of Aphrodite would come down into the city to ply their trade. Homosexuality was just another alternative lifestyle. Corinth was so open about its sexuality that to call a woman a “Corinthian girl” was to call her a prostitute.
I was struck by how open we have become about discussing sexuality when I was reading my commentaries. I have some commentaries that were produced in the 1960’s. But the references in these verses were so vague, you would have never guessed Paul was talking about sex. It would have been interesting to hear how a preacher would have dealt with these verses 50 years ago. Paul is a perfect balance between direct and discreet speech.
Not only the gross immorality of Corinth shapes Paul’s answer, but so does an arrogant super spirituality. The previous passage, 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, deals with a group who claim they can have sex outside of marriage with prostitutes and it doesn’t harm their walk with God. Paul comes down very hard on that group. Sex is only for the heterosexual married. Sex before marriage and sex outside of marriage is always wrong. Flee sexual immorality.
As a backlash to this blatant disobedience, another group is teaching if you are a spiritual Christian there is no sex even in marriage. This lifestyle of denial will be confronted later in 1 Corinthians in the debate over eating meat offered to idols. To not participate in anything ungodly, a group had become vegetarians because of the concern that they might pick up some hamburger meat in the market that had been offered as a sacrifice to a demonic idol. It’s not so different from Christians who don’t send their children to public schools or don’t own a TV set. What’s motivating these Christians in the church at Corinth is a desire to be godly, Christ-like.
I’m not saying if present day Christian’s home school or send their children to a private Christian school or don’t own a TV that they are wrong. I am saying these Corinthian Christians have the same motivation to protect themselves from a very sinful world in order to be godly. The problem with the Christians in Corinth is they went too far. They believed they should not have sex in marriage. This is what Paul is correcting. The simple answer to their question about sex in marriage for Christians is sex in marriage promotes godliness.
So, what does that mean? It means . . .
I. HAVE MORE SEX NOT LESS (1 COR. 7:1-2)
Read.
Paul refers to the letter they sent, and many believe this statement that it is good for a man not to marry is something the Corinthians are saying not Paul. His answer to their slogan—and the remedy for going to prostitutes in 6:12-20—is for husbands and wives have marital relations with one another. I’m saying that Paul’s advice to the married Christians in Corinth is to have more sex not less.
I found this article from the London Times, November 2, 2007, titled: “Not Tonight, Dear . . . In Fact, Not Ever.” It began:
Emily, 37, is a successful solicitor with a husband and two-year-old son. To her friends, she doubtless lives a charmed existence. But recently she sat across from me, Dr. Pam Spurr, a sex expert, in a life coaching session. She was very distressed. Having just discovered that her husband of five years had had an affair, she felt that her world had disintegrated. She’d been a good partner, hadn’t she? She was caring and hard-working, wasn’t she?
Closer examination of their relationship revealed that Emily hadn’t had sex with her husband for many months. When I pushed Emily gently on this she was incredibly defensive. It was her view that she was too busy with her career and raising their son to give any thought or time to sex.
Over the past two decades I have worked as a psychologist, life coach and sex expert, and I have found that Emily’s attitude is all too common. And such views don’t bode well for the success of relationships. With increasing frequency, women in their twenties, thirties, and forties take a pragmatic, postfeminist view that sex is something over which they have no need to negotiate. In the bedroom, there is no compromise. If a man has a higher sex drive than a woman, then he can sort himself out. If he wants to try something new and she can’t be bothered, tough luck to him.
Having researched my new book, as well as talked to thousands of men and women over the years, I now firmly believe that too many women see the sexual side of their lives as something to be claimed completely and utterly as their own…This doesn’t make sense to me at all—and unfortunately I’m privy to the heartbreak and distress that goes along with this view.
Like it or not, a sexless life is at the root of much heartache and many affairs and/or relationship break-ups. And although lack of sex can often be a symptom of other problems that lead a relationship to break down, it can also be the cause.
You have to hear this last sentence. It wouldn’t surprise me she has not read 1 Corinthians 7, but her experience and research supports what Paul told the Corinthians 2,000 years ago. Listen to this---
At the risk of being called old-fashioned (though I don’t think that old-fashioned should always have negative connotations) and antifeminist, I’d go so far as to say that for both partners sex could be considered a duty, if it is something that one partner knows would make the other happy.
So often when Christians and ministers talk about this subject we convey that purity in this area means an absence of sexual contact. No wonder the world gets a wrong impression about Christian ethics on sexuality. There is another side. Purity in this area for Christians means enjoying what God created for marriage.
If God had wanted you to have companionship, He could have easily filled that need. If He had wanted you to have fraternity, He would have created another man. He wanted Adam to know intimacy with a spiritual dimension that was met by one unique person— Eve. Sex in marriage is a picture that you are uniquely made for intimacy with God.
Sex in marriage promotes godliness. So married Christians are to have more sex not less.
What is another application that sex in marriage promotes godliness?
II. SEX IS TO BE MUTUALLY SATISFYING (1 COR. 7:3-7)
What does it mean for “each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband?” His answer in v. 3-4 refers to physically, mutually satisfying sexual relations.
Read v. 3-4.
This was radical for the first century. Wives were for bearing a man’s children and prostitutes were for his pleasure. Paul tells the men they are responsible for satisfying her sexual needs too. The word “duty” means it is a husband or wife’s obligation to fulfill. Literally, it means “payment that is due” (v. 3). Paul goes on to say that the marriage partner doesn’t see their body as only belonging to them (v. 4). It’s not the idea that the husband has a right to his wife’s body. Rather the emphasis is the wife has the attitude that she doesn’t have the authority to do only what she pleases with her body.
Paul applies the principle of servanthood to this area of marriage. This is not about taking but giving. It is not about self-indulgence but pleasing the other. It is not saying, “You owe me” but “I owe you.” Paul is saying that this kind of attitude that leads to satisfying these needs is the way a husband and a wife protect their partner from a sex-crazed culture. A sexless marriage is a dangerous, irresponsible lifestyle in our day. It is not Christian.
The Puritans get a bad rap about being a joyless, sexually repressed group of Christians. I read about a Puritan by the name of James Matlock who lived in New England in the 17th century. The reason why we know about him is he was placed under church discipline. His wife complained to the church elders that he was not fulfilling his marital duty to her. The elder’s investigation revealed she was telling the truth and then they excommunicated James Matlock! He was told he would remain under church discipline until he began meeting his wife’s marital need.
I read that and wondered what happened in the rest of the marriages in that church! Can you imagine? I don’t know what Mrs. Matlock looked like but I would think this is the last thing that a man in the church wants to be disciplined for.
In v. 5-7 Paul continues to speak about the physical relationship of husband and wife but introduces a spiritual dimension. Remember the Corinthians thought they were being spiritual or godly by not having sex even within marriage. He is correcting that view.
I have a pastor friend that told me when he was a young pastor, he so desired to be godly that he thought as you grew in godliness you’d have less physical passion. He went an extended time without meeting his wife’s physical needs. It created great turmoil in their marriage. His nonaction deeply hurt his wife. She thought she was no longer attractive to him. When his theology improved so did their intimacy and so did their marriage. That’s what is going on in these verses.
Paul makes it plain in v. 5: “Stop depriving each other.” The word “deprive” means taking from someone what rightfully belongs to another.
There is a concession to Paul’s prohibition. If there is some matter that calls for a concentrated time to seek God, then a couple can withhold having marital relationships. But both must agree to it and this must be for a limited time. To fail to do this makes you more vulnerable to the temptations of Satan.
A husband cannot meet every need of his wife, but there is one need that only he can meet. According to our Christian faith, you are the only man that is to satisfy this need in your wife. According to our Christian faith, you are the only woman that is to satisfy this need in your husband. So, whatever your husband or wife knows of satisfaction in this area of life it is going to depend on you. To fail to do so is to consign your mate to a life of celibacy. They have no other legitimate option to meet this desire.
You agree with me that as a Christian it is wrong to be illiterate about your Bible. If we really believed this is a book from God, we should pour over this book. If we really believe that this person is a gift from God, then we should not be illiterate about how to meet their needs. There are many good wholesome Christian resources that speak of these things.
Remember: these things promote godliness and protect your mate from the temptations of Satan.
Maybe the explanation for verse seven is that the Corinthians had appealed to Paul’s example of not being married to justify not having sex within marriage. We don’t know Paul’s marital status. He lived in a day that assumed everyone would marry. The word “bachelor” never appears in the Old Testament. Rabbis were strongly encouraged to marry, and you had to be married to be a part of the ruling body of the Sanhedrin. Paul’s comment about voting with the Sanhedrin could simply mean he agreed with their decision to persecute Christians. It doesn’t necessarily mean he was a member of it. About the best we can say with confidence is Paul’s lifestyle is unmarried.
Some scholars believe that in v. 7 Paul refers to the gift of celibacy. People with this gift are free from the desire or need of sexual fulfillment, which makes it possible for them to live without marriage. Maybe this group thought they would be more spiritual if they practiced celibacy in marriage. Mahatma Gandhi thought that. Paul disagreed. Both celibacy and marriage were gifts from God, and one was not more superior to the other. It depends on what God has called the person to.
This is going to lead to the unifying theme of this chapter. In the rest of this chapter he is going to say to the single or widowed, stay as you are. He says to the married, stay as you are. He says to the Christian married to the unsaved partner, stay as you are. He will say if your circumstance changes, then you are perfectly free to marry.
The point is to make the most of your God-given circumstance. If you are single, don’t waste your life pining over not being married. If you’re married, don’t waste your life resenting being married to a clod. Be godly where you are. If you are married, what does a godly marriage look like? It includes plenty of sex, not abstinence.
CONCLUSION
One of the pastors I met at the conference in South Carolina was a bi-vocational Black pastor. He works for the Sheriff’s department in the area. He was telling me about the tragedy of six young adults who died in car accidents in the past month. In South Carolina, if you are sixteen, it is illegal to drive when it is dark. I asked if they made exceptions for kids coming from work, sports, or church. He said no exceptions.
A car is a powerful machine. It’s an awesome responsibility to drive a car. An uncontrolled car can crash and kill many people. Two of the accidents that killed four people were teenage drivers simply taking a curve too fast. So, the government has put parameters around driving. You must be sixteen. You must pass a written and driving test. You can’t drive under the influence of drugs or alcohol. You must drive a within the speed limit. There are many restrictions. Why? Doesn’t the government want us to enjoy driving? Don’t they want us to get to our destination? Of course! The restrictions are there for the benefit of society because driving is a wonderful, powerful privilege.
Sex is a wonderful, powerful gift from God. It seals the covenant relationship of marriage and continually renews the commitment. It often produces children who need the security of a permanent parental relationship in the home. It expresses love in an incomparable way. God, who designed us, wants this powerful gift to be experienced in the safest, most meaningful, uninhibited environment. He restricted sexual intimacy to marriage only. Outside of those parameters sex initially creates excitement, but wounds and kills in the end.
Marriage is a divine institution, not a human invention. Therefore, the definition of marriage cannot be changed to include homosexuality or polygamy. One of the things that God designed is that sex in marriage promotes godliness.
