Good morning! I’d like to jump right in, and begin this morning with a precious promise, one that comes directly from Christ:
“28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-29)
Doesn’t that sound wonderful? Rest. An easy yoke. A light burden. Sounds almost too good to be true, in today’s rapid-fire, high-pressure, no-excuses world. And to be honest, for many of you here this morning, it is too good to be true. Or at least, it feels that way. Because although you are following Christ as best you know how, and perhaps have been following him for many years, his yoke doesn’t feel easy, it feels difficult. At times it feels almost impossible. His burden doesn’t feel light, it feels heavy, almost unbearably heavy. And the idea of “rest” seems like a bad joke.
But — we’re sure that everyone else is doing fine, that we’re the only ones who are not experiencing peace, and joy, and rest, and so there must be something wrong with us. After all, it’s a promise! “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” And God keeps his promises, we know that. And so, we’re not quite sure what we’re doing wrong, but we’re embarrassed to admit that in spite of trusting in Christ, we’re still feeling weary and burdened, rather than rested. We’re embarrassed to admit that Christ’s yoke doesn’t feel easy to us; that his burden doesn’t feel light—lest everyone else realize how unspiritual and how sinful, we must be. So we put on a smile and suffer in silence. Does any of that sound familiar to you? At least some of the time?
If so, I have good news. I think I know why you feel that way. Or at least one of the main reasons you feel that way. And I’m going to first, explain it, and then tell you how you can begin to experience this promise; how you can begin to experience the joy, and peace, and rest that is our birthright as followers of Christ, but which too many of us only pretend to experience.
So here it is: Too many people think of Christ’s burden as something they add on to the burdens they are already carrying, rather than what it is meant to be, which is something that replaces those burdens. [Let me repeat that] And so the light burden of Christ becomes just one more thing, the straw that breaks the camel’s back. It feels terribly heavy, because it’s added on to all the other burdens we’re already carrying. And that’s our fundamental mistake. Christ’s burden is intended to be instead of, not on top of. And when we realize that, when we rid ourselves of all the burdens the world wants us to carry, we will find that in fact, Christ’s burden is light, and easy, and even joyful, to carry.
So how do we do that? How do we rid ourselves of all the other heavy loads that Christ’s light burden is intended to replace? The Bible has a lot to say about shedding our burdens, more than I can address in one sermon. But I can tell you where to start. And that is by resolving to disappoint people. Yes. My hope is that, as a result of this message, you will make it your intention to disappoint people. Including, perhaps, your parents, your family, your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors, even some of the people sitting around you here this morning. My desire is that, having heard and considered what I have to say, you will choose not to meet all the expectations which all these people have of you, and that on the contrary you will intentionally fail to meet those expectations.
I’m going to suggest that the freedom which results from making that decision is a part of your birthright in Christ. More than that, I am going to suggest that in doing so, you will be faithfully following in the footsteps of our master and example, Jesus Christ. Because Jesus disappointed everyone: his parents, his family, his friends, his followers. And if we are to follow him, we have to be willing to do the same thing.
At this point, you’re probably a bit skeptical, because our culture paints a false picture of Jesus as a compliant do-gooder. Someone who was always eager to please, someone who was always looking for ways to make people happy. Happy, happy, happy. And nothing makes people happier than doing what they expect, right? Giving the people what they want. But this picture of Jesus is far from the truth. Not only did Jesus fail to meet the expectations of religious leaders and governmental authorities—you already knew that—but he also disappointed his parents, his family, his disciples, the crowds who followed and adored him—in short, everyone. Well, almost everyone.
Let’s take Jesus’ parents, for example. He disappointed them, starting at an early age. When Jesus was twelve years old, his parents took him to Jerusalem for the annual Passover feast. We pick up the narrative in chapter two of Luke’s gospel, verse 43:
“43After the festival was over, while his parents were returning home, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but they were unaware of it. 44 Thinking he was in their company, they traveled on for a day. Then they began looking for him among their relatives and friends. 45 When they did not find him, they went back to Jerusalem to look for him. 46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you.” 49 “Why were you searching for me?” he asked. “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.”
What was the reaction of Mary and Joseph when they finally located Jesus, after three days of frantic searching? They were relieved, of course. Angry, perhaps. Perplexed, confused. And I think it’s fair to say that they were disappointed in their son. He had caused them three days of intense concern and worry. They were at their wit’s end, fearing the worst. All kinds of terrible possibilities were going through their minds. And when they finally found him, he was just sitting in the temple, shooting the breeze with the rabbis. “Hi mom! Hi dad!”. I expect they were fit to be tied. “Son, why have you treated us like this?” “Why have you treated us like this?” Jesus, don’t you care about us? What were you thinking? And his response didn’t really help; they “did not understand”. What he had done didn’t make any sense to them. They were hurt and disappointed.
Let’s look at another example. Later as an adult, when Jesus entered into public ministry, he began to attract huge crowds. He was mobbed wherever he went. How did his family react to this? Were they proud of him? Did they marvel at the reports of miracles? Did they rejoice in the impact that his ministry was having? No, quite the opposite. They were embarrassed by him. Disappointed in him. In fact, they thought he had gone insane.
“20Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. 21 When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, ‘He is out of his mind.’ 22 And the teachers of the law who came down from Jerusalem said, ‘He is possessed by Beelzebul! By the prince of demons he is driving out demons.’ ” (Mark 3:20-22)
Basically, his family agreed with the scribes, because in that day, demon possession and insanity were considered to be the same thing. And so, were his family members proud of him? Did they support his ministry? Not at all. They took sides with the corrupt religious authorities, against their own son and brother. They were alarmed by him, they were embarrassed by him, they were disappointed in him. He failed to meet their expectations of a good son and a respectable brother. In their mind, He hadn’t brought honor on the family; instead, he had made them a laughingstock.
Well, what about his disciples? His closest companions, his friends? In Mark chapter four, we read about an incident that took place when Jesus and his disciples were together in a boat, crossing the sea of Galilee. A furious storm came up, so that the boat was in danger of sinking. You probably know the story. In spite of all the tumult, Jesus is sleeping on a cushion. In a panic, the disciples wake him up. And when they do, what do they say? “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” He wasn’t helping to bail out the boat, he wasn’t helping to trim the sails; he was sleeping! He had failed to meet their expectations. They were disappointed in his response.
And this wasn’t the last, or only, time. We know that at the end of his life, when Jesus was arrested, and tried, and crucified, these disciples, his so-called “friends”, all left him. They ran away. Whatever was going on, they wanted no part of it. This was not what they were expecting from their Messiah. No. at. All. They were disillusioned and disappointed; so much so, that they abandoned him when he needed them the most.
How about the crowds? The crowds who loved him. Who hung on his every word. Who followed him by the thousands. Until this happened. Jesus is preaching, and says:
56 Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. 57 Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me. 58 This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” 59 He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum. 60 On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” . . . . 66 From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.”
(John 6:56-60, 66)
“Sorry, Jesus”, they said. I liked the healings, I was amazed at the miracle of the loaves and fishes, I appreciated the sermons on righteousness, and faith, and love. But eating your flesh and drinking your blood? That is too weird for me. You’re not who I thought you were.” And they were gone. He didn’t meet their expectations. And once again, in the end, when they saw him hanging on a cross, they all abandoned him. All of them. Every single one. This was not what they were expecting. They were disappointed. They were disillusioned. And they departed.
Just to emphasize this point: at one time or another, Jesus disappointed literally everyone he met, including the people closest to him; his parents, his family, his closest companions, all the people who trusted him and depended on him, who had high hopes for him.
I’m sharing all this because some of you have been taught, or have come to believe, that the very worst thing you could ever do is to disappoint someone. Or worse, disappoint someone who loves you, who cares for you, who has your best interests at heart. And so you do everything in your power to avoid disappointing anyone. You do everything you can to make sure everyone is pleased with you. And what I’m telling you this morning is that that idea is false. We know it’s false because, Jesus, our Lord and Savior, the Holy One of God, disappointed a great many people. Consistently and repeatedly, throughout his life. Not accidentally or by mistake. Not because he couldn’t help it. But because there was only one person he truly needed to please, one person alone. And making it his goal to please that one person meant there would be times when he would necessarily displease others, when he would necessarily disappoint others and fail to meet their expectations.
And that one person he sought to please was God the Father. What does Jesus say?
“The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him.” (John 8:29)
Jesus didn’t always do what pleased the religious authorities, or the governmental authorities, or the crowds, or his disciples, or his friends, or even his parents or his family. Why? Because he was focused on pleasing God, even if that meant, at times, displeasing many other people.
I’m going state this in very stark terms. But I believe it to be true. Some of you are in bondage. You are in bondage. You are slaves to the expectations and opinions of others; you fear the possibility that they will be disappointed in you; you seek their approval; you hope to please them and strive to avoid displeasing them. And it never ends. Why?
• You can never do enough
• you can never be perfect enough
• you can never be inoffensive enough
• you can never be pleasing enough
• you can never be compliant enough
• you can never be thoughtful enough
• you can never be careful enough
• you can never be good enough
Never. No matter how hard you try, no matter how much you do, you can’t please everyone. You can’t avoid disappointing people. You can’t always meet their expectations. And trying to do that just keeps you in bondage to their expectations and opinions; it robs you of the joy that is your birthright in Jesus Christ. If you are trying to please people, you will always feel like a failure. If you are seeking the approval of men, you will constantly feel exhausted. Because their demands and expectations never end. Not only that, but they contradict one another. So meeting this person’s expectations means you will inevitably disappoint that other person.
Sometimes the expectations aren’t spoken; sometimes they come from within us; they’re deeply embedded in our psyches from things we heard years ago. They take the form of “oughts”, and “shoulds”, and “musts”. Let me ask you, just in the past week, how many things have you done as a result of a vague sense of obligation. Not a clear command of Scripture, but just a vague sense that you “ought” to do, or “should” do, something?
[Illustration – audience participation: Simon Says]. How do you feel? Other than a bit winded? I think that’s the most exercise some of you have gotten all week! How do you feel? A little silly? A little foolish? Probably. Because jumping up and down just because someone tells you to is in fact a bit foolish. But we do that, metaphorically, all the time.
I’d like to share with you one of most insightful verses in the New Testament, Matthew 11:16-19:
16 “To what can I compare this generation? They are like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling out to others: 17 “‘We played the pipe for you, and you did not dance; we sang a dirge, and you did not mourn.’ 18 For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ 19 The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’”
A few observations. First, Jesus is describing “this generation”. Not the Pharisees, not the Romans, not any specific group or class. But people in general. Because this is just what people do. They play a tune, and they expect you to respond. They play a jig, and they expect you to dance. They sing a dirge, a sad song, and they expect you to mourn. They play a martial tune with a big brass band, and they expect you to march. People claim the right to tell you how to feel, how to think, how to act, how to live your life.
But here’s the thing. Like children playing on a toy flute, they don’t have any real right to demand that you dance to their tune. If you see a child playing on a flute, do you think to yourself: “I’d better start dancing!” No, of course not. But when people who have no God-given authority to do so, start telling you what they expect, you often do what they want anyway. You start dancing to their tune. Because you don’t want to disappoint them. Because you don’t want to risk their disapproval. Because you don’t want to provoke a confrontation. And that’s a problem. It’s a problem because in doing that, in letting other people control you, and manipulate you; in letting them shame you and guilt you and intimidate you into doing what they want, you are choosing not to follow Christ.
That’s right. Let that sink in. It’s not just emotionally and spiritually unhealthy to let others call the shots in your life. It’s actually unfaithful to Christ when you do so. Because you cannot make it your goal to please men and also make it your goal to please God. If you are seeking to please people, you are not seeking to please Christ. Here’s how the apostle Paul put it:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)
That’s pretty clear. It’s hard to avoid. If you are trying to please people—even good, well-intentioned, godly people who only have your best interests at heart—then you are not serving Christ. What does Paul say? “If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” If you are still trying to please people, you are not a servant of Christ. Whose servant are you? Theirs. You’re doing their bidding, which makes you their servant. Or maybe you’re really serving yourself, hoping to get the things you want by pleasing them. But either way, it’s not Christ you’re serving.
So what do you do? Well, for one thing, just stop it. When you hear the music playing, whether the “music” is a person who is demanding that you do what they expect, or an inner compulsion to please people because that’s what a “good” person would do, what a “good” boy or “good” girl should do, just do nothing. There’s a quote attributed, to Mark Twain, who said: “Whenever I get the urge to exercise, I just lie down until the feeling does away.” When you feel a compulsion to seek others’ approval; just lie down until the urge goes away. If you hear a jig, don’t dance. If you hear a dirge, don’t mourn. Unless it’s something that you’re convinced God would have you to do, just politely decline.
Don’t apologize, don’t justify it, don’t say, “If it’s OK with you”. Don’t get angry, don’t get offended. And don’t run out and do the opposite of what they want, just to prove how independent you are. Instead, whatever it is “they” want you to do, just don’t. Just don’t.
I say this with full knowledge that it is easier said than done. You may feel guilty. Ashamed. Worried. Anxious. If you’ve spent your whole life trying to please other people, it can be intensely uncomfortable not to do so. To risk their displeasure. To risk disappointing them. To risk perhaps an angry reaction. Because some people will not take kindly to your decision not to allow them to control or manipulate you. They’ll get angry, sulk, threaten, cajole, attempt to use guilt, or a sense of Christian obligation, they’ll call you names—selfish, ungrateful, uncooperative, antisocial; they’ll call you proud, stubborn, belligerent, and anything else they can think of. And the nastier and more verbally abusive they get, the more you know that you are doing the right thing. You’ll want to give in. But if you don’t stand your ground, you will be a slave forever.
But I want to make clear why this is important: it isn’t just a matter of not doing some of the things that other people want you to do; that’s not what this is all about. It’s about doing the things that God wants you to do. It’s positive, not negative. The whole point is that you are choosing not to dance to their tune so that you can dance to God’s tune. You aren’t doing all the things that please other people, so that you can do all the things that please God. Because living a life that is driven by the need to please people is incompatible with living your life for God. Why? Because seeking the approval of others is a full-time job. It never ends. And so those who are engaged in that pursuit just do not have the time and energy to pursue knowing God. Again, what does Paul tell us?
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Galatians 1:10)
Paul’s focus isn’t on saying “no” to people. He isn’t focused on failing to meet their expectations. That’s not his goal. That just happens automatically, as he focuses his energies on saying “yes” to God and doing the things that please God.
“12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:12-14)
“So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.” (2 Cor. 5:9)
Paul was utterly focused on following Christ. His eyes were on Christ. And if our eyes are on Christ; if we are focused on serving and pleasing Him, it will matter less and less to us what others think of us, whether others are pleased with us, or think highly of us, or respect us, or admire us. Or whether, on the other hand, they think ill of us, or are disappointed in us, or displeased with us. What does Paul tell us?
“9 For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, 10 so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, 12 and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light.” (Colossians 1:9-12)
Let me give you another example. Early in his ministry, Jesus was tempted by the devil to abandon his calling.
5 The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6 And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7 If you worship me, it will all be yours.” 8 Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God and serve him only.’ (Luke 4:5-8)
We are not to worship any other God but the Lord. And what are some of the false gods that we serve? Popularity. Approval. Acceptance. Is it wrong to have those things, to enjoy those things? Is it wrong to be popular, or to have people approve of you and accept you? No. But it is wrong to serve those things, to make them your goal. Because serving those things is incompatible with serving Christ. And a yearning to be liked and accepted, a desire to avoid disappointing others, to avoid giving offense, is a very subtle, and insidious, and powerful way that we are drawn away from serving God.
Because you can’t serve God “and”. You can’t serve God while you are also seeking the approval of men (or women). You can’t serve God while you are also trying to act, and think, and feel the way your peers expect you to. Or your neighbors, or your family, or your coworkers, or even the folks sitting here this morning. You can only serve God if you are serving him only; if the one thing that matters to you is pleasing him, obeying him, following him, dancing to his tune, thinking, and feeling, and acting the way that he calls you to do.
And although that may sound difficult, it’s not. It’s actually much, much easier than trying to gain the approval of men. Because there’s only one person whose opinion you have to care about; only one person whose expectations or approval matters. Instead of dozens, or hundreds, or thousands. And that one person not only loves you, but will never burden you with more than you can bear; he will never ask of you more than you can do. In every situation, it is possible to please God.
Now, before we conclude, there’s a counterfeit to this freedom from the opinions and judgments of others that I want to warn you about. Because many people who aren’t followers of Christ, who don’t look to the Bible for guidance, have nevertheless gained this wisdom, that trying to please other people all the time is foolish and futile. And what is their conclusion? Not that our goal should be to please God. What’s their conclusion? It’s that “You can’t please everyone, so you gotta please yourself”. Right? Ricky Nelson put those words in a song which he wrote after a performance at Madison Square Garden in October of 1971. During the show, he began with some of his older hits, but when he tried to play some of his newer material, the crowd started to boo, and he left the stage. Later he wrote the song, Garden Party, which has this refrain:
“But it’s all right now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to [please yourself]”
Is that the solution? No. Ricky Nelson drew the wrong conclusion. Seeking to please yourself all the time is just another kind of bondage. Because just like the desires and demands of other people, your own desires are limitless. If your goal is to please yourself, then no matter how much you get, you will always want more; you will never be satisfied. Not only that, but often your desires conflict with one another. And so you can’t satisfy one without denying another one. Serving yourself is just another kind of bondage.
What was Jesus’ attitude? “I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.” (John 5:30)
A couple of final points and we’ll be done. First, none of this relieves you of your responsibility to love people, and to serve them, and to sacrifice for them, and to put their needs ahead of your own. You still need to do all of those things. In most cases, serving God involves serving people. But you will be doing those things out of a desire to please God, and not out of a desire to meet their expectations or avoid their displeasure. Does that distinction make sense to you? Do you understand the difference?
Nor does any of this give you license to actually be belligerent, or disagreeable, or rude, or contemptuous, or to behave badly in general. As I said before, if someone seeks to influence you to do something, and you choose not to do it, just politely and firmly decline. You don’t need to explain, or justify, or apologize. Just say, “no thank you”.
And finally, although I know that taking this road will be difficult for some of you, and very difficult for others, it is the path of freedom and joy. It is the path of faithfulness and service to Christ. It is the path of true discipleship. The good news is that God the Father, the one person we are seeking to please, loves us more than we can possibly imagine.
The great news is that you cannot disappoint him! You cannot disappoint God! Yes, you can grieve him if you sin. But you cannot disappoint him. Why? Because he already knows everything you have ever done, and everything you will ever do in the future. And so he can never be disappointed in you. Let me say that again: God, our Father, can never be disappointed in us. Never, never, never. He knows everything about us, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and he loves us, and treasures us, and cherishes us, all the same. Hallelujah. Let us rest in that knowledge, and embrace the freedom that it provides.
