Genesis 29: 1 – 35
Being taken advantage of
29 So Jacob went on his journey and came to the land of the people of the East. 2 And he looked, and saw a well in the field; and behold, there were three flocks of sheep lying by it; for out of that well they watered the flocks. A large stone was on the well’s mouth. 3 Now all the flocks would be gathered there; and they would roll the stone from the well’s mouth, water the sheep, and put the stone back in its place on the well’s mouth. 4 And Jacob said to them, “My brethren, where are you from?” And they said, “We are from Haran.” 5 Then he said to them, “Do you know Laban the son of Nahor?” And they said, “We know him.” 6 So he said to them, “Is he well?” And they said, “He is well. And look, his daughter Rachel is coming with the sheep.” 7 Then he said, “Look, it is still high day; it is not time for the cattle to be gathered together. Water the sheep, and go and feed them.” 8 But they said, “We cannot until all the flocks are gathered together, and they have rolled the stone from the well’s mouth; then we water the sheep.” 9 Now while he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess. 10 And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, that Jacob went near and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother. 11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept. 12 And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father’s relative and that he was Rebekah’s son. So she ran and told her father. 13 Then it came to pass, when Laban heard the report about Jacob his sister’s son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him and kissed him, and brought him to his house. So he told Laban all these things. 14 And Laban said to him, “Surely you are my bone and my flesh.” And he stayed with him for a month. 15 Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my relative, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what should your wages be?” 16 Now Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah’s eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form and appearance. 18 Now Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, “I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter.” 19 And Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to another man. Stay with me.” 20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her.” 22 And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast. 23 Now it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her. 24 And Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah as a maid. 25 So it came to pass in the morning, that behold, it was Leah. And he said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why then have you deceived me?” 26 And Laban said, “It must not be done so in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. 27 Fulfill her week, and we will give you this one also for the service which you will serve with me still another seven years.” 28 Then Jacob did so and fulfilled her week. So he gave him his daughter Rachel as wife also. 29 And Laban gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as a maid. 30 Then Jacob also went in to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah. And he served with Laban still another seven years. 31 When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren. 32 So Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said, “The LORD has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will love me.” 33 Then she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Because the LORD has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.” And she called his name Simeon. 34 She conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore his name was called Levi. 35 And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Now I will praise the LORD.” Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she stopped bearing.
We all feel taken advantage of from time to time. Maybe a co-worker is taking you for granted or an acquaintance is constantly asking for favors. Feeling taken advantage of implies a feeling of injustice or inequality. When we feel taken advantage of, we are generally describing resentment. Resentment gets a grip on us if we have not acted on our behalf in some way.
If assertiveness is the key to stop being taken advantage of, then the first step is to define assertiveness. This act is the skill of saying what we need or want, or protecting ourselves from what we do not want, while respecting the needs and rights of others. When two people behave assertively, both of their needs are met in the form of a compromise. So, assertive behavior involves identifying the behavior that concerns you, identifying your feelings about it and stating what you want to happen as a result. It is calm, reasonable and the most effective way to resolve conflict. Now you know how not to be taken advantage of. Yeah, right!
Still, many people are often hesitant to act assertively for a number of reasons. Overcoming those reasons will be the next step in getting over feelings of being taken advantage of.
Unfortunately, many people are afraid to stand up for their personal needs and this leads to the feeling of being taken advantage of. One reason is that we tend to be people-pleasers because we have a tendency to avoid conflict at all costs – even when the cost is our own comfort or needs. However, in truth, the stress that is associated with not speaking up is often much higher than facing the potential conflict and resolving it in a constructive manner. The bad outcome is that the natural result is to stuff feelings and frustrations over and over until we will explode when the pressure finally becomes too great.
It is better to broach a subject and resolve a conflict at the onset, rather than allowing it to brew. It may help to change your view of what conflict is. Conflict is not something terrible or ominous. In fact, it's inevitable in life." Instead of thinking of conflict as a negative part of life, we need to consider it as an opportunity for two people with different goals and desires to learn to interact together harmoniously without either one feeling that he or she is being taken advantage of.
Some instances call for a hefty dose of assertiveness training, while for others they can just be able to let the emotional result go. If you know that you do not need to assert yourself all of the time, it will become easier to do so when necessary. You may decide that an unacceptable meal in a restaurant should be sent back to the kitchen, but allow a cutting remark from someone to be simply ignored.
Today we are going to review someone who is taken advantage of. Jacob comes to see his uncle. One of Laban’s daughters catches his eye. Unlike the last time Laban was visited by someone from this family who was laden down with all kinds of precious gifts, Jacob comes empty handed. The shrewd uncle however does know something that he will be able to reap great prosperity. He recognizes that The Lord God Most High has picked out Jacob’s family as special. His anointing and blessings overflow on these chosen ones. So, using his daughters as the prize he gets Jacob to agree that he will allow the marriage if the young man will agree to serve him for seven years in caring for his sheep.
29 So Jacob went on his journey and came to the land of the people of the East.
After Jacob leaves the sacred scene at Bethel he goes on his way to the land of his relatives which is today in Iraq. What I find most interesting is that from now on not one word about God do we hear which spans over a period of fourteen years. All has to do with Jacob’s self-sufficient negotiations for his future and his wife, without God being taken into account. The lack of mention of God is so stark that it can hardly be accidental.
2 And he looked, and saw a well in the field; and behold, there were three flocks of sheep lying by it; for out of that well they watered the flocks. A large stone was on the well’s mouth. 3 Now all the flocks would be gathered there; and they would roll the stone from the well’s mouth, water the sheep, and put the stone back in its place on the well’s mouth.
Jacob came in his journey to a well near the town where his relatives lived. A large stone was placed across the well. It was so large that it was not easy to move. So every day the various flocks would gather at the well (water-source), waiting until all were gathered, and then the stone guarding the well would be removed and all the flocks would water there.
4 And Jacob said to them, “My brethren, where are you from?” And they said, “We are from Haran.” 5 Then he said to them, “Do you know Laban the son of Nahor?” And they said, “We know him.” 6 So he said to them, “Is he well?” And they said, “He is well. And look, his daughter Rachel is coming with the sheep.”
Although it is still before evening three flocks have already gathered there. So by questioning their keepers Jacob discovers he has arrived at his destination, Haran, and asks after the man he seeks – Nahor.who is the head of the family. ‘Son of’ means ‘descended from’. Laban is actually the son of Bethuel, and is Nahor’s grandson. But Nahor was especially mentioned because of his prominence.
7 Then he said, “Look, it is still high day; it is not time for the cattle to be gathered together. Water the sheep, and go and feed them.”
Jacob is puzzled as to why they are sitting around waiting in the hot sun. Sheep would normally be brought towards evening, but these have come while the sun is still high. Why do they then sit and wait, when they could water them and then take them where they can feed?
8 But they said, “We cannot until all the flocks are gathered together, and they have rolled the stone from the well’s mouth; then we water the sheep.”
The answer was that it was because the stone could not be moved. It might suggests that this may have been because there were not enough men there to move the stone. However, when we read next the Jacob takes it upon himself and goes and moves the stone that he is either the strongest man or the other guys were weaklings or lazy.
9 Now while he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherdess. 10 And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother’s brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother’s brother, that Jacob went near and rolled the stone from the well’s mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother’s brother.
Rachel, who had previously been spotted coming with her sheep to the well being some distance away (verse 6), now arrives. As a prince he is not used to having to wait and ignores any custom. He does not want to have to linger. Or it may be that a brief discussion has revealed that the well is Nahor’s so that Rachel has the right to secure its opening. There must have been some discussion for Jacob would not have kissed Rachel (verse 11) without at least some preliminary words.
11 Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept. 12 And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father’s relative and that he was Rebekah’s son. So she ran and told her father.
The meeting is emotional. In days when families were often out of touch for years such scenes were a regular feature of life when they came together. It must be considered certain that Jacob had said something introductory before he kissed Rachel, something like “I am your cousin’. He has after all gone to great trouble to water her sheep and this would hardly be done without saying anything. But after his rapturous welcome he then explains his relationship in more detail. Then, quite excited for she will have heard of her wider family, Rachel runs to tell her father.
13 Then it came to pass, when Laban heard the report about Jacob his sister’s son, that he ran to meet him, and embraced him and kissed him, and brought him to his house. So he told Laban all these things. 14 And Laban said to him, “Surely you are my bone and my flesh.” And he stayed with him for a month.
Possibly thinking that the gravy train of goodies has made another appearance Laban runs to meet Jacob. The last time there was a whole caravan loaded with gifts. Here Laban notices that his nephew is by himself without any noticeable valuables. Perhaps he thought the rest of precious goods would arrive in the near future so he takes Jacob into his house.
Jacob’s welcome lasted a month and then Laban decided that his nephew loved his daughter Rachel and that he wasn’t going to be leaving any time soon. So, there he thought about the possibility of using Jacob for his benefit. We can take into consideration that Laban had heard of Jacob’s action and knowledge of tending sheep. In addition, Jacob must have enjoyed hanging out with Rachel while she daily cared for the sheep. Laban must have taken all of this in.
15 Then Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my relative, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what should your wages be?”
Once a decent time had passed Laban brings the matter up. He has now realized that Jacob will not come up with expensive marriage gifts. These words are a delicate indication that Jacob is going to have to earn his wife by a period of service. (Of course the question of wages could not normally openly arise between relatives of this standing. Those were for hired servants). He is basically asking how long Jacob is prepared to serve as compensatory payment for a wife. When Abraham’s servant came he brought rich gifts which were accepted as recompense for the loss of a daughter and sister. It appears that Jacob has not brought such valuable gifts. Compensation would thus be made by service.
16 Now Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. 17 Leah’s eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form and appearance.
The word for ‘tender’ can mean soft, weak, delicate. This may indicate some weakness in the eye or it may simply mean timid or gentle-eyed. The point was that while Leah was not unattractive she paled in comparison with Rachel.
18 Now Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, “I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter.”
Jacob replies that he has made his choice as to which daughter he wants. He is prepared to offer seven years service in exchange for Rachel whom he loves. This may appear a long time but he knows that during the period he will be treated as a relative and equal (‘you are my brother’ - verse 15) and he has brought little with him. Offering service in exchange for a man’s daughter was a regular feature of the times. But we note that Jacob’s action is driven by romantic love, not by a determination to find the wife of God’s choice.
19 And Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to another man. Stay with me.”
The offer is accepted and it may be that at this stage Laban thought that Leah might be married within the seven years to someone else thus clearing the way for Jacob. The elder daughter was often more attractive status-wise. Thus it may be that at this point in time his aim was honest.
20 So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her. 21 Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her.”
Jacob works out his seven years with his mind filled with his love for Rachel. It is very touching, but there is no word of involving God in the situation, in spite of Jacob’s earlier dedicatory promise (28.22). Then he demands his wages, the hand of Rachel in marriage.
22 And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast. 23 Now it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter and brought her to Jacob; and he went in to her. 24 And Laban gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah as a maid.
The wedding feast is arranged. It will last for seven days (verse 27). And it is now that we first begin to see Laban’s deceitful ways, although we must be fair and recognize that he has been put in a difficult position. He had hoped that Leah might be married off, but it had not happened, and custom forbade Rachel being married first.
As he ponders the problem he sees the solution. Instead of being open and honest he informs his daughter Leah, who knew that Jacob wanted to marry Rachel that she would be the one given in marriage. Also take into consideration of Rachel. She loved Jacob and after finding out her dad’s scheme she couldn’t tip off Jacob but had to bear the hurt privately. Picture the emotions that these poor young ladies were going through?
A bride would be heavily veiled and covered with wedding garments. If both girls were around the same height then you can see how Jacob would not be aware of the deceit. When they finally go to bed it is dark and presumably Leah kept silent and remained veiled as long as possible. Thus Jacob does not realize until daylight that his silent and submissive companion is Leah. And by then it is too late. He is legally committed to Leah.
25 So it came to pass in the morning, that behold, it was Leah. And he said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why then have you deceived me?”
If only Jacob had spent some time with God before the event how different things might have been. Now he finds himself joined with Leah. (Nevertheless God is secretly working His purposes out). When Jacob realizes what has happened he is no doubt furious and immediately marches in to where Laban is to lay his complaint. The terms of his contract have been broken.
Again think of how Leah must have felt to have given herself and to experience Jacob’s anger in being with her. We all need to remember Jacob’s deceit with his brother Esau. It is quite evident that he has received as he gave. The trickster has been tricked. He who deceived a blind man, has himself been deceived when blinded by a veil. What a man sows he reaps.
Laban no doubt was waiting for the visit of his nephew servant Jacob and has his excuses ready. He is a smooth-tongued liar and confident because the strength is on his side. He is master here. Jacob can do nothing.
26 And Laban said, “It must not be done so in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn. 27 Fulfill her week, and we will give you this one also for the service which you will serve with me still another seven years.” 28 Then Jacob did so and fulfilled her week. So he gave him his daughter Rachel as wife also. 29 And Laban gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as a maid. 30 Then Jacob also went in to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah. And he served with Laban still another seven years.
Laban explains that he could not give Rachel to him until her elder sister was married. But now that that hurdle has been removed Jacob can have Rachel as well, if he is willing to serve for another seven years.
Laban knew that Jacob would have to recognize the strength of his argument. Custom could not be broken. Everyone in the tribe would have known the situation, and they were no doubt be smiling behind Jacob’s back. And behind his triumphant but partly concealed smile is the implication that Jacob should have known, and that had he been smarter he would have known. It was probably not an uncommon requirement, and we should note that marriage to the elder daughter did in fact place Jacob in a more privileged position, an argument which Laban might well have called on when placating Jacob.
However Laban is not averse to Jacob and placates him with a further offer. Let him go through the seven-day wedding feast without trouble, giving Leah her full due, and then he can also marry Rachel immediately. After which he must work another seven years for the privilege.
Jacob carries out his part of the bargain. He gives Leah due a bride for the week of the marriage honeymoon, and fulfils his responsibilities as a husband. Then he also marries Rachel. Leah’s part was not a happy one for she knows it is her sister that Jacob wants, but she was used to the fact that a woman could be married off by her father and would accept her lot. She knew that she could have done a lot worse. She has at least married a ‘prince’. What grieved both her and Rachel was the particular way in which it was carried out so that neither of them received any financial benefit. They only received a handmaid each. We learn later that they felt that Laban had withheld from them some of their rights.
31 When the LORD saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren.
Although Jacob preferred Rachel he still had some love for Leah. With all the kids he wound up having with Leah indicates that he was not averse to being with her. There is no suggestion that he treated her badly
32 So Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said, “The LORD has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will love me.” 33 Then she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Because the LORD has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.” And she called his name Simeon. 34 She conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore his name was called Levi. 35 And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Now I will praise the LORD.” Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she stopped bearing.
The names given by Leah are used to express the pain in her heart by a play on words. She is afflicted, YHWH has heard that she is unloved, and she feels that her husband is not really one with her. But now that she has borne a full complement of sons - three is the number of completeness - she is confident that he will now regard her. She knows how important sons will be to him and is aware that she has fulfilled her responsibility.
‘Reuben’. As vocalized in the text it means ‘behold, a son’. But Leah also, by a play on words, reads a more bitter meaning into it, ‘my affliction’. ‘Shimeon’ means ‘heard’, that is ‘God has heard.’ It initially celebrates the fact that YHWH has heard in the giving of a son, but again Leah interprets it somewhat bitterly, YHWH ‘has heard’ my sad position. The name Levi is associated with the word, to be joined. Possibly it indicated that Leah now felt joined with her husband’s God, YHWH, but again she gives it her own bitter interpretation. Surely her husband will now be ‘joined’ with her.
With three sons her confidence had returned. Everyone would be congratulating her. So when a fourth is born she can express praise to YHWH. Her husband’s God has been good to her and she acknowledges His goodness in the name of her son. The cessation of bearing is temporary (30.17), although lasting for some fair period, so that she seeks to maintain her position by bearing children through her handmaid.
