LOVE WHO YOU ARE
It's easy to develop a poor image of yourself. Today I'll be highlighting some statements one might make if they have a negative view of themselves. If you identify with any of them you will see the reasons why you can replace the negative self-image with a more positive one.
1) "I don't like myself."
Have you ever known someone who didn't like themselves? It wasn't simply that they didn't like something about themselves they actually didn't like themselves. There can be various reasons for that.
Maybe at a young age they were told that they would never amount to anything. Perhaps they were abused or molested and they came to view themselves like they were trash. They might have been bullied or picked last at kickball. They didn't have any friends or the girls laughed whenever he tried to ask them out. They were ostracized or ignored so they felt as if no one cared if they existed. People who deal with this depressing persona feel like the world would be better off without them. The loneliness is unbearable.
But it's not just the lonely ones who feel this way. The irony is you might be someone who is popular and well liked. You have the image of being someone who is stable; even successful. People look at your life and think you have every reason to be happy-but you're not. People would be shocked to know that you actually hated your life-hated yourself.
But you don't show it; you don't allow anyone access to that reality. You put on a brave face around others but inside you feel terrible. When you look in the mirror you're ashamed and maybe even disgusted. And when you're alone at night with your self-loathing thoughts you cry. Maybe you deal with this deep-rooted issue by self medicating; perhaps you're a cutter. This can be a complex problem that might take a while to sort through and resolve but it can be done.
But perhaps you're someone who doesn't feel this badly about yourself. That's good but that doesn't mean there still isn't a problem. You may not go so far as to say you don't like yourself but everyone has things about themselves that they don't like.
We might not hate ourselves but we do get down on ourselves over the bad things we do. And when we do that we can get to the place where we only see the bad and so we view ourselves in a completely negative light. We identify ourselves by our sin instead of by what God has said we are.
But it's hard to believe that God loves us when we don't feel anyone else does. Or even if we do believe someone loves us we don't deserve it. And since we don't like ourselves it's easy to dismiss the love that others show us. "If they really knew me they wouldn't love me. I don't love me-I hate me."
2) "I'm in love with myself (not really)."
Do you know anyone who's arrogant and prideful? Always puffing themselves up or bragging about the things they do? Although there are people who are legitimately full of themselves, for some people their narcissistic behavior is actually a cover for a negative self-image. My egotism can actually be a front for not liking myself.
Although they appear to think highly of themselves in reality they think quite lowly of themselves. So their egotistical behavior is all for show. This is what's known as false pride. They can't allow any hint of self-deprecation to show so they hide behind a mask of narcissism. And their bragging and boasting may be so that others would be convinced of their elevated status as well as looking for validation from others.
Do you know someone who posts a ton of selfies on facebook? On the surface we might think they're doing this because they are narcissistic but they might be doing this because they're looking for validation for how good they look. If others comment about how good they look then they can believe they actually do look good. But that feeling usually doesn't last which is why you see them post picture after picture of themselves; they need constant validation.
This is a big problem. First-I'm looking to get my self-worth from you. And second, I'm determining my worth by something superficial. Look at how many people get major plastic surgery. There are people who have spent unbelievable amounts of money to change or enhance just about every part of their bodies.
What about the women who have spent a truckload of money so they could look like Barbie. And there are guys who have done the same thing to look like Ken. It's sad. This screams no self-worth. I have to completely look like my version of perfection in order to feel good about who I am. And chances are after it's all said and done they still don't feel good about who they are.
That's because the answer isn't in fake or enhanced body parts. I can look great on the outside but that doesn't change how I feel on the inside. The answer to feeling better about myself doesn't come from the outside-it comes from the inside; it comes from knowing who I am in Christ.
I may not be pretty or handsome enough and I may not be strong or smart enough and I may not be as rich as some people but none of that matters in the eyes of God. I may not be special to you, I may not be loved by you, I may not measure up in your eyes but God said he loves me, he said I'm worth dying for and I know he has a plan and purpose for me.
3) "I wish I'd never been born!"
Have you ever been so discouraged that you wish you had never been born? Job felt like that. Job had just gotten through losing all his kids and his livestock. And to top it all off he was stricken with painful sores over his whole body. Job was in such agony that chapter 2:8 says that he would scrape himself with pieces of broken pottery.
Then Job's friends heard about all his troubles and went to see him. It says in 2:12 that when they saw him they hardly recognized him. They started weeping and then they sat on the ground with Job for seven days without saying a word to him because they saw how great his suffering was. After the week long silence, Job spoke.
3:1-4, "After this, Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. He said: 'May the day of my birth perish, and the night it was said, 'a boy is born!' That day-may it turn to darkness; may God above not care about it; may no light shine upon it." Then Job goes on with similar rhetoric and then in vs. 11 he says he wished he could've died at birth.
When we understand what Job went through we can sympathize with why he felt that way. His wife suggested that he cursed God so that he would take job out. But Job knew that wasn't the answer. In fact he said she was talking foolishness.
Job might have been in despair but he didn't give up. And in the end God blessed job. Job was a wealthy man before he lost everything but he was given twice as much as he had before he was afflicted. I'm sure Job learned a lot through his ordeal. God may allow certain things to happen to us to teach us some things about God and about ourselves.
Oftentimes when we go through afflictions we find inner strength we didn't think we had. Paul had experiences like this. 2nd Cor. 1:8-9, "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."
Paul and his companions were afflicted to the point of despairing life. Their misery and gloom were so severe that they were brought to the brink of hopelessness. But Paul realized that in this dark place he knew God could rescue him. He saw it as an opportunity to lean on and rely on God's strength-because he really had none of his own.
Synonyms for despair include, misery, hopelessness, gloom, depression. If we don't like ourselves we are in despair. But there is hope. We can turn our despair into joy when we realize who we are to Jesus and what we are in Jesus.
2nd Cor. 4:6-9, "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
Not liking ourselves is being in a dark place. But when the light of Christ shines in our dark place we are brought out of the darkness. When we are cured of our blindness we can see that we don't have any justified reason to hate ourselves. When we see that Satan is the one behind our self-loathing attitude and belief system we can fight his lies with the truth of what God has declared us to be.
God has chosen to place his treasure inside of us. His precious Holy Spirit has taken up residence in us and we are now given every reason to have our despair turned to joy. We may be dealing with hardships but these won't destroy us. We may be fighting sadness but the light of Christ dispels our hopelessness.
Paul wrote Philippians from a prison cell. There were times when he was despondent. Phil. 1:21-24, "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body."
"Yet what shall I choose". Some think Paul was contemplating suicide here. And perhaps after all the hardships he endured for the sake of the gospel it would be understood why he felt that way. What helped him? Knowing he still had a purpose to serve in Christ.
"It is more necessary for you that I remain". Paul knew that God would remove him when his work was done and it was the plans and purposes of God that drove him to push aside his will for the sake of God's will.
We might be despairing of life; we might be contemplating whether or not we want to go on. What will help to bring us out of that? Knowing that God loves us and he has a purpose for our lives. So if you don't like yourself, if you wish you hadn't been born, if you've been made to feel like you're worth no more than yesterday's trash think again. You are precious to God and the fact that you're here is proof that God wants to use you to accomplish his work.
4) "I'm worthless."
One of the problems those who hate themselves have is they've been made to feel like they're worthless. Therefore they're not worthy of having anything good in their lives. All the bad things that happen to them are what they deserve. It's no different when it comes to God.
"I'm not worthy of God's love and grace. I don't deserve his blessings and kindness." Guess what? You're right! But it's not just you who are unworthy; no one is. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. So no one is deserving of salvation-I don't care how many good deeds you've done. Everyone is on the same level because everyone is a sinner. The bible says there is none who are righteous apart from Christ.
But the thing to realize is that although we're not worthy; that doesn't make us worthless. We are worth so much to God that he sent Jesus to die for us. If someone was willing to die for you wouldn't that make you think you were worth something to them?
It's like Jesus is telling us, "You mean so much to me and I love you so much that I'm willing to lay down my life for you." So in one sense we're not worthy but in another we are. But this is so we could always understand that our salvation is through the unmerited favor of God and not due to any deservedness of our own.
But then we have another problem-guilt. Maybe you've felt this way when someone bought you a gift or did something nice for you. Since you don't like yourself you wonder, 'why would anyone do something nice for me?' You actually feel bad that someone did something good for you.
This mentality can extend into what God has done for us. Understanding what God did for us makes us feel such overwhelming guilt because we think, 'why did he give up his life for someone as pathetic as me?' So in some weird, warped sense we wish Jesus hadn't died for us so we wouldn't feel so bad about it.
The prodigal son felt unworthy. He took his inheritance and went and squandered it. While he was living in filth he came to his senses and got up the courage to go back to his father; hoping he would take him back as a hired hand because he didn't feel worthy to be called his son anymore. Let's see what happens.
Luke 15:20-24, "So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate."
The wayward son was correct-he wasn't worthy to be called his son anymore. Just like us-because of our sin we are not worthy. But the Father's reaction was one of love and grace and forgiveness. Our heavenly Father is the same toward us when we repent and turn to him. He's waiting for us to do that.
The Father of the prodigal son ran and threw his arms around him. Do you think the son was a little surprised to receive that kind of welcome?! This is how God is toward us. When we come to our senses like the prodigal son did God is waiting to throw his arms around us.
In this moment we don't see the father scold him or punish him; there was just excitement and rejoicing. I'm sure the Father had a talk with him later about what had happened but in that moment there was joy.
Unfortunately, though, some people may not have that kind of reaction. The older son didn't. He was pretty upset that the father was going all out for this wayward son of his. This might happen to us. When we sin, people can make us feel even more worthless than we already do; making us sink even lower in despair.
But we need to remember what God has done to show us our worth. We need to remember that we are God's precious child. Jesus calls us friends. Since Christ deemed us worthy of sacrificing his life for us, we are now called to live a life worthy of that sacrifice.
Col. 1:9-14, "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.
And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.
For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
Because of our sin we are not worthy to receive God's grace but now that we have received it we are called to live a worthy life. So we seek to please him in every way we live. We bear fruit-we nourish the souls of others with our words and deeds as we continue to grow and become stronger in the faith so we can endure through all of life's difficulties.
We do this with joy and gratitude because we have been counted worthy to receive our blessed heavenly inheritance. We are God's children. He desires to have a relationship with us; he desires to bless us with good things. This shows how God loves us.
5) Don't hate yourself-hate your sin.
Is it really ourselves we hate or just our sinful nature? Paul talked about this in Rom. 7:15-25, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
Think about it. One of the reasons why we say we don't like ourselves is because as a Christian we know we shouldn't feel this way so we are ashamed. We know we should accept God's love and we should appreciate his gift of life but we still struggle with liking ourselves. Or, since we know we shouldn't continue to live like we did before we were saved, we beat ourselves up when we sin and we don't like who we are.
I think that's what Paul is describing here. He reveals the battle between the two natures. He says that nothing good lives in his sinful nature. If we don't like ourselves we think there is nothing good about us but the reality that is true only in regards to our sinful nature. But we have another nature inside of us-our holy nature.
But Paul feels so badly about how he does what he doesn't want to do he calls himself a wretched man. Wretched means-pitiful, shameful, despicable. That's a bad way to describe yourself but this is how miserable Paul feels about his struggle. But he also knows to differentiate between the natures.
He says, 'if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it'. He's not trying to say, 'don't blame me' he's simply stating the reality. He says in his inner being he delights in God's law but there's another law at work that wins out too often.
So he cries out for rescue and he is encouraged to know that Jesus will rescue him. It's good to know that after we commit our vile acts Jesus is still willing to rescue us. He doesn't stop loving us; he doesn't even love us less when we sin more. He wants to rescue us from the dominion of darkness, even when we put ourselves back into it after we're saved.
We shouldn't take that grace for granted but it's comforting to know that we have a Savior who doesn't kick us to the curb because we've sinned. Instead, he runs and throws his arms around us when we comes to our senses and repent. So instead of hating ourselves, let's hate our sin.
When we are born-again we can actually love who we are. Satan tries to get us to identify ourselves by our sin and character defects. We need to deal with those things but we also need to counter that with our real identity-what God has declared us to be. We are loved, we are forgiven, we are his child, we are precious to him and we are useful to him.
