Title: Grace Is Greater than Your Bitterness
Place: BLCC
Date: 1/28/18
Text: Hebrews 12.15; Acts 7.57-60
CT: Prayer is what makes forgiveness possible.
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FAS: Craig Groeschel said, my biggest struggle with bitterness started when my family discovered the awful truth about someone we had trusted in a position of authority over my little sister…. Most kids in our small town junior high school took at least one class from [a man named] Max on their journey through the sixth grade. To many kids, Max was a favorite teacher—always cutting up, telling jokes, and handing out easy As. To me, he became the object of the deepest bitterness that I've ever known.
Throughout the years, Max developed special relationships with his favorite students. Though none of us were aware of it at the time, we discovered years later that all his favorite students "happened" to be cute, young girls. My little sister, whom I treasured and loved, became one of Max's victims….
Some studies show that as many as one out of three girls and one in four boys suffer some sort of sexual abuse. Whatever the numbers, this tragedy must crush God's heart. I know it crushed mine as a brother.
I remember trying to absorb the painful truth. How should I respond? Should we track him down? Have him arrested? Beat the life out of him? Make no mistake; I was furious the moment that I heard about his abuse. But the more I thought about to a full-blown briar patch of revenge. I prayed that Max would suffer eternally in hell, and I vowed to make him suffer on earth before facing God's judgment.
My plan for revenge wasn't necessary. To my bittersweet delight, we found that Max was suffering in a hospital, fighting for his life against a crippling disease, muscular dystrophy. I remember thanking God for his justice in giving Max what he deserved.
Most would agree that my bitterness toward Max was justifiable …. [But] no matter how justifiable my feelings were, in God's eyes my self-righteous hatred was just as sinful as Max's crime.
Even writing that statement all these years later remains difficult—how could my desire for justice be considered as sinful as this monster's lustful actions? The vast majority of people would agree that my hate and judgmental rage were more than justified.
In the course of time, however, I learned that bitterness never draws us closer to God. Bitterness is a nonproductive, toxic emotion, usually resulting from resentment over unmet needs …. I wanted [Max] to suffer …. [but] I was punishing no one but myself and those around me who experienced the scalding spillovers of the acid churning inside me.
Craig Groeschel, Soul Detox (Zondervan, 2012), pp. 92-94
LS: How do you deal with people who have hurt you or someone you love? Your bitterness turns your life inside out and keeps you from living following Jesus.
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This is my fourth week on Grace. In this sermon we will deal with he problem of releasing our feelings of anger, bitterness and rage over to God.
Our emotion can tie us up and keep us from being able to resolve or to forgive. They block the road we have to travel down to give forgiveness.
For some of us it is time to grow up and do something we really don’t want to do. Instead of relying on our emotions and our own resolve, we need to ask the Holy Spirit to help clean out our souls and get rid of the anger and bitterness that have piled up and made us fall short of the forgiveness and grace we must give.
I’ve got three ways we deal with our hurts and anger. [Screen 3]
1. Repression. This too often is the way we deal with hurts we receive. Instead of surrendering them to God, we push them down and try to repress our anger. We feel like we win by doing this. Nobody sees our issues. We don’t let them surface. We keep them hidden. To repress something means to “suppress something by force.” So we spend our energy suppressing instead of letting it come to the surface where it can be dealt with.
This is probably the way many of us learned to deal with our emotions and anger. We don’t let it out so no one sees what we are upset about. We put it all in a closet and shut the door. The problem is when we repress these emotions they don’t go away—they go toxic.
It’s like the time I cut my finger really bad. I told everybody it was fine and didn’t go get it seen about. Two days later my finger felt like it was going to come off. It got badly infected and I was really messed up. Finally got some antibiotic on it and got the infection out of there.
But as a pastor I have had conversations with folks who have been hurt early in life. They were hurt badly but did not let it out. They have gone so long that a severe infection is about to take them over. Often after I discover what is bothering the person we can at least begin to deal with what is slowly destroying them. The infection of bitterness set in and left untreated, has spread. [Screen 4]
The verse we have to go to is this, Hebrews 12:15, See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Repressing anger leads to bitterness that can lead to missing out on the grace of God. If there is any hope for healing, we have to stop repressing our feelings. We must hold them up and examine them for what they are and get rid of them.
There are warning signs we can look for to tell if we have repressed anger or bitterness from the hurting we have received.
One is disproportionately angry over little things. We become angry over the silliest things. Others see it in us and don’t understand what our outbursts are about. This guy is mad at the elevator and starts pushing the button with aggression. He starts demanding where is the elevator. Often this guy is not really mad at the elevator, it is something else that is eating him up.
Maybe it has happened to you when someone cuts you off in traffic and disproportionate anger shows.
Or you find yourself yelling at your child because he spilt his drink.
A lot of anger over little things reveals repressed bitterness that has turned toxic and is seeping out.
Second is complaining about everything. They constantly complain about teachers, coworkers, neighbors, relatives, etc.
They can find the negative in anything. Instead of looking at the world through the lens of grace, they see the world through the lens of bitterness.
Thirdly is overly sensitive and defensive. You are overly sensitive or defensive, are you?
Your coworker quickly walks past your office pretending to be on their phone.
Your kids come home from school and go straight up to their room to avoid you. Your spouse is curled up in the fetal position in the corner of the house hoping you don’t notice and you might go off.
You may think you have these emotions contained in your closet, but if you feel you get disproportionately upset, have a tendency to complain or respond defensively to everything, then maybe some of your bitterness, rage and anger are spilling out.
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2. Rehearsal. What do we do with moments of hurt or betrayal? You don’t repress what happened to you, you rehearse it. Rehash it. Replay it. It gets turned into resentment. You stop any healing that may have started by tearing off the scab and watching it bleed. [Screen 6]
Ephesians 4:26-27, In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
The anger we hold onto gives the devil a foothold in our life. Don’t give it to him.
All kinds of health issues are connected to chronic anger, like heart disease, stroke, blood pressure, arthritis, insomnia, ulcers, lupus, skin and sleep problems.
It’s been said that not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and then waiting for the other person to die…
An article in he New York Times declared, “Researchers have gathered a wealth of data largely suggesting that chronic anger is so damaging to the body that it ranks with—or even exceeds—cigarette smoking, obesity and a high fat diet as powerful risk factors for early death.
Rehearsed anger can also lead to relationship problems. Bitterness can destroy any chance we have at intimacy in marriage.
Our unresolved anger toward a parent can cause us to have misplaced anger on our spouse or to our spouse can lead to misplaced anger at our job.
Rehearsed anger can lead to spiritual damage as well. “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit” Ephesians 4:30. Why would the Holy Spirit be grieved because of anger in our hearts? Because our hearts are his Home.
The Holy Spirit has made his home in our hearts. He is working to grow his fruit in our lives. Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
But if we keep rehearsing anger, the weeds of bitterness and rage begin to grow and choke out the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
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3. Release. We can repress or rehearse our anger or we can take the third option; we can release it. Let’s go straight to the Bible to try and understand what I mean by releasing your anger or your pain.
We are going to look at a man named Stephen. He was an early church leader when there was a lot of opposition to speaking about Jesus.
In Acts 7 Stephen tells a huge group of people about Jesus and what He had done for them. Here’s how they responded:
54 When the members of the Sanhedrin heard this, they were furious and gnashed their teeth at him. 55 But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. 56 “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
57 At this they covered their ears and, yelling at the top of their voices, they all rushed at him, 58 dragged him out of the city and began to stone him. Meanwhile, the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul.
How would you react when a group of hate-filled people starts throwing rocks at you, knowing they will continue until you are dead? Here’s what Stephen did:
59 While they were stoning him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” When he had said this, he fell asleep.
Stephan prayed that God would give his murderers grace and forgiveness.
Where do you think he learned to pray like that?
When Jesus was crucified, he prayed like that upon the cross for those that were killing him, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they are doing” (Luke 23.34).
First. Was Stephen near the cross when Jesus died and heard him, or maybe John had told Stephen what Jesus had said.
Second. I wonder if both Jesus and Stephen both prayed that God would forgive their murderers, instead of just offering forgiveness themselves because what they need is God forgiveness not their forgiveness.
Third. I wonder if Jesus, and especially Stephen, prayed God would forgive them because in that moment they didn’t have forgiveness to give.
When we live in grace, releasing doesn’t mean giving up, it means giving it to God.
When we live in grace, releasing doesn’t mean giving up, it means giving it to God!!
When I say release it I am not saying let it go to some imaginary place to be absorbed into infinity. It’s not that you randomly or wherever release it.
NO YOU RELEASE IT TO GOD.
You decide to let Him carry the weight of what was done to you.
You must trust Him to deal with the other person.
Prayer is what makes forgiveness possible—what makes the impossible possible.
Maybe that should be our first step in forgiveness. Look up to God and tell Him to forgive them.
Yep we first pray to God and ask Him to do what you haven’t been able to do.
I’m going to share a story That Kyle Idleman gave.
We had been married for almost thirteen years when his company relocated us to Baltimore, MD. I gave up my family, friends, career, and church home of more than twenty years. . . . I knew when I arrived in Baltimore that something felt different. . . .
Five months after our move I learned he had been using online pornography and that the problem went back months earlier and had become a serious addiction. I immediately prayed God would give me the words to say to him without allowing my anger and hurt in this betrayal to take hold, but my husband’s response to me was callous and indifferent. I would learn in the months to follow that is a typical response for a Sexual Anorexic Sex Addict. The problem was me, because he didn’t have a problem. I sought out counseling and we attended a Weekend to Remember marriage conference, but his heart was hardened. Six months later he left me and filed for divorce. The harder I prayed, the more God would reveal my husband’s brokenness to me. The more I could understand his brokenness, the easier it was to forgive him. When I cried out, “I gave up everything for him and he doesn’t care about me at all,” God whispered, I know exactly how you feel. My husband wasn’t just leaving me; he was running away from God. I was told along the way that his salvation should be more important to me than saving our marriage, so I started to pray that way. Several months into our separation I learned of another betrayal and lie, so I called to confront him. I prayed that God would lead me in this conversation and that my words would honor God above all else. Rather than confront him I found myself forgiving him for what he
was doing to my life I continue to pray that God will pursue my ex-husband and the day will come when he truly puts Jesus on the throne of his heart. I am free of bitterness and anger by the grace of God.
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You may be thinking this woman’s testimony isn’t overly dramatic. In fact, parts of it may seem familiar, if not from your own life then perhaps the life of someone you know. And the ending wasn’t especially inspiring. They didn’t get back together. He didn’t repent of his sin or make things right with God. In many ways her circumstances didn’t change. If anything the hurt that was done to her not only continued, but also intensified.
And yet she still feels free of bitterness and anger. What strikes me about this woman’s story is that she mentions praying for her unfaithful husband five times in only seven short paragraphs.
Prayer is what makes forgiveness possible. She offers forgiveness when he has done nothing to deserve it and hasn’t bothered to ask for it. This step of forgiveness is not dependent upon the person who hurt you to do something or say anything. It’s between you and God.
You release the pain to him. If this woman could do it while having her life torn apart by her husband, if Stephen could do it while being stoned to death by his enemies, and if Jesus could do it while being nailed to a tree, then you can do it too. If you ask God, he will give you the grace you need. Take your anger and rage to him in prayer. Prayer is the release valve for your feelings of bitterness and anger.
Bibliography: Idleman, Kyle; Grace is Greater; Baker Books, Grand Rapids Michigan, Chapter 5, 2017
